1
00:24:39,766 --> 00:24:41,300
You sell horse parts?

2
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:42,768
No, sir, l do not.

3
00:24:42,900 --> 00:24:43,500
[ Horse snorts ]

4
00:24:43,599 --> 00:24:46,636
-Then what do you sell?
-Well, l'm glad you asked.

5
00:24:46,733 --> 00:24:50,136
l'm here straight from Carson City,
been traveling two straight days

6
00:24:50,233 --> 00:24:52,501
to spread the word
about the amazing new invention

7
00:24:52,599 --> 00:24:57,037
that sure as hell-fire is going
to revolutionize the Old West.

8
00:24:57,700 --> 00:24:59,835
Well, spit it out, little feller.
l ain't got time to gab.

9
00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:01,634
l got a broken horse over there.

10
00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:05,035
A man of few words, l like that.
Let's get to the point.

11
00:25:05,133 --> 00:25:06,501
Take a look around this town.

12
00:25:06,599 --> 00:25:08,902
What do you see that's missing?

13
00:25:14,266 --> 00:25:17,802
Well, ol' Jim got his chin blowed off
by that drunk Chinese last week.

14
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:18,734
Ha ha ha!

15
00:25:18,833 --> 00:25:21,435
No. l don't think l sell chins.

16
00:25:21,533 --> 00:25:25,737
l mean, look around you.
What do you think is missing?

17
00:25:28,833 --> 00:25:31,769
Well, l guess
a stable form of government.

18
00:25:31,866 --> 00:25:33,767
We ain't had a lawman
round these parts

19
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:36,935
since Sheriff Jenkins got his guts
blown out by that drunken Chinese.

20
00:25:37,066 --> 00:25:38,066
Ha ha ha ha ha!

21
00:25:38,166 --> 00:25:38,833
No!

22
00:25:38,933 --> 00:25:41,468
What's missing from this town
is merriment!

23
00:25:42,866 --> 00:25:44,901
Merry mints?

24
00:25:45,033 --> 00:25:47,468
Joyousness! Childlike wonder!

25
00:25:49,066 --> 00:25:50,100
Go on.

26
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,069
l have come here with a contraption
that brings a lighthearted sense

27
00:25:53,166 --> 00:25:55,101
of carefree fun to this town.

28
00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:57,368
l present to you...

29
00:25:57,466 --> 00:25:58,834
...the water balloon.

30
00:25:59,799 --> 00:26:01,334
Water.. .

31
00:26:01,433 --> 00:26:02,834
...balloon?

32
00:26:02,933 --> 00:26:04,000
Tell me, sir.

33
00:26:04,099 --> 00:26:07,736
When was the last time
you guffawed out loud?

34
00:26:08,266 --> 00:26:08,933
Well, God.

35
00:26:09,033 --> 00:26:13,504
l guess it would have been
before the fever took my little...

36
00:26:13,599 --> 00:26:20,173
[ Laughing ]

37
00:26:20,266 --> 00:26:21,734
l'll take five of 'em.

38
00:26:21,866 --> 00:26:24,335
Five water balloons coming right up!

39
00:26:34,500 --> 00:26:35,334
[ Balloon explodes ]

40
00:26:35,433 --> 00:26:38,302
MAN:
What the hell?

41
00:26:39,633 --> 00:26:41,201
[ Footsteps ]

42
00:26:42,799 --> 00:26:44,334
You sell water boobs?

43
00:26:44,533 --> 00:26:47,202
Oh! Water balloons! Yes!

44
00:26:47,333 --> 00:26:49,601
l got a score to settle.
Give me ten.

45
00:26:52,299 --> 00:26:55,369
All right, you snake in the grass!

46
00:26:55,466 --> 00:26:59,002
Son of a bitch!

47
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:01,901
Take this!

48
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,634
[ Balloon explodes ]

49
00:27:03,733 --> 00:27:06,435
What did l do?

50
00:27:08,599 --> 00:27:10,802
[ Footsteps ]

51
00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:15,369
l need your biggest water baboon.

52
00:27:15,733 --> 00:27:18,035
l'm afraid they only come in one size.

53
00:27:18,133 --> 00:27:20,802
Then l got to go pay
that drunken Chinese a visit.

54
00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:22,534
l got a score to settle.

55
00:27:22,633 --> 00:27:23,600
Well, wait a minute.

56
00:27:23,700 --> 00:27:28,004
l might have something to help you
settle this score of yours.

57
00:27:28,099 --> 00:27:29,000
Ta-da!

58
00:27:29,099 --> 00:27:30,701
The Water Noodle.

59
00:27:31,433 --> 00:27:34,202
And that's like a water balloon?

60
00:27:34,299 --> 00:27:35,734
What in the hell?

61
00:27:35,833 --> 00:27:37,734
lt's a little different
than a water balloon.

62
00:27:37,833 --> 00:27:41,169
You get it wet
and you smack people with it.

63
00:27:42,166 --> 00:27:44,701
We have to be even!

64
00:27:44,799 --> 00:27:47,035
l'll take two.

65
00:27:52,933 --> 00:27:55,001
Well, howdy, Bill!

66
00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:02,468
l need some more water balloons.

67
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:04,168
Did you enjoy your first set?

68
00:28:04,299 --> 00:28:06,969
Very much so.

69
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:09,435
Do these work with pee?

70
00:28:09,766 --> 00:28:13,069
Oh, well. l suppose so.
A liquid is a liquid.

71
00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,267
Back again! So soon?

72
00:28:35,566 --> 00:28:37,000
That was my pee!

73
00:28:37,099 --> 00:28:38,601
You sell bullets?

74
00:28:38,733 --> 00:28:39,800
Sure do!

75
00:28:49,099 --> 00:28:50,468
And blacks?

76
00:28:50,599 --> 00:28:53,002
Just got a new shipment in today!

77
00:28:56,599 --> 00:28:57,734
Uh...

78
00:28:57,866 --> 00:29:03,204
So, Timmy, l got your bloodwork in.

79
00:29:03,299 --> 00:29:06,436
And l have a couple of questions.

80
00:29:06,900 --> 00:29:08,067
Okay.

81
00:29:08,266 --> 00:29:15,272
Just about how many hot dogs
do you eat a day?

82
00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:17,168
How many hot dogs?

83
00:29:17,500 --> 00:29:18,300
Yeah.

84
00:29:21,099 --> 00:29:22,568
Geez.

85
00:29:22,666 --> 00:29:23,199
l don't know.

86
00:29:23,299 --> 00:29:25,902
l mean, you know,
some days l could eat a couple

87
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,035
and some days l don't eat any.

88
00:29:28,733 --> 00:29:32,036
Okay. Let's just say for an average.

89
00:29:32,133 --> 00:29:33,334
Take your whole week

90
00:29:33,433 --> 00:29:38,337
and try to figure out
what your daily amount would be.

91
00:29:38,433 --> 00:29:41,536
-l have no idea.
-Just try.

92
00:29:41,633 --> 00:29:43,568
Okay.

93
00:29:45,099 --> 00:29:47,235
A whole week...

94
00:29:47,333 --> 00:29:52,671
Average per day would be
something like, l don't know, seven.

95
00:29:54,266 --> 00:29:55,867
Seven hot dogs?

96
00:29:56,166 --> 00:29:57,534
Seven, yeah.

97
00:29:57,633 --> 00:29:58,900
A day?

98
00:29:59,133 --> 00:30:00,234
ls that high?

99
00:30:00,366 --> 00:30:01,900
lt's a little high.

100
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:02,700
ls that bad?

101
00:30:02,799 --> 00:30:05,002
Well... It's not good.

102
00:30:05,099 --> 00:30:07,702
l mean,
l'm just ball-parking here, you know?

103
00:30:07,833 --> 00:30:08,800
Sure, sure.

104
00:30:08,900 --> 00:30:12,570
Timmy, l wanna try something
if you don't mind.

105
00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:15,369
Walk me through
one of your days.

106
00:30:15,599 --> 00:30:16,934
Walk you through my day?

107
00:30:17,066 --> 00:30:23,038
Yeah, just take me
through a day in a life of Timmy.

108
00:30:23,633 --> 00:30:24,533
Okay.

109
00:30:24,633 --> 00:30:28,303
Well...
l wake up, and l take a shower.

110
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:31,336
And, you know, get ready for work.

111
00:30:31,433 --> 00:30:35,236
l go downstairs and l have a bagel
and something for breakfast.

112
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:36,734
And something?

113
00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:38,334
A hot dog.

114
00:30:38,433 --> 00:30:39,734
Hot dog. Okay.

115
00:30:39,866 --> 00:30:43,035
l mean, l do usually eat
a hot dog there.

116
00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:44,467
Okay.

117
00:30:44,599 --> 00:30:45,968
Then l take the train to work.

118
00:30:46,066 --> 00:30:47,967
Slow down. Slow down.

119
00:30:48,066 --> 00:30:51,202
Does anything happen
on the way to work?

120
00:30:51,299 --> 00:30:54,369
Oh. Ha ha. l almost forgot.

121
00:30:54,466 --> 00:30:56,668
On the way to the subway
there is a hotdog stand,

122
00:30:56,766 --> 00:30:59,301
so l usually have one or two, yeah.

123
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,001
Two hot dogs.

124
00:31:01,099 --> 00:31:02,835
Yeah.

125
00:31:02,933 --> 00:31:05,368
l usually have two hotdogs
before work.

126
00:31:05,500 --> 00:31:07,835
So that's three hot dogs before work.

127
00:31:08,599 --> 00:31:11,803
Right, yeah.
If you gonna count the one at home.

128
00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:13,568
l mean, this is all
just breakfast, you know?

129
00:31:13,666 --> 00:31:16,168
No, l understand. l get it.

130
00:31:16,266 --> 00:31:17,967
Then l just go through
my whole day at work.

131
00:31:18,066 --> 00:31:19,467
Okay. Hold up.

132
00:31:19,566 --> 00:31:24,737
Walk me through your workday.
What happens at lunch?

133
00:31:24,833 --> 00:31:26,367
Oh, lunch, well...

134
00:31:26,466 --> 00:31:29,569
l mean, some days
l'll just blow through lunch

135
00:31:29,666 --> 00:31:31,501
because of how busy l am and all.

136
00:31:31,633 --> 00:31:32,500
Really?

137
00:31:33,066 --> 00:31:34,801
Well...

138
00:31:34,900 --> 00:31:36,835
l'm pretty sure l did that once.

139
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:37,967
Okay.

140
00:31:38,066 --> 00:31:42,470
Well, on the days that you're not
''blowing through lunch''

141
00:31:42,566 --> 00:31:44,000
what do you have?

142
00:31:44,099 --> 00:31:46,735
Well, on those days sometimes
it could just be a salad...

143
00:31:46,866 --> 00:31:47,499
Could it?

144
00:31:47,633 --> 00:31:51,203
Yeah. But it's usually...

145
00:31:51,333 --> 00:31:53,068
lt's usually hot dogs?

146
00:31:53,933 --> 00:31:57,202
Yeah, it's usually hot dogs.

147
00:31:57,299 --> 00:31:58,634
How many hot dogs?

148
00:31:58,733 --> 00:32:00,835
l don't know.

149
00:32:00,933 --> 00:32:04,436
Anywhere between one and...

150
00:32:04,533 --> 00:32:05,467
.. .four.

151
00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:07,367
Four hot dogs.

152
00:32:07,466 --> 00:32:09,467
Yeah, that's probably safe.

153
00:32:09,599 --> 00:32:13,403
Well, l hope there's
no more hot dogs in the day

154
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:16,502
'cause we're up to seven now.

155
00:32:16,799 --> 00:32:20,436
Yeah, on second thought,
that number might be a little low.

156
00:32:24,833 --> 00:32:28,970
[ Heavy metal music plays ]

157
00:32:29,366 --> 00:32:31,534
Did you hear about the Nazi
Pig Fuckers show last night?

158
00:32:31,633 --> 00:32:32,533
No. What happened?

159
00:32:32,633 --> 00:32:34,901
The cops came in and broke up
the show while they were tuning.

160
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,468
They didn't even play one song.

161
00:32:36,566 --> 00:32:38,301
Whoa!
That's so fucking punk, man!

162
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:39,367
lt was awesome.

163
00:32:39,466 --> 00:32:41,267
Did you hear about the Rapeface
show on Thursday?

164
00:32:41,366 --> 00:32:42,300
No. What happened?

165
00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:43,067
Dude!

166
00:32:43,166 --> 00:32:45,101
They played one song
and the singer OD'ed,

167
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,134
and they had to stop.

168
00:32:46,233 --> 00:32:47,100
Awesome, man!

169
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:48,267
Punk fucking rock, dude!

170
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,834
Yeah.

171
00:32:49,933 --> 00:32:50,700
Hey, Sheila.

172
00:32:50,799 --> 00:32:52,101
Hey, guys. Five bucks.

173
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,569
Stamp your own hands,
no ins, no outs.

174
00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:56,134
What happened to your face?

175
00:32:56,233 --> 00:32:57,500
l got into a fight with my mom,

176
00:32:57,599 --> 00:33:00,102
so l went to the mall
and l pierced my eyelids 'shut.

177
00:33:00,766 --> 00:33:02,267
ls that cool?

178
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,001
Does it make me look uglier?

179
00:33:04,133 --> 00:33:05,667
Well, yeah.

180
00:33:05,799 --> 00:33:06,700
Then it's cool.

181
00:33:07,166 --> 00:33:08,267
Who's playing tonight?

182
00:33:08,733 --> 00:33:09,867
J.J. Marvin.

183
00:33:09,966 --> 00:33:11,033
Who is that?

184
00:33:11,166 --> 00:33:13,568
Some guy from New York.
He's, like, crazy or something.

185
00:33:13,666 --> 00:33:16,835
Every show he does he gets, like,
all bloody and craps on himself.

186
00:33:16,933 --> 00:33:18,534
-Whoa!
-That sounds fucking awesome!

187
00:33:18,633 --> 00:33:20,468
-Yeah.
-lt's pretty punk.

188
00:33:21,433 --> 00:33:23,001
Did you guys put the money
in the bucket?

189
00:33:23,099 --> 00:33:24,501
Yeah!

190
00:33:24,599 --> 00:33:26,735
These better not be ones!

191
00:33:26,833 --> 00:33:30,369
Hey! If you see my mom,
tell her what l did!

192
00:33:30,466 --> 00:33:32,634
Five bucks, no ins, no outs.

193
00:33:33,166 --> 00:33:34,867
[ Crowd cheers ]

194
00:33:35,333 --> 00:33:41,172
Are you fuckers ready to see the
fucking punkest man on the planet?

195
00:33:41,366 --> 00:33:43,835
[ Crowd cheers ]

196
00:33:44,633 --> 00:33:49,604
Well, then, buckle the fuck up
for J.J. Marvin!

197
00:33:49,700 --> 00:33:52,602
-Yeah! Fuck, yeah!
-Yeah!

198
00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:58,002
Hello, everybody. Hi.

199
00:33:58,233 --> 00:34:01,402
lt is great to see so many fresh young
faces out supporting live music.

200
00:34:01,500 --> 00:34:03,168
Thank you all for coming.

201
00:34:03,266 --> 00:34:04,934
l'm J.J. Marvin.

202
00:34:05,033 --> 00:34:08,035
And let's just jump into it
with a song, shall we?

203
00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:09,634
Here we go.

204
00:34:13,933 --> 00:34:16,568
# In the summertime
when the world feels new #

205
00:34:16,699 --> 00:34:19,536
# l'd love to come along
and spend the day with you #

206
00:34:19,633 --> 00:34:21,468
# We could hang out at the lake
or ride a bike for two #

207
00:34:21,566 --> 00:34:24,769
And say, ''Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!''

208
00:34:25,466 --> 00:34:26,800
What the fuck is this shit?

209
00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:29,402
# In springtime
when the leaves are green #

210
00:34:29,500 --> 00:34:32,269
# You see the biggest blue skies
that you have ever seen #

211
00:34:32,366 --> 00:34:35,836
# And bees will come out and say
''Bzzz! Bz! Bz! Bzzz! Bz! Bz!'' #

212
00:34:35,966 --> 00:34:37,667
This is...

213
00:34:37,766 --> 00:34:39,501
lt's gay.

214
00:34:40,000 --> 00:34:43,870
[ Buzzing bee sounds ]

215
00:34:51,633 --> 00:34:53,201
Whoa, dude.

216
00:34:53,300 --> 00:34:55,602
# Bzz, bzz, bzz! Bzz, bzz, bzz! #

217
00:34:55,699 --> 00:34:58,202
# And in the autumn months
when the world is gold #

218
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:00,735
# You hear the greatest camp stories
that have ever been told #

219
00:35:00,833 --> 00:35:03,535
# And the birds will come out
and say, ''Kaw! Kaw! Kaaaw!'' #

220
00:35:03,633 --> 00:35:04,667
# Kaw! Kaw! Kaaaw! #

221
00:35:04,766 --> 00:35:07,168
# Kaw! Kaw! Kaaw!
Kaw! Kaw! Kaaaw! #

222
00:35:07,266 --> 00:35:10,202
# Ku-Ku! Kaw!
Kaw! Kaw! Kaaaw! #

223
00:35:10,300 --> 00:35:12,969
Dude, is this cool?

224
00:35:13,066 --> 00:35:14,300
Would your mom like it?

225
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:15,100
No.

226
00:35:15,199 --> 00:35:17,302
Then it's cool.

227
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,235
# Kaw! Kaw! Kaaaw! #

228
00:35:19,333 --> 00:35:21,868
# In the wintertime
when the winds blow strong #

229
00:35:21,966 --> 00:35:24,234
# And the days are short
and the nights are long #

230
00:35:24,333 --> 00:35:26,668
# You can rest assured that friends
will come along #

231
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:32,605
# And say, ''Brrrr! Br! Br! Brrr!
Br! Br! Brrrr! Br! Br!'' #

232
00:35:32,699 --> 00:35:34,968
Whoa, dude,
you're totally getting peed on!

233
00:35:35,066 --> 00:35:37,368
This show is punk fucking rock!

234
00:35:37,466 --> 00:35:38,366
ls it?

235
00:35:38,466 --> 00:35:42,436
Yeah, dude! You're, like,
totally covered in pee right now!

236
00:35:42,533 --> 00:35:47,271
Oh, yeah! l guess l am!
Punk fucking rock!

237
00:35:47,366 --> 00:35:48,633
Brrrr! Brrr! Br! Br!

238
00:35:48,733 --> 00:35:49,900
Punk fucking rock!

239
00:35:53,033 --> 00:35:55,235
lt's absolutely crazy
the way things work.

240
00:35:55,033 --> 00:35:56,634
Okay, so,
l have this friend Karen, right?

241
00:35:56,766 --> 00:35:57,766
She works here in the city,

242
00:35:57,866 --> 00:36:01,035
but the company that she works for
is based out of Madrid.

243
00:36:01,133 --> 00:36:02,901
And so when she has her baby
in August

244
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:06,536
she's gonna get four months paid
maternity leave.

245
00:36:06,633 --> 00:36:08,067
What company
did you say this was?

246
00:36:08,166 --> 00:36:08,833
l don't know,

247
00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:11,302
they make sombreros
and bull capes and something.

248
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:12,000
The point--

249
00:36:12,099 --> 00:36:14,869
-Oh, fucking gross!
-Oh, gross!

250
00:36:14,966 --> 00:36:15,933
Our feets touched!

251
00:36:16,033 --> 00:36:18,668
-He touched my foot!
-You touched my foot!

252
00:36:18,766 --> 00:36:20,300
Oh, yeah? You wish l would!

253
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:21,768
Oh, that's disgusting!

254
00:36:21,866 --> 00:36:22,633
Ugh!

255
00:36:22,733 --> 00:36:24,067
Great! Great!

256
00:36:24,166 --> 00:36:26,768
l probably have to go
burn my foot off now!

257
00:36:26,866 --> 00:36:29,201
Yeah, l'm probably gonna
have to go cut my foot off!

258
00:36:29,300 --> 00:36:30,501
Oh, yeah, probably!

259
00:36:30,599 --> 00:36:33,102
l'm probably gonna have to go
and cut both my feet off!

260
00:36:33,199 --> 00:36:33,900
Oh, yeah?

261
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,669
l'm probably gonna have to go
cut both my feet off

262
00:36:36,766 --> 00:36:39,602
and then go burn them
in the bath tub or something!

263
00:36:39,699 --> 00:36:41,701
Oh, gross!

264
00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,835
Disgusting!

265
00:36:43,933 --> 00:36:44,800
Ugh!

266
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:45,567
Ugh!

267
00:36:45,666 --> 00:36:47,768
Cindi, Debra's boyfriend

268
00:36:47,866 --> 00:36:50,635
is totally trying to just fuck my foot
under the table or something.

269
00:36:50,733 --> 00:36:53,902
Hey, Debra, Cindi's boyfriend's
a total queerbate.

270
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:55,534
P.S: Totally!

271
00:36:55,633 --> 00:36:56,467
You're the queerbate.

272
00:36:56,599 --> 00:36:57,834
You're probably only dating Debra

273
00:36:57,933 --> 00:36:59,868
so you could someday
come to this dinner

274
00:36:59,966 --> 00:37:02,401
and then hump my foot
with your fuckin' foot

275
00:37:02,500 --> 00:37:03,534
under the table all the time.

276
00:37:03,633 --> 00:37:06,235
Yeah, you're probably not
even gonna cut your foot off.

277
00:37:06,333 --> 00:37:09,069
Or if you do, it's probably
just so that you can dress it up

278
00:37:09,166 --> 00:37:11,868
and make out with it all the time
'cause it touched me.

279
00:37:11,966 --> 00:37:12,966
Fuck you, you fucking spic!

280
00:37:13,066 --> 00:37:13,866
Sam.

281
00:37:13,966 --> 00:37:15,734
l'll fuckin' cut my foot off
right now!

282
00:37:15,833 --> 00:37:18,902
l'll go in the bathroom and cut
my foot off with the hand dryer.

283
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,802
Oh, well, good!
l'm probably gonna do that too!

284
00:37:21,900 --> 00:37:24,902
'Cause l can't stand being connected
to this foot anymore

285
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,768
since you gayed all over it.

286
00:37:26,900 --> 00:37:29,869
Well, l hope you like waiting in line,
'cause l'm gonna do it first.

287
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:30,533
Then, do it!

288
00:37:30,633 --> 00:37:31,433
You do it!

289
00:37:31,533 --> 00:37:32,267
You do it first!

290
00:37:32,400 --> 00:37:34,969
You probably just want me to get up
so you can look at my butt.

291
00:37:35,099 --> 00:37:35,934
Oh, yeah, right!

292
00:37:36,033 --> 00:37:39,569
lf l did see your butt, l'd probably
barf, like, a thousand times!

293
00:37:39,666 --> 00:37:41,634
Oh, yeah, barf out of happiness!

294
00:37:41,733 --> 00:37:44,669
-Oh, yeah, right! l hate you!
-You love me!

295
00:37:44,766 --> 00:37:46,801
-No. You love me.
-l hate you!

296
00:37:46,900 --> 00:37:49,168
Yeah? Then why'd you try
to touch my feet all the time?

297
00:37:49,266 --> 00:37:50,700
Oh, yeah, you wish l would!

298
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:54,670
So, sombreros and bull capes.
l mean, that sounds pretty exciting.

299
00:37:54,766 --> 00:37:55,600
But that's not the point.

300
00:37:55,699 --> 00:37:59,403
The point that l'm trying to make is
that these companies over in Europe,

301
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,735
they have all these benefits
that they take for granted

302
00:38:01,833 --> 00:38:04,135
that we would absolutely kill for.

303
00:38:04,233 --> 00:38:06,935
-Well, it is a different culture.
-l think we work too hard.

304
00:38:07,033 --> 00:38:08,801
-Agh, l know.
-Here's to progress.

305
00:38:08,900 --> 00:38:09,667
Oh.

306
00:38:10,000 --> 00:38:11,568
l knew you weren't gonna do it!

307
00:38:11,666 --> 00:38:14,168
l didn't do it 'cause you were
sitting there staring at me

308
00:38:14,266 --> 00:38:16,101
pretending l was naked and gay!

309
00:38:16,199 --> 00:38:17,167
Why didn't you do it?

310
00:38:17,266 --> 00:38:19,568
l didn't do it 'cause l knew
you were gonna puss out.

311
00:38:19,666 --> 00:38:22,602
Then l'd have no feet and you could
just rape me in the bathroom

312
00:38:22,699 --> 00:38:23,934
for days and days and days.

313
00:38:24,033 --> 00:38:28,237
Oh, yeah, like l'd have to rape you!
You're practically begging me to!

314
00:38:28,333 --> 00:38:32,370
l'm begging to have dinner
with someone who is not so gay

315
00:38:32,466 --> 00:38:37,404
that they just keep trying to jerk off
my feet under the table all the time!

316
00:38:41,300 --> 00:38:44,770
[ Indistinct conversations ]

317
00:38:45,833 --> 00:38:47,935
Could someone please
pass the salt?

318
00:38:48,900 --> 00:38:49,634
Oh!

319
00:38:49,733 --> 00:38:50,700
No!

320
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,602
-You touched my hand!
-You touched my hand!

321
00:38:57,033 --> 00:38:59,268
Martha, no,
l've said this 1 ,OOO times,

322
00:38:59,366 --> 00:39:03,103
we have to move the giraffe habitat
off of that hill.

323
00:39:03,199 --> 00:39:05,502
Every time a thunderstorm comes
through, we lose two of them.

324
00:39:05,599 --> 00:39:08,903
And those things,
they are expensive.

325
00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,369
Yes, they are, Martha!

326
00:39:11,466 --> 00:39:12,834
Martha, yes, they are!

327
00:39:12,933 --> 00:39:13,700
[ Intercom beeps ]

328
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:14,934
There's a Mr. Milo here to see you.

329
00:39:15,033 --> 00:39:17,301
Martha, l'm gonna have to
call you back, okay?

330
00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:18,567
Kendra, l don't know who that is.

331
00:39:18,666 --> 00:39:20,200
Mr. Milo's coming in.

332
00:39:20,300 --> 00:39:20,867
Kendra, l--

333
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,202
Terry Milo.
Thanks for seeing me, sir.

334
00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:24,801
Hi, Terry.

335
00:39:24,933 --> 00:39:26,901
Ah, what can l do for you?

336
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,969
Well, l'm here for a job.

337
00:39:30,066 --> 00:39:31,834
Well, Terry,
l'm the head zookeeper here.

338
00:39:31,933 --> 00:39:34,669
l don't really do the hiring. We have
a personnel department for that.

339
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,169
Mr. Zookeper,
l know l don't look like much,

340
00:39:37,266 --> 00:39:38,533
but l got it where it counts.

341
00:39:38,633 --> 00:39:41,268
Just give me a chance
to prove myself, that's all l ask.

342
00:39:41,366 --> 00:39:44,135
Look, Terry, that kind of thing
is really not up to me.

343
00:39:44,233 --> 00:39:46,034
Now you could go down
to human resources,

344
00:39:46,133 --> 00:39:49,669
l do happen to know that we have
a couple of openings in the gift shop.

345
00:39:49,766 --> 00:39:51,200
There's a cashier's spot.

346
00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:53,935
No, no, no.
Don't worry about that, man.

347
00:39:54,033 --> 00:39:56,301
l don't want one of those
sissy, button-pushing jobs.

348
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,301
l'm here to do the real work.

349
00:39:59,566 --> 00:40:01,367
What--? What real work?

350
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,768
l'm the guy!

351
00:40:04,866 --> 00:40:06,500
l'm the guy
that goes around the zoo

352
00:40:06,599 --> 00:40:08,702
and wails on the animals
when they're bad!

353
00:40:09,366 --> 00:40:10,867
l'm sorry, what?

354
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,002
You know! Lay the smack down
on them when they act up.

355
00:40:14,099 --> 00:40:17,937
l'll wail on all of 'em! l'll wail
on a giraffe, l'll wail on an otter!

356
00:40:18,033 --> 00:40:20,535
l'll even wail on a whale!

357
00:40:21,066 --> 00:40:21,666
Okay, Mr.--

358
00:40:21,766 --> 00:40:25,469
l walked around your zoo, Mr.
You got some bad animals.

359
00:40:25,599 --> 00:40:26,233
Mr. Milo--

360
00:40:26,333 --> 00:40:29,803
l mean, you got some animals in here
that are just beggin' for a beat-down.

361
00:40:29,933 --> 00:40:30,967
Okay, Mr. Milo, please--

362
00:40:31,066 --> 00:40:33,535
l went to your prairie dog exhibit,
l was up there for 1 O minutes,

363
00:40:33,633 --> 00:40:36,135
l didn't see not one of them stick
their heads outta their holes.

364
00:40:36,266 --> 00:40:38,868
Well, it's mid-day,
and it's been incredibly hot lately.

365
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,068
Then l went up to see your lions
and they were all just sleepin'.

366
00:40:41,166 --> 00:40:43,868
All of them, not doing a nothin'!

367
00:40:43,966 --> 00:40:44,800
That's normal.

368
00:40:44,933 --> 00:40:46,467
You don't need to put up
with bad lions.

369
00:40:46,566 --> 00:40:49,669
Now, l know a lot of people are afraid
of wailing on 'em, but not me.

370
00:40:49,766 --> 00:40:52,401
l'll put the hurt on 'em!
Especially lions.

371
00:40:52,533 --> 00:40:53,166
Mr. Milo--

372
00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:54,634
l'm serious.

373
00:40:54,733 --> 00:40:55,867
You'll see.

374
00:40:55,966 --> 00:40:58,535
You're gonna have some busted up
lions limping around here.

375
00:40:58,666 --> 00:40:59,533
Okay. Mr. Milo!

376
00:40:59,633 --> 00:41:01,735
l'm serious.
l'll go to town.

377
00:41:01,866 --> 00:41:06,770
Mr. Milo, we do not ''go to town''
or ''wail'' on the animals in this zoo.

378
00:41:08,233 --> 00:41:10,068
l punched a monkey
square in the face once.

379
00:41:10,166 --> 00:41:12,301
-What?
-He didn't even do anything wrong.

380
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,502
lt was just to show
the other monkeys l was serious.

381
00:41:14,833 --> 00:41:16,034
Mr. Milo!

382
00:41:16,166 --> 00:41:18,268
That monkey was my friend too.
He didn't know what hit him.

383
00:41:18,366 --> 00:41:20,267
l called him over with some
jellybeans in my hand.

384
00:41:20,366 --> 00:41:22,968
He was like, ''Oh, thank you for the
jellybeans!'' POW! Right in the face!

385
00:41:23,066 --> 00:41:24,567
Good monkeys for a week.

386
00:41:24,833 --> 00:41:25,400
Mr. Milo!

387
00:41:25,500 --> 00:41:30,271
What you are suggesting is
despicable, illegal and immoral!

388
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:33,269
And that is not the way
that we run things in my zoo!

389
00:41:34,066 --> 00:41:34,933
l'm not a cop.

390
00:41:35,066 --> 00:41:36,467
Show me your tits.

391
00:41:38,766 --> 00:41:39,199
Thank God!

392
00:41:39,300 --> 00:41:41,869
Man, we got this new Panda here,
he's a real asshole.

393
00:41:41,966 --> 00:41:45,336
Our last guy, he left, like, two
months ago, and it has been hell.

394
00:41:45,433 --> 00:41:48,135
Take me to him.
You got any jellybeans?

395
00:41:50,033 --> 00:41:54,604
ANNOUNCER: Okay! Is the house
ready for the new Fall lineup?

396
00:41:54,699 --> 00:41:57,869
[ Screaming ]

397
00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,201
Yeah!

398
00:42:00,300 --> 00:42:07,106
All right, ladies, get ready,
'cause here comes clothes!

399
00:42:07,266 --> 00:42:13,639
Look, ladies, it's another lady
who's wearing a red dress.

400
00:42:13,733 --> 00:42:19,105
And what would go better
with a red dress? A red purse!

401
00:42:19,199 --> 00:42:20,601
l need that purse!

402
00:42:20,699 --> 00:42:22,635
Oh, wait, ladies.

403
00:42:22,733 --> 00:42:26,269
Sparkles!

404
00:42:26,366 --> 00:42:31,270
Oh, my God, ladies! Get ready
for something really exciting!

405
00:42:31,366 --> 00:42:39,107
From the makers of the red dress
comes another red dress with gloves!

406
00:42:39,233 --> 00:42:41,468
[ All yelling with excitement ]

407
00:42:42,266 --> 00:42:45,869
Sorry, ladies.
No sparkles with this dress.

408
00:42:45,966 --> 00:42:49,102
Just kidding!

409
00:42:49,199 --> 00:42:51,802
[ All screaming ]

410
00:42:51,900 --> 00:42:54,736
Ladies, no clothing collection
would be complete

411
00:42:54,833 --> 00:43:01,272
without a long frilly thing
to tie around your neck!

412
00:43:01,366 --> 00:43:03,134
l want this!
It looks so expensive!

413
00:43:03,699 --> 00:43:05,201
l wanna look expensive!

414
00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:07,802
ANNOUNCER: That's right, ladies!
It is expensive.

415
00:43:07,966 --> 00:43:09,801
And if you wear expensive things,

416
00:43:09,900 --> 00:43:14,271
then everyone knows
that you're winning.

417
00:43:16,033 --> 00:43:18,535
Well, ladies, that concludes
our annual presentation

418
00:43:18,633 --> 00:43:19,834
of the Fall Collection.

419
00:43:19,933 --> 00:43:20,967
Oh...

420
00:43:21,066 --> 00:43:22,801
We'll see you next year!

421
00:43:22,933 --> 00:43:24,634
l wanna buy all those clothes.

422
00:43:24,733 --> 00:43:27,001
l wanna get my husband
to buy all those clothes.

423
00:43:27,099 --> 00:43:29,635
l wanna buy all those clothes
so l can get a husband.

424
00:43:29,733 --> 00:43:32,936
[ Speaking indistinctly ]

425
00:43:33,033 --> 00:43:35,335
Oh, there it is.
One more thing.

426
00:43:35,433 --> 00:43:39,637
A big bag of shoes!

427
00:43:39,733 --> 00:43:41,701
Yeah!

428
00:43:44,533 --> 00:43:45,200
[ Music plays ]

429
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:46,968
NARRATOR:
And by dropping the One Ring

430
00:43:46,966 --> 00:43:48,400
into the fires of Mount Doom,

431
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:52,837
frodo vanquished Sauron forever
and banished him from the Land.

432
00:43:52,933 --> 00:43:55,035
Gandalf rescued frodo
from Mount Doom

433
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:58,169
by sending a giant eagle
into the mouth of the great volcano

434
00:43:58,266 --> 00:44:03,404
to pluck frodo from certain death
and return him safely to the Shire.

435
00:44:03,500 --> 00:44:08,204
The fellowship gathered one last
time to celebrate their victory.

436
00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:14,472
Hobbits, dwarves, elves and men,
welcome back to the Shire!

437
00:44:14,599 --> 00:44:18,403
l've brewed some hinkleberry
fizziwigs for you all to enjoy.

438
00:44:18,500 --> 00:44:22,670
Come, let us celebrate
the end of this Great War.

439
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:23,333
Gandalf...

440
00:44:23,433 --> 00:44:24,467
...what the fuck?

441
00:44:24,599 --> 00:44:26,635
What is it, my little hobbit?

442
00:44:26,733 --> 00:44:30,269
You wanna tell me how the fuck long
you've had a giant goddamned eagle?

443
00:44:30,366 --> 00:44:31,266
Ho ho ho!

444
00:44:31,366 --> 00:44:34,001
Well, l've been friends
with the Eaglekind

445
00:44:34,099 --> 00:44:37,903
for longer than you'd care to know
or l'd care to remember.

446
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:38,633
Ho ho ho ho!

447
00:44:38,766 --> 00:44:40,033
Cut the shit, you old fruit!

448
00:44:40,166 --> 00:44:43,168
Frodo got stabbed in the arm
by a Nazgul!

449
00:44:43,300 --> 00:44:44,134
That hurts!

450
00:44:44,933 --> 00:44:50,305
Well, l'm glad to see that everyone
made it home from their journey.

451
00:44:50,433 --> 00:44:52,434
Everyone didn't make it home
from their journey.

452
00:44:52,533 --> 00:44:54,034
Boromir is dead!

453
00:44:54,133 --> 00:44:55,167
Asshole!

454
00:44:55,300 --> 00:44:59,937
l got lost in the caverns of Mount
Doom and had to fight a giant spider!

455
00:45:00,033 --> 00:45:02,769
l have nightmares every night!

456
00:45:02,866 --> 00:45:07,570
Well, we all have our nightmares
that we must overcome.

457
00:45:07,666 --> 00:45:09,768
Everybody shut the fuck up!

458
00:45:09,900 --> 00:45:10,967
Gandalf!

459
00:45:11,266 --> 00:45:15,870
Why the fuck didn't you just give
the ring of power to your eagle friend

460
00:45:15,966 --> 00:45:18,668
and let him drop it
in the caverns of Mount Doom?!

461
00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:23,237
Well, eagles cannot be trusted
with that sort of immense power.

462
00:45:23,333 --> 00:45:24,434
[ Eagle call ]

463
00:45:24,533 --> 00:45:29,537
l mean, that sort of power
can be very corrupting.

464
00:45:29,633 --> 00:45:35,538
So, you know, Frodo is young
and stout as hobbits are wont to be

465
00:45:35,633 --> 00:45:40,671
and he just, you know...
l used him.

466
00:45:40,766 --> 00:45:44,102
Then you should have had the eagle
carry me with the ring in my hand

467
00:45:44,199 --> 00:45:47,369
to Mount Doom, then pick me up
and bring me back home.

468
00:45:47,466 --> 00:45:49,734
Then we would've gotten
all this done much more quickly

469
00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,634
and Boromir would still be alive!

470
00:45:51,733 --> 00:45:53,935
Boromir!

471
00:45:54,066 --> 00:46:00,338
Oh, my God! He's gone.
It's just sinking in. It's final.

472
00:46:00,433 --> 00:46:03,669
l fucking hate you!
l fucking hate you!

473
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:05,568
Enough!

474
00:46:05,666 --> 00:46:12,439
l am a Wizard, and l will not be
interrogated by the likes of you!

475
00:46:12,566 --> 00:46:14,834
No, no, no.

476
00:46:15,133 --> 00:46:16,767
He is just using this fishing line

477
00:46:16,866 --> 00:46:19,435
going from his finger
to that light switch over there.

478
00:46:19,533 --> 00:46:23,303
l got a lead pipe in my hand
that says this old fuck ain't magic.

479
00:46:23,433 --> 00:46:24,801
lt's only one way to find out.

480
00:46:24,933 --> 00:46:26,467
Rape him!

481
00:46:26,566 --> 00:46:29,869
Whoa, whoa, whoa!