1 00:00:01,766 --> 00:00:03,167 [ Laughing ] 2 00:00:03,266 --> 00:00:05,501 That is so true. That is so true. 3 00:00:05,599 --> 00:00:07,034 I know, right? 4 00:00:07,133 --> 00:00:09,568 You know, I'm having a good time on this date. 5 00:00:09,666 --> 00:00:11,801 -Me too. -Good. That's good. 6 00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,868 Oh, you have something there in your teeth. 7 00:00:13,966 --> 00:00:14,733 Oh, really? 8 00:00:14,833 --> 00:00:16,267 No, no. It's right over there. 9 00:00:16,366 --> 00:00:18,468 Over there more. Over there. 10 00:00:19,666 --> 00:00:22,135 Yeah, right there. 11 00:00:22,233 --> 00:00:22,967 What? 12 00:00:23,066 --> 00:00:24,600 That's -- 13 00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:26,001 lt's a string. 14 00:00:26,099 --> 00:00:27,668 Oh, my God. 15 00:00:28,566 --> 00:00:29,500 What? 16 00:00:29,599 --> 00:00:31,268 Was that in the chicken? 17 00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:35,670 lt's long, and it -- 18 00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:36,567 Oh, my God! 19 00:00:36,733 --> 00:00:38,201 [ Makes groaning sounds ] 20 00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,735 lt's, like, attached to something. 21 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,835 [ Makes groaning sounds ] 22 00:00:51,533 --> 00:00:53,701 What is that? 23 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,468 lt's a kidney! 24 00:00:56,666 --> 00:00:58,667 Oh, my God! 25 00:00:58,833 --> 00:00:59,233 Oh! 26 00:00:59,333 --> 00:01:01,034 There's more! 27 00:01:14,233 --> 00:01:15,801 That's a heart. 28 00:01:15,933 --> 00:01:18,168 A heart? Maybe you should stop pulling. 29 00:01:18,266 --> 00:01:19,767 [ Groans ] 30 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,801 Oh, my. 31 00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:26,534 Oh, geez, lungs! 32 00:01:37,299 --> 00:01:38,300 Oh, no! 33 00:01:43,366 --> 00:01:45,167 Oh, shit, your brain. 34 00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,736 Oh, my God, is that your soul? 35 00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,634 Are you okay? 36 00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:15,306 English Subs : Arkfeller 37 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:28,001 Re-Synchronization : Condemned 38 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:40,101 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 39 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:41,434 Here we go! Here we go! 40 00:02:41,533 --> 00:02:42,634 You've had a long day at work. 41 00:02:42,799 --> 00:02:44,801 Slip into something more comfortable. 42 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,368 -Here it goes. -There goes that. 43 00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:49,200 Yes! 44 00:02:49,366 --> 00:02:50,200 Yes! 45 00:02:50,299 --> 00:02:52,402 We've got front-row tickets to the tit Olympics. 46 00:02:52,500 --> 00:02:54,401 We're on the 50-yard line at the Boober Bowl. 47 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:55,500 Yeah, dude! 48 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,467 God bless America! 49 00:02:57,733 --> 00:03:01,136 lt's a thong. It's a thong. We have a thong. 50 00:03:01,266 --> 00:03:03,134 Dude, can you imagine having sex with her? 51 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:06,102 That would be so awesome. I'm doing it right now. 52 00:03:06,266 --> 00:03:08,001 Me too! Me too! 53 00:03:08,099 --> 00:03:09,534 -Oh, my God! -Oh, my God! 54 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:11,434 -Oh, my God. -Oh, my God! 55 00:03:11,533 --> 00:03:13,668 I'm, like, really happy with my life right now. 56 00:03:13,766 --> 00:03:15,634 Yeah, things ended up great. 57 00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:16,667 Are you kidding me? 58 00:03:16,766 --> 00:03:18,601 -You're kidding me. -Are you kidding me? 59 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,033 You have got to be kidding. 60 00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,401 Does God, like, have a crush on us or something? 61 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:23,968 She's got to know that we're watching. 62 00:03:24,066 --> 00:03:25,333 That's the only explanation. 63 00:03:25,433 --> 00:03:27,968 She knows that we're watching, and she's into it. 64 00:03:28,099 --> 00:03:29,801 You should shine your laser pointer on her. 65 00:03:29,966 --> 00:03:30,766 Yeah. 66 00:03:30,866 --> 00:03:31,700 Whoa! 67 00:03:31,866 --> 00:03:33,167 Oops, sorry, sorry! 68 00:03:33,866 --> 00:03:34,967 What? Is she...? 69 00:03:35,133 --> 00:03:36,734 What's wrong? Is she choking? 70 00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:37,967 Oh, oh! 71 00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:39,767 Is she okay? Should we call somebody? 72 00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:41,567 I don't know. What should we...? 73 00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:43,300 Oh, she's -- 74 00:03:43,466 --> 00:03:44,800 What is she doing? She's not moving. 75 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:45,800 She's not moving now. 76 00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:46,867 Is she dead? 77 00:03:46,966 --> 00:03:48,534 I don't know. She's just lying there. 78 00:03:48,633 --> 00:03:50,401 -She's not moving at all. -She's not moving! 79 00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:51,834 -Oh, my God. -What do we do? 80 00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:52,566 I don't know. 81 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:54,567 -Oh, shit. -Oh, this is bad. 82 00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:56,267 This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. 83 00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:57,800 -Here comes the husband. -Oh, God. 84 00:03:57,966 --> 00:03:59,100 Oh, man. What is...? 85 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,367 He's checking her puIse. 86 00:04:00,466 --> 00:04:01,900 Can he help her? 87 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,901 Is she okay? Come on, she's got to be.... 88 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,302 Oh, man, he should give her CPR or something. 89 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:07,701 -What's he doing? -What is that? 90 00:04:07,799 --> 00:04:09,368 -I don't know. -That's a gun! 91 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:11,034 Oh, my God. Oh, no! 92 00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:12,534 Oh, bad. Oh, bad. 93 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,701 This is bad. This is bad. 94 00:04:14,799 --> 00:04:15,634 Oh, no. 95 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:18,936 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 96 00:04:19,033 --> 00:04:20,000 Oh, no, a kid! 97 00:04:20,099 --> 00:04:21,701 This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. 98 00:04:21,799 --> 00:04:24,469 -Oh, no, don't do it! -Is he gonna kill himself? 99 00:04:24,566 --> 00:04:26,434 Oh, no, no, no. Don't do it. Don't do it. 100 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:28,401 That kid's gonna kill himself! 101 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:30,602 -The police! -We are screwed! 102 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:32,334 No! What? He didn't do it! 103 00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:33,433 He didn't do it! 104 00:04:33,599 --> 00:04:35,168 -Are you kidding me? -What the hell? 105 00:04:35,266 --> 00:04:36,567 Bad. This is bad. 106 00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:38,134 Bad, bad, bad, bad. 107 00:04:38,233 --> 00:04:40,034 What is he -- What's going on now? 108 00:04:40,133 --> 00:04:41,234 Is he having a heart attack? 109 00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,334 -Are you serious? -What the hell? 110 00:04:43,433 --> 00:04:45,868 -Are you serious? -Now what? 111 00:04:45,966 --> 00:04:48,635 -No! Oh, oh, my God! -Oh, my God! 112 00:04:48,733 --> 00:04:50,101 -I can't look. -Oh, my God! 113 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,134 I can't look. 114 00:04:51,233 --> 00:04:53,435 -Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus. -Oh, my God. 115 00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:56,802 -Oh, my God. -Oh, God. 116 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,001 Hey, look, some chick's getting out of the shower. 117 00:05:01,099 --> 00:05:02,100 -Oh, really? -Yeah. 118 00:06:25,599 --> 00:06:26,968 [ Cheering ] 119 00:06:31,566 --> 00:06:34,568 ANNOUNCER: _re you tired of the same, old, boring day )ob? 120 00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:39,137 Then why not run away from it all and join the police force? 121 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,034 The exciting world of law enforcement 122 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:42,300 offers competitive pay 123 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,668 and huge potential for career advancement. 124 00:06:44,766 --> 00:06:48,069 And there's much more to the force than ever before. 125 00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:51,135 Pursue such diverse fields as... . 126 00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:53,234 Surveillance. 127 00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:56,234 Traffic control. 128 00:06:57,099 --> 00:06:59,335 And interrogation. 129 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,735 Law enforcement offers it all. 130 00:07:01,833 --> 00:07:04,402 Comfortable wages, an exciting work environment, 131 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,835 and a faIse sense of superiority. 132 00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:09,101 So join the police force. 133 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,436 To serve, protect, and to control the poor. 134 00:07:16,866 --> 00:07:21,370 Well, it sure is a starry night out on the old plains. 135 00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:24,235 The cattle are lowing. 136 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,768 The horses are settling in. 137 00:07:26,866 --> 00:07:30,703 And four travel-weary cowboys are sitting around the campfire, 138 00:07:30,799 --> 00:07:32,401 just trying to pass the time. 139 00:07:32,566 --> 00:07:35,168 Five. Five travel-weary cowboys. 140 00:07:35,333 --> 00:07:40,037 Sometimes it seems like the sun just couldn't come up quick enough. 141 00:07:40,133 --> 00:07:42,301 Well, shall we start the shows? 142 00:07:42,466 --> 00:07:44,034 Man, I don't want to do no show. 143 00:07:44,133 --> 00:07:46,001 What do you mean, you don't want to do a show? 144 00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,968 That's what you're supposed to be thinking about 145 00:07:48,066 --> 00:07:49,467 while we're out riding all day. 146 00:07:49,566 --> 00:07:51,501 We decided that back in Sioux City. 147 00:07:51,599 --> 00:07:55,370 Yeah, I know we decided that. I just don't feel like doing a show. 148 00:07:55,466 --> 00:07:58,302 Well, if you ain't gonna do a show, then you can't watch our shows. 149 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,868 We got to do a show every night. 150 00:08:00,033 --> 00:08:02,135 How he gonna call hisself a cowboy 151 00:08:02,233 --> 00:08:04,935 if come nightfall, he ain't gonna do a show for everybody? 152 00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:06,901 You better just spin your ass right around 153 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,534 and stare at that prairie, boy. 154 00:08:08,633 --> 00:08:09,967 The hell I am. 155 00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:11,567 The hell you ain't! 156 00:08:13,633 --> 00:08:15,901 I got writer's block! 157 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,602 I can't come up with an interesting protagonist. 158 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:21,235 You better start brainstorming some kind of something, 159 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,101 or I'll kill you and wear your boots! 160 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,768 Sam, if you don't do a show, 161 00:08:24,866 --> 00:08:27,568 then each of us, besides the show we do ourselves, 162 00:08:27,666 --> 00:08:29,868 only gets to watch two other shows. 163 00:08:29,966 --> 00:08:31,500 Three. Three other shows. 164 00:08:31,599 --> 00:08:33,268 Now, who's going first? 165 00:08:33,366 --> 00:08:34,100 I'll go. 166 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,101 All right, God damn it. 167 00:08:39,766 --> 00:08:42,301 All right, now, here's my show. 168 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:46,303 lt's called ''Daisy Mae and the Most Rascally Horse 169 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,202 You Ever Done Seen, episode three.'' 170 00:08:49,299 --> 00:08:50,267 I love Daisy Mae. 171 00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:52,634 Now, y'all may remember that yesterday, 172 00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,769 Daisy Mae done left her pail down in the shed 173 00:08:55,866 --> 00:08:57,200 and had to run fetch it. 174 00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:00,636 So here goes. I'm Daisy Mae. 175 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,402 Well, I got my pail now. 176 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:09,137 I guess I'd best go back up to the house and check it out. 177 00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:14,935 Who run around and left the house a mess 178 00:09:15,033 --> 00:09:18,069 like a durn tornado came in here? 179 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:22,436 I'll bet it was that rascallious horse. 180 00:09:22,966 --> 00:09:25,134 Who, me? 181 00:09:25,299 --> 00:09:26,901 Now, that's just dumb. 182 00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,634 I'll kill you and wear your boots! 183 00:09:31,133 --> 00:09:33,435 That was my shot arm! 184 00:09:33,599 --> 00:09:36,035 And it's gonna keep getting shot if you don't show a proper respect 185 00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,501 for the performing arts. 186 00:09:37,599 --> 00:09:39,568 Don't listen to him, Kenny. That was a good show. 187 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:42,535 Don't let that dumb son of a bitch break your confidence. 188 00:09:42,633 --> 00:09:45,635 Oh, man, that Daisy Mae sure is a wild one. 189 00:09:45,733 --> 00:09:49,103 Yeah, well, youse wait to see what she gets into tomorrow night. 190 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,467 I can't wait! 191 00:09:50,566 --> 00:09:52,734 All right, I'm going next. 192 00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:01,068 All right, it's been awhile 193 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:03,134 since we had a musical number in these parts. 194 00:10:03,233 --> 00:10:04,901 Oh, man, we ain't had a dance number 195 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,634 since Dallas/Fort Worth. 196 00:10:06,733 --> 00:10:08,668 That's right. 197 00:10:08,766 --> 00:10:11,468 Before I begin, I'd like to ask y'all a favor. 198 00:10:11,566 --> 00:10:13,901 lf you wouldn't mind, picture me all done up 199 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,303 like the cutest little Hawaiian hula girl you ever done seen. 200 00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:19,067 Here I go. 201 00:10:19,166 --> 00:10:19,866 [ Spits ] 202 00:10:21,433 --> 00:10:23,635 I like to hula 203 00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,835 for all the strangers in town 204 00:10:25,933 --> 00:10:27,401 I like to hula 205 00:10:27,566 --> 00:10:29,134 Now, that's just gay! 206 00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:31,068 I'll shoot you and wear your boots! 207 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:36,802 How can it be gay if he's a Hawaiian hula girl? 208 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,501 You got to pay attention, man. 209 00:10:38,599 --> 00:10:39,834 Go on with your story, Zeke. 210 00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:40,867 No, I'm done. 211 00:10:40,966 --> 00:10:44,402 I don't need no more comments from some fucking peanut gallery. 212 00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:45,767 Now look what you've done. 213 00:10:45,866 --> 00:10:48,368 Now, you go on and get up there, and you give us a damn show. 214 00:10:48,466 --> 00:10:49,867 Actually, it's my turn. 215 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,801 Entertain me, Sam Brown. 216 00:10:51,966 --> 00:10:54,668 -No, because clockwise.... -God damn it! 217 00:11:02,066 --> 00:11:05,769 All right, once there were four cowboys... 218 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:06,867 Five cowboys! 219 00:11:06,966 --> 00:11:10,302 ...sitting around on a perfectly beautiful night, 220 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,468 doing shows for each other. 221 00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:14,567 Now, even though this gang of men 222 00:11:14,666 --> 00:11:18,169 had been traveling together for nearly eight months, 223 00:11:18,266 --> 00:11:20,401 they only communicated to each other 224 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,935 through silly, little parables and stories 225 00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:25,835 instead of making real connections. 226 00:11:25,933 --> 00:11:28,335 Only glimmers of who they really were 227 00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,835 and what they actually felt and dreamt 228 00:11:30,933 --> 00:11:34,970 made it through this facade that they had erected. 229 00:11:35,099 --> 00:11:41,005 Gentlemen, this is not a show or a story. 230 00:11:41,099 --> 00:11:43,168 This is real life. 231 00:11:43,266 --> 00:11:45,001 This is us. 232 00:11:47,099 --> 00:11:49,101 Our time is fleeting. 233 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,967 Kenny, are you crying? 234 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:00,500 What? No! 235 00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:03,169 I think I just got some pee in my eyes. 236 00:12:03,266 --> 00:12:04,800 That ain't pee. You're crying. 237 00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:06,301 No, it's pee. 238 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,736 Must be some splashback from earlier. 239 00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:11,968 Did his story make you sad? 240 00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:14,368 No, I peed on my face! 241 00:12:14,466 --> 00:12:16,467 His story plucked on your heartstrings, 242 00:12:16,566 --> 00:12:17,600 and now you're sad. 243 00:12:17,699 --> 00:12:19,101 I ain't sad. 244 00:12:19,199 --> 00:12:21,302 Then let me see your mood ring. 245 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,601 No! 246 00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:24,868 Show the three of us your mood ring right now, God damn it. 247 00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:26,033 Fuck this sketch! 248 00:12:26,666 --> 00:12:28,734 Give me that, motherfucker. 249 00:12:29,333 --> 00:12:30,634 lt's blue! You're sad! 250 00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:33,368 No, it's not. It's green. That just means I'm horny. 251 00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:35,167 That is blue. That means you're sad. 252 00:12:35,266 --> 00:12:36,200 I'm horny! 253 00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:39,536 His story made you sad. 254 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:42,936 His story made me horny. 255 00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:47,137 Shit, man, you're horny. Fuck it. I don't care. All right. 256 00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:50,035 That's all it is. 257 00:12:50,866 --> 00:12:53,835 Just really horny over here. 258 00:12:54,966 --> 00:12:57,168 [ Bell rings ] 259 00:12:57,266 --> 00:12:59,768 Fucking guys never fucking paying attention to me. 260 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,634 They didn't even acknowledge my guy! 261 00:13:01,733 --> 00:13:03,968 I'm the one that came up with the idea for that son of a bitch! 262 00:13:04,066 --> 00:13:07,235 lt was supposed to be all about my guy robbing old trains, 263 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:10,302 and they take it and they make it about stories and mood rings 264 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,635 and freaking horseshit! 265 00:13:12,733 --> 00:13:14,534 I'm gonna start my own comedy troupe 266 00:13:14,633 --> 00:13:17,769 where my guy's always the star and every sketch ends in song. 267 00:13:17,866 --> 00:13:19,000 Yeah, that'll show 'em. 268 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:21,001 They don't even know what they're talking about. 269 00:13:21,099 --> 00:13:23,869 They're gonna be begging me to be on the Timmy Williams Sketch Group, 270 00:13:23,966 --> 00:13:25,133 and everybody's gonna love it, 271 00:13:25,233 --> 00:13:26,667 and they're gonna just fucking not know 272 00:13:26,766 --> 00:13:28,134 what to do with themselves anymore. 273 00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:30,768 I need the car to go get lunch. 274 00:13:31,466 --> 00:13:32,967 Do you want me to come with you? 275 00:13:33,066 --> 00:13:34,867 No, I'm good. 276 00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,401 I got it. 277 00:13:41,633 --> 00:13:46,037 Well, did everyone already give you their orders for what they want? 278 00:13:55,433 --> 00:13:56,767 Mr. WiIson. 279 00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:58,500 Hey, Dr. Filler, thanks for seeing me. 280 00:13:58,600 --> 00:14:00,969 No problem. How are things going? 281 00:14:01,066 --> 00:14:02,534 Things are okay. 282 00:14:02,699 --> 00:14:05,903 Yesterday, I found a lump. 283 00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:07,901 Oh, okay, I see. 284 00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,668 I wouldn't worry about it too much. 285 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:12,702 Most of the time in people your age, these things tend to be benign. 286 00:14:13,533 --> 00:14:14,634 That's a relief. 287 00:14:14,799 --> 00:14:15,734 But where exactly is it? 288 00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:17,768 lt's in my testicle. 289 00:14:18,799 --> 00:14:20,434 Oh, oh. 290 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,201 That sucks, man. 291 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,800 That just sucks. 292 00:14:27,966 --> 00:14:31,869 Hey, good luck with that. 293 00:14:31,966 --> 00:14:32,800 I mean -- 294 00:14:34,433 --> 00:14:36,768 Yeah, I just thought maybe you could take a look at it 295 00:14:36,866 --> 00:14:39,201 before I get all crazy. 296 00:14:41,033 --> 00:14:44,336 Oh, oh, oh, okay. 297 00:14:44,433 --> 00:14:46,401 I get -- I see. 298 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,701 I didn't -- 299 00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:48,867 You want me to.... 300 00:14:48,966 --> 00:14:49,966 Yeah, so.... 301 00:14:50,133 --> 00:14:51,667 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no. 302 00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:53,234 Yeah, you're right. You're right. 303 00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:55,001 I'm your doctor. That's what I should do. 304 00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:58,670 So we should definitely schedule an appointment. 305 00:14:58,833 --> 00:15:01,368 No, I scheduled the appointment yesterday. 306 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,001 This is the appointment. 307 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:06,169 Yeah, but we don't have much time left in our -- 308 00:15:06,333 --> 00:15:08,068 Would you please take two seconds and feel this 309 00:15:08,166 --> 00:15:10,167 so I know if I need to be freaking out here? 310 00:15:11,066 --> 00:15:12,000 Feel it? 311 00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,333 Yeah, feel. 312 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,400 Yes. 313 00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:21,300 Thank you! 314 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,667 -I'm a doctor. -Good. 315 00:15:22,766 --> 00:15:24,501 I'm a doctor. 316 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,736 That's what we'll do since you're so set on it. 317 00:15:27,833 --> 00:15:30,235 Just stand up. 318 00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:31,834 Take out your thing or.... 319 00:15:31,933 --> 00:15:33,034 Oh! 320 00:15:40,466 --> 00:15:42,201 [ Grunts ] 321 00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:53,636 Hey, this is not exactly pleasant for me either, okay? 322 00:15:53,733 --> 00:15:56,669 Oh, really? Then why did you come in here? 323 00:15:56,833 --> 00:15:58,067 -What? -Nothing! 324 00:15:58,799 --> 00:16:03,504 Fine, I'll do it 'cause I'm a doctor. 325 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,668 [ Inaudible ] 326 00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:09,801 Can you do this now, please? 327 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,868 Oh! I touched it. You're benign. You're benign. 328 00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:17,134 You're benign. It's fine. It's fine. It's totally fine. 329 00:16:17,299 --> 00:16:18,267 That was my thigh. 330 00:16:18,366 --> 00:16:19,867 What? No, it was the thing! 331 00:16:19,966 --> 00:16:20,866 lt was my thigh. 332 00:16:20,966 --> 00:16:22,033 [ Screams ] 333 00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:23,100 Come on. 334 00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,367 [ Screams ] 335 00:16:25,799 --> 00:16:27,334 You've done this before, right? 336 00:16:27,433 --> 00:16:28,801 -No! -What? 337 00:16:28,966 --> 00:16:30,901 I mean, yes. Hundreds of times. 338 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,034 Then do it. 339 00:16:32,133 --> 00:16:32,833 [ Sighs ] 340 00:16:32,933 --> 00:16:34,034 Okay. 341 00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,167 Okay. 342 00:16:35,266 --> 00:16:36,867 Okay, okay, okay, okay. 343 00:16:36,966 --> 00:16:38,334 Okay, okay, okay. 344 00:16:38,433 --> 00:16:40,935 Okay, okay, I'm gonna do it. 345 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:41,800 Thank you. 346 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:45,770 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. 347 00:16:45,866 --> 00:16:46,700 I'm gonna do it! 348 00:16:46,866 --> 00:16:47,600 Go. 349 00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:50,201 I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. 350 00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:52,868 I did it. You're fine. You're fine. 351 00:16:52,966 --> 00:16:53,900 That was my penis. 352 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,501 What? That was -- 353 00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:58,701 -Do it! -No! 354 00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:00,400 I'm paying you. 355 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,734 [ Screams ] 356 00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:04,934 Can we go now, please? 357 00:17:05,033 --> 00:17:07,101 Just got to do it. I'm a doctor. 358 00:17:07,199 --> 00:17:08,734 I'm a doctor. 359 00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:10,834 I am a doctor. 360 00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,267 But this does not make me gay. 361 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,868 Of course not! 362 00:17:19,533 --> 00:17:22,002 And there is no way this could turn me gay. 363 00:17:22,133 --> 00:17:22,700 No! 364 00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:24,067 -Promise? -Yes! 365 00:17:24,199 --> 00:17:25,200 Okay. 366 00:17:27,633 --> 00:17:29,434 One, two.... 367 00:17:29,533 --> 00:17:30,734 [ Screams ] 368 00:17:31,333 --> 00:17:32,767 Thank you. 369 00:17:33,933 --> 00:17:34,933 Am I okay? 370 00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:36,901 You're great. 371 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,267 You're fine. 372 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,301 Thank you. 373 00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:41,467 You're stroking. 374 00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,468 Oh, sorry, sorry. 375 00:17:43,566 --> 00:17:46,235 Well, that's a relief, right? 376 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,333 Yeah, yeah. 377 00:17:48,666 --> 00:17:50,467 Umm.... 378 00:17:50,566 --> 00:17:54,303 Hey, I'm off work in, like, two hours, so... 379 00:17:54,766 --> 00:17:56,534 You like movies? 380 00:17:56,666 --> 00:17:58,901 No, I'm gonna go home to my family, thanks. 381 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:03,304 Oh, oh, going home with your -- to hang out with your mom and dad? 382 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,768 My wife and kids. 383 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:06,701 Oh, I didn't know. You said ''family.'' 384 00:18:06,799 --> 00:18:09,335 I didn't know if it was like wife or like mom and dad. 385 00:18:09,433 --> 00:18:11,168 How's she? Is she nice? 386 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,235 Thank you and good-bye, Dr. Filler. 387 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:15,902 Hey, no problem. Hey, come back any time. 388 00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:19,135 I love you. 389 00:18:29,366 --> 00:18:30,266 [ Groans ] 390 00:18:30,366 --> 00:18:31,934 What'd you do that for? 391 00:18:32,033 --> 00:18:34,301 You can see me? 392 00:18:41,066 --> 00:18:42,400 [ Laughing ] 393 00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:45,502 ANNOUNCER: And now back to ''The McLaughlins!'' 394 00:18:49,233 --> 00:18:53,503 Wait a minute. I wanted to be an artist. Oh! 395 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,369 [ Audience laughing ] 396 00:19:02,066 --> 00:19:03,801 [ Sighs ] 397 00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,802 Stir, stir, stir. Stir, stir, stir. 398 00:19:06,933 --> 00:19:08,901 [ Audience clapping ] 399 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,801 Hey, Mom. 400 00:19:10,966 --> 00:19:13,768 Hey, Michael, you want to hold your horses there? 401 00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:14,866 What? 402 00:19:14,966 --> 00:19:16,467 Did you do something different there? 403 00:19:16,566 --> 00:19:18,167 -What? -What is that? 404 00:19:18,266 --> 00:19:19,367 What is what, Ma? 405 00:19:19,466 --> 00:19:21,601 What is that on your head, Michael McLaughlin? 406 00:19:21,699 --> 00:19:23,802 lt's a blue-whale dick. 407 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:26,035 I hope it's a temporary blue-whale dick. 408 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,534 No, it's permanent. 409 00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:29,234 Oh, my God! 410 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:32,035 I knew you were gonna be lame about this. 411 00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:34,868 Well, you're gonna go right back to the mall and have them take it off. 412 00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:35,900 No, I'm not, Mom. 413 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,435 lt's surgically grafted. It's not going anywhere. 414 00:19:38,533 --> 00:19:40,101 Then you are grounded, young man. 415 00:19:40,199 --> 00:19:41,935 Why would you want a blue-whale penis 416 00:19:42,033 --> 00:19:43,401 surgically grafted to your head? 417 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,134 You have such a nice face, Michael. 418 00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:46,767 You don't know the first thing about being cool! 419 00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:49,501 All the other kids' moms Iet them do stuff like this. 420 00:19:49,666 --> 00:19:51,868 Well, all the other kids are not us, okay? 421 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,534 [ Noise of fluid being expelled ] 422 00:19:53,699 --> 00:19:54,901 [ Audience gasps ] 423 00:19:56,666 --> 00:20:00,102 Oh, my God, did you just get whale juice all over my kitchen floor? 424 00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,569 -Yeah? -Is that thing functional? 425 00:20:02,666 --> 00:20:06,036 Yeah, it's functional. It was expensive. Shut up! 426 00:20:06,833 --> 00:20:08,734 What's up, Mrs. McLaughlin? 427 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:10,734 Hey, Michael, you ready to go? 428 00:20:10,833 --> 00:20:12,367 [ Audience claps ] 429 00:20:12,466 --> 00:20:14,768 Caleb Matthews, what is that on your face? 430 00:20:14,866 --> 00:20:17,568 I had my lips replaced with a sideways giraffe vagina. 431 00:20:17,733 --> 00:20:19,601 And does your mother know about this? 432 00:20:19,699 --> 00:20:21,468 Yeah, she thinks it's pretty far-out. 433 00:20:21,566 --> 00:20:22,233 See? 434 00:20:22,333 --> 00:20:24,935 You're gonna feel pretty silly when you're both 70 years old 435 00:20:25,033 --> 00:20:27,568 and still have animal genitalia on your faces. 436 00:20:27,666 --> 00:20:30,735 No, we won't. When we're 70, we'll love 'em even more! 437 00:20:30,866 --> 00:20:32,300 A blue-whale penis, honestly! 438 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,034 You know those things are endangered? 439 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,201 Oh, my God, you're such a hypocrite! 440 00:20:36,299 --> 00:20:38,301 How much gas does your SUV use? 441 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:40,535 This is not about the Suburban! 442 00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:41,934 Richard, did you see this? 443 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,934 Don't give your mom shit about her SUV. 444 00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,334 lt makes her happy. 445 00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:47,134 [ Audience laughs ] 446 00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:49,334 [ Gagging ] 447 00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:55,369 Oh, man, another baby giraffe? 448 00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:57,501 [ Audience laughs ] 449 00:20:57,666 --> 00:20:59,801 Did that just come out of your mouth? 450 00:20:59,966 --> 00:21:01,534 Yes, it just came out of my mouth. 451 00:21:01,633 --> 00:21:04,435 They're functional. These things are expensive. 452 00:21:04,533 --> 00:21:05,767 I told you that, Mom! 453 00:21:05,866 --> 00:21:07,500 Shut up! 454 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,567 Bitch! 455 00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:09,433 Sorry. 456 00:21:09,566 --> 00:21:10,900 [ Audience boos ] 457 00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:16,069 ANNOUNCER: ''The McLaughlins!'' will be right back.