1 00:00:03,050 --> 00:00:03,850 Oh, no, dude. 2 00:00:03,949 --> 00:00:05,418 Oh, he's got me. He's got me. 3 00:00:05,516 --> 00:00:07,618 Oh, he's pushing you into the tub. 4 00:00:07,716 --> 00:00:09,851 He's kissing me. He's kissing me. 5 00:00:09,949 --> 00:00:11,685 This is a really hard game. 6 00:00:11,783 --> 00:00:15,419 Guys, guys. There are naked women falling from the skies. 7 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,451 Come on. 8 00:00:24,016 --> 00:00:25,517 Awesome. 9 00:00:26,050 --> 00:00:28,385 -Oh, my God! -Oh! 10 00:00:28,483 --> 00:00:29,584 [ Laughter ] 11 00:00:29,683 --> 00:00:30,250 Whoa! 12 00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:31,084 Hi. 13 00:00:31,216 --> 00:00:32,984 -lt's like a dream. -Hi. 14 00:00:33,850 --> 00:00:35,051 Look at their boobs. 15 00:00:35,150 --> 00:00:36,584 -Yeah. -No way. 16 00:00:36,716 --> 00:00:38,751 lt's the best day ever. 17 00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:42,019 l am so happy right now. 18 00:00:59,253 --> 00:01:11,286 English Subs : Arkfeller 19 00:01:13,461 --> 00:01:22,046 Re-Synchronization : Condemned 20 00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:32,118 You know, l feel really good about this project. 21 00:01:32,216 --> 00:01:34,451 l iust hope one of the maior studios goes for it. 22 00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:36,218 Oh, everybody's gonna want this. 23 00:01:36,316 --> 00:01:39,085 You're gonna have a bidding war on your hands. 24 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,351 -Hey, what is that? -Pigs in a blanket. 25 00:01:41,449 --> 00:01:41,917 Oh! 26 00:01:42,016 --> 00:01:43,617 Thank you. 27 00:01:45,116 --> 00:01:47,117 l mean, l've never seen anything like it. 28 00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:48,817 Well, it's about an invisible dog. 29 00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:51,718 And might l say, there's your title. 30 00:01:51,816 --> 00:01:54,118 Oh, excuse me. What is this? 31 00:01:54,216 --> 00:01:55,517 This is tar toast. 32 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,751 Oh, thank you. 33 00:02:00,183 --> 00:02:02,351 [ Spits it out ] 34 00:02:02,749 --> 00:02:04,118 What the...? 35 00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:07,786 Hey, Buddy! What the hell, man? 36 00:02:07,883 --> 00:02:08,883 What? 37 00:02:08,983 --> 00:02:11,018 What do you mean, ''What''? What the hell is this? 38 00:02:11,150 --> 00:02:13,485 lt's tar toast. l just said that. 39 00:02:13,583 --> 00:02:14,684 This is not edible. 40 00:02:14,783 --> 00:02:17,986 No. It's tar on toast. What, did you eat it? 41 00:02:18,083 --> 00:02:20,151 Yeah, l ate it. You served it to me. 42 00:02:20,249 --> 00:02:23,119 -Whoa, l served it to you? -Yeah. 43 00:02:23,216 --> 00:02:24,684 ls that, like, street tar? 44 00:02:24,783 --> 00:02:27,252 Yeah. It's, like, street tar. Why did you eat it? 45 00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:29,785 Because you told me to. 46 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,818 What is wrong with you, man? 47 00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:34,885 You asked me what this was. l said it was tar toast. 48 00:02:34,983 --> 00:02:37,185 And then you put it in your mouth, and you ate it. 49 00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:38,951 Well, l thought, like, tar toast was like, 50 00:02:39,050 --> 00:02:40,684 you know, how mud cookies are peanut butter 51 00:02:40,783 --> 00:02:41,917 or ants on a log or something. 52 00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:45,686 Look, man, l don't know who you are. l don't know what your deal is. 53 00:02:45,783 --> 00:02:47,050 l'm iust gonna leave, all right? 54 00:02:47,150 --> 00:02:48,818 No, no. l want to talk to your manager. 55 00:02:48,916 --> 00:02:51,618 l don't work here, man. l'm not your servant. 56 00:02:51,749 --> 00:02:53,852 Then why are you carrying around a tray? 57 00:02:53,949 --> 00:02:55,685 That's none of your business. 58 00:02:55,783 --> 00:02:57,017 Why are you wearing that suit? 59 00:02:57,116 --> 00:02:58,817 Why are you wearing that suit? 60 00:02:58,916 --> 00:02:59,683 [ Groans ] 61 00:02:59,783 --> 00:03:01,384 Man, you know, l feel nauseous. 62 00:03:01,483 --> 00:03:02,717 l think l'm gonna be sick. 63 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,851 Yeah, you are. You ate street tar. 64 00:03:04,949 --> 00:03:06,818 -Hey, what is that? -lt's tar toast. 65 00:03:06,916 --> 00:03:07,383 lck. 66 00:03:07,483 --> 00:03:09,484 Yeah. See? Not a jackass. 67 00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:10,550 You, iackass. 68 00:03:10,650 --> 00:03:12,218 l'm gonna have to go to the hospital. 69 00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,551 Yeah, you will, 'cause you have tar in your stomach. 70 00:03:14,650 --> 00:03:15,650 Tar you gave me! 71 00:03:15,916 --> 00:03:19,853 Tar you took without asking, after l told you what it was. 72 00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:21,217 Why? 73 00:03:21,316 --> 00:03:24,652 Why would you walk around a party with a tray of tar on toast? 74 00:03:24,749 --> 00:03:27,219 Who does that? Are you on drugs? 75 00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:29,985 Am l on drugs? You're eating street tar, man. 76 00:03:30,083 --> 00:03:32,285 Do you know what? You're an asshole, man. 77 00:03:32,383 --> 00:03:34,818 -Oh, nice. -Yeah, you're a fucking asshole. 78 00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:37,485 Nice. 79 00:03:43,583 --> 00:03:45,217 Hi, Harold. You're up early. 80 00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:47,851 Yeah, l thought l'd get an early jump on the day 81 00:03:47,949 --> 00:03:51,353 and finally start writing that book l'm always talking about. 82 00:03:51,449 --> 00:03:53,351 A book? What's it about? 83 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:57,653 lt's called 10 Easy Steps to Having the Perfect Relationship. 84 00:03:57,749 --> 00:04:02,521 You're writing a book about how to have the perfect relationship. 85 00:04:04,516 --> 00:04:06,351 Are we gonna do this right now? 86 00:04:06,449 --> 00:04:07,884 Do you seriously want to do this 87 00:04:07,983 --> 00:04:10,185 before the kids have even left for school? 88 00:04:10,283 --> 00:04:12,985 Fucking hit me, Harold. Just fucking hit me, okay? 89 00:04:13,083 --> 00:04:14,284 You don't think l won't? 90 00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:16,051 No, l know you won't. You know how l know? 91 00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:17,718 'Cause you're a fucking pussy! 92 00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:20,351 -Step across this line! -A fucking pussy! 93 00:04:20,483 --> 00:04:22,518 Mom, l need money for.... 94 00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:25,485 -Are you and Dad fighting again? -No, no, no. We're just.... 95 00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:28,052 Fuck the both of you! l'm fucking sick of this shit! 96 00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,451 l'm going to Grandma's house! 97 00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,051 You stay away from that drunk whore! 98 00:04:31,150 --> 00:04:34,620 Tell that fucking cunt to die! 99 00:04:40,749 --> 00:04:42,284 Chapter One. 100 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,352 Accept your spouse for all their flaws, 101 00:04:45,449 --> 00:04:48,119 no matter how numerous they may be. 102 00:04:48,216 --> 00:04:49,984 Hi, Betty. It's me, Carol. 103 00:04:50,083 --> 00:04:51,083 Yeah. 104 00:04:51,183 --> 00:04:53,218 Guess what. Harold's writing a book 105 00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:55,384 on how to have a successful relationship. 106 00:04:55,483 --> 00:04:56,917 Yeah, yeah. Crazy day here. 107 00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:58,518 l'm thinking about writing a book, too. 108 00:04:58,616 --> 00:05:02,720 lt's called How to be a Drunk Asshole, Lose Your Job, 109 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:05,185 and Go Nowhere in Life! 110 00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:08,386 Bring that ugly bitch face here, so l can cut it off! 111 00:05:08,483 --> 00:05:10,084 l will fucking bleed you, Harold! 112 00:05:10,183 --> 00:05:12,451 l need to borrow the keys to the -- Oh, shit! 113 00:05:12,583 --> 00:05:15,218 lf one of you fucking touches me, l'm calling social services. 114 00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,584 Dial that number, it'll be the last call you ever make! 115 00:05:17,683 --> 00:05:19,484 -l fucking hate both of you! -Harlot! 116 00:05:19,583 --> 00:05:20,917 Bitch. 117 00:05:31,916 --> 00:05:33,217 Son of a bitch, Harold! 118 00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:35,818 You bought the diet eggnog again! 119 00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:39,283 He's the new V.P. 120 00:05:39,383 --> 00:05:42,018 l've never met him personally, but l hear he's a great guy. 121 00:05:42,116 --> 00:05:44,017 l think he's gonna be all over this project. 122 00:05:44,116 --> 00:05:47,285 Well, l hope so. No one likes my idea. 123 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,051 Oh, my God. 124 00:05:51,150 --> 00:05:52,784 Well! 125 00:05:52,949 --> 00:05:53,684 Shit. 126 00:05:53,783 --> 00:05:55,017 Hi, how are ya? 127 00:05:55,183 --> 00:05:56,384 You're the new V.P.? 128 00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:58,551 Yep, and let me iust say, right off the bat -- 129 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:01,285 This is a stapler, those are pens, 130 00:06:01,383 --> 00:06:05,153 and you'll be sitting on chairs, none of which are edible. 131 00:06:05,249 --> 00:06:07,485 You know, l was in the hospital for 1 O days. 132 00:06:07,583 --> 00:06:10,352 Well, you took street tar and you put it inside your body. 133 00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:12,051 And here we go again. 134 00:06:12,150 --> 00:06:14,685 So, l guess l should iust pitch this thing and get it over with. 135 00:06:14,783 --> 00:06:17,719 -Yeah. Let's pitch this thing. -Well, it's about a dog -- 136 00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:19,384 -You know what? Don't like it. -Right. 137 00:06:19,483 --> 00:06:21,751 -Thanks very much for your time. -Thanks for coming by. 138 00:06:22,283 --> 00:06:24,585 Can l iust ask you one thing? 139 00:06:24,749 --> 00:06:25,750 l'd love that. 140 00:06:27,116 --> 00:06:28,016 Why? 141 00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:31,285 Why were you carrying around a tray of tar at that party? 142 00:06:32,283 --> 00:06:35,119 What is it with you and this tar thing, man? 143 00:06:35,216 --> 00:06:36,417 What is it with me? 144 00:06:36,583 --> 00:06:37,817 Get out of my office. 145 00:06:37,916 --> 00:06:39,917 He's been having a really tough time lately. 146 00:06:40,016 --> 00:06:41,650 l was in the hospital. 147 00:06:41,816 --> 00:06:42,650 Out! 148 00:06:46,116 --> 00:06:49,452 Ah, a quiet evening at home. 149 00:06:49,550 --> 00:06:51,718 My pipe. My slippers. 150 00:06:51,816 --> 00:06:54,618 The wife. The game. 151 00:06:54,716 --> 00:06:57,618 Honey, l went to get that lump checked out at the hospital today, 152 00:06:57,716 --> 00:06:58,650 and they told me -- 153 00:06:58,749 --> 00:07:01,252 l said a quiet evening at home. 154 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:04,953 Pipe. Slippers. Wife. Game. 155 00:07:05,050 --> 00:07:06,718 Don't want to hear about what happened 156 00:07:06,816 --> 00:07:08,817 in your stupid soap opera. 157 00:07:08,916 --> 00:07:11,385 Well, l guess l'll iust e-mail you about the lump. 158 00:07:11,483 --> 00:07:13,418 Thank you. 159 00:07:14,449 --> 00:07:16,185 Daddy, l'm back from my date. 160 00:07:16,350 --> 00:07:18,552 Oh, it's Daddy's little girl. 161 00:07:18,650 --> 00:07:21,452 How was your date with that boy you have a crush on? 162 00:07:21,550 --> 00:07:23,952 He's not iust a boy l have a crush on, Daddy. 163 00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:26,986 His name's D'Artagnan. And we're getting engaged. 164 00:07:27,116 --> 00:07:27,683 What? 165 00:07:27,783 --> 00:07:29,818 D'Artagnan and l are getting married, Daddy. 166 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,917 And we're going to live under the ocean. 167 00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,084 -Live under the ocean? -Yes. 168 00:07:34,183 --> 00:07:37,185 D'Artagnan thinks the sea is beautiful and poetic, 169 00:07:37,283 --> 00:07:39,151 and we're going to live in it. 170 00:07:39,316 --> 00:07:41,284 What do you mean, live in the ocean? 171 00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:42,484 Ocean floor, Daddy. 172 00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:44,151 We're gonna live on the ocean floor. 173 00:07:44,249 --> 00:07:45,618 l knew you wouldn't understand. 174 00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,617 You can't live on the ocean floor. 175 00:07:47,716 --> 00:07:48,850 Yes, l can, Daddy! 176 00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:52,052 l'm 1 9 years old, and you can't control me anymore. 177 00:07:52,150 --> 00:07:55,319 lt's not about controlling you. It's basic biology. 178 00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,117 You can't breathe underwater. 179 00:07:57,216 --> 00:07:59,318 l can't breathe without D'Artagnan. 180 00:07:59,416 --> 00:08:01,084 -That is stupid. -Honey! 181 00:08:01,183 --> 00:08:02,717 You iust don't like D'Artagnan. 182 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,984 lt's not that l don't like D'Artagnan. 183 00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,952 lt's that you can't survive without oxygen. 184 00:08:08,083 --> 00:08:10,051 We'll survive off of love, Daddy. 185 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,384 You taught me that. 186 00:08:11,483 --> 00:08:14,786 You told me that when you and Mom moved to Brooklyn after graduation, 187 00:08:14,883 --> 00:08:17,919 you had no iobs, and you had no place to stay. 188 00:08:18,016 --> 00:08:19,751 And there were times when you thought 189 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:20,951 you wouldn't make it at all. 190 00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:23,552 But you clung to each other, and you had each other. 191 00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:25,985 And it was love that got you through. 192 00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:27,417 We still had air. 193 00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:29,217 And we still have love. 194 00:08:29,316 --> 00:08:31,251 -You are retarded. -Honey! 195 00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:33,685 Mom, Dad. Seabiscuit. 196 00:08:34,283 --> 00:08:36,351 So, did you tell them the news? 197 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,886 The news about you two geniuses defying every law of nature 198 00:08:39,983 --> 00:08:41,517 and iust being all-around morons? 199 00:08:41,616 --> 00:08:43,584 Yeah. She was iust bringing me up to speed on that. 200 00:08:43,683 --> 00:08:45,251 Mr. G, do l have your blessing 201 00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,318 to take your daughter's hand in marriage 202 00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:50,051 and go live underwater with her? 203 00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,452 Okay, let me start small. 204 00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:57,888 D'Artagnan, what exactly makes you want to live underwater? 205 00:08:58,050 --> 00:09:00,252 Whales are beautiful creatures. 206 00:09:00,416 --> 00:09:02,351 True. Fair, fair. They are. 207 00:09:02,449 --> 00:09:07,254 But so are many other creatures, such as, i.e. deer. 208 00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:08,617 Fur is murder! 209 00:09:08,783 --> 00:09:10,718 Planet's only on loan to us, dude. 210 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,217 Okay, l'm gonna skip logic. 211 00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:14,551 Nancy, l forbid you to live underwater. 212 00:09:14,650 --> 00:09:16,918 l knew you were gonna say something like that, Daddy. 213 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,350 You iust don't like D'Artagnan 214 00:09:18,449 --> 00:09:20,084 because he never graduated high school, 215 00:09:20,183 --> 00:09:22,285 and he only likes to do me doggy style. 216 00:09:22,449 --> 00:09:23,317 Aah! 217 00:09:23,483 --> 00:09:26,219 And, no, this has nothing to do 218 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:28,651 with D'Artagnan not finishing high school. 219 00:09:28,749 --> 00:09:30,518 Although that may explain 220 00:09:30,616 --> 00:09:33,385 why he wants to take you and go live under liquid. 221 00:09:33,483 --> 00:09:36,853 Look, Mr. G, there's some smarts you can't find in books. 222 00:09:36,949 --> 00:09:38,351 Like sea smarts. 223 00:09:38,449 --> 00:09:40,819 And l'll tell you something my sea smarts recognize -- 224 00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:42,751 that when l look at your daughter, 225 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:46,720 l see something more than iust someone to do doggy style to. 226 00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:47,717 Aah! 227 00:09:47,883 --> 00:09:52,887 l see a beautiful tulip opening and blossoming. 228 00:09:52,983 --> 00:09:55,485 And iust when you think it can't get any more beautiful, 229 00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:58,118 you look inside, and what do you see? 230 00:09:58,216 --> 00:10:00,585 Golden diamonds. 231 00:10:00,716 --> 00:10:02,751 Golden sea diamonds. 232 00:10:02,883 --> 00:10:07,587 And then on the back of each one are little vaginas. 233 00:10:07,683 --> 00:10:10,218 That's what l see when l look at your daughter. 234 00:10:10,316 --> 00:10:13,585 Mr. G, l know when you look in Mrs. G's eyes, 235 00:10:13,683 --> 00:10:16,485 you know you're gonna be with her for years and years to come. 236 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:19,652 Well, actually, the doctor said l only have four to six months left. 237 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:22,886 Woman, there's a conversation going on! 238 00:10:22,983 --> 00:10:24,150 Quiet! 239 00:10:24,249 --> 00:10:25,317 New tactic. 240 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,018 Umm, l ran into an evil wizard today, 241 00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:31,118 and he told me that if you two went to live underwater, 242 00:10:31,216 --> 00:10:33,084 something would probably come and kill you. 243 00:10:33,183 --> 00:10:34,951 Daddy, that is ridiculous. 244 00:10:35,050 --> 00:10:37,852 No, babe. l heard about something like this before. 245 00:10:37,949 --> 00:10:39,284 Some dude died. 246 00:10:39,383 --> 00:10:41,485 Now, this wizard, did he have a beard? 247 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,251 Yeah, yeah. Big, long beard. 248 00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:46,653 And he had a staff and a hat with lots of plane! ts on it. 249 00:10:46,816 --> 00:10:47,850 Sounds legit. 250 00:10:47,983 --> 00:10:48,550 Yep, yep. 251 00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,618 And he told me that if you disobeyed your father 252 00:10:50,716 --> 00:10:52,217 and you two went to live underwater, 253 00:10:52,316 --> 00:10:54,151 then something would probably come and eat you, 254 00:10:54,249 --> 00:10:55,417 and you'd stop being in love. 255 00:10:55,516 --> 00:10:57,451 -l don't want to be eaten! -l don't want to not be in love! 256 00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:58,918 l mean not be in love! 257 00:10:59,016 --> 00:11:01,051 You said you didn't want to be eaten. 258 00:11:01,150 --> 00:11:02,150 No, baby. 259 00:11:02,249 --> 00:11:05,620 You're more afraid of being eaten than of falling out of love with me! 260 00:11:05,716 --> 00:11:08,718 l can't believe l almost married you! 261 00:11:10,749 --> 00:11:14,320 Guess l'm iust gonna go. 262 00:11:17,283 --> 00:11:19,852 A quiet evening at home. 263 00:11:19,949 --> 00:11:21,985 Honey, l have breast cancer. 264 00:11:22,083 --> 00:11:25,085 Am l the only one in this family that's not stupid? 265 00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:29,053 You can't get cancer in your breast! There's no bone there! 266 00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:34,919 MARRATOR: Darryl Churchum was a mild-mannered scientist-surfer 267 00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,519 who was out one day trying to catch some waves 268 00:11:37,616 --> 00:11:40,585 when an underwater experiment went haywire, 269 00:11:40,749 --> 00:11:44,553 and he was bitten by a radioactive tiger shark. 270 00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:48,085 He quickly became fused with the aquatic beast's powers 271 00:11:48,183 --> 00:11:53,121 and now roams the Earth as Shark Man. 272 00:11:53,249 --> 00:11:54,551 All right, boys, double-time. 273 00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:55,951 As soon as we crack this safe, 274 00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:58,152 we'll have all the gold in the entire world. 275 00:11:58,249 --> 00:12:00,251 Not so fast! 276 00:12:00,350 --> 00:12:02,085 Shark Man! 277 00:12:02,249 --> 00:12:05,486 Your bank-robbing days are over, Crime Man. 278 00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:08,586 -But how'd you find us? -l used my Sharky senses. 279 00:12:08,683 --> 00:12:11,585 Now get ready to taste the fins of justice. 280 00:12:11,749 --> 00:12:13,718 [ Panting ] 281 00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:27,250 What are you doing? 282 00:12:27,350 --> 00:12:33,556 l have to pump my lungs up... 283 00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:37,420 ...every couple of minutes... 284 00:12:37,516 --> 00:12:40,318 ...on account of the shark bite. 285 00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:43,084 Hold on. 286 00:12:43,249 --> 00:12:46,553 Okay. Now, where was l? 287 00:12:46,650 --> 00:12:47,717 Oh, yeah. 288 00:12:47,816 --> 00:12:50,718 l'm gonna take the air out of your plan. 289 00:12:50,816 --> 00:12:51,850 [ Alarm sounds ] 290 00:12:51,949 --> 00:12:52,717 Uh-oh. 291 00:12:52,883 --> 00:12:53,683 Now what? 292 00:12:53,850 --> 00:12:57,153 l have to drain my waste every couple of hours. 293 00:12:57,249 --> 00:12:58,584 Oh, gross! 294 00:12:58,683 --> 00:13:01,452 You see, l have no large or small intestines, 295 00:13:01,550 --> 00:13:02,684 due to the shark bite, 296 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,785 so l have an alarm that goes off every couple hours 297 00:13:05,949 --> 00:13:06,950 when my bag is full. 298 00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:09,919 [ Sounds of disgust ] 299 00:13:10,016 --> 00:13:11,283 That is iust foul! 300 00:13:11,383 --> 00:13:13,952 My God! l'm getting out of here! 301 00:13:18,616 --> 00:13:21,552 Curse you, Shark Man! 302 00:13:25,883 --> 00:13:27,918 [ Panting ] 303 00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:33,483 Come in. 304 00:13:33,583 --> 00:13:36,786 Oh, Susie. l'm glad you're still up. 305 00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:38,918 Happy birthday. How are you? 306 00:13:39,083 --> 00:13:40,984 Oh, wow. Look at all this. This was your party? 307 00:13:41,083 --> 00:13:43,318 You got presents everywhere. 308 00:13:43,483 --> 00:13:44,817 How was your --? How's it hanging? 309 00:13:44,916 --> 00:13:46,150 How was your party? 310 00:13:46,316 --> 00:13:48,951 So, the big birthday girl. 311 00:13:49,050 --> 00:13:51,919 October 1 6. 312 00:13:52,016 --> 00:13:54,151 ln the year of our Lord. 313 00:13:54,249 --> 00:13:58,520 Another year. Mark on the tree stump. 314 00:13:58,616 --> 00:14:03,620 Another year closer to the void. 315 00:14:03,716 --> 00:14:05,918 Did l get you anything? 316 00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:08,718 Well, that's why l'm here. 317 00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:10,450 Your mom's mad at me 318 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:14,153 and wants me to come and talk to you about the present. 319 00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:16,218 So, here's the thing. 320 00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:19,986 Remember how you said you wanted a pony for your birthday? 321 00:14:20,083 --> 00:14:21,217 You said you wanted a pony. 322 00:14:21,316 --> 00:14:23,518 More in the world than everything else you wanted a pony? 323 00:14:23,616 --> 00:14:28,721 Well, l, being a good dad, being a good father, 324 00:14:28,816 --> 00:14:30,184 got you a pony. 325 00:14:30,283 --> 00:14:32,585 Went upstate -- to a farm upstate in Buffalo. 326 00:14:32,683 --> 00:14:34,785 Went and got a pony. Picked it out. 327 00:14:34,883 --> 00:14:36,050 His name's Buttercup. 328 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:37,684 You can call him whatever you want, though, 329 00:14:37,783 --> 00:14:39,251 'cause you're Daddy's little girl. 330 00:14:39,349 --> 00:14:40,350 Name it whatever you want. 331 00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:42,518 Name it, you know, Crap. l don't care. 332 00:14:42,616 --> 00:14:46,820 So, last night, Dad was at his office-party thing, 333 00:14:46,916 --> 00:14:48,350 you know, he said he was going to. 334 00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,685 And had had a drink or two. 335 00:14:50,783 --> 00:14:53,252 Fair, fair. 336 00:14:53,349 --> 00:14:55,985 But still was cool. 337 00:14:56,083 --> 00:14:58,585 You know, like, was cool. 338 00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:01,285 Like, can handle a buzz. 339 00:15:01,416 --> 00:15:02,483 l was driving home, 340 00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:09,489 and l forgot that l was keeping your pony in the garage. 341 00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:13,252 Slipped my mind. So, anyway, l just pulled in. 342 00:15:13,349 --> 00:15:16,019 Like... And the pony's like... 343 00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,650 You know? But.... 344 00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:20,619 l tapped your pony. 345 00:15:20,716 --> 00:15:21,883 Daddy bumped your pony. 346 00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:25,119 Your pony's dead, basically, is what l'm trying to say. 347 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:26,850 So, your mom was mad. 348 00:15:26,950 --> 00:15:32,221 And l thought l'd come down and tell you like a man, 349 00:15:32,316 --> 00:15:35,485 like a father, and iust own up. 350 00:15:35,583 --> 00:15:40,154 'Cause when you make a mistake, you just express it. 351 00:15:40,249 --> 00:15:42,919 So, l hit your pony. 352 00:15:43,016 --> 00:15:44,417 l'm sorry. 353 00:15:44,516 --> 00:15:46,451 l bought it for you in the first place. 354 00:15:46,550 --> 00:15:47,817 l can do that. l'm a dad. 355 00:15:48,016 --> 00:15:49,384 Now, the question is.... 356 00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:53,520 And, well, your mom and l don't -- are not at an understanding on this. 357 00:15:53,616 --> 00:15:55,551 l say yes. Your mom says no. 358 00:15:55,716 --> 00:16:00,120 But l think yes 'cause you're a cool girl. 359 00:16:00,216 --> 00:16:02,184 l think you're a cool girl, you know? 360 00:16:02,349 --> 00:16:05,453 And here it is. l'll just lay it out. 361 00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:08,319 Do you want to see your pony? 362 00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:11,118 'Cause it's yours. It's your pony. Pony Buttercup. 363 00:16:11,216 --> 00:16:13,151 lt's your pony. You own it. 364 00:16:13,249 --> 00:16:15,819 l iust don't know if you want to see it. 365 00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:18,752 'Cause, l mean, it's cute. 366 00:16:19,683 --> 00:16:21,217 lt's iust dead, too. 367 00:16:21,383 --> 00:16:24,219 You know, come to think of it, you're gonna have to see it anyway 368 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:28,720 because you're gonna have to move it, bury it. 369 00:16:28,883 --> 00:16:31,652 'Cause when you have a pet, you have a responsibility. 370 00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:33,551 l remember when we talked about you having a pet, 371 00:16:33,650 --> 00:16:36,386 you said that you promise you'd clean up after it. 372 00:16:36,483 --> 00:16:38,785 And you probably didn't think 373 00:16:38,883 --> 00:16:42,419 you'd have to clean up after it so much so soon. 374 00:16:42,516 --> 00:16:45,852 But a deal's a deal. Right, kiddo? 375 00:16:46,016 --> 00:16:47,784 l'm gonna bring around the John Deere. 376 00:16:47,883 --> 00:16:49,184 l'm gonna leave it running. 377 00:16:49,283 --> 00:16:52,152 l'll tell you how to use it, tell you all the buttons and levers. 378 00:16:52,249 --> 00:16:55,419 And then you can iust kind of, like, nudge it 379 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:58,619 into whatever hole you dig. 380 00:16:58,783 --> 00:17:00,251 You're gonna want to do it soon 381 00:17:00,349 --> 00:17:05,955 because it's pretty hot in the garage, so the thing's swelling. 382 00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:08,218 lt's getting ripe, you know? 383 00:17:08,316 --> 00:17:11,285 And you're gonna want to move it 384 00:17:11,383 --> 00:17:15,687 before you have two messes to clean up. 385 00:17:15,783 --> 00:17:21,088 'Cause it may break in the middle from how hard l hit it. 386 00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:24,118 And l'm done. 387 00:17:24,216 --> 00:17:26,384 So, l love you. 388 00:17:26,483 --> 00:17:28,651 l'm sorry l didn't go to your thing. 389 00:17:28,749 --> 00:17:31,052 And what are you gonna do? 390 00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,151 Sometimes people disappoint you. 391 00:17:33,283 --> 00:17:36,319 Umm, l will be better next year. l promise. 392 00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:37,951 l'm gonna go take a nap now. 393 00:17:38,050 --> 00:17:40,485 Keep your chin up. It works if you work it. 394 00:17:40,583 --> 00:17:44,320 Don't touch the television 'cause l'm TiVoing something. 395 00:17:44,416 --> 00:17:46,518 So, good night. l love you. 396 00:17:46,616 --> 00:17:48,951 See you later. Happy birthday. 397 00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:58,117 Hey, Trevor. What's up? 398 00:17:58,283 --> 00:18:00,618 l was iust reading about 9/1 1 . 399 00:18:00,783 --> 00:18:01,383 Yeah? 400 00:18:01,483 --> 00:18:03,618 That stuff was so gay, what happened. 401 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:05,384 l know. 402 00:18:05,483 --> 00:18:07,151 Are you thinking what l'm thinking? 403 00:18:07,249 --> 00:18:10,653 -Let's go get the time machine. -Yeah. 404 00:18:10,749 --> 00:18:13,285 Me and my buddy Got a time machine 405 00:18:13,450 --> 00:18:15,885 But we got to be careful If you know what l mean 406 00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:18,852 'Cause history's a fragile thing It seems 407 00:18:18,950 --> 00:18:21,352 And it's easy to fuck stuff up 408 00:18:21,516 --> 00:18:24,218 Like the time we went back To Germany there 409 00:18:24,383 --> 00:18:26,651 And we made sure Hitler Got the electric chair 410 00:18:26,749 --> 00:18:29,652 But when we got back Kennedy was a panda bear 411 00:18:29,816 --> 00:18:31,851 'Cause that's the way physics work 412 00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:35,452 So we go around Doing the best we can 413 00:18:35,616 --> 00:18:37,951 Like we stopped Goldor from fighting Xenuxan 414 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:40,952 But as a result that started Vietnam 415 00:18:41,083 --> 00:18:43,285 So l guess we'll call it a draw 416 00:18:43,450 --> 00:18:45,652 ''Me and My Buddy'' 417 00:18:50,783 --> 00:18:54,319 Says here the guy we're looking for Iooks like Saddam Hussein. 418 00:18:54,416 --> 00:18:56,351 Look! That's him! 419 00:18:56,450 --> 00:19:00,921 Hey, buddy, your 9/1 1ing days are over. 420 00:19:03,983 --> 00:19:06,518 Well, my buddy and l Stopped those terrorist guys 421 00:19:06,616 --> 00:19:07,850 We beat them all up 422 00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:09,518 And they cried and cried 423 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:12,185 Now we got to go back To our own time 424 00:19:12,349 --> 00:19:14,285 To see how it all worked out 425 00:19:14,450 --> 00:19:16,952 ''Me and My Buddy'' 426 00:19:17,116 --> 00:19:19,485 Oh, my God. That was so awesome. 427 00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:22,018 When you pushed that terrorist guy's head into the toilet, 428 00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:23,417 that was awesome. 429 00:19:23,516 --> 00:19:24,850 Let's check the news. 430 00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:26,384 N EWSCASTE R: And in lighter news, 431 00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:29,552 it's the World Trade Centers 1 OOth birthday today. 432 00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:32,285 Awesome! We did it! 433 00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,618 Whoa, Iook at your family picture, dude. 434 00:19:35,150 --> 00:19:37,652 My sister's disappearing! 435 00:19:37,816 --> 00:19:39,317 When we went back and stopped 9/1 1 , 436 00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:41,050 we must have changed something in the past 437 00:19:41,150 --> 00:19:43,285 that made it so your sister wasn't born. 438 00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,318 Do you know what this means? 439 00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:49,520 We have to go back and save 9/1 1! 440 00:19:49,683 --> 00:19:51,751 Me and my buddy Got a time machine 441 00:19:51,916 --> 00:19:54,285 But we got to be careful If you know what l mean 442 00:19:54,450 --> 00:19:57,286 'Cause history's a fragile thing It seems 443 00:19:57,383 --> 00:19:59,852 And it's easy to fuck stuff up 444 00:20:00,016 --> 00:20:02,284 ''Me and My Buddy''