1 00:00:02,251 --> 00:00:13,515 English Subs : Arkfeller 2 00:00:14,803 --> 00:00:25,803 Re-Synchronization : Condemned 3 00:00:37,199 --> 00:00:39,168 All right, everybody. Give us some room. 4 00:00:39,266 --> 00:00:40,200 Give us some room. 5 00:00:40,299 --> 00:00:42,101 Step back. Yeah, l said back up, buddy. 6 00:00:42,199 --> 00:00:45,136 Okay, everyone. I've got a quick announcement to make. 7 00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:47,802 The revolution is going very well. 8 00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,302 We have a lot of rich guys to chop today. 9 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,169 So just give us some space, cool your jets... 10 00:00:53,266 --> 00:00:54,333 Cool your iets! 11 00:00:54,433 --> 00:00:56,635 ...and we're gonna get through this, okay? 12 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:57,233 First up! 13 00:00:57,333 --> 00:00:58,200 First up! 14 00:00:59,366 --> 00:01:01,468 Name and where you want your head to go. 15 00:01:01,633 --> 00:01:04,869 Marie Antoinette. And to my cousins in the countryside. 16 00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:06,200 Head's going to the country. 17 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:08,568 All right, Marie. Now, you know the drill, right? 18 00:01:08,733 --> 00:01:11,502 Well, l was briefed, but if you could go over it again. 19 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:12,667 No problem, ma'am. 20 00:01:12,766 --> 00:01:15,034 We clamp this thing down on your neck, like so. 21 00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:17,001 Then this guy takes that big old blade 22 00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,302 to the top of the mast there, Iets go of the rope. 23 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,635 Knife comes down. Head pops off. 24 00:01:21,799 --> 00:01:23,401 -Oh, my! -Pretty simple. 25 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,301 Now, l have a question for you. 26 00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,367 Okay. 27 00:01:26,466 --> 00:01:28,835 How would you feel about making things 28 00:01:28,933 --> 00:01:31,201 a little interesting for me and the boys? 29 00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:32,567 I'm listening. 30 00:01:32,766 --> 00:01:37,303 lt has been said that the human head can survive for up to two minutes 31 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,835 once it has been hacked away from the body. 32 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,168 Wow, it's amazing what they can do now. 33 00:01:42,333 --> 00:01:43,467 lt is. It is. 34 00:01:43,633 --> 00:01:45,735 Now, this little piece of information 35 00:01:45,833 --> 00:01:47,834 has led me and my associate, Benson, 36 00:01:47,933 --> 00:01:50,302 into a bit of a speculative argument. 37 00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:51,200 Oh, my! 38 00:01:51,299 --> 00:01:53,535 l am of the opinion that the human head, 39 00:01:53,633 --> 00:01:55,234 once severed from the body, 40 00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,702 could recite the entire alphabet. 41 00:01:57,799 --> 00:01:59,568 She'll never make it past ''G.'' 42 00:01:59,666 --> 00:02:02,068 Benson does not think you could make it past ''G.'' 43 00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:04,568 l definitely think l could make it past ''G.'' 44 00:02:04,666 --> 00:02:07,468 Oh, thank you very much. This has been driving us crazy. 45 00:02:07,566 --> 00:02:09,968 -Anything to settle a dispute. -Raise the cutter. 46 00:02:10,066 --> 00:02:10,833 She's going to ''G''? 47 00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:13,702 She's going all the way, baby. I'm putting $20 down. 48 00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:15,234 -Double or nothing. -Deal. 49 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:16,901 Take a deep breath, sweetheart. 50 00:02:16,999 --> 00:02:18,234 Cut her head off now. 51 00:02:20,566 --> 00:02:22,367 [ Groans ] 52 00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,435 Man, l didn't hear letter one out of that lady. 53 00:02:28,533 --> 00:02:29,600 You owe me 40 bucks. 54 00:02:29,700 --> 00:02:32,135 l don't owe you piss. She didn't try. 55 00:02:32,299 --> 00:02:33,634 She tried. She couldn't do it. 56 00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:35,601 Double or nothing on the next guy. 57 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:36,767 -Done. -Deal. 58 00:02:36,866 --> 00:02:38,968 -Next guy. -Head's going to the country. 59 00:02:39,066 --> 00:02:41,168 You know, I'd just like to say that I'm terribly sorry 60 00:02:41,266 --> 00:02:43,334 about how things have been going around here lately. 61 00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:44,801 Okay, buddy. Where's your head going? 62 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:46,568 To my children, l suppose. 63 00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:47,767 But l am sorry. 64 00:02:47,866 --> 00:02:51,102 And I'd like to say that if there's anything l can do in my power -- 65 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,835 and l mean anything at all -- please don't hesitate -- 66 00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:56,835 Okay, buddy. Would you mind doing Benson and l a favor? 67 00:02:56,933 --> 00:02:57,800 Of course. 68 00:02:57,900 --> 00:02:58,934 Okay, quick recap. 69 00:02:59,033 --> 00:03:01,835 The head stays alive a little bit after this thing goes off. 70 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:04,135 I'm willing to wager 80 bucks 71 00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:06,835 that you could burp your entire name. 72 00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:10,569 Well, my name is D'Artagnan Francois LaRue Ill. 73 00:03:10,733 --> 00:03:12,701 -No way he's doing it. -He's doing it. 74 00:03:12,799 --> 00:03:14,001 All that shit? No way. 75 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,869 Never mind him. He's a iackass that don't know nothing. 76 00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:19,068 So you think can do this thing? 77 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,068 l don't see why not. 78 00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:23,902 [ Burping ] 79 00:03:23,999 --> 00:03:26,802 All right. All right. Save your burps. Save your burps. 80 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:29,836 -Burping his name. -Even odds on burping his name. 81 00:03:29,966 --> 00:03:32,168 Bets are closed! Cut his head off now! 82 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:33,000 Oh, my. 83 00:03:34,666 --> 00:03:36,000 [ WaiIs ] 84 00:03:38,966 --> 00:03:40,967 -l can't believe it. -That's 80 you owe me. 85 00:03:41,066 --> 00:03:43,067 l should have known burping wasn't gonna work. 86 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:45,701 You need to have all the air from your stomach to burp. 87 00:03:45,799 --> 00:03:47,434 You don't need no air from a stomach. 88 00:03:47,533 --> 00:03:48,734 lt's all air down there. 89 00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:50,067 He had it. He couldn't do it. 90 00:03:50,166 --> 00:03:52,001 Well, then maybe he just didn't have to burp. 91 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,068 We should have given him a root beer or something. 92 00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:56,535 Fine. Give the next guy a root beer. See if l care. 93 00:03:56,633 --> 00:03:57,433 Next guy. 94 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,667 Head's going to his kids. 95 00:03:58,766 --> 00:04:01,502 Oh, hi. I'm just trying to place a bet. 96 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,234 l think l got in the wrong line. 97 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:05,001 See, I'm a bread maker. 98 00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:06,267 Okay, Mr. Bread Maker. 99 00:04:06,366 --> 00:04:08,434 Do you think you could burp your entire name 100 00:04:08,533 --> 00:04:09,667 after we cut your head off 101 00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:11,901 if we gave you this whole bottle of root beer? 102 00:04:11,999 --> 00:04:13,801 That whole bottle? Of course. 103 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:16,168 All right, burping his name. Place your bets! 104 00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:18,134 Double or nothing. 105 00:04:19,799 --> 00:04:21,434 ANNOUNCER: Are you tired of your puppies 106 00:04:21,533 --> 00:04:23,601 getting too big to handle? 107 00:04:23,766 --> 00:04:27,936 Are you sick of your cute little puppies turning into dogs? 108 00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:29,801 Get off me, you son of a bitch! 109 00:04:31,133 --> 00:04:33,802 ANNO UNCER: Then try forever Puppies. 110 00:04:33,933 --> 00:04:35,267 Our puppies are guaranteed 111 00:04:35,366 --> 00:04:37,801 to stay youthful and lovable permanently. 112 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,636 Just listen to some of our satisfied customers. 113 00:04:40,799 --> 00:04:42,301 The problem with all my other puppies 114 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,269 is they would always end up getting weird and gross. 115 00:04:45,366 --> 00:04:49,603 Forever Puppies always looked like a little, fuzzy smiley face. 116 00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:52,602 l used to take Buddy to the park to pick up girIs. 117 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,101 Then Buddy turned into a dog, 118 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,335 and chicks stopped paying attention to me. 119 00:04:56,433 --> 00:05:00,637 Now, thanks to Forever Puppies, I'm knee-deep... 120 00:05:04,799 --> 00:05:06,735 .. .i n p u ssy. 121 00:05:06,900 --> 00:05:10,570 ANNOUNCER: Each forever Puppy is backed by our lifetime guarantee. 122 00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:14,369 lf your puppy is starting to lose that youthful innocence and charm, 123 00:05:14,466 --> 00:05:17,001 bring it back to any one of our 500 locations, 124 00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,301 and we'll exchange it for free. 125 00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,101 forever Puppies. 126 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,402 Puppies forever. 127 00:05:39,166 --> 00:05:41,234 Brilliant! Genius! 128 00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:46,004 Guard! Guard! l need a quill and some ink! 129 00:05:46,766 --> 00:05:48,033 You need a what, now? 130 00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:52,303 A quill, some ink, and some parchment, if you please? 131 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,435 No. You're not allowed to have a quill and parchment. 132 00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:55,333 You're in prison. 133 00:05:55,433 --> 00:05:56,700 What if you write something bad? 134 00:05:56,799 --> 00:05:58,368 Or you try to kill yourself with the pen? 135 00:05:58,466 --> 00:06:02,136 l swear upon my father's name that l won't write anything bad 136 00:06:02,233 --> 00:06:03,934 or try and hurt myself. 137 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:06,202 l just need it to write this song down. 138 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,433 What kind of song? 139 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:11,203 Hopefully, one day, it'll be the anthem to our new nation. 140 00:06:11,299 --> 00:06:14,169 What? No. l don't want you to have a new nation. 141 00:06:14,266 --> 00:06:16,501 I'm British. l think your new song sucks. 142 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:17,767 That's like me writing a song 143 00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:19,634 about how happy l am that you're in prison. 144 00:06:19,733 --> 00:06:23,436 Stop toying with me! Do you or do you not have a pen? 145 00:06:23,533 --> 00:06:25,735 Yeah. I've got tons of pens. I'm a guard. 146 00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:27,701 But you can't have any, terrorist. 147 00:06:27,799 --> 00:06:30,035 l need to remember this song. 148 00:06:30,133 --> 00:06:33,369 For one day, l may be freed from this prison, 149 00:06:33,466 --> 00:06:35,334 and then the song will represent 150 00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:38,569 all the struggles we have endured to create our freedom. 151 00:06:38,666 --> 00:06:41,035 You know what? l don't think I'm gonna give you dinner tonight. 152 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:42,000 [ Sighs ] 153 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,201 What if l sing it to you? 154 00:06:43,299 --> 00:06:46,002 You may be so moved that you'll let me write it down. 155 00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,367 l shall sing it. 156 00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:49,501 No, that's okay. l think I've heard your song before. 157 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:50,701 What are you talking about? 158 00:06:50,799 --> 00:06:52,368 Your song. l think I've heard it before. 159 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:53,633 lt goes like.... 160 00:06:53,733 --> 00:06:56,268 Oh, let's make a country of faggots And queer up the whole dang world 161 00:06:56,366 --> 00:06:56,966 Stop it! 162 00:06:57,066 --> 00:06:59,635 Let's cause a big, big problem And do each other in the butt 163 00:06:59,733 --> 00:07:01,101 -That's your song. -All right. 164 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,535 How about l sing my song to you, and you write it down? 165 00:07:03,633 --> 00:07:05,434 -Okay, sure. -Oh! All right. 166 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:06,834 -Here we go. -Okay. 167 00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:10,870 ''Let's Make a Country of Faggots'' by Francis Scott Key. 168 00:07:10,966 --> 00:07:12,634 That's not my song. That's your song. 169 00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:15,235 That's my song l wrote for you. 170 00:07:16,966 --> 00:07:19,501 Why won't you just write down the song for me? 171 00:07:19,766 --> 00:07:21,634 Just write it down for me! Please! 172 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:24,068 Okay. All right. Jeez. Look at yourself. 173 00:07:24,633 --> 00:07:25,834 Get it together. 174 00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,134 I'll go sit down. 175 00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:28,500 Really? 176 00:07:28,666 --> 00:07:30,200 Thank you. 177 00:07:30,999 --> 00:07:36,839 ''The Star-Spangled Banner'' by Francis Scott Key. 178 00:07:36,933 --> 00:07:38,601 -Got it? -Got it. 179 00:07:40,666 --> 00:07:43,368 Hey there, in the distance 180 00:07:43,466 --> 00:07:46,836 See it glistening Glistening, glistening 181 00:07:46,933 --> 00:07:50,136 Hear the trumpets of freedom 182 00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:54,570 Hear them Listen, listen, listen 183 00:07:54,666 --> 00:07:56,834 A banner in the sky 184 00:07:56,933 --> 00:08:01,671 lt's all star-spangled Spangled, spangled 185 00:08:01,766 --> 00:08:04,869 Our new nation is a-forming 186 00:08:04,966 --> 00:08:10,705 And it's too late to wake up 187 00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:13,434 All right. And then it goes like.... 188 00:08:13,533 --> 00:08:14,000 A boop 189 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:15,434 A beepbeep 190 00:08:15,533 --> 00:08:16,767 A boopboop 191 00:08:16,866 --> 00:08:18,100 A beepbeep 192 00:08:18,466 --> 00:08:19,500 A boop 193 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,834 A beepbeep 194 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:21,366 A boop 195 00:08:21,466 --> 00:08:27,438 freedom! 196 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,601 I'm just writing ''freedom.'' 197 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,436 But at what price? 198 00:08:44,533 --> 00:08:47,135 Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop 199 00:08:47,233 --> 00:08:48,133 Bop! 200 00:08:48,233 --> 00:08:49,033 Oh! 201 00:08:49,133 --> 00:08:49,833 Ah! 202 00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:50,900 Oh! 203 00:08:50,999 --> 00:08:51,900 Ah! 204 00:08:51,999 --> 00:08:52,734 Oh! 205 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:53,700 Ah! 206 00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:54,734 Revolution! 207 00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:55,600 Ah! 208 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:56,600 1 7! 209 00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:57,467 Ah! 210 00:08:57,633 --> 00:09:01,570 76! 211 00:09:02,066 --> 00:09:04,701 Bop, bop, bop, bop 212 00:09:04,799 --> 00:09:07,169 Coming soon 213 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:17,469 All right. Read it back to me. 214 00:09:17,633 --> 00:09:19,167 Okay. 215 00:09:19,266 --> 00:09:22,469 Oh, let's make a country of faggots And queer up the whole dang world 216 00:09:22,566 --> 00:09:25,602 Let's make a country of faggots And dress the boys like girIs 217 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:28,302 Why must you torment me so? 218 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,868 You already have me caged. 219 00:09:29,966 --> 00:09:32,935 Must you take away my creativity, as well? 220 00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,402 All right. Calm down. I'm just messing with you. 221 00:09:35,499 --> 00:09:36,934 I'm just giving you a hard time. 222 00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,033 Here you go. 223 00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:39,367 Fooled you! 224 00:09:45,466 --> 00:09:48,669 So, yeah, you basically just, like, walk up here. 225 00:09:48,766 --> 00:09:50,400 And then you, like, come over here. 226 00:09:50,499 --> 00:09:53,269 And then, basically, it's like here you are. 227 00:09:53,366 --> 00:09:54,066 Oh! 228 00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,201 Tenzig, it's magnificent! 229 00:09:56,299 --> 00:09:58,301 The crest of Mount Everest. 230 00:09:58,466 --> 00:10:00,000 Bless you for your help, young Sherpa. 231 00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,002 Oh, don't mention it. You're, like, super-good explorer. 232 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,569 Like, most people would have just, like, died or gone home. 233 00:10:05,666 --> 00:10:07,567 But you're, like, crazy sexy. 234 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,002 Well, thank you, Tenzig. 235 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:13,469 I'm just going to stand here a moment and soak all of this in. 236 00:10:13,633 --> 00:10:15,601 Yeah, you just should just, like, take a moment 237 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,334 and just, like, try to soak it all in. 238 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,835 Because this will, like, change your life forever. 239 00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:23,136 You want to see something, like, super-crazy-sexy cool? 240 00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:25,802 Well, sure l do, my fellow adventurer. 241 00:10:25,966 --> 00:10:28,401 Don't even flatter me. You, like, did all the work. 242 00:10:28,499 --> 00:10:31,302 You're, like, crazy-sexy American action hero. 243 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,735 Well, l guess l was for a moment there 244 00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:35,467 when l had to make that iump. 245 00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:37,501 Yeah. That iump was amazing. 246 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,435 Check this out. 247 00:10:43,066 --> 00:10:44,400 Wow. 248 00:10:44,499 --> 00:10:47,736 That's really gathering some mass there. 249 00:10:47,833 --> 00:10:49,234 Whoa! 250 00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,368 Oh, my God! 251 00:10:51,466 --> 00:10:53,067 Oh, my God! 252 00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:56,368 Tenzig, that village! 253 00:10:56,466 --> 00:10:58,201 Oh, my God! 254 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,101 Tenzig, what have you done? 255 00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:02,468 FeeIs good to be on the top, right? 256 00:11:03,799 --> 00:11:06,836 Tenzig, l think you've just killed a lot of people. 257 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,869 Don't worry about it. It's, like, super-poor fishing community. 258 00:11:09,966 --> 00:11:11,667 lt's very unsexy. 259 00:11:11,799 --> 00:11:13,268 Have you done that before? 260 00:11:13,366 --> 00:11:17,369 Only like over 9,OOO times. It's so everyday and mundane. 261 00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:20,235 I'm so bored, l don't even want to talk about it anymore. 262 00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:24,170 Okay. l don't understand your people's culture or customs. 263 00:11:24,266 --> 00:11:27,402 So I'm just going to assume that all of that was just okay. 264 00:11:27,499 --> 00:11:30,269 Oh, it's super-fine. It's, like, even encouraged. 265 00:11:30,366 --> 00:11:31,266 All right. 266 00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:33,000 Tenzig, l wonder if you'd do me the honor 267 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:34,935 of taking a photograph of me. 268 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,235 Oh, my God, that would be, like, my honor. 269 00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,268 Thank you so much for choosing me. 270 00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:42,702 Tell me, Tenzig, how many people do you think have stood 271 00:11:42,799 --> 00:11:44,368 where I'm standing now? 272 00:11:44,466 --> 00:11:46,935 Must be a pretty small club that I'm joining, huh? 273 00:11:47,033 --> 00:11:50,436 Oh, yeah, probably only like two or three people ever. 274 00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:51,600 -Really? -Yeah. 275 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:54,269 And of all of them, you're, like, definitely the tallest. 276 00:11:54,366 --> 00:11:55,800 Really? 277 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:58,335 The tallest ever to climb Mount Everest? 278 00:11:58,499 --> 00:12:00,101 -That's you. -Wow. 279 00:12:00,266 --> 00:12:02,034 That means that right now, at this moment, 280 00:12:02,133 --> 00:12:03,634 my head is the highest thing 281 00:12:03,733 --> 00:12:05,401 that has ever been on the planet Earth. 282 00:12:05,499 --> 00:12:08,369 Oh, my God. You're, like, blowing my mind. 283 00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:09,533 Look, Tenzig. 284 00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,901 That means now my hand is the highest point. 285 00:12:11,999 --> 00:12:14,302 Look at you. You're, like, racking up the records. 286 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,436 Look, Tenzig. Even higher. 287 00:12:17,566 --> 00:12:20,335 Oh, my God. That's so amazing and thrilling to me. 288 00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,134 You should do the thing with your penis. 289 00:12:23,266 --> 00:12:24,166 What? 290 00:12:24,266 --> 00:12:26,468 All the, like, super-macho Americans, 291 00:12:26,566 --> 00:12:28,567 what they do is they like to do this thing 292 00:12:28,666 --> 00:12:30,601 where they lie down on the top of Mount Everest. 293 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,402 And they take out their penis, and then they take out their balIs. 294 00:12:33,499 --> 00:12:35,201 And then they're, like, super-excited 295 00:12:35,299 --> 00:12:37,568 because everything is under their balIs. 296 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,336 Well, l don't really think l need to be doing that, okay? 297 00:12:42,466 --> 00:12:44,201 Oh, yeah. It's, like, super-empowering. 298 00:12:44,299 --> 00:12:47,403 Because then they know that, like, everything on the entire planet 299 00:12:47,499 --> 00:12:49,034 and everything in the entire world 300 00:12:49,133 --> 00:12:51,168 is, like, underneath their penis and balIs. 301 00:12:51,266 --> 00:12:53,101 That does sound pretty empowering. 302 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,534 Yeah, why not? Just do it. 303 00:12:54,633 --> 00:12:57,068 Be young. Have fun. Stay cool. 304 00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:59,335 Yes. l will stay cool. 305 00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:00,700 All right. 306 00:13:00,866 --> 00:13:04,703 I'll just lie down on the ground like this. 307 00:13:04,799 --> 00:13:08,069 And I'll just take out my penis and my balIs. 308 00:13:08,233 --> 00:13:10,468 Here, I'll, like, take a picture for your mantel. 309 00:13:10,566 --> 00:13:13,268 Yes, this would make an excellent picture for my mantel. 310 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:14,901 Thank you, Tenzig. 311 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,736 Oh, yeah. That looks awesome. 312 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,801 Now I'll just get up. 313 00:13:21,366 --> 00:13:23,501 I'll just get up off of the ground. 314 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,769 Tenzig! Something is wrong! 315 00:13:26,866 --> 00:13:28,901 l can't get up! I'm stuck to the mountain! 316 00:13:28,999 --> 00:13:31,268 Of course you're stuck to the mountain. 317 00:13:31,433 --> 00:13:33,067 Tenzig, your voice has changed! 318 00:13:33,233 --> 00:13:36,669 That's because, in reality, l am not Tenzig Nordig. 319 00:13:36,766 --> 00:13:42,905 My name is Rex Bosworth, international diamond thief. 320 00:13:43,066 --> 00:13:44,667 What? That's crazy! 321 00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:47,735 I'd love to free you from this mountain, Freddy McNernie. 322 00:13:47,833 --> 00:13:49,167 But I'm afraid, first, 323 00:13:49,266 --> 00:13:52,936 you'll have to give me the world's largest diamond. 324 00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:56,503 Tenzig, l own a tire company in Akron, Ohio. 325 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,668 l don't know anything about diamonds. 326 00:13:58,766 --> 00:14:02,069 That's not my problem, Freddy McNernie. 327 00:14:02,166 --> 00:14:03,567 That's your problem. 328 00:14:03,666 --> 00:14:06,802 Bum, bum, bum! 329 00:14:11,799 --> 00:14:14,636 Another problem you have is that l have this digital camera. 330 00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,601 And on this camera are pictures of you 331 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,134 with your penis and balIs out. 332 00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:20,334 lt'd be a shame if these pictures 333 00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:23,135 were to find their way into my quarterly magazine, 334 00:14:23,233 --> 00:14:25,401 Diamond Thieves Quarterly. 335 00:14:25,566 --> 00:14:27,067 My parents read that magazine! 336 00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:29,134 Everyone reads that magazine. 337 00:14:29,299 --> 00:14:31,935 lt's super-crazy-sexy. 338 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:32,567 No! 339 00:14:32,666 --> 00:14:34,401 You have one week, Freddy McNernie. 340 00:14:34,499 --> 00:14:37,569 One week to bring me the world's largest diamond. 341 00:14:37,733 --> 00:14:40,669 Or it's ''penis and balIs in magazine'' time. 342 00:14:40,833 --> 00:14:42,100 Bum, bum, bum! 343 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,801 No! Hey! 344 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,268 Hey! 345 00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:46,700 [ Grunts ] 346 00:14:47,366 --> 00:14:48,734 Blast. 347 00:14:53,366 --> 00:14:55,201 Honey, you're home. How was Mount Everest? 348 00:14:55,299 --> 00:14:56,034 Fine. 349 00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:58,268 -Is something wrong? -No. nothing is wrong. 350 00:14:58,366 --> 00:14:59,800 l can tell that something is wrong. 351 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,168 -Okay, something is wrong. -What is it? 352 00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:04,802 l need to find the biggest diamond in the world. 353 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,035 Oh, Freddy, why? 354 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,168 Because l pulled my dick out on Mount Everest, 355 00:15:09,266 --> 00:15:10,934 and a diamond thief took pictures of it. 356 00:15:11,033 --> 00:15:14,302 Oh, my God! l knew something like this would happen! 357 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,336 I'm sorry. It's just me and my stupid pride. 358 00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,802 Well, why didn't you take the camera away from him? 359 00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,701 Because he iet-packed away! 360 00:15:21,799 --> 00:15:25,003 Well, what am l supposed to say? Things like this always happen. 361 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,035 No. Candice, l can change. 362 00:15:27,133 --> 00:15:29,301 We were doing so good. I'll change. 363 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:32,236 Then fucking change, Freddy. You're 43 years old. 364 00:15:32,333 --> 00:15:33,967 Mommy, Daddy, why are you yelling? 365 00:15:34,066 --> 00:15:35,901 -Timmy, my son! -Don't fight! 366 00:15:35,999 --> 00:15:37,000 Tell him, Freddy. 367 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,001 Tell him why we can't have Christmas this year! 368 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:40,634 What? No Christmas? No! 369 00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:41,967 Tell him, Freddy! 370 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,667 We can't have Christmas this year 371 00:15:43,766 --> 00:15:45,968 because Daddy pulled his dick out on Mount Everest 372 00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,834 and a diamond thief took pictures of it. 373 00:15:47,933 --> 00:15:50,335 What? No, Daddy! You were doing so well! 374 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:52,201 Are you and Mom gonna split up again? 375 00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:54,702 -l don't know. Probably! -You are, aren't you? 376 00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:56,835 l hate you, Mom! l hate you! 377 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:58,567 You're a fucking cunt! 378 00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,501 No, Timmy! Go to your room! 379 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,069 Don't leave me and Mom! l love you! 380 00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:03,933 [ Cries ] 381 00:16:04,033 --> 00:16:06,902 Well, where are you supposed to find the largest diamond in the world? 382 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,369 l don't know! Let me check. 383 00:16:09,999 --> 00:16:12,202 Oh, great! It's in a volcano! 384 00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:16,504 A volcano? A fucking volcano, Freddy? 385 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,601 Mommy, no! Don't do that! 386 00:16:18,766 --> 00:16:20,968 Why did you pull your dick out on Mount Everest? 387 00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:23,568 Because I'm a man, and l was weak! 388 00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:26,235 Everything my mother told me about you was true. 389 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:29,469 Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that! 390 00:16:29,633 --> 00:16:31,601 Well, don't you see that everything in the world 391 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,501 is telling us that we shouldn't be together? 392 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:35,668 -You're right. -We're so broken. 393 00:16:35,799 --> 00:16:38,035 -We are broken! -We're so broken! 394 00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:40,535 -We're so broken! -We're so broken! 395 00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:41,734 Oh, we're broken! 396 00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:42,767 [ All cry ] 397 00:16:42,866 --> 00:16:44,267 -Kill us, God! -Kill us! 398 00:16:44,366 --> 00:16:45,934 Kill us all! 399 00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:47,067 Kill me, God! 400 00:16:47,166 --> 00:16:48,166 God, kill us! 401 00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,567 You fucker! 402 00:16:49,666 --> 00:16:51,200 You fucker! 403 00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:52,567 Kill us, God! 404 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:55,101 Please, kill us! 405 00:16:57,499 --> 00:17:00,135 Kill us, God! 406 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:16,136 This volcano is fucking hot. 407 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:20,704 l wish l had some sort of Sherpa or someone to assist me right now. 408 00:17:20,799 --> 00:17:24,403 'Cause it is hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! 409 00:17:24,833 --> 00:17:26,734 l bet if l pulled out my penis right now, 410 00:17:26,833 --> 00:17:28,568 it would be the hottest penis in the world. 411 00:17:28,666 --> 00:17:30,200 No! No! 412 00:17:30,299 --> 00:17:31,534 Keep it in your pants, Freddy. 413 00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,701 You've got a family to think about now. 414 00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:34,867 Yes. 415 00:17:34,966 --> 00:17:36,133 Here we go. 416 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:39,200 All right. 417 00:17:39,299 --> 00:17:42,536 Now, I've just got to find that diamond. 418 00:17:42,633 --> 00:17:43,934 Where.. .? 419 00:17:44,033 --> 00:17:45,734 There it is. Okay. 420 00:17:45,833 --> 00:17:48,802 I'll just walk on over, pick it up with my hands, 421 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:52,236 and get those dick pictures back. 422 00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:54,701 -Excuse me? -Oh! 423 00:17:54,799 --> 00:17:58,170 Just what in the world do you think you're doing? 424 00:17:58,299 --> 00:17:59,234 Are you the devil? 425 00:17:59,333 --> 00:18:03,103 Yes, I'm the devil. Why do you think I'm all red? 426 00:18:03,233 --> 00:18:06,002 Huh. So the devil lives in a volcano, huh? 427 00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:08,669 Yes, the devil lives in a volcano. 428 00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:09,867 Late pass. 429 00:18:09,966 --> 00:18:12,702 What, did you think the devil lives in some sort of condo 430 00:18:12,799 --> 00:18:14,067 down in Florida? 431 00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:15,767 -No. -Yeah-huh. 432 00:18:15,866 --> 00:18:18,101 See, the thing about people like you 433 00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:22,536 is that you think that the devil lives in some sort of houseboat 434 00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:26,803 just drinking daiquiris and listening to Jimmy Buffet. 435 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:27,700 No, l don't. 436 00:18:27,866 --> 00:18:29,934 People like you think that the devil 437 00:18:30,033 --> 00:18:32,969 lives in some sort of abandoned railroad car, 438 00:18:33,066 --> 00:18:35,268 just traveling from state to state, 439 00:18:35,366 --> 00:18:39,636 eating sardines out of a can and telling stories to strangers 440 00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:42,936 and petting his scraggly little dog that he has. 441 00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,034 Would you please stop that? 442 00:18:44,133 --> 00:18:47,336 See, people like you think that the devil lives 443 00:18:47,499 --> 00:18:50,669 in some sort of magical hot-air-balloon kingdom, 444 00:18:50,766 --> 00:18:53,935 where he just zooms around on a Segway scooter 445 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:57,503 and watches soap operas and does Sudoku. 446 00:18:57,666 --> 00:18:58,633 Would you stop, please? 447 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:01,402 People like you think that the devil 448 00:19:01,499 --> 00:19:04,736 lives in a run-down Iaundry-detergent factory, 449 00:19:04,833 --> 00:19:08,603 where he just eats candy canes out of a box that he has, 450 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:12,236 and he writes short stories and twirIs his hair. 451 00:19:12,333 --> 00:19:16,036 You see, people like you think that ''the deviI'' 452 00:19:16,133 --> 00:19:20,103 is some sort of stowaway on Paul Simon's tour bus, 453 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:24,203 just traveling across America and eating Teddy Grahams, 454 00:19:24,299 --> 00:19:27,503 and, when people fall asleep, spitting them in their ears. 455 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,702 Would you please stop? This is hell. 456 00:19:29,799 --> 00:19:32,369 Oh, l get it now. This is hell. 457 00:19:32,533 --> 00:19:34,334 .. .iewel-encrusted surfboard 458 00:19:34,433 --> 00:19:37,302 just floating in the middle of a wave pool 459 00:19:37,466 --> 00:19:40,802 reading romance noveIs and thinking about boys. 460 00:19:40,966 --> 00:19:47,205 People like you think that the devil lives on a Hollywood movie-studio set 461 00:19:47,366 --> 00:19:50,135 that's made to look like a World War Il fighter jet, 462 00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:52,802 and he just lounges around all day, 463 00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:57,337 getting baked and calling his friends and hanging up on 'em. 464 00:19:57,433 --> 00:19:58,467 People like you... 465 00:20:03,833 --> 00:20:06,235 Oh, yeah. That's awesome. 466 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:08,635 You look like a really cool guy. 467 00:20:08,733 --> 00:20:11,602 Yeah. You know, l feel really cool right now. 468 00:20:11,766 --> 00:20:12,900 Rex Bosworth. 469 00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,201 Hey, that guy's higher than my dick. 470 00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:18,302 I've brought you your diamond, you son of a bitch. 471 00:20:18,466 --> 00:20:20,668 Hey, buddy, get down on the ground. This is my time. 472 00:20:20,766 --> 00:20:22,067 You've got the diamond? 473 00:20:22,166 --> 00:20:23,867 Tenzig, your voice changed. 474 00:20:23,966 --> 00:20:27,569 lt took me to the depths of hell, and it nearly tore my family apart. 475 00:20:27,666 --> 00:20:29,634 But I've brought it. 476 00:20:30,499 --> 00:20:31,500 Excellent. 477 00:20:31,700 --> 00:20:34,202 Tremendous work, Freddy McNernie. 478 00:20:34,299 --> 00:20:37,970 You see, all the deviI's powers were contained in this diamond. 479 00:20:38,066 --> 00:20:39,467 And now that we have stolen it, 480 00:20:39,566 --> 00:20:43,136 all evil will slowly drain from the Earth. 481 00:20:43,233 --> 00:20:45,735 Whoa! That's, like, a really big deal. 482 00:20:45,833 --> 00:20:47,301 lt's the biggest deal. 483 00:20:47,466 --> 00:20:48,834 You're a good guy. 484 00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:50,434 I'm the greatest guy. 485 00:20:50,533 --> 00:20:54,203 Rex Bosworth, champion of man. 486 00:20:54,366 --> 00:20:57,068 Guys, what's going on? Can you get under my dick, please? 487 00:20:57,166 --> 00:21:00,369 Fitting, isn't it, that the devil would finally meet his due 488 00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:02,868 here at the summit of Everest? 489 00:21:02,999 --> 00:21:04,134 That is fitting. 490 00:21:04,266 --> 00:21:07,902 Look! To the horizon, Freddy. Eagles approach. 491 00:21:07,999 --> 00:21:10,369 Holy shit! They took the diamond. 492 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,869 This is fucking crazy!