1 01:27:32,366 --> 01:27:35,869 MAN: [ Reads scroll with a German accent ] 2 01:27:56,866 --> 01:27:59,668 Hey, fag-face, shitter's broke. 3 01:27:59,766 --> 01:28:00,566 Are you serious? 4 01:28:00,666 --> 01:28:04,036 Yeah, there's poop water all over the floor. 5 01:28:04,133 --> 01:28:06,468 l just unclogged that. What have you been eating? 6 01:28:06,566 --> 01:28:09,035 l ate all those nachos in the kitchen. 7 01:28:09,133 --> 01:28:10,567 Those were my nachos. 8 01:28:10,666 --> 01:28:12,367 l was saving those nachos. 9 01:28:12,466 --> 01:28:13,767 Finders keepers, Bra. 10 01:28:13,866 --> 01:28:17,236 You know, l really wish that you would appreciate 11 01:28:17,333 --> 01:28:18,667 the risk that l'm taking here. 12 01:28:18,766 --> 01:28:20,067 Too bad. 13 01:28:20,166 --> 01:28:21,500 Look, if they find you, 14 01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:23,935 l'm going to get in just as much trouble as you are. 15 01:28:24,033 --> 01:28:25,667 You know? And l don't want to come down on you. 16 01:28:25,766 --> 01:28:29,035 l like having you here. l just -- 17 01:28:29,133 --> 01:28:31,235 l wish you would respect my house. 18 01:28:31,333 --> 01:28:35,937 Do you want some cheese with that whine? 19 01:28:36,033 --> 01:28:36,933 l don't even know what that means. 20 01:28:37,033 --> 01:28:37,666 [ Knocking at the door ] 21 01:28:37,766 --> 01:28:39,200 Nazis! 22 01:28:39,300 --> 01:28:41,268 Oh, shit! It's the Nazis! 23 01:28:41,366 --> 01:28:41,766 Who? 24 01:28:41,866 --> 01:28:43,834 lt's the fucking guys that are coming -- 25 01:28:43,933 --> 01:28:45,367 Get in the closet! 26 01:28:45,466 --> 01:28:47,134 Please, get in the closet? 27 01:28:47,233 --> 01:28:49,969 Please, get in the closet or we're going to die! Thank you. 28 01:28:50,066 --> 01:28:53,302 All right, but l'm only staying in there for five minutes, tops. 29 01:28:53,399 --> 01:28:55,668 Your closet sucks! 30 01:28:58,000 --> 01:29:01,803 Hallo! Vee are your local Nazis. 31 01:29:04,133 --> 01:29:06,502 Vee apologize for zee intrusion, 32 01:29:06,600 --> 01:29:11,705 but we received a tip that you are harboring jerks here. 33 01:29:11,800 --> 01:29:13,968 Whoa, you did? 34 01:29:14,600 --> 01:29:16,301 Really? 35 01:29:16,399 --> 01:29:18,335 No, guys, sorry, no... 36 01:29:18,433 --> 01:29:19,867 no jerks here. 37 01:29:21,233 --> 01:29:26,938 Oh, l notice that you have left some pornography out 38 01:29:27,033 --> 01:29:28,701 on your living-room table. 39 01:29:30,300 --> 01:29:32,402 Yeah, that's, um.... 40 01:29:32,500 --> 01:29:33,701 That's mine. 41 01:29:33,800 --> 01:29:34,800 That's my stuff. 42 01:29:35,833 --> 01:29:40,103 This is not your run-of-the-mill pornography, either. 43 01:29:40,199 --> 01:29:43,670 This is some very heavy stuff. 44 01:29:43,766 --> 01:29:47,603 Whips, lactation. 45 01:29:49,366 --> 01:29:52,869 You know, in some of our research, 46 01:29:52,966 --> 01:29:56,936 we have found that jerks tend to leave their hardcore pornography 47 01:29:57,033 --> 01:29:59,201 laying all over zee place! 48 01:29:59,300 --> 01:30:00,801 Yeah, but, see, l just didn't know that you guys 49 01:30:00,899 --> 01:30:03,602 were going to be coming over, so that's -- 50 01:30:03,699 --> 01:30:05,368 That's why that's mine. 51 01:30:05,466 --> 01:30:11,138 So, are you a jerk? 52 01:30:12,666 --> 01:30:15,635 Am l a jerk? No! l'm not at all -- 53 01:30:15,733 --> 01:30:17,167 l'm not. l'm your -- 54 01:30:17,266 --> 01:30:23,071 You know, l'm more like your meek, kind of shy pervert. 55 01:30:23,666 --> 01:30:25,868 And, you know, right before you guys came in, where l wa-- 56 01:30:25,966 --> 01:30:28,401 l was getting ready to... 57 01:30:28,500 --> 01:30:31,769 masturbate... with that stuff. 58 01:30:34,133 --> 01:30:35,300 To jerk off? 59 01:30:36,300 --> 01:30:38,135 Jerk off, no, ha! 60 01:30:38,233 --> 01:30:39,133 No, to... 61 01:30:39,233 --> 01:30:41,768 Hitler off, really. 62 01:30:42,833 --> 01:30:44,034 Good. 63 01:30:44,133 --> 01:30:45,534 Very well. 64 01:30:45,633 --> 01:30:48,168 Come, Hans, Iet us continue our search 65 01:30:48,266 --> 01:30:49,500 for the Arc of the Covenant! 66 01:30:49,600 --> 01:30:51,935 Yes, very well. 67 01:30:52,033 --> 01:30:52,967 [ Farting ] 68 01:30:53,066 --> 01:30:55,535 JERK: Safety. 69 01:30:55,633 --> 01:31:00,637 What was that? 70 01:31:00,733 --> 01:31:04,236 l was just saying, have a safe trip. 71 01:31:04,333 --> 01:31:07,269 l do not think you are vishing us a safe journey. 72 01:31:07,366 --> 01:31:10,368 l am thinking that you are hiding a jerk here! 73 01:31:10,466 --> 01:31:11,633 No, l'm not. 74 01:31:11,733 --> 01:31:13,201 There's not a jerk here. 75 01:31:13,300 --> 01:31:19,005 Then you wouldn't mind if we were to release a nerd 76 01:31:19,100 --> 01:31:22,303 into your house, would you? 77 01:31:22,399 --> 01:31:23,434 A nerd? 78 01:31:23,533 --> 01:31:24,934 Guys, there's -- 79 01:31:25,033 --> 01:31:26,401 There's no reason to bring a nerd here. 80 01:31:26,500 --> 01:31:27,234 Nerd! 81 01:31:27,333 --> 01:31:28,300 Here! 82 01:31:28,399 --> 01:31:29,834 Oh, God! 83 01:31:30,966 --> 01:31:31,566 [ Shivers ] 84 01:31:31,666 --> 01:31:34,402 So cold in the car, but l didn't want to roll down the windows, 85 01:31:34,500 --> 01:31:36,201 'cause all the allergens in the sky and everything. 86 01:31:36,300 --> 01:31:37,467 And l heard on A.M. radio that -- 87 01:31:37,566 --> 01:31:39,401 Nerd, silence! 88 01:31:40,399 --> 01:31:43,603 Go be nerdy around the house. 89 01:31:43,699 --> 01:31:45,234 Start by zee closet! 90 01:31:46,266 --> 01:31:49,636 Okay, l mean, l really don't know what you guys want me to do. 91 01:31:49,733 --> 01:31:52,035 Oh, just be yourself. 92 01:31:52,133 --> 01:31:56,070 Talk about whatever comes to your mind. 93 01:31:57,233 --> 01:31:59,969 Well, it's damp in here. 94 01:32:00,066 --> 01:32:01,734 [ Jerk grunts ] 95 01:32:02,633 --> 01:32:05,369 Hey, do you guys want to hear about the new Web comic that l'm writing? 96 01:32:05,466 --> 01:32:06,633 lt's about the Talking Heads, 97 01:32:06,733 --> 01:32:09,068 and they go around solving all these mysteries, 98 01:32:09,166 --> 01:32:10,467 just like in rhe X-files. 99 01:32:10,566 --> 01:32:12,401 [ Jerk groans ] 100 01:32:23,066 --> 01:32:24,634 Do you guys want to see my impression 101 01:32:24,733 --> 01:32:26,067 of Heath Ledger's Joker? 102 01:32:26,166 --> 01:32:28,868 [ Jerk bellows ] 103 01:32:28,966 --> 01:32:29,833 [ Nerd screams ] 104 01:32:29,933 --> 01:32:30,667 My closet! 105 01:32:30,766 --> 01:32:32,267 [ Gunshot ] 106 01:32:33,566 --> 01:32:35,668 All right, jerk, vee know you're in there! 107 01:32:35,766 --> 01:32:37,267 You're coming vith us! 108 01:32:37,366 --> 01:32:40,135 All right, l'm going to come out of the closet. 109 01:32:40,233 --> 01:32:43,436 But not, like, come out of the closet. 110 01:32:43,533 --> 01:32:45,735 'Cause, like, l'm totally into chicks. 111 01:32:45,833 --> 01:32:47,000 Fags suck it. 112 01:32:47,100 --> 01:32:50,102 But not, like, suck mine, 113 01:32:50,199 --> 01:32:53,636 but you know. 114 01:32:53,733 --> 01:32:54,467 Whatever. 115 01:32:54,566 --> 01:32:56,567 [ Closet door opens ] 116 01:32:58,133 --> 01:32:59,133 Get in the car. 117 01:32:59,899 --> 01:33:00,834 Shotgun! 118 01:33:00,933 --> 01:33:01,600 Ugh! 119 01:33:01,699 --> 01:33:02,867 They always get me with that one! 120 01:33:02,966 --> 01:33:05,368 The jerks always call shotgun. 121 01:33:07,899 --> 01:33:09,201 [ Cheering ] 122 01:33:08,866 --> 01:33:11,268 Good job, Wildcats! 123 01:33:11,366 --> 01:33:12,100 We're the champs! 124 01:33:12,199 --> 01:33:13,868 Hey, you guys played a great game, 125 01:33:13,966 --> 01:33:16,201 and now we have the Rivercrest divisional trophy! 126 01:33:16,300 --> 01:33:17,000 [ Cheers ] 127 01:33:17,100 --> 01:33:19,368 Awesome! All right! 128 01:33:19,466 --> 01:33:21,534 All right, great game, guys. 129 01:33:21,633 --> 01:33:24,635 Guess what l went out and bought us. 130 01:33:24,733 --> 01:33:26,234 An even bigger trophy! 131 01:33:26,333 --> 01:33:27,934 [ Cheering ] 132 01:33:30,500 --> 01:33:32,034 Ah, never mind them! 133 01:33:32,133 --> 01:33:35,102 We know in our hearts that we won, and that's all that matters! 134 01:33:35,199 --> 01:33:36,401 Yeah! 135 01:33:36,500 --> 01:33:37,133 Yeah! 136 01:33:37,233 --> 01:33:38,834 Guess what else l got. 137 01:33:38,933 --> 01:33:41,035 A trophy for each one of us! 138 01:33:41,133 --> 01:33:41,900 [ Cheering ] 139 01:33:42,000 --> 01:33:45,336 That way, we each get to take something home! 140 01:33:45,433 --> 01:33:47,168 'Cause that's all that matters! 141 01:33:47,266 --> 01:33:49,635 Yeah! Yeah! 142 01:33:49,733 --> 01:33:51,468 Do we each get trophies? 143 01:33:51,566 --> 01:33:53,434 No, we don't each get trophies. 144 01:33:54,133 --> 01:33:55,701 That coach is just a -- 145 01:33:56,699 --> 01:33:57,734 A jerk. 146 01:33:57,833 --> 01:33:58,633 Guess what else! 147 01:33:58,733 --> 01:34:01,435 Last week, l called the pizza place, and they said after the game, 148 01:34:01,533 --> 01:34:04,369 we each get a personal pizza for free! 149 01:34:04,466 --> 01:34:07,001 Yeah! Whoo! 150 01:34:07,100 --> 01:34:08,167 Yeah! 151 01:34:08,266 --> 01:34:11,102 We're number one! We're number one! 152 01:34:11,199 --> 01:34:12,467 We're number one! 153 01:34:12,566 --> 01:34:13,400 Did you call the pizza place? 154 01:34:13,500 --> 01:34:15,902 No, l didn't call the fucking pizza place! 155 01:34:23,033 --> 01:34:25,235 Good evening, everyone. l'm Brian Morales. 156 01:34:25,333 --> 01:34:27,268 We interrupt your regularly scheduled program 157 01:34:27,366 --> 01:34:29,901 to bring you some breaking news. 158 01:34:30,000 --> 01:34:33,436 A bank heist in the downtown area has gone horribly wrong, 159 01:34:33,533 --> 01:34:36,102 resulting in a shootout with police officers 160 01:34:36,199 --> 01:34:37,534 in broad daylight. 161 01:34:37,633 --> 01:34:41,603 We go now live to Robert Harris with our eye-in-the-sky chopper three. 162 01:34:41,699 --> 01:34:43,134 Robert, what can you see? 163 01:34:43,233 --> 01:34:45,268 ROBERT: Well, as you can see below me, 164 01:34:45,366 --> 01:34:48,502 the suspects fled the scene in a white ford Taurus. 165 01:34:48,600 --> 01:34:51,569 And they are moving recklessly fast. 166 01:34:51,666 --> 01:34:54,135 l mean, you just have to hope to God 167 01:34:54,233 --> 01:34:57,636 that they don't hit one of these other motorists down there. 168 01:34:57,733 --> 01:35:00,802 Robert, about how fast do you think the car is going? 169 01:35:00,899 --> 01:35:02,568 ROBERT: Extremely fast, Brian. 170 01:35:02,666 --> 01:35:05,635 l'd say an excess of 80 miles an hour. 171 01:35:05,733 --> 01:35:09,736 l mean, l can really see by the way that they're swerving in and out of -- 172 01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:11,000 What the --? 173 01:35:11,100 --> 01:35:14,136 That's Meredith's car! 174 01:35:14,233 --> 01:35:16,902 Um, Robert, what's going on with the pursuit there? 175 01:35:17,000 --> 01:35:18,668 ROBERT: She said she was going out of town 176 01:35:18,766 --> 01:35:20,234 for her grandmothers birthday! 177 01:35:20,333 --> 01:35:22,001 Robert, the car? 178 01:35:22,100 --> 01:35:25,369 ROBERT: Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho. 179 01:35:25,466 --> 01:35:27,367 l should have known. 180 01:35:27,466 --> 01:35:29,935 l should have known. 181 01:35:30,033 --> 01:35:32,235 So, what's up with the pursuit, Robert? 182 01:35:32,333 --> 01:35:33,767 ROBERT: Nothing changes. 183 01:35:33,866 --> 01:35:36,602 Once a cheater, always a cheater. 184 01:35:36,699 --> 01:35:38,902 How could l have been so stupid? 185 01:35:39,000 --> 01:35:40,167 Okay, uh, Robert, 186 01:35:40,266 --> 01:35:41,967 we're just going to have to switch to another feed now, so -- 187 01:35:42,066 --> 01:35:44,268 ROBERT: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 188 01:35:44,366 --> 01:35:46,034 l want all the people at home 189 01:35:46,133 --> 01:35:48,869 to hear what a low-life gutter whore sounds like. 190 01:35:48,966 --> 01:35:49,633 l'm calling her. 191 01:35:49,733 --> 01:35:50,900 Okay, Casey, let's cut the feed. 192 01:35:51,000 --> 01:35:51,934 ROBERT: You kill that feed, 193 01:35:52,033 --> 01:35:54,235 and l'll crash this helicopter straight into the newsroom! 194 01:35:54,333 --> 01:35:58,704 You know me, Brian! You know l'll do it! 195 01:35:58,800 --> 01:35:59,534 [ Telephone dialing J 196 01:35:59,633 --> 01:36:02,936 Okay, Casey, Iet's keep the feed going. 197 01:36:03,033 --> 01:36:05,735 Let's keep the feed on. 198 01:36:05,833 --> 01:36:09,303 [ Telephone rings ] 199 01:36:09,399 --> 01:36:11,869 ROBERT: Come on, Meredith, pick up the phone. 200 01:36:11,966 --> 01:36:14,702 Pick it up. 201 01:36:14,800 --> 01:36:15,433 MEREDITH: Hello? 202 01:36:15,533 --> 01:36:16,500 ROBE RT: How's it going, bitch? 203 01:36:16,600 --> 01:36:17,233 MEREDITH: What.? 204 01:36:17,333 --> 01:36:19,535 ROBE RT: l said, ''Hey, how's it going?'' 205 01:36:19,633 --> 01:36:22,869 MEREDITH: Oh, pretty good, pretty good. 206 01:36:22,966 --> 01:36:25,168 ROBE RT: How's grandma? 207 01:36:25,266 --> 01:36:27,201 MEREDITH: Oh, she's fine. 208 01:36:27,300 --> 01:36:29,268 You know grandma. 209 01:36:29,366 --> 01:36:30,567 ROBE RT: Put her on for me. 210 01:36:30,666 --> 01:36:32,067 MEREDITH: What.? 211 01:36:32,166 --> 01:36:34,635 ROBE RT: l said, ''Put her on.'' 212 01:36:34,733 --> 01:36:37,435 MEREDITH: Oh, you're breaking up. 213 01:36:37,533 --> 01:36:39,234 You know what? l got to go. 214 01:36:39,333 --> 01:36:40,801 MEREDITH: Grandma's about to blow out her candles. 215 01:36:40,899 --> 01:36:42,501 ROBE RT: Meredith.. . 216 01:36:44,600 --> 01:36:45,901 .. .l love you. 217 01:36:46,000 --> 01:36:48,702 MEREDITH: Okay, now. Got to run! 218 01:36:48,800 --> 01:36:53,571 ROBE RT: l said, ''l love you.'' 219 01:36:53,666 --> 01:36:55,901 MEREDITH: rhanks, bye. 220 01:36:56,000 --> 01:36:56,967 [ Dial tone J 221 01:36:59,300 --> 01:37:03,203 [ Robert sighs J 222 01:37:04,933 --> 01:37:09,671 ROBERT: Well, 7 years, 4 months, and 22 days of not drinking 223 01:37:09,766 --> 01:37:10,533 down the hatch. 224 01:37:10,633 --> 01:37:11,500 [ Beer can opens ] 225 01:37:11,600 --> 01:37:13,001 Cheers, Meredith! 226 01:37:13,100 --> 01:37:15,035 Hey, Robert, uh -- 227 01:37:15,133 --> 01:37:17,869 Maybe we should just take a breath here and, uh -- 228 01:37:17,966 --> 01:37:20,935 Just bring the chopper down and call it a day, okay, buddy? 229 01:37:21,033 --> 01:37:23,235 ROBERT: Oh, l'll bring the chopper down, all right! 230 01:37:23,333 --> 01:37:27,570 l'll bring it down right on top of her fat cheating face! 231 01:37:27,666 --> 01:37:28,400 Robert, uh -- 232 01:37:28,500 --> 01:37:29,434 [ Cell phone rings ] 233 01:37:30,500 --> 01:37:32,168 ROBERT: Oh, Meredith. 234 01:37:32,266 --> 01:37:34,735 [ Cell phone rings ] 235 01:37:34,833 --> 01:37:35,767 Meredith! 236 01:37:35,866 --> 01:37:38,568 Now is not a good time to be calling! 237 01:37:38,666 --> 01:37:40,634 Yeah, no shit, he suspects something! 238 01:37:40,733 --> 01:37:42,167 He's watching you. 239 01:37:42,266 --> 01:37:47,037 No, l mean he's working right now, and he's watching you! 240 01:37:47,133 --> 01:37:48,033 No! 241 01:37:48,133 --> 01:37:49,067 Don't come here! 242 01:37:49,166 --> 01:37:50,600 Meredith, do not come here! 243 01:37:50,699 --> 01:37:52,168 Don't lead him here! 244 01:37:52,266 --> 01:37:55,435 ROBERT: So long, baby! 'Till death do us part, right? 245 01:37:55,533 --> 01:37:58,269 Casey, cut the feed. Just cut the damn feed, okay? 246 01:37:58,366 --> 01:37:59,767 ROBERT: Ready for your close-up, skank? 247 01:37:59,866 --> 01:38:02,868 -Meredith, get out of the car! -ROBERT: Get ready to take blade! 248 01:38:02,966 --> 01:38:04,500 Admiral Akbar! 249 01:38:04,600 --> 01:38:05,934 [ Screams ] 250 01:38:06,033 --> 01:38:08,135 [ Explosion ] 251 01:38:21,666 --> 01:38:25,503 ln other news, let's go now live to Karen Atwater 252 01:38:25,600 --> 01:38:28,202 with this week's movie review. 253 01:38:28,300 --> 01:38:29,034 Thanks, Brian! 254 01:38:29,133 --> 01:38:31,001 The Invisible Dog Il is a delightful film 255 01:38:31,100 --> 01:38:33,268 that will have you and your young pups 256 01:38:33,366 --> 01:38:34,600 begging for more! 257 01:38:34,699 --> 01:38:38,170 l give this happy tale two paws up! 258 01:38:38,266 --> 01:38:40,801 ''Woof, woof '' you'll say, as you roll over 259 01:38:40,899 --> 01:38:45,337 at this fetching arf-venture that's sure to win best in show! 260 01:38:45,433 --> 01:38:47,868 You won't want to give this movie the doggy door! 261 01:38:47,966 --> 01:38:53,004 No, no, you'll want to sit, stay, and watch it over and over again! 262 01:38:53,100 --> 01:38:54,801 Bow-wow! 263 01:38:54,899 --> 01:38:58,036 [ Laughs, barks ] 264 01:38:58,133 --> 01:38:58,900 Jesus, Karen, 265 01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:01,836 if you didn't want the assignment, you should have just said something! 266 01:39:05,833 --> 01:39:08,235 MAM: Stand by for launch codes. 267 01:39:07,933 --> 01:39:22,681 [ Car interior dinging ] 268 01:39:22,766 --> 01:39:23,666 Well, it's not my door. 269 01:39:23,766 --> 01:39:24,466 lt's not mine. 270 01:39:24,566 --> 01:39:27,502 Well, someone's door is open. 271 01:39:27,600 --> 01:39:30,869 Sorry. Hang on. 272 01:39:30,966 --> 01:39:32,901 [ Dinging continues ] 273 01:39:33,000 --> 01:39:35,202 One more time. Sorry, guys. 274 01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:36,467 [ Dinging continues ] 275 01:39:36,566 --> 01:39:37,233 l am so sorry. 276 01:39:37,333 --> 01:39:39,535 Look, it's not your door. 277 01:39:39,633 --> 01:39:41,101 Does everybody have their seat belts on? 278 01:39:41,199 --> 01:39:42,601 l do. 279 01:39:42,699 --> 01:39:43,133 l don't. 280 01:39:43,233 --> 01:39:44,934 Yes, you do. 281 01:39:45,033 --> 01:39:46,434 Can you unlock my window? 282 01:39:46,533 --> 01:39:49,502 No, l can't unlock your window! We're about to take off. 283 01:39:49,600 --> 01:39:51,301 Unlock my window! 284 01:39:51,399 --> 01:39:53,101 No, we're about to go into space. 285 01:39:53,199 --> 01:39:54,901 You can't roll your window down. 286 01:39:55,000 --> 01:39:56,935 l'm not going to roll my window down! 287 01:39:57,033 --> 01:39:58,734 Then, why do you need me to unlock it? 288 01:39:58,833 --> 01:39:59,733 Do you guys hear that dinging? 289 01:39:59,833 --> 01:40:03,336 l want you to unlock it 'cause you're not the boss of me! 290 01:40:03,433 --> 01:40:05,868 And l like to have control of my own window! 291 01:40:05,966 --> 01:40:09,469 Um, yes, l am the boss of you. That's what ''Commander'' means. 292 01:40:09,566 --> 01:40:11,768 And, no, l'm not unlocking your window. 293 01:40:11,866 --> 01:40:13,534 Well, turn the A/C on, then. 294 01:40:13,633 --> 01:40:15,334 See? You were going to roll your window down! 295 01:40:15,433 --> 01:40:17,902 Maybe that dinging is because the trunk is open. 296 01:40:18,000 --> 01:40:20,469 -Spaceships don't have trunks! -Spaceships don't have trunks! 297 01:40:20,566 --> 01:40:21,233 Okay, you know what? 298 01:40:21,333 --> 01:40:22,567 Screw it! l'm just going to go. 299 01:40:22,666 --> 01:40:24,401 [ Car engine starts ] 300 01:40:31,633 --> 01:40:34,502 Moving on to the second issue 301 01:40:34,466 --> 01:40:41,940 is that recently, it's come to my attention that... 302 01:40:42,033 --> 01:40:48,939 l'm not particularly sure what it is that we do here. 303 01:40:52,266 --> 01:40:57,771 Well, this is an office. We do business. 304 01:40:57,866 --> 01:40:59,400 Yeah, we're businessmen! 305 01:40:59,500 --> 01:41:00,100 Right. 306 01:41:00,199 --> 01:41:01,434 Well, we are that. 307 01:41:01,533 --> 01:41:06,638 But, um, what kind of business do we do? 308 01:41:08,133 --> 01:41:14,939 We manufacture and sell staplers. 309 01:41:15,033 --> 01:41:17,802 l mean, right? 310 01:41:17,899 --> 01:41:20,102 Well, we used to sell staplers, 311 01:41:20,199 --> 01:41:25,705 but we've kind of farmed that out to different independent contractors. 312 01:41:25,800 --> 01:41:29,436 So, we don't really do that anymore. 313 01:41:29,533 --> 01:41:31,601 Well, we sell the staplers, then. 314 01:41:31,699 --> 01:41:35,937 No, that's really more of a retail chain kind of thing. 315 01:41:38,033 --> 01:41:40,001 Well, we sell the staplers to the chain. 316 01:41:40,100 --> 01:41:42,368 No, that's several different distro-companies 317 01:41:42,466 --> 01:41:43,834 spread across the country. 318 01:41:43,933 --> 01:41:45,134 Well, we keep tabs on all that. 319 01:41:45,233 --> 01:41:48,169 No, we actually found a cheap managerial firm in Indonesia 320 01:41:48,266 --> 01:41:51,569 that takes care of the day-to-day operations, so... 321 01:41:51,666 --> 01:41:53,501 nO. 322 01:41:58,000 --> 01:42:00,135 Well, we're -- 323 01:42:00,800 --> 01:42:01,967 We're headquarters! 324 01:42:03,633 --> 01:42:05,601 Well, we are headquarters. 325 01:42:05,699 --> 01:42:07,101 Okay! 326 01:42:07,199 --> 01:42:07,967 -Whoo! -Let's go--! 327 01:42:08,066 --> 01:42:09,934 No, no, sit down, sit down. 328 01:42:10,033 --> 01:42:12,268 Johnson, we'll start with you. 329 01:42:13,100 --> 01:42:17,704 What is it that you actually do here? 330 01:42:18,699 --> 01:42:25,006 l will often keep an eye on Matthews 331 01:42:25,100 --> 01:42:27,335 and make sure he does not surf the Web. 332 01:42:27,433 --> 01:42:32,805 He does do that, sir. He's on me like a hawk! 333 01:42:33,800 --> 01:42:38,337 Matthews, what is it that you do here? 334 01:42:38,433 --> 01:42:40,101 Well, l, uh... 335 01:42:40,199 --> 01:42:42,435 pretty much just, uh, surf the Internet. 336 01:42:43,766 --> 01:42:47,536 Johnson, when you're not ''getting on Matthews'' 337 01:42:47,633 --> 01:42:49,501 about the Internet, 338 01:42:49,600 --> 01:42:51,868 what else do you do here? 339 01:42:51,966 --> 01:42:53,801 l tend to take a shit after lunch. 340 01:42:53,899 --> 01:42:55,067 Mmm. 341 01:42:55,800 --> 01:42:59,303 Then sometimes, l will pretend to have a cigarette break, 342 01:42:59,399 --> 01:43:04,138 and l'll actually just go down to the Barnes & Nobles, hang out... 343 01:43:04,233 --> 01:43:05,100 there. 344 01:43:06,266 --> 01:43:08,167 Read anything good while you're there? 345 01:43:08,266 --> 01:43:11,068 No, l don't really read anything, l just kind of... 346 01:43:11,899 --> 01:43:14,502 sit on the sofas. 347 01:43:14,600 --> 01:43:15,634 Call me crazy, but, uh, 348 01:43:15,733 --> 01:43:19,503 l always thought that we designed and produced dream catchers. 349 01:43:22,899 --> 01:43:24,635 Go on. 350 01:43:24,733 --> 01:43:26,901 Well, this is what l've been doing for 40 hours a week, 351 01:43:27,000 --> 01:43:28,701 for about seven years now. 352 01:43:28,800 --> 01:43:30,168 ln fact, l've been meaning to ask 353 01:43:30,266 --> 01:43:34,069 when we're going to have our big pitch meeting. 354 01:43:34,166 --> 01:43:37,402 Timmy, l don't think that we've ever 355 01:43:37,500 --> 01:43:41,103 had anything to do with dream catchers. 356 01:43:44,366 --> 01:43:47,869 l have come in on Christmas three times! 357 01:43:47,966 --> 01:43:50,134 Bruce misses me! 358 01:43:50,233 --> 01:43:52,868 Oh, sometimes l walk around the office with a folder! 359 01:43:54,600 --> 01:43:59,338 Wilson, what is it that you do here? 360 01:43:59,733 --> 01:44:00,400 Pbht! 361 01:44:00,500 --> 01:44:01,434 Right. You know what? 362 01:44:01,533 --> 01:44:04,469 l don't think that any of us really need to be here. 363 01:44:05,100 --> 01:44:07,802 Sir, um -- 364 01:44:07,899 --> 01:44:09,101 Where will we go? 365 01:44:09,199 --> 01:44:10,367 Yeah, we got to go somewhere! 366 01:44:10,466 --> 01:44:14,603 l mean, l guess l could get a job at the Barnes & Nobles, 367 01:44:14,699 --> 01:44:17,803 but then, where am l going to have a smoke break? 368 01:44:17,899 --> 01:44:20,369 This is where we go! 369 01:44:23,266 --> 01:44:24,700 All right. 370 01:44:24,800 --> 01:44:26,301 This is the place that we go. 371 01:44:27,366 --> 01:44:28,600 -Fine. -Okay. 372 01:44:28,699 --> 01:44:32,170 All right. Everybody, back to whatever. 373 01:44:32,266 --> 01:44:33,367 l'm gonna have a cigarette. 374 01:44:36,300 --> 01:44:39,036 -Mr. Press Secretary! -Thank you, thank you. 375 01:44:39,133 --> 01:44:41,068 Thanks, everybody, for coming out. 376 01:44:41,166 --> 01:44:44,636 The President of the United States will be out shortly 377 01:44:44,733 --> 01:44:49,771 to inform everyone of the amazing new discovery that we've made. 378 01:44:49,866 --> 01:44:51,567 ls everybody ready for this? 379 01:44:52,933 --> 01:44:57,470 We've discovered a brand-new color. 380 01:44:58,466 --> 01:44:58,966 Yes. 381 01:44:59,066 --> 01:45:01,001 REPORTER #1 : What does this new color look like? 382 01:45:01,100 --> 01:45:04,603 Uh, it's kind of a mix between red and blue, 383 01:45:04,699 --> 01:45:06,601 but it's not purple. 384 01:45:07,266 --> 01:45:08,467 REPORTER #2: Is it indigo? 385 01:45:08,566 --> 01:45:11,001 No, it is not indigo. 386 01:45:11,100 --> 01:45:13,569 REPORTER #1 : Are you sure it's not purple? 387 01:45:13,666 --> 01:45:15,067 We're sure it's not purple. 388 01:45:15,166 --> 01:45:20,237 This is a completely new color that has never been seen before. 389 01:45:21,566 --> 01:45:22,700 REPORTER #3: Is it maroon? 390 01:45:22,800 --> 01:45:28,639 Um... l don't know. 391 01:45:28,733 --> 01:45:31,569 What... what is ''maroon''? 392 01:45:32,833 --> 01:45:34,467 REPORTER #3: This. 393 01:45:35,633 --> 01:45:37,501 This is maroon. 394 01:45:43,300 --> 01:45:44,768 Um.... 395 01:45:44,866 --> 01:45:46,434 [ Clears throat ] 396 01:45:49,699 --> 01:45:51,134 Uh, yeah. 397 01:45:51,233 --> 01:45:53,001 lt's maroon. 398 01:45:57,366 --> 01:46:00,969 Um, well.... 399 01:46:02,233 --> 01:46:05,736 Since he's here, anyway, um.... 400 01:46:07,100 --> 01:46:11,637 The, uh, President of the United States. 401 01:46:20,066 --> 01:46:21,901 [ Sighs ] 402 01:46:25,266 --> 01:46:27,301 Well, l feel like an idiot. 403 01:46:29,166 --> 01:46:31,101 [ Horn-quartet music plays ] 404 01:46:31,133 --> 01:46:32,300 [ Wine glass dings ] 405 01:46:32,399 --> 01:46:34,335 Hi, everybody. Thank you for coming. 406 01:46:34,433 --> 01:46:36,968 lt's so nice to have a great turnout for Billy's christening. 407 01:46:37,066 --> 01:46:39,968 l can't believe he circumcised his cat. 408 01:46:40,066 --> 01:46:42,001 Yeah, l didn't think he was going to do it, 409 01:46:42,100 --> 01:46:43,901 but then he just fucking did it. 410 01:46:44,000 --> 01:46:45,868 l'm sorry Billy's being a hump at his own party. 411 01:46:45,966 --> 01:46:47,600 l don't know where he's run off to! 412 01:46:47,699 --> 01:46:48,934 l'm going to go to the bathroom. 413 01:46:49,033 --> 01:46:51,502 ''l'll be back!'' 414 01:46:51,600 --> 01:46:52,767 Heh, ''Predator.'' 415 01:46:52,866 --> 01:46:53,299 ''Terminator.'' 416 01:46:53,399 --> 01:46:55,268 ''Terminator.'' 417 01:46:55,366 --> 01:46:58,135 Awesome, time to test this thing out! 418 01:46:58,233 --> 01:46:59,200 [ Electric hum ] 419 01:46:59,300 --> 01:47:00,167 Nice, it works! 420 01:47:00,266 --> 01:47:01,734 Come, check this out, best friends! 421 01:47:01,833 --> 01:47:03,000 Don't call me that. 422 01:47:03,100 --> 01:47:05,302 lt's my secret bathroom camera! 423 01:47:05,399 --> 01:47:07,101 Your secret what? 424 01:47:07,199 --> 01:47:08,834 Oh! 425 01:47:08,933 --> 01:47:10,401 There go his pants! 426 01:47:10,500 --> 01:47:11,701 Oh, this is disgusting! 427 01:47:11,800 --> 01:47:13,501 Well, at least it's Sam. 428 01:47:13,600 --> 01:47:14,901 No, man, it's disgusting 429 01:47:15,000 --> 01:47:17,068 because he mounted a camera in his bathroom! 430 01:47:17,166 --> 01:47:18,600 Yeah, for home security! 431 01:47:18,699 --> 01:47:19,967 You started in the bathroom? 432 01:47:20,066 --> 01:47:22,168 Darren, l'm having a party right now. 433 01:47:22,266 --> 01:47:24,468 l think it's weird that Sam takes his pants 434 01:47:24,566 --> 01:47:26,801 all the way off to take a dump! 435 01:47:27,866 --> 01:47:29,500 Okay.... 436 01:47:29,600 --> 01:47:31,134 [ Laughter ] 437 01:47:31,233 --> 01:47:32,767 Old shit-pants Cregger over here. 438 01:47:32,866 --> 01:47:36,002 No, l just think it's weird that he would wait so long 439 01:47:36,100 --> 01:47:37,835 to take his pants off. 440 01:47:37,933 --> 01:47:38,967 Okay.... 441 01:47:39,066 --> 01:47:40,066 [ Laughter ] 442 01:47:40,166 --> 01:47:42,635 Mr. ''Get out of the way, l've got to take a poop in a hurry!'' 443 01:47:42,733 --> 01:47:46,470 ''l'm a busy man! l take busy poops! Look at me, l'm Zach!'' 444 01:47:46,566 --> 01:47:49,302 l hate parties! l'm going to the closet! 445 01:47:49,399 --> 01:47:51,001 ZACH: Mom, can you come pick me up? 446 01:47:51,100 --> 01:47:52,868 The guys are being jerks again! 447 01:47:52,966 --> 01:47:55,301 And check it out, there's a camera inside the toilet, too! 448 01:47:55,399 --> 01:47:57,235 -Don't do -- -Oh, my God! 449 01:47:57,333 --> 01:47:59,868 lt's a pooping butthole! 450 01:47:59,966 --> 01:48:01,067 Jesus, turn it off! 451 01:48:01,166 --> 01:48:03,902 Yeah, or at least zoom out, so we can tell it's Sam! 452 01:48:04,000 --> 01:48:05,401 lsn't this a great party, you guys? 453 01:48:05,500 --> 01:48:07,969 No, Timmy, this is terrible! Seriously, turn it off! 454 01:48:08,066 --> 01:48:09,500 Okay, fine, l'll switch it back! 455 01:48:09,600 --> 01:48:11,234 You know, that's really messed up, man. 456 01:48:11,333 --> 01:48:12,567 You invaded Sam's privacy! 457 01:48:12,666 --> 01:48:14,601 l know! And look at this! 458 01:48:14,699 --> 01:48:18,203 There's TVs in there! l can make Sam watch porn! 459 01:48:18,300 --> 01:48:19,668 Why would you make him watch porn? 460 01:48:19,766 --> 01:48:21,934 -l'm sure he's not gonna -- -Oh! 461 01:48:22,033 --> 01:48:24,301 Go-Qo GadQet cum! 462 01:48:24,399 --> 01:48:26,368 Well, looks like he finished. 463 01:48:26,466 --> 01:48:29,402 [ Toilet flushes ] 464 01:48:30,566 --> 01:48:31,767 Whoo! 465 01:48:31,866 --> 01:48:33,267 You're all out of toilet paper. 466 01:48:33,366 --> 01:48:34,800 And tissues. 467 01:48:34,899 --> 01:48:37,636 And you probably should get a new bath mat. 468 01:48:37,733 --> 01:48:39,901 -l got to go to the bathroom. -Wait, Trevor. 469 01:48:40,000 --> 01:48:41,568 Hey, Sam, watch this.