1 01:11:57,033 --> 01:12:00,035 [ Noise ] 2 01:12:00,133 --> 01:12:04,470 [ Woman screaming in Vietnamese ] 3 01:12:04,600 --> 01:12:07,736 [ Furniture moving, woman screams ] 4 01:12:07,833 --> 01:12:11,603 [ Door opens ] 5 01:12:11,699 --> 01:12:18,273 [ Woman continues to scream ] 6 01:12:20,600 --> 01:12:25,137 [ Speaking Vietnamese ] 7 01:12:30,533 --> 01:12:32,001 Okay, gentlemen. 8 01:12:32,100 --> 01:12:36,137 Let me just start off by addressing the elephant in the room. 9 01:12:36,833 --> 01:12:39,135 Let's all try to be adults about this. 10 01:12:39,233 --> 01:12:40,267 [ Woman screams ] 11 01:12:40,366 --> 01:12:46,138 Last night l invited this young Vietnamese prostitute to my room 12 01:12:46,233 --> 01:12:49,636 to engage in some consensual fun, 13 01:12:50,199 --> 01:12:54,003 terms were set, things were going smoothly, 14 01:12:54,100 --> 01:12:57,636 and then l caught her trying to steal my wallet. 15 01:12:57,733 --> 01:12:59,301 [ Woman screaming in Vietnamese ] 16 01:12:59,399 --> 01:13:01,902 Yes, you did! 17 01:13:02,000 --> 01:13:04,135 Yes, you did. 18 01:13:06,833 --> 01:13:11,270 So, when l threatened to call the authorities, 19 01:13:11,366 --> 01:13:14,469 she swallowed the handcuffs' key. 20 01:13:14,566 --> 01:13:19,837 Now, normally l am not one to flaunt my indiscretions 21 01:13:19,933 --> 01:13:23,102 or put you good people in an awkward situation. 22 01:13:23,500 --> 01:13:26,970 But as CEO of this corporation 23 01:13:27,066 --> 01:13:32,871 it is my duty to put responsibility ahead of personal interest. 24 01:13:33,000 --> 01:13:38,071 And let me tell you that neither hell nor high-water 25 01:13:38,166 --> 01:13:42,336 nor some cracked out Asian whore... 26 01:13:42,433 --> 01:13:47,538 ...is gonna keep me from seeing this merger through. 27 01:13:47,666 --> 01:13:49,034 Okay. 28 01:13:49,533 --> 01:13:54,137 Johnson, got your head in the clouds? 29 01:13:54,233 --> 01:13:55,133 What? 30 01:13:55,233 --> 01:13:57,802 Come on, let's focus. 31 01:13:57,899 --> 01:13:59,501 Focus on what, sir? 32 01:13:59,633 --> 01:14:01,201 The contracts! 33 01:14:01,566 --> 01:14:02,533 Ah... 34 01:14:02,899 --> 01:14:04,735 Johnson's head's in the clouds. 35 01:14:04,833 --> 01:14:07,068 Probably thinking about his golf game last weekend. 36 01:14:07,166 --> 01:14:08,534 [ Laughing ] 37 01:14:08,666 --> 01:14:11,735 Let's see... These all look above board. 38 01:14:11,833 --> 01:14:13,868 Gerry, you know when the Bergman Sax 39 01:14:13,966 --> 01:14:15,934 are gonna be over to add their signatures? 40 01:14:16,066 --> 01:14:21,704 You know, we could do this whole... after everything... 41 01:14:21,800 --> 01:14:22,700 when you're ready. 42 01:14:23,633 --> 01:14:25,401 What do you mean? 43 01:14:25,533 --> 01:14:27,701 Well, l mean... 44 01:14:27,833 --> 01:14:30,068 Wait! Are you talking about the whore? 45 01:14:30,166 --> 01:14:31,100 [ Speaking in Vietnamese ] 46 01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:33,134 Well, yeah. 47 01:14:33,266 --> 01:14:35,801 Come on, Gerry! l expected more from you! 48 01:14:35,899 --> 01:14:38,969 Maybe you need to go home for the day, get your head in the game. 49 01:14:39,100 --> 01:14:39,800 Sir! 50 01:14:39,933 --> 01:14:40,733 l mean it! 51 01:14:40,833 --> 01:14:42,267 l brought my A-game today, 52 01:14:42,366 --> 01:14:45,068 l need you people to be Iaser-sharp for this thing. 53 01:14:45,166 --> 01:14:46,300 Now, let's focus! 54 01:14:46,399 --> 01:14:47,234 [ Man yells ] 55 01:14:49,399 --> 01:14:52,402 That's just her pimp. Never mind. 56 01:14:52,500 --> 01:14:55,102 Now, let me look at this thing. 57 01:14:55,199 --> 01:14:56,868 This all looks pretty good, 58 01:14:56,966 --> 01:14:59,802 but l had a brainstorm on the way over here today. 59 01:14:59,899 --> 01:15:03,536 l was thinking, if we could shave 30/o off Bergman Sax 60 01:15:03,633 --> 01:15:05,167 on the franchise rights-- 61 01:15:05,266 --> 01:15:06,667 [ Man yells ] 62 01:15:06,766 --> 01:15:10,169 Yeah, well, l bet she didn't tell you that she took my wallet. 63 01:15:10,266 --> 01:15:11,533 [ Woman yells ] 64 01:15:11,733 --> 01:15:13,568 Now, l think we could probably get 65 01:15:13,666 --> 01:15:16,635 1 OO/o off the back end in the first year. 66 01:15:16,733 --> 01:15:21,104 Now, Williams, what do you think? Think Bergman Sax will bite on this? 67 01:15:21,233 --> 01:15:23,969 Uh, sir? 68 01:15:24,066 --> 01:15:26,201 Can l ask what's going on? 69 01:15:26,333 --> 01:15:29,936 Um, he's angry at her because he doesn't think 70 01:15:30,033 --> 01:15:34,437 that she was going to cut him in on the take, which probably... 71 01:15:34,533 --> 01:15:35,100 Wha--? 72 01:15:35,199 --> 01:15:39,037 Look! Now you've got me doing it! l'm serious, people! 73 01:15:39,133 --> 01:15:40,868 Pay attention! 74 01:15:41,033 --> 01:15:42,868 We need to focus here, all right? 75 01:15:44,199 --> 01:15:50,706 lt's just a pimp stabbing his trick. Happens all the time. 76 01:15:53,066 --> 01:15:54,567 Aaaaaah! 77 01:15:54,666 --> 01:15:58,503 Aaaaaahhhh! Ahhhh! 78 01:15:58,600 --> 01:16:00,668 Ahhh! 79 01:16:00,766 --> 01:16:02,200 Ahhh! 80 01:16:02,300 --> 01:16:04,502 Why did l do that? 81 01:16:04,600 --> 01:16:05,801 Ahhh! 82 01:16:05,899 --> 01:16:07,234 Why? 83 01:16:07,333 --> 01:16:09,702 Ahhh! 84 01:16:11,466 --> 01:16:13,167 lf l did it right, 85 01:16:13,266 --> 01:16:19,105 my legs and my nuts would feel the same as they did before! 86 01:16:19,199 --> 01:16:19,900 Ahhh! 87 01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:25,038 Not better! Not worse! Just the same! 88 01:16:25,166 --> 01:16:27,101 But l didn't do it right, 89 01:16:27,199 --> 01:16:29,835 and now they feel... uh, l don't know... 90 01:16:29,933 --> 01:16:32,235 6,OOO times worse! 91 01:16:32,333 --> 01:16:33,534 Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! 92 01:16:34,533 --> 01:16:37,402 Dude. Come on. 93 01:16:37,500 --> 01:16:39,401 No! No! No! 94 01:16:39,533 --> 01:16:42,335 lt has taken me years to get to this point! 95 01:16:42,433 --> 01:16:46,303 Years of practice! 96 01:16:47,300 --> 01:16:52,304 You guys are jerks for even letting me try to do something like that! 97 01:16:52,399 --> 01:16:59,874 l will never, never, never, ever, never, ever...! 98 01:16:59,966 --> 01:17:02,368 Man, l hate Mr. McGillicutty. 99 01:17:02,466 --> 01:17:03,934 You think he's really quitting this time? 100 01:17:04,033 --> 01:17:04,967 No. 101 01:17:05,066 --> 01:17:06,200 He'll be back. 102 01:17:06,300 --> 01:17:11,571 Never, ever! Never! Never! Ever! 103 01:17:44,666 --> 01:17:49,370 You know, this earthquake's really taking a long time. 104 01:17:49,466 --> 01:17:50,900 lt really is. 105 01:17:51,000 --> 01:17:54,203 We should turn the news on and find out what's going on. 106 01:17:54,300 --> 01:17:56,235 Good idea. 107 01:17:59,833 --> 01:18:05,438 We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this special report. 108 01:18:05,533 --> 01:18:08,002 Well, we're here in day 2 of the earthquake. 109 01:18:08,100 --> 01:18:10,836 46 hours in, and there's still no end in sight. 110 01:18:10,933 --> 01:18:12,434 Seismologists are stamped, 111 01:18:12,533 --> 01:18:15,369 geologists baffled, and astronauts weren't even asked about it. 112 01:18:15,466 --> 01:18:16,233 We go now live-- 113 01:18:16,333 --> 01:18:18,168 Holy Jesus! 114 01:18:18,266 --> 01:18:20,635 We go now to Stacey Ladynews who's out on the street. 115 01:18:20,733 --> 01:18:21,767 Stacey? 116 01:18:21,899 --> 01:18:22,767 Thanks, Jim. 117 01:18:22,866 --> 01:18:24,334 l'm gonna hold you to that. 118 01:18:24,466 --> 01:18:26,301 As you can see, looting has begun 119 01:18:26,399 --> 01:18:28,034 down here at the Fashion Center Mall 120 01:18:28,133 --> 01:18:31,636 and one local dog is none too happy about it. 121 01:18:33,199 --> 01:18:34,200 J That's Wendell 122 01:18:34,300 --> 01:18:36,902 and his owners run the Huggins family appliance store 123 01:18:37,000 --> 01:18:38,735 down here at the shopping center. 124 01:18:38,833 --> 01:18:42,803 They've lost over 900/o of their inventory over the past two days. 125 01:18:42,899 --> 01:18:44,067 One thing's for sure, 126 01:18:44,166 --> 01:18:47,202 many shop owners are asking themselves 127 01:18:47,300 --> 01:18:50,503 where is their Super Dog now? 128 01:18:50,933 --> 01:18:52,801 Where, indeed, Stacey? 129 01:18:52,899 --> 01:18:54,968 ln fact, if Super Dog is out there listening, 130 01:18:55,066 --> 01:18:59,637 l'd like to say on behalf of us all, ''Here, Boy. Here.'' 131 01:18:59,733 --> 01:19:01,201 Turning now to international news. 132 01:19:01,300 --> 01:19:03,101 Ahh! Fucking shit! 133 01:19:04,699 --> 01:19:09,404 Local newsman suspended for cursing on air! 134 01:19:09,500 --> 01:19:13,770 Read all about it! His indecency trial starts today! 135 01:19:13,866 --> 01:19:14,933 Read about it! 136 01:19:15,300 --> 01:19:18,102 , Now, Mr. Jim Laidoff 137 01:19:18,233 --> 01:19:21,803 would you mind telling the fine folks of this jury 138 01:19:21,899 --> 01:19:24,502 what was so important 139 01:19:24,600 --> 01:19:30,072 that you felt you had to say it on the public airwaves? 140 01:19:31,566 --> 01:19:32,700 Go ahead. 141 01:19:33,533 --> 01:19:34,500 Fucking shit. 142 01:19:38,066 --> 01:19:42,437 F'ing S. 143 01:19:42,733 --> 01:19:45,535 , And, Mr. Laidoff 144 01:19:45,633 --> 01:19:53,574 why would you feel it necessary to say F'ing S on television? 145 01:19:53,699 --> 01:19:55,835 Well, a goddamn fucking light hit me in the head. 146 01:19:55,933 --> 01:19:56,667 [ Gasps ] 147 01:19:56,766 --> 01:19:59,168 Oh, fudgie stuff! 148 01:19:59,300 --> 01:20:01,835 Well, this isn't looking good. 149 01:20:06,033 --> 01:20:10,170 MAN: The earthquake stopped! 150 01:20:12,699 --> 01:20:15,069 lt's true! It has stopped! 151 01:20:16,233 --> 01:20:20,070 Hear ye, hear ye! This calls for a celebration! 152 01:20:20,166 --> 01:20:23,435 l declare sodas for everybody! 153 01:20:23,533 --> 01:20:25,601 -Hip hip! -Hooray! 154 01:20:25,699 --> 01:20:27,435 -Hip hip! -Hooray! 155 01:20:27,533 --> 01:20:29,735 Hip hip hooray! 156 01:20:36,966 --> 01:20:38,701 Fucking shit! 157 01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:43,504 Ahhh! Ha ha ha! 158 01:20:54,300 --> 01:20:57,302 # It's hard to go to work with a boner # 159 01:20:57,399 --> 01:21:00,603 # It's hard to drive a car with a boner # 160 01:21:00,733 --> 01:21:03,836 # It's hard to mow the lawn with a boner # 161 01:21:03,933 --> 01:21:07,202 # It's hard to go to sleep with a boner # 162 01:21:07,300 --> 01:21:08,934 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba # 163 01:21:09,033 --> 01:21:10,801 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba # 164 01:21:10,933 --> 01:21:14,102 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-baaa # 165 01:21:14,266 --> 01:21:17,202 # It's weird to pet your cat with a boner # 166 01:21:17,300 --> 01:21:20,436 # It's weird to hug your mom with a boner # 167 01:21:20,566 --> 01:21:23,602 # It's weird to host Thanksgiving with a boner # 168 01:21:23,699 --> 01:21:26,903 # It's weird to feed your kid with a boner # 169 01:21:27,033 --> 01:21:28,968 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba # 170 01:21:29,100 --> 01:21:30,701 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba # 171 01:21:30,833 --> 01:21:33,936 # Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-baaa # 172 01:21:34,100 --> 01:21:36,802 # Never trim your hedges with a boner # 173 01:21:36,933 --> 01:21:40,136 # Never make a promise with a boner # 174 01:21:40,233 --> 01:21:43,769 # Never slam the door with a boner # 175 01:21:43,899 --> 01:21:51,040 # Never write a sketch with a boner # 176 01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:56,934 Come on. 177 01:21:57,033 --> 01:21:58,167 [ Horse neighs ] 178 01:21:59,666 --> 01:22:01,634 Hey, Darryl, what's shakin'? 179 01:22:01,733 --> 01:22:02,834 Well, Chester, 180 01:22:02,933 --> 01:22:06,303 l've been trying to artificially inseminate old Laney Sue down there 181 01:22:06,399 --> 01:22:08,668 with this purebred l got from Scarsborough, 182 01:22:08,766 --> 01:22:11,268 but l just can't seem to get him excited, if you know what l mean. 183 01:22:11,433 --> 01:22:13,802 You mean like a horsey-boner? 184 01:22:13,899 --> 01:22:17,270 Yeah, damn buck just doesn't seem interested. 185 01:22:17,366 --> 01:22:20,168 Well, have you tried showin' him a picture of a stegosaurus yet? 186 01:22:20,333 --> 01:22:21,967 Now why in the hell would l want to do that? 187 01:22:22,133 --> 01:22:24,902 'Cause horses love stegosauruses. 188 01:22:25,500 --> 01:22:26,534 Really? 189 01:22:26,666 --> 01:22:29,368 Yeah, l keep this picture on me at all times. 190 01:22:29,533 --> 01:22:32,469 l used it on all my stallions. 191 01:22:37,233 --> 01:22:37,967 Whoa! Whoa! 192 01:22:38,066 --> 01:22:38,900 [ Horse neighs ] 193 01:22:39,000 --> 01:22:40,000 Okay, that's enough! 194 01:22:40,100 --> 01:22:41,367 Pull the poster down! 195 01:22:41,466 --> 01:22:43,034 Pull the poster down! 196 01:22:43,133 --> 01:22:47,270 Seems to me that horse ain't seen a stegosauruses for quite some time. 197 01:22:47,433 --> 01:22:51,170 Get me another bucket, Chester! Help! 198 01:22:53,199 --> 01:22:55,135 Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! 199 01:22:55,233 --> 01:22:57,268 Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! 200 01:22:57,366 --> 01:22:59,367 Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! 201 01:22:59,466 --> 01:23:01,467 Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! 202 01:23:01,566 --> 01:23:03,901 Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! 203 01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:06,802 Candice, please. l'm trying to drive the car. 204 01:23:06,966 --> 01:23:09,702 l'm just so excited we're finally seeing this movie! 205 01:23:09,833 --> 01:23:11,634 l've been waiting so long! 206 01:23:11,733 --> 01:23:14,035 What? To see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''? 207 01:23:14,133 --> 01:23:16,935 Yes, ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! What's wrong with that? 208 01:23:17,033 --> 01:23:19,769 Well, Candice, you didn't even know about ''The Most Loveliest Bride'' 209 01:23:19,866 --> 01:23:20,766 until last week. 210 01:23:20,866 --> 01:23:21,666 l don't care! 211 01:23:21,766 --> 01:23:23,734 And you need to hurry 'cause we're gonna be late 212 01:23:23,933 --> 01:23:25,668 for ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 213 01:23:25,766 --> 01:23:29,035 l'm going as fast as l can. The roads are really bad tonight. 214 01:23:29,133 --> 01:23:32,002 You need to hurry up, 'cause we got to see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 215 01:23:32,100 --> 01:23:33,501 l'm going as fast as l can, Candice! 216 01:23:33,600 --> 01:23:35,368 We need to see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 217 01:23:35,466 --> 01:23:38,335 -Candice, l'm going as fast as l can! -We're gonna be late! 218 01:23:38,433 --> 01:23:40,468 -Candice, stop it! -We're gonna be late! 219 01:23:40,566 --> 01:23:42,534 Candice, l'm trying to drive the car! 220 01:23:42,633 --> 01:23:44,534 [ Screams ] 221 01:23:44,699 --> 01:23:46,601 [ Crash ] 222 01:23:49,800 --> 01:23:51,701 ''The Most Loveliest Bride.'' 223 01:23:51,800 --> 01:23:53,801 ''The Most Loveliest Bride.'' 224 01:23:53,899 --> 01:23:55,668 ''The Most Loveliest Bride.'' 225 01:23:55,766 --> 01:23:57,067 ''The Most Loveliest Bride.'' 226 01:23:57,166 --> 01:23:58,367 [ Gasps ] 227 01:23:58,466 --> 01:24:01,936 We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 228 01:24:02,033 --> 01:24:05,536 Tom! We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 229 01:24:05,633 --> 01:24:08,569 Tom! We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 230 01:24:08,666 --> 01:24:10,300 ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 231 01:24:10,399 --> 01:24:12,368 We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 232 01:24:12,466 --> 01:24:14,434 Wake up, Tom! Wake up! 233 01:24:14,600 --> 01:24:16,702 We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest''-- 234 01:24:16,800 --> 01:24:19,202 No! No! No! 235 01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:20,334 Noooo! 236 01:24:20,433 --> 01:24:21,700 -Calm down! -No! 237 01:24:21,800 --> 01:24:22,967 Calm down! 238 01:24:23,066 --> 01:24:26,502 You don't understand! l'm late for ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 239 01:24:26,600 --> 01:24:28,268 Calm down! Somebody cover that up! 240 01:24:28,366 --> 01:24:30,801 We have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 241 01:24:30,899 --> 01:24:33,402 Calm down! Frankie, give me a hand over here! 242 01:24:33,500 --> 01:24:35,268 ''The Loveliest Bride''! 243 01:24:35,366 --> 01:24:36,967 Settle down, Ma'am. You've been in an accident. 244 01:24:37,066 --> 01:24:39,101 l have to go see ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 245 01:24:39,266 --> 01:24:40,900 Frankie, hold her down while l get this shot into her. 246 01:24:41,066 --> 01:24:42,267 ''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 247 01:24:42,399 --> 01:24:44,368 -Hold her, Frankie! -''The Most Loveliest Bride''! 248 01:24:44,533 --> 01:24:45,233 Ahhhh! 249 01:24:45,333 --> 01:24:47,501 ''The Loveliest Bride.'' 250 01:24:47,666 --> 01:24:49,601 ''The Loveliest--'' 251 01:24:49,699 --> 01:24:52,169 -Jesus Christ. -That was crazy. 252 01:24:52,266 --> 01:24:54,167 [ Screams ] 253 01:24:56,666 --> 01:24:59,101 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 254 01:24:59,199 --> 01:25:01,135 Nobody move! 255 01:25:01,233 --> 01:25:04,536 l'm gonna go see ''The Loveliest Bride''! 256 01:25:04,633 --> 01:25:07,602 [ Screams ] 257 01:25:11,899 --> 01:25:14,402 [ Laughing ] 258 01:25:15,366 --> 01:25:18,335 She's so lovely! 259 01:25:18,433 --> 01:25:24,105 MOVIE: You truly are the most loveliest bride. 260 01:25:24,199 --> 01:25:27,903 She's so lovely! Oh! 261 01:25:31,066 --> 01:25:35,103 [ Laughs ] 262 01:25:35,199 --> 01:25:38,269 She's so lovely! 263 01:25:42,166 --> 01:25:43,934 Sir, you wanted to see me? 264 01:25:44,100 --> 01:25:46,535 Yes, Trumeter, come on in. 265 01:25:49,166 --> 01:25:50,901 So, what's up? 266 01:25:51,066 --> 01:25:52,267 Nothing. 267 01:25:52,366 --> 01:25:55,368 Just noticed that you've got quite a black eye there. 268 01:25:55,533 --> 01:25:58,936 Yeah, l missed a pop-fly at softball this weekend. 269 01:25:59,033 --> 01:26:00,901 lt was pretty dumb. 270 01:26:01,066 --> 01:26:02,567 Playing softball, huh? 271 01:26:02,733 --> 01:26:05,235 Yeah. 272 01:26:06,933 --> 01:26:10,002 Okay, what's the real scoop? 273 01:26:10,166 --> 01:26:11,567 Sir? 274 01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,568 Where'd you get the shiner? 275 01:26:13,733 --> 01:26:15,901 l really got it from softball. 276 01:26:16,066 --> 01:26:19,302 Are you sure you didn't get it at a... fight club? 277 01:26:19,466 --> 01:26:20,466 Sir? 278 01:26:20,633 --> 01:26:23,068 Just so you know... 279 01:26:24,766 --> 01:26:26,000 ...l'm cool. 280 01:26:26,166 --> 01:26:28,234 Okay. 281 01:26:30,000 --> 01:26:30,900 What? 282 01:26:31,066 --> 01:26:32,534 Where'd you get the black eye? 283 01:26:32,699 --> 01:26:35,736 l got it from softball. 284 01:26:36,000 --> 01:26:38,402 [ Chuckles ] 285 01:26:39,866 --> 01:26:46,038 Me thinks, l am Jack's Iying to his boss. 286 01:26:46,133 --> 01:26:46,867 What? 287 01:26:47,033 --> 01:26:50,403 Trumeter, l know what's going on here, okay? 288 01:26:50,566 --> 01:26:54,069 l was a young, fresh-faced intern just like yourself 289 01:26:54,166 --> 01:26:55,300 when that movie came out. 290 01:26:55,766 --> 01:26:56,666 ''Fight Club''? 291 01:26:56,833 --> 01:26:58,201 l wanted to join one so bad, 292 01:26:58,300 --> 01:27:01,436 but l could never figure out where they took place. 293 01:27:01,533 --> 01:27:03,902 So l just want you to know... 294 01:27:05,800 --> 01:27:06,734 ...l'm cool. 295 01:27:06,899 --> 01:27:09,936 Mr. Timmy, l do not belong to a fight club. 296 01:27:10,100 --> 01:27:12,435 Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. 297 01:27:12,533 --> 01:27:13,834 l know. 298 01:27:13,933 --> 01:27:15,634 The first rule about fight club is: 299 01:27:15,733 --> 01:27:18,702 [ Mouths silently ]: You don't talk about fight club. 300 01:27:18,866 --> 01:27:19,199 Sir. 301 01:27:19,300 --> 01:27:21,435 Trumeter, l know you've started a fight club, 302 01:27:21,533 --> 01:27:22,367 and l want in. 303 01:27:22,533 --> 01:27:25,435 l really don't know how else to tell you this, but -- 304 01:27:25,533 --> 01:27:27,334 l want in or you're fired. 305 01:27:28,566 --> 01:27:30,367 Okay. 306 01:27:34,033 --> 01:27:37,669 Okay, first of all, can l thank all you guys for doing this for me. 307 01:27:37,766 --> 01:27:40,101 lt's a real big favor. 308 01:27:40,199 --> 01:27:41,601 l also want to thank Bill 309 01:27:41,699 --> 01:27:43,935 for letting us use the basement of his subshop. 310 01:27:44,033 --> 01:27:45,200 lt's really cool of you, man. 311 01:27:45,366 --> 01:27:46,934 Not a problem, dude. 312 01:27:47,100 --> 01:27:48,868 All right, well, let's go over some of the rules. 313 01:27:49,033 --> 01:27:52,002 The first rule of fight club is when my boss shows up 314 01:27:52,100 --> 01:27:54,602 try and act like we've been doing this for a while, okay? 315 01:27:54,766 --> 01:27:56,667 Second rule of fight club is 316 01:27:56,766 --> 01:28:00,636 do not fuck with any of the cups or the condiments down here, okay? 317 01:28:00,800 --> 01:28:01,534 Thanks, man. 318 01:28:02,500 --> 01:28:04,501 The third rule is that-- 319 01:28:04,600 --> 01:28:05,467 [ Door opens ] 320 01:28:07,199 --> 01:28:10,436 Bo-waow-waow-waow. 321 01:28:11,066 --> 01:28:13,201 Hey, everyone, this is my boss. 322 01:28:13,366 --> 01:28:15,267 What's up, guys? Huh? 323 01:28:15,366 --> 01:28:17,167 How's it going? 324 01:28:17,266 --> 01:28:18,533 What's up, Trumeter? 325 01:28:18,633 --> 01:28:21,102 Even the Mona Lisa's falling apart. 326 01:28:21,199 --> 01:28:22,935 Okay. 327 01:28:23,033 --> 01:28:25,435 So, who wants to fight my boss? 328 01:28:27,866 --> 01:28:28,733 Dude. 329 01:28:28,933 --> 01:28:32,002 Ha, ha! All right! 330 01:28:32,100 --> 01:28:35,470 l want to destroy something beautiful, you know? 331 01:28:37,533 --> 01:28:39,902 [ Timmy screams ] 332 01:28:43,399 --> 01:28:44,634 TIMMY: l can't breathe! 333 01:28:44,733 --> 01:28:46,067 l can't breathe! 334 01:28:46,166 --> 01:28:48,067 [ Screams ] 335 01:28:48,166 --> 01:28:49,600 l can't breathe! 336 01:28:49,699 --> 01:28:53,103 [ Groans and screams ] 337 01:28:54,833 --> 01:28:56,568 Trumeter, thank you so much 338 01:28:56,666 --> 01:28:58,501 for inviting me to the ''you know what''! 339 01:28:58,600 --> 01:29:00,468 l've had the best night of my life. 340 01:29:00,566 --> 01:29:02,200 Yeah, didn't you park back there? 341 01:29:02,300 --> 01:29:04,602 Hey, can l ask you something crazy? 342 01:29:04,699 --> 01:29:05,801 [ Sighs ] 343 01:29:05,899 --> 01:29:07,301 Yeah. 344 01:29:08,199 --> 01:29:12,571 Do you think we're the same person? 345 01:29:13,833 --> 01:29:16,502 God, l hope not. 346 01:29:25,399 --> 01:29:27,235 How is that gay? 347 01:29:27,333 --> 01:29:28,367 lt's just gay. 348 01:29:28,466 --> 01:29:30,034 lt is so not gay. 349 01:29:30,133 --> 01:29:31,534 lt is so gay. 350 01:29:31,633 --> 01:29:32,800 Look, it's not gay. 351 01:29:32,899 --> 01:29:37,271 l just said that it would be cool if l had a girlfriend who had balls. 352 01:29:37,366 --> 01:29:38,633 And that's why it's gay. 353 01:29:38,733 --> 01:29:41,035 No, no, no! She's a chick! 354 01:29:41,133 --> 01:29:42,701 lt's not like she has a dick or anything. 355 01:29:42,800 --> 01:29:44,134 She just has balls. 356 01:29:44,233 --> 01:29:45,233 That's gay. 357 01:29:45,333 --> 01:29:46,701 l mean, like testicles. 358 01:29:46,800 --> 01:29:47,400 l know. 359 01:29:47,500 --> 01:29:50,536 How can you not think that's, like, the hottest thing ever? 360 01:29:50,633 --> 01:29:51,900 Because l'm straight. 361 01:29:52,000 --> 01:29:54,569 Me too! l'm talking about a chick! 362 01:29:54,666 --> 01:29:55,867 With dude genitalia. 363 01:29:55,966 --> 01:29:57,500 With dude genitalia! 364 01:29:57,600 --> 01:29:58,367 That's gay! 365 01:29:58,466 --> 01:29:59,867 You are crazy! 366 01:29:59,966 --> 01:30:02,168 Guys, Brian said that you have to keep it down in here. 367 01:30:02,266 --> 01:30:03,700 Oh, good, Zach's here. 368 01:30:03,800 --> 01:30:07,503 Okay, Zach. You tell me when this gets gay. 369 01:30:07,600 --> 01:30:08,233 Okay. 370 01:30:08,333 --> 01:30:11,602 So, l'm hooking up with this smoking hot chick. 371 01:30:11,699 --> 01:30:12,133 Sure. 372 01:30:12,233 --> 01:30:14,868 She looks like a female version of George Clooney. 373 01:30:14,966 --> 01:30:16,000 That's a little gay. 374 01:30:16,100 --> 01:30:17,201 Hold on. 375 01:30:17,300 --> 01:30:18,834 So, we're making out on the mouth. 376 01:30:18,933 --> 01:30:20,367 [ Smooches ] 377 01:30:21,333 --> 01:30:23,334 Then l'm touching her boobs. 378 01:30:23,433 --> 01:30:24,901 Right. 379 01:30:25,000 --> 01:30:27,702 Then l'm grabbing her butt cheeks. 380 01:30:27,800 --> 01:30:28,934 Fine. 381 01:30:29,033 --> 01:30:32,603 Then l'm playing around with her sweet vagina! 382 01:30:32,699 --> 01:30:33,200 Sure. 383 01:30:33,300 --> 01:30:36,269 Then l'm wiping my wiener on her balls. 384 01:30:36,366 --> 01:30:37,633 -Gay. -What? 385 01:30:37,733 --> 01:30:40,469 Are you listening to one word that l'm saying? 386 01:30:40,566 --> 01:30:42,567 What about that is remotely gay? 387 01:30:42,666 --> 01:30:43,233 The balls. 388 01:30:43,333 --> 01:30:45,201 They're stuck to a chick! 389 01:30:45,366 --> 01:30:47,234 You know, maybe what's confusing you guys 390 01:30:47,333 --> 01:30:49,334 is that you think l'm talking about a dick. 391 01:30:49,433 --> 01:30:49,766 Nope. 392 01:30:49,866 --> 01:30:51,701 'Cause l could see where that would be gay. 393 01:30:51,800 --> 01:30:52,300 Right. 394 01:30:52,399 --> 01:30:54,201 But l'm not talking about a dick. 395 01:30:54,300 --> 01:31:00,272 l'm talking about good old-fashioned perfectly round, lightly misted, 396 01:31:00,366 --> 01:31:03,936 wood-chip-fragranced, awesome balls. 397 01:31:04,033 --> 01:31:05,334 Could we get the check, please? 398 01:31:05,500 --> 01:31:07,435 l'm gonna go slow, all right? 399 01:31:07,533 --> 01:31:11,270 And you both just be completely honest with me. 400 01:31:11,366 --> 01:31:17,438 Haven't you both always wanted for girls to have balls? 401 01:31:17,533 --> 01:31:18,166 No. 402 01:31:18,266 --> 01:31:19,700 Uh, okay. All right. 403 01:31:19,800 --> 01:31:20,834 lt's just me. 404 01:31:20,933 --> 01:31:22,234 lt's just me! 405 01:31:22,333 --> 01:31:24,068 Yeah, dude, it's totally just you. 406 01:31:24,166 --> 01:31:25,634 l'm the crazy one here. 407 01:31:25,733 --> 01:31:27,067 l'm just crazy. 408 01:31:27,166 --> 01:31:28,534 You know what? Stop the car. 409 01:31:28,633 --> 01:31:29,834 -Stop the car. -No. 410 01:31:30,000 --> 01:31:32,335 Okay, peep this. 411 01:31:32,433 --> 01:31:34,268 l drew a little diagram last night 412 01:31:34,366 --> 01:31:38,036 that should help you guys out with your little misunderstanding. 413 01:31:38,133 --> 01:31:39,534 So try, 414 01:31:39,633 --> 01:31:46,239 just try and tell me that this... is gay. 415 01:31:47,466 --> 01:31:49,367 Unbelievably. 416 01:31:49,466 --> 01:31:51,034 That's it, you're both fired. 417 01:31:51,133 --> 01:31:52,934 l don't even care. 418 01:31:54,199 --> 01:31:55,100 lt's not gay. 419 01:31:55,199 --> 01:31:57,535 Too little to late. Get out! 420 01:32:04,399 --> 01:32:06,201 All right, everybody, back to work! 421 01:32:06,300 --> 01:32:10,837 We have till next Friday to think up four new popcorn flavors! 422 01:32:13,666 --> 01:32:14,933 ANNOUNCER: That's right, 423 01:32:15,033 --> 01:32:17,902 you've been watching the ''Popcorn factory Sketch.'' 424 01:32:18,000 --> 01:32:23,472 Look for it online by name as ''The Popcorn factory Sketch.''