[ Applause ]
That... was... terrible.
You brought nothing new to this competition.
l'm just -- l've seen this so many times.
l just don't think your heart was in it.
l don't know. l thought it was kind of classic.
An oldie but a goody.
Well, there's a surprise. Nancy likes it.
Oh, here we go. Here we go.
l'm afraid you're not going to Hollywood.
[ Applause ]
What's your name, dude?
Carl Feindleman.
Those pants look horrible.
What's with the pants, dawg?
Oh, come on, guys. Stop it.
You look ridiculous right now.
Next please.
[ Applause ]
[ Screams ]
Hey, guys.
[ Applause ]
Okay. That was different.
That was new.
Not bad.
Well, l'm not completely convinced that that was a suicide.
lt looked like it might have been an accident.
Excuse me, did you mean to kill yourself that way?
Yeah.
Why is there a noose hanging out of your pocket?
You clowning us, dawg?
Next.
Hi, l'm Chyanne.
Hi, Chyanne.
l'm gonna be singing, ''She'll Be Coming 'Round The Mountain''
by Dolly Parton.
# She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes #
# She'll be coming 'round the mountain #
# She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes #
Chyanne, l don't think you're on the right show.
What do you mean?
This ain't a talent show, baby.
lt's not?
No, l'm sorry.
Oh, my God. l'm so embarrassed.
Oh, it's okay, honey.
l've made a fool of myself. l'm so depressed.
l don't know what l'm gonna do.
That's what l'm talkin' about!
Wow. Just wow.
l'm confused. Was she on the wrong show?
Chyanne, you're going to Hollywood.
That is exactly what this show is all about. Refreshing.
You go, girl.
Have fun in Hollywood.
Yeah!
The revolution is complete!
We have burned this capitalist system to the ground!
Anarchy!
We will no longer be held down
by the technology that has enslaved us!
Anarchy!
No more laws! No more rules!
We can live off the land like mankind was always meant to!
We can go see movies for free now! Anarchy!
Anarchy!
Excuse me. Excuse me, hi.
Barry Windsor.
Just one quick thing.
See, l used to work at the nuclear power plant up near by the airport.
And, you know, not to be a downer or anything,
but we're gonna have to keep a pretty close eye on that thing,
so there's that.
We don't need nuclear energy anymore! Anarchy!
Anarchy!
No, no, no, no. l'm all for that.
Hey, revolution and all. l mean, that's great.
But, uh, the thing is,
if we don't keep cool water running over the spent plutonium rods,
there's gonna be a meltdown, and that'll pretty much... end life.
Okay, well, how often do we have to do that?
Oh, l'd say about 3-4 times a day over the next 25 years.
What?
Okay, all right, so we'll just work together on this,
and we'll take turns pouring water on the plutonium rods.
Nooooo!
No work! Free movies!
Well, l mean, no one knows how to work the power plant,
and he does.
l'd just be afraid to screw something up
with all the computers and all.
l'm sure there's a password or something.
Well, the password is just ''welcome.''
Make him do it!
Yeah! Make him do it!
Okay, all right.
Well, since you have the most experience with this sort of thing,
would you mind just taking one for the team
and kind of staying on top of that?
-Yeah! -Yeah!
No, no, no, l'll do it. l mean, l don't mind.
But it doesn't really seem fair.
l mean, if l'm gonna be spending all my time up at the reactor,
then how am l gonna scavenge and farm the land
to provide food for my family?
Okay, all right.
l'm sure we can all agree that it's not a big deal to chip in,
give him a little bit of our food
in return for him saving our lives at the reactor plant.
l guess.
Well, thank you, guys. Thanks.
That's really big of you, but the other thing is,
is that it's not a one-man job, okay?
l'm gonna need a team of people, all right?
l can ask my guys, and l'm sure they'll do it,
but they're gonna need some food, too.
Ugh!
Okay, so, if you see his team,
help them out, give them a little food, too.
l think that's only fair.
Well, how will we know who's on his team and who's not?
l mean, anyone could just come up and say,
''Hey, l work with dick-nose up at the power plant.
Give me a food.''
Hey!
Okay, here's what we'll do. Here's what we'll do.
We'll make some shirts for him and his team that say,
''l work at the nuclear power plant, please give me some of your food.''
So, if you see somebody wearing a shirt that says that,
be a nice guy --
Who's gonna make the shirts?
l don't know who's gonna make the shirts.
Rodney, will you make the shirts?
Sorry, but l'm probably gonna be at the movie theatres
most of the time!
Darryl, will you make the shirts?
-Fine. -Okay.
But l'm gonna need some food, too.
Okay, fine. Then just make yourself a shirt that says,
''l made this shirt. Please give me some of your food.''
And then everyone will give you some food.
Well, what's to stop anyone from just making a shirt that says,
''Hey l do something stupid, feed my ass for it!''
Okay, l will be a shirt inspector,
and l'll go around, and l'll make sure everybody's shirts are legit.
ls that okay?
So, will you make me a shirt that says ''Shirt Inspector '' please?
That guy sounds like a cop!
No, l'm not a cop! l'm just an inspector!
He's a cop! Let's get him!
A new age is upon us!
We won't let the man hijack our revolution!
Forget everything that guy said!
Yeah!
Forget everything that guy said?
Yeah!
Okay, okay. Well, uh, my name's Barry.
And l used to work at a nuclear power plant up north.
All right, gentlemen,
let's start this meeting about the new direction of RC Cola.
The presentation begins...
.. .nOW.
Got some ideas.
By some l mean one big idea.
RC Glow. That's right.
The RC will glow.
What do you mean ''glow''?
The RC Cola is gonna glow.
ln the dark?
All the time.
How are you gonna make the RC glow?
That's for the marketing department to figure out.
No, it's not.
Yes, it is.
Pete, do you have the sheet
on what the different departments are and what they do?
-That's not the marketing department. -You're the marketing department.
l'm the marketing department. And l'm marketing RC Glow.
-No, you're not. -Yes, l am.
-You're not. -Am.
-Not. -RC Glow.
How are you gonna make RC glow?
That's for finance to figure out.
-No, it's not. -Yes, it is.
Look at the sheet.
lt's not.
lt's not. That's marketing.
No, you're marketing.
l am.
RC Glow. In stores soon.
-No. -Yes.
Why would a consumer choose an incandescent beverage?
RC Cola, the incandescent beverage.
You know any chemical that is going to make RC glow
is going to be toxic.
That's for finance to figure out.
-No, it's not. -Look at the sheet.
-Well, it's not for marketing. -Well, you're right.
-So, we don't have to worry about it. -That's not true.
RC Glow. Also vanilla RC Glow.
-No. -Yes.
-No. -Totally.
-No. -Done deal.
-lt's not. -lt is.
-No. -Advertising.
-Nope. -Finance.
No.
RC Glow.
-Fine. -Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, l call now a witness to the murder
that took place at the Dancy Clam Strip Club
on August 1 4.
Miss Sugar Ponyberry, will you please take the stand?
Miss Ponyberry, you are a stripper at the Dancy Clam, are you not?
l'm an exotic dancer.
And you witnessed the accused shoot Mr. Whitehall?
Objection, Your Honor. Leading the witness.
Sustained.
Ms. Ponyberry, you were at the club the night of the shooting, correct?
Yes, l was.
And what were you doing?
l was dancing on stage just a couple feet away from him.
And what did you see?
That man walked up and shot Mr. Whitehall
and he fell into me.
No further questions, Your Honor.
Miss Ponyberry, if you were dancing when the shooting occurred,
you couldn't possibly have gotten a good look at who the shooter was.
No, but l did, 'cause l turned and looked.
Could you show us the position?
The what?
Could you step up and show the jury the position you were in
when the shooting occurred?
Objection!
Really?
l mean, objection! Because she'd still be able to easily see the murderer
because she didn't have all those clothes blocking her view!
l call bullshit! Let's see it!
Really? Are you serious, Your Honor?
Um....
Yeah. Off with it.
So, how'd that position go again?
Yeah, how did that go?
Well, it was kinda like this.
Oh, God. It's so hard to do without a pole.
-Can we get a pole in here? -Can we get a pole?
Your Honor, we don't have a pole.
Use the American flag!
Well, l was kind of like this.
And then l turned around, and he fell right into me.
Um, may l?
When the man fell into you, was it sort of like...?
No, not really.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
So, uh, this guy, when he fell into you, he was more like....
Like a roll, like that?
Yeah, kind of, l guess.
[ Judge clears throat ]
Um, would the prosecution and the defense
please approach the bench?
See if you can get her to, you know....
See if you can get her to, like, kiss a girl.
We don't have any other girls, Sir.
Um, what about, like, one of the jurors?
We probably shouldn't do that, Sir.
We shouldn't do that.
All right.
[ Clears throat ]
See if she'll like....
Be like, ''Hey '' um....
Would you, like....
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
Um, we're doing something!
Doesn't anybody knock?
There you go.
Daddy, tell me that story again.
Okay.
Well, once upon a time
when your daddy was really, really young,
he met the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
She had long, gorgeous hair and the prettiest smile.
And he also met the woman's drunk, loud friend.
And see, the beautiful woman had this asshole boyfriend
who everyone thought was cool because he was a dick.
So what would happen was, was whenever your daddy
was trying to hang out with the beautiful maiden,
he would end up going home with the loud alchy.
And you see, when someone's locked in
to a serious substance-abuse problem,
they let the little things in their life fall by the wayside,
like remembering to take their pills.
And that's when you came along.
l'm in this story?
You're a big part of this story, 'cause when you showed up,
your daddy had to sell his muscle car
to make an honest woman out of that skank.
The reality is, selling all the muscle cars in the world
wouldn't make that strumpet an honest woman.
Some people are just bad.
They're just born bad.
Daddy, do you think Mommy will ever find us again?
l got a thirty-aught-six that says it doesn't matter if she does.
l love you, Dad.
We leave this world together. Do you understand me?
We leave this world together.
l know.
Ho, ho, ho!
lt's Santa!
Grab the cookies!
[ Gasps ]
Ho, ho! l brought peas!
Ugh, lame.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no. l mean l brought world peace!
Oh, that's cool.
l'm just kidding. l meant a sack of pee!
Ugh. Worst Christmas ever.
Come on.
What? Do you get it?
Mommy, what is that?
l think it's a helicopter.
That's too big to be a helicopter.
Greetings. Welcome to our planet.
-Duh. -Duh, duh, duh.
Oh! Honey, stand back.
We don't understand your language!
You should go to Washington!
Washington D.C. is that way!
Go to Washington!
''Go to Washington.'' ''Go to Washington.''
Oh, sweet Jesus!
''lt's that way!'' ''Washington is that way!''
Well, what do you want?
[ Laughing ]
Those pricks!