[ Music plays ]
Hey, baby! What's your name?
Uh, Carl.
Hi, Carl. l'm Peaches.
Come dance with me.
Oh, no. No, l don't really dance.
Come on, it's easy.
No, no, l really couldn't.
No, l really-- l really don't.
l don't--
That's right.
Come down to the floor. l wanna see everybody on the floor.
l'm about to put you all on some.
l want to see everybody movin'. Le_s go.
We gonna do it.
# Grab a woman on the floor and get freaky #
# Take both your hands and wave 'em in the air #
There you go!
# Now swing it around with your hands round there #
# Spin it around like you just don't care #
# Now slide, slide Shake your derriere #
# Slide, slide Shake your derriere #
-Yeah, you got it! -Dancing is fun!
# Hey, guys, go and grab them hips #
# Guys, go and grab them hips Now all you niggas slap them tits #
# All you niggas slap them tits #
[ Music stops ]
l, ah--
The song said to do that.
What did the song say?
Um--
l saw lots of other people doing it.
Yeah, what the song say, man?
Um, it said to--
''Slap those tits''? Didn't it?
-What it say before that? -What were the lyrics?
Um, it said uh--
All you ni--
Oh.
Sorry.
[ Door locks ]
Why'd that guy shut the door?
[ Classical music plays ]
Gentlemen,
this Declaration of Independence
will send a clear message to the throne
that we are a sovereign nation and finally free of their tyrannies.
Thomas, this is the most eloquent and beautiful piece of writing
l have ever read.
But l'm going to cross out some of these obscenities,
if you don't mind.
Eh.
Also, l don't think we need the accompanying pictures.
You've really made it pretty clear.
Now, l don't need to remind you, men,
of the seriousness of our actions here today.
By signing this document,
you will officially be casting your lot with the revolution
and be considered a traitor to the crown.
Know full well that by committing your name to this declaration,
you may bring hardship and strife to your families
and label yourselves outlaws forever.
Now, who wants to be the first to sign it?
[ Mumbling ]
Well, Thomas, since you authored the thing,
l think it's only fair that you sign first.
Very well.
lt will be an honor and a privilege.
Look, baby Abraham, our new nation is being born!
lt is a proud day.
There.
The first signature.
[ Polite applause ]
Wait, you wrote John Hancock! You wrote my name!
Oops, my bad!
[ Laughter ]
Stop it, you asshole! l'm gonna get into so much trouble!
Oh, and you wrote it huge! They're gonna think l'm the leader!
Fine!
Whoa, oh, come on, man, don't cross it out!
We only have one copy of that.
Fine! Then l'm gonna write your name!
Dude, don't be like that!
Thomas Jefferson!
Come on, man!
l was the one that was up all night working on the thing!
Well, Thomas, it is fair.
What work would be complete without the signature of its author?
Yeah, are you gonna sign it, fatty?
Fuck, no! l got kids!
You know what, Benjy? l think you are signing it! Whoop!
Benjamin Franklin! Right there!
Don't be such a shit, Thomas!
Okay, okay, all right. Let's calm down.
This is a proud time in our nation's history.
l think we should all be honored to be present.
John Adams! Going on the list!
Oh, you fucking fuck!
Guys, you're upsetting baby Lincoln.
Okay, that's it! Tony Lincoln!
Here we go, Tony Lincoln!
That's it! It's on!
[ Baby cries ]
Come get some!
No, this is me!
And on that crisp fall morning, all those years ago,
our founding fathers forged the greatest country
this continent would ever know:
The United States of America.
[ Siren sounds ]
Okay, this is Mr. Fingleton.
He will be your first client.
A big girl, huh?
l like 'em healthy!
Yes, this one is huge.
Her name is Broom Hilda.
This is her first day, so l am showing her the ropes.
Broom Hilda? That's a sexy name!
Where you from, darlin'?
She is from bus station.
Mr. Fingleton, here, is one of our masochist clients.
Mass-ul-kisses?
Yes, that's very good.
That means that he likes a little bit of pain,
so you can be a little rough with him.
You can feel free to smack him on the bottom,
or slap him in the face or something.
[ Screams ]
Broom Hilda, walk with me. We need to have a little powwow.
l want to get down!
What's my safe word?
She hit me so hard, l forgot my safe word!
l think he wants to go home.
What?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, honey.
Many of our clients pretend to forget their safe word. It is fun for them.
This is not fun for me! l am not pretending!
-Now, Broom Hilda-- -What was--?
ls everything okay? Are things okay at home?
l don't have a home.
Something to do with baseball--
-l know, it's just figure of speech. -Leftfielder!
What l mean to say is are you angry about anything?
No.
_Cause you hit him kind of hard. -City of Boston!
Oh, l'm sorry.
No, no, no, no, no, do not be sorry. You are young, you are learning.
But the key to being a good dominatrix
is to deliver pain at the same time as pleasure.
-Astroturf! -Oh.
You see?
So maybe you are lightly licking one of your client's nipples
at the same time as you are stabbing him in the balls with a thumb tack.
Oh!
You get it now?
The Sandlot!
[ Screams ]
Please let me down!
l honestly can't remember my safe word!
l think there's bleeding in my brain!
You know, Broom Hilda,
l am starting to think that maybe the slapping business is not for you.
You do not know your own strength.
You are like Frankenstein Monster.
-Yeah. -Popcorn!
Maybe you'll be better off trying a tool or something.
Like a whip or a chain.
Try one of these.
Hell, no!
Hell, no! Hell, no!
Okay, everybody gather around. Gather around.
l'd like to take a moment
and congratulate each and every one of you
on a successful mission.
By putting a living animal into space,
we've taken a huge first step into beating the Ruskies to the moon.
l'd also like to take a moment
and remember our brave test pilot, Bobo, the monkey.
Bobo was an exceptional monkey, and l know that many of us here
began to regard him as not just an animal
but as an associate.
To Bobo.
-Here, here. -Here, here.
Now, as you know, we don't have enough fuel
to safely bring Bobo back to Earth.
But l want everyone to rest assured
that Bobo's sacrifice to this great nation
will go down in the annals of history,
and he will truly never be forgotten.
Oh!
Oh, um....
Oh....
lt's Bobo.
Um....
He must have accidentally turned on the monitor.
Uh, l'm sorry, l got this, guys.
Uh, hi, Bobo!
Yeah, uh, good to see you!
Uh, hey, good job with that mission, there, that was really--
Okay.
Um, l'm sorry about that.
Look, l know this is very hard on everybody,
but, if anything, it's a testament to how intelligent Bobo really was
that he figured out how to use our communications monitor.
Bobo.
Awww!
Okay, you know what? l'm sorry. Uh, Bobo--
Can we do something about--? Can we kill Bobo's monitor?
Awww!
You know what?
Everyone, turn around.
Turn around. Don't-- Don't look at him.
Don't encourage him. Everybody turn around.
Turn around.
He's hungry!
No, no, he's not hungry, He's-- He's just--
That's sign language for,
''Good-bye, l'm fine up here in space. Don't worry about me.''
Okay, can we kill his feed? Thank you.
Awww!
Bobo!
Okay, look, everyone, this is not helping.
Oh, my God!
A big box of apples for you too, buddy!
What, what does that mean?
lt's this inside joke that me and him had.
Come on.
There's got to be a way we can get him back here.
Yeah, Bobo would do the same for us!
Us scientist types got to stick together!
Yeah.
Bobo!
[ Cries ]
Okay, okay.
You know what?
l'll try to crunch some numbers
and think of a way to get Bobo back to Earth.
-You will? -Thank you!
But l am not happy about having to work late on a Friday to do this.
-You're the best! -You won't regret this, sir!
Get out of here, go on.
Enjoy your weekend.
Everybody get out of here.
That was pretty manipulative there, Bobo.
MON KEY: Bobo?
l'm just resetting your coordinates.
MON KEY: Bobo?
Have fun on the Sun, Bobo!
MON KEY: Bobo?
# There's a monkey who's headed for the sun #
# He'd like to be back home with a box of apples for everyone #
[ Music Plays ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
And now it's time for ''Shoshon the Elegant, the White Tiger King''.
[ Music Plays ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
Creatures of Animalia! Be silent and listen!
Shoshon, the Elegant is about to make the day's decrees!
[ Gong sounds ]
l decree that at the end of the month there will be a grand parade.
And all in my Kingdom are invited, except for the brown tigers.
[ Gong sounds ]
Hooray!
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
That was a great parade, Shoshon!
That was a great parade!
Except for some disturbances
caused by a few ungainly brown tigers that showed up!
l hereby decree that a giant fence should be erected
to keep all the brown tigers out of the White Tiger Kingdom!
White Tiger Kingdom! White Tiger Kingdom! Yay!
[ Gong sounds ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
Some brown tigers shall be allowed into the kingdom
to perform menial tasks.
These brown tigers shall not speak or look at
or think about any white tigers
while they are within the walls of the White Tiger Kingdom!
White Tiger Kingdom! White Tiger Kingdom! Yay!
[ Gong sounds ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
lf a white tiger shall be found Iaying with a brown tiger,
then the white tiger shall be held accountable and banished!
And the brown tiger shall be liquidated!
[ Gong sounds ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
Any spawn of the union of a brown tiger and a white tiger
shall be found unclean!
Unclean!
White Tiger Kingdom! White Tiger Kingdom! Yay!
[ Gong sounds ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
Trash collecting day will be every Tuesday!
Park your car on the right side of the street
the first and third Tuesdays of each month!
Park your car on the left side every alternating Tuesday!
White Tiger Kingdom!
White Tiger Kingdom! Yay!
[ Gong sounds ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
We will move across their borders and pick our teeth with their bones!
We will flush them from their homes and crush them beneath our paws!
We will finally be free of the filthy brown tigers once and for all!
White Tiger World! White Tiger World!
[ Screams ]
[ Music ]
# Shoshon the Elegant The White Tiger King #
[ Gong sounds ]
That was the story of Shoshon the Elegant,
The White Tiger King.
[ Chuckles ]
Shoshon went on to smite
the filthy brown tigers from the face of the Earth!
And the people were happy once again, for all time.
You see, kids, Fascism has its faults, and people get carried away,
but at the end of the day,
a totalitarian form of government works!
l'm not saying what Shoshon did was right or wrong, but it worked!
lt just worked!
Good night, kids!
[ Sighs ]
[ Music plays ]
# Binjo, The Racist Story Telling Spirit #
[ Lawn mower sounds ]
[ Dog barks ]
[ Dog yelps ]
Oh, no.
[ Car door slams ]
Daddy, we're home from the grocery store!
[ Music plays ]
[ Video game noises ]
Uh--
Hey, did you feed Sparky yet?
Not yet.
Oh, 'cause l, uh--
Saw him walking around earlier, and he, uh--
he seemed pretty hungry.
Hungry and depressed.
So--
l don't know, maybe, uh... might wanna...
go up to your room and... find him.
After this game.
l don't know.
He was looking pretty down.
Had sort of a...
...crazy look in his eye.
Might wanna go check on him.
[ Sighs ]
Fine.
[ Rope creaks ]
Oh, he went and did it.
[ Tisks ]
That is a shame.
He had so much left to offer the world.
Well, that's why you got to feed your dog.
Now, whose dick do l got to suck to get some dinner around here?
Whoa!
Okay, so you and your friend can wait here for Dr. Wabblelava.
Please be sure not to touch anything.
Especially, our state-of-the-art X-ray machine.
lt's incredibly expensive and ridiculously fragile.
Thank you.
-Okay. -Okay.
-Don't worry. We won't touch it. -Don't worry. We won't touch it.
-Psych! -Not!
No, dude, we say ''Psych''.
You're right, you're right.
[ Gasps ]
Let's throw it out the window!
[ Screams ]
No, no, no, no, no, no, Sam, wait!
Sam, Sam, Sam, Stop! Stop! Stop!
lt's an X-ray machine!
lt makes pornos?
No!
lt's a machine that makes it so we can see inside of things!
Oh. What should we X-ray?
Um.... Gee, l don't know.
l wish we knew some super cool, hot dude to have his insides X-rayed!
[ Gasps ]
Ah!
You got it, buddy!
[ Screams ]
Sam, it's an X-ray. You don't need to take your shirt--
Jeez, that game was months ago.
Whatever. Look, just get behind the panel, buddy, and let's go!
Here we go!
-Whoa! -Whoa!
l look so cool inside!
Hey, let's see what it looks like when you eat something!
Try this apple!
-Whoa! -Whoa!
Oh, wow!
Hey, everybody, come over here!
[ Singing ]
Are those inside me?
-Oh, my God! -Oh, wow!
-lt's so big! -So big!
Yeah!
Get 'em out! Get 'em out!
Dude! Dude!
No, no! Wait, wait!
l think they're good for you!
l knew it!
[ Music starts ]
Yeah, look!
They're breaking up the apple!
[ Singing ]
Whoa!
This is how your body digests food!
Hey, Trevor, are you going to Brian's party tonight?
Sam, hold on a second.
This is weird.