1
00:00:03,949 --> 00:00:07,390
Come one,
Come all to a beautiful show
2
00:00:07,503 --> 00:00:11,055
It's gonna be awesome and...
Some other stuff
3
00:00:14,179 --> 00:00:16,755
Some other musical stuff.
4
00:00:17,443 --> 00:00:19,793
- What you doing, buddy?
- I wrote a musical.
5
00:00:20,163 --> 00:00:22,657
- You wrote a musical?
- Why, why did you do that?
6
00:00:22,770 --> 00:00:26,927
Just to write a musical. Does there
have to be a reason? I don't think so.
7
00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:29,990
Yeah, there does. Nobody writes a musical
for no reason. That doesn't make sense.
8
00:00:30,103 --> 00:00:32,488
All right, this guy did,
so there you go.
9
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,130
Who's the mark?
10
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:36,217
- What?
- Yeah.
11
00:00:36,330 --> 00:00:38,051
No, there's no... there's no
mark, guys.
12
00:00:38,164 --> 00:00:40,356
I wrote a musical.
It's pretty damn good, okay?
13
00:00:40,469 --> 00:00:42,129
- I want to put it on.
- Right. What's your angle?
14
00:00:42,242 --> 00:00:44,255
- I don't have an angle.
- Whose face are we shoving this musical in?
15
00:00:44,368 --> 00:00:45,685
You don't shove a musical in
someone's face.
16
00:00:45,798 --> 00:00:47,456
- What are you talking about?
- But who versus?
17
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,032
Who are we doing it versus?
18
00:00:49,145 --> 00:00:50,621
Oh, my God, are you guys
going to make this about this?
19
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:54,011
Look, I just wrote a musical to
write a musical, okay?
20
00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:56,006
I don't have a ulterior
motive here.
21
00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:59,095
I'm not trying to screw anyone
or gain anything out of it.
22
00:00:59,208 --> 00:01:00,652
You know what, if you guys
don't want to be in it,
23
00:01:00,765 --> 00:01:02,652
I can find other people
to play your parts.
24
00:01:03,098 --> 00:01:04,136
Hang on there, pal.
25
00:01:04,249 --> 00:01:06,253
Hang on. Hang on. We're just trying
to wrap our heads around this.
26
00:01:06,366 --> 00:01:08,794
Yeah, there's no reason to
give away our parts, okay?
27
00:01:08,907 --> 00:01:11,645
- All right.
- No, we'll do it. What's it called?
28
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,587
The Nightman Cometh.
29
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:19,947
Synchro by Criztian and Sososeries
The Bitches Team
30
00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:49,244
Okay, gather around.
31
00:01:49,357 --> 00:01:52,185
{\pos(192,125)}Please, everybody.
Let's gather down front.
32
00:01:52,298 --> 00:01:55,544
{\pos(192,200)}I feel the magic
Do you feel the magic?
33
00:01:55,694 --> 00:01:56,723
Here we go!
34
00:01:56,836 --> 00:01:58,935
Now, you guys, you all know
Artemis.
35
00:01:59,048 --> 00:02:02,951
Artemis was kind enough to book
for us this fine local theater.
36
00:02:03,064 --> 00:02:05,703
- So round of applause for Artemis.
- Very nice.
37
00:02:05,816 --> 00:02:10,057
She also transcribed my work into a format
you might consider a little bit more legible.
38
00:02:10,170 --> 00:02:11,667
Or literate.
She added words to it.
39
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:12,765
Yeah, right.
40
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,361
No more interruptions now, Dee.
Thank you, please.
41
00:02:15,474 --> 00:02:18,006
Okay, well, Charlie, I got a question
for you. Who's playing this lead boy?
42
00:02:18,119 --> 00:02:19,200
- That's going to be Mac.
- What?
43
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:22,656
- Oh, yeah! Lead, of course.
- Wait, who's playing the dayman?
44
00:02:22,769 --> 00:02:25,135
Well, the lead boy becomes the
dayman when he defeats the nightman.
45
00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:28,306
- So it's also Mac.
- Two parts? Oh, yeah!
46
00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:30,404
- Wait, that's bullshit, bro.
- The nightman's a better role.
47
00:02:30,517 --> 00:02:31,803
He gets to play two roles?
I mean, come on.
48
00:02:31,916 --> 00:02:34,467
- It's the same person...
- Charlie, who's playing the troll guy?
49
00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:36,797
- You're going to play the troll guy.
- I'm the troll guy?
50
00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:39,200
- Who else would be the troll?
- Oh, I like that.
51
00:02:39,313 --> 00:02:41,137
- All right, good.
- Can I do it naked?
52
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:43,075
Absolutely not.
Why would you want to be naked?
53
00:02:43,188 --> 00:02:46,335
Because in the '70s,
everybody did theater naked.
54
00:02:46,448 --> 00:02:47,906
Everybody got laid all the time.
55
00:02:48,019 --> 00:02:50,901
All right, well, this is not the '70s. You're
going to do theater with your clothes on, please.
56
00:02:51,014 --> 00:02:52,425
Charlie, what the hell is
this play about?
57
00:02:52,538 --> 00:02:55,566
- I'm a princess who lives in a coffee shop?
- You work in a coffee shop.
58
00:02:55,679 --> 00:02:57,723
You don't live in a coffee shop.
Read closer.
59
00:02:57,836 --> 00:02:59,893
Well, why am I in love with a
little boy?
60
00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:03,785
- You're in love with a young man.
- You wrote "boy".
61
00:03:03,898 --> 00:03:05,522
Well, all right, man, boy,
it's a metaphor.
62
00:03:05,635 --> 00:03:07,414
Well, the audience is going
to think I'm a child molester.
63
00:03:07,527 --> 00:03:09,811
I've changed my mind.
I'm playing the nightman.
64
00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:11,809
- Oh, yeah.
- Why would you want to play the nightman?
65
00:03:11,922 --> 00:03:14,434
The nightman's bad-ass, dude.
He has the eyes of a cat
66
00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:16,850
- and does karate across the stage.
- Where are you getting that from?!
67
00:03:16,963 --> 00:03:18,574
- Karate?!
- No, I made that up, man.
68
00:03:18,687 --> 00:03:20,966
This is great. That frees up the
lead boy role and the dayman role.
69
00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,905
- I can play both those.
- No, I don't want you guys switching roles.
70
00:03:23,018 --> 00:03:25,212
- That's not how it works.
- Hey, Frank you got a guy that does cat eyes?
71
00:03:25,325 --> 00:03:27,807
- I'm already on it.
- All right, God, for the love of God.
72
00:03:28,517 --> 00:03:30,589
You know what?
Let's just get started.
73
00:03:32,749 --> 00:03:34,389
- Okay, you guys ready?
- Yeah.
74
00:03:35,322 --> 00:03:38,855
Tiny boy, little boy,
Baby boy, I need you
75
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:43,439
Tiny boy, little boy,
Want to make love to you, boy
76
00:03:43,552 --> 00:03:45,112
Okay, hold on a second.
77
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,773
- Charlie?
- Yes.
78
00:03:46,886 --> 00:03:48,630
- Are you goddamn kidding me?
- What?
79
00:03:48,743 --> 00:03:50,704
"Tiny boy, little boy,
baby boy"?
80
00:03:50,817 --> 00:03:52,415
Yes.
81
00:03:52,611 --> 00:03:55,327
You're wanting me to say that I want to
make love to a little, baby, tiny boy.
82
00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,872
But I have explained this to
you, Dee.
83
00:03:56,985 --> 00:03:59,710
I'm talking about the spirit of
this man-- is like a little boy.
84
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,329
- It's a metaphor.
- You keep using that word,
85
00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:02,756
but I'm not convinced
you know what it means.
86
00:04:02,869 --> 00:04:04,833
And also, I'm not making out
with Dennis later.
87
00:04:04,946 --> 00:04:06,596
'Cause it says we're supposed to
do that at the end of the song,
88
00:04:06,709 --> 00:04:08,924
- and that's not going to happen.
- I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that either, bro.
89
00:04:09,037 --> 00:04:11,008
Well, this is why I didn't think
you should be playing the boy, okay?
90
00:04:11,121 --> 00:04:12,383
I don't want you guys kissing either.
91
00:04:12,496 --> 00:04:15,177
What if it's just a sexually
charged embrace?
92
00:04:15,290 --> 00:04:17,719
Okay, Artemis, please don't
talk to the talent.
93
00:04:17,862 --> 00:04:19,429
You know what? Um...
94
00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:21,619
All right, screw this shit. If no one
likes the song, I'm going to cut the song.
95
00:04:21,732 --> 00:04:23,946
- Thank you.
- Whoa, no, no, no, no, don't cut the song, man.
96
00:04:24,059 --> 00:04:25,991
I like the song.
Dee, apologize to Charlie.
97
00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,912
I'm not going to do that.
He wants me to bang this baby,
98
00:04:28,025 --> 00:04:30,957
- and I don't feel comfortable.
- I think it's a bad idea to cut the song.
99
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:33,046
Thank you, Artemis.
Thank you very much.
100
00:04:33,159 --> 00:04:36,306
All right, could you give me a
second with... with the talent here?
101
00:04:36,419 --> 00:04:39,478
Thank you. Uh, Dennis,
could you take a five?
102
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:41,827
Uh, well, I just want the
song, man.
103
00:04:41,940 --> 00:04:43,811
- I would like for you to take a five.
- Five... five minutes?
104
00:04:43,924 --> 00:04:48,033
Can we have five now please?
Can you have a five over there?
105
00:04:49,051 --> 00:04:51,765
Will you take a five, Dennis?!
Take a five, please!
106
00:04:53,849 --> 00:04:55,891
Okay, Dee, the song is history.
107
00:04:56,091 --> 00:04:58,586
Thank you, Charlie. I appreciate that.
'Cause I was uncomfortable.
108
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:00,572
- Yeah, I'll bet.
- What are we going to sing instead?
109
00:05:00,685 --> 00:05:02,967
- What should I sing?
- Uh, what's on the back there?
110
00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:05,679
- It's the same song.
- And what's on the very back page?
111
00:05:05,792 --> 00:05:08,427
- Nothing.
- Then that's what you'll be singing.
112
00:05:10,014 --> 00:05:12,348
- Charlie, this is my big song.
- Yeah, yeah.
113
00:05:12,461 --> 00:05:14,771
Everybody else has a big song.
I deserve to have one.
114
00:05:14,884 --> 00:05:18,767
- Do you? Don't screw you?!
- Don't screw me like this, Charlie. Come on!
115
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,491
Oh, I'm sorry, Dee.
116
00:05:20,766 --> 00:05:22,052
Um, let me try and rember
something.
117
00:05:22,165 --> 00:05:25,665
Uh, let's see... was it... did Dee write
a musical and come to Charlie with it?
118
00:05:25,778 --> 00:05:29,307
No, Charlie wrote a musical and
came to Dee with it.
119
00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:32,922
And the gang. And the gang likes to
screw it up and make it about themselves
120
00:05:33,035 --> 00:05:36,100
and take it away from Charlie
and ruin his hopes and dreams.
121
00:05:36,213 --> 00:05:39,043
So let me tell you something, Dee;
let me break down a scenario for you.
122
00:05:39,156 --> 00:05:42,224
I could cut the song, okay,
because I wrote it.
123
00:05:42,337 --> 00:05:45,890
I could have Artemis do the song,
okay, because you did not write it.
124
00:05:46,003 --> 00:05:49,088
Or I could strap on a wig and
I could do the song myself.
125
00:05:49,201 --> 00:05:53,539
So you tell me, little Miss All That,
what do you want to do--
126
00:05:53,652 --> 00:05:56,065
song or no song?
127
00:06:01,219 --> 00:06:02,591
Song.
128
00:06:02,891 --> 00:06:04,598
Song?
129
00:06:04,811 --> 00:06:07,077
- Yeah, song.
- You want to sing a song.
130
00:06:07,190 --> 00:06:10,242
- I never wasn't going to sing the song.
- You were excited about singing a song,
131
00:06:10,355 --> 00:06:12,136
- and you want to sing a song?
- Yeah, I would like to do it.
132
00:06:12,249 --> 00:06:14,027
Good!
133
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,552
So back up on your podium you go.
134
00:06:16,852 --> 00:06:19,586
Thank you.
Dennis, what are you doing?
135
00:06:20,073 --> 00:06:21,998
I'm eating because I'm very
uncomfortable.
136
00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:25,203
Well, you guys are making...
Can you just get on the stage please,
137
00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:26,611
and can we finish this rehearsal?
138
00:06:26,724 --> 00:06:28,508
- It was really loud and...
- Don't start!
139
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:29,922
That wasn't five minutes.
140
00:06:30,035 --> 00:06:32,175
Okay, you know what, you guys
have me up to here.
141
00:06:32,395 --> 00:06:35,559
Okay, I'm here.
I don't want to be here, okay?
142
00:06:35,672 --> 00:06:38,094
Now I have to play the piano and
I'm all up here.
143
00:06:38,207 --> 00:06:40,690
So let's... you know what,
let's try and get this down.
144
00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:43,153
Let's try and work this down
a bit, okay?
145
00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:46,110
And you know what's going to do that,
learning the song, the way it's written.
146
00:06:46,180 --> 00:06:47,180
Let's do it.
147
00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:50,288
Back to the top.
Five, six, seven, eight...
148
00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:56,393
Got to play the troll toll
To get into this boy's hole
149
00:06:56,506 --> 00:06:59,314
You've got to pay the troll toll
To get in
150
00:06:59,427 --> 00:07:03,337
You want this baby boy's hole,
You've got to pay the troll toll
151
00:07:03,450 --> 00:07:05,626
Stop, stop, stop.
All right, not bad.
152
00:07:05,739 --> 00:07:07,330
Good rhythm, love the
enthusiasm.
153
00:07:07,443 --> 00:07:11,747
I feel like you're saying "boy's hole",
and it's clearly "soul".
154
00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:13,677
And I know, Artemis, you did
write "soul", right?
155
00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,696
- I did write "soul".
- So it's "boy's soul".
156
00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:19,288
You got to pay the troll toll
to get in this boy's hole...
157
00:07:19,401 --> 00:07:21,552
No, see, right there.
It sounds like "hole".
158
00:07:21,665 --> 00:07:23,841
Like if you drag that out...
Are you chewing gum?
159
00:07:24,140 --> 00:07:26,480
- Yeah.
- Give me the gum, okay?
160
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:28,830
- Give me the gum, Frank, please?
- He said, "No gum".
161
00:07:28,943 --> 00:07:30,879
- I said, "No gum," everyone.
- It's unprofessional.
162
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,716
- Okay. Thank you.
- Charlie, can I bring something up?
163
00:07:32,829 --> 00:07:35,041
- Yes.
- I think we have to be very careful
164
00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,088
- about how we do the rape scene.
- Yeah.
165
00:07:37,201 --> 00:07:39,922
What in God's name are you talking?
There's no rape scene.
166
00:07:40,264 --> 00:07:43,732
Well, sure, I pay the troll toll,
and then I rape Dennis.
167
00:07:43,845 --> 00:07:45,801
No, you don't rape him.
You become him.
168
00:07:45,914 --> 00:07:47,746
- You do not rape him.
- He doesn't?
169
00:07:47,859 --> 00:07:51,524
No! Look, let me just walk
you guys through this, okay?
170
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:53,870
Here's what happens.
Once you pay the toll,
171
00:07:53,983 --> 00:07:56,485
I want you to come over to Dennis over
by his bed here, okay?
172
00:07:56,598 --> 00:07:58,524
- I'll be lying back.
- You want me to cross the stage?
173
00:07:58,637 --> 00:08:00,142
- Yes.
- All right, this is a great opportunity
174
00:08:00,255 --> 00:08:02,651
to showcase some skills, and,
like, just put on a clinic.
175
00:08:02,764 --> 00:08:06,099
- I would rather you didn't.
- Well, I think the people are gonna want to see that.
176
00:08:06,212 --> 00:08:08,730
And then I'll hop up sort of
like a cat, like so.
177
00:08:08,843 --> 00:08:10,488
Jesus Christ, just leave it at that.
178
00:08:10,601 --> 00:08:13,634
Okay, once he gets near you,
you have to sense him, okay?
179
00:08:13,730 --> 00:08:14,730
Suddenly, you sense him.
180
00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:17,322
What if I were to position
him in a way where I get behind him,
181
00:08:17,435 --> 00:08:19,691
and then Frank could throw
that blanket that he's got right there
182
00:08:19,804 --> 00:08:22,303
over us, and then that way
you can't see the penetration.
183
00:08:22,416 --> 00:08:23,534
That's a good idea.
You know what, Charlie?
184
00:08:23,647 --> 00:08:26,168
Because the blanket will make
the rapings... I'm sorry,
185
00:08:26,281 --> 00:08:29,571
- the sexing from behind feel more classy.
- That's good.
186
00:08:29,684 --> 00:08:32,318
And what I can do is thrust this
way, and you can struggle.
187
00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:37,406
Now I'm here, okay? I am, I'm past
where I thought I could go.
188
00:08:37,519 --> 00:08:39,539
I'm, like, all the way up here with it.
189
00:08:44,711 --> 00:08:46,913
- Oh, my-- Hey, you!
- Oh, my God! You scared me!
190
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:49,518
I'm sorry. I dropped, like,
a hundred-dollar bill under there.
191
00:08:49,631 --> 00:08:52,233
I can't find it anywhere, and then...
What are you doing walking here?
192
00:08:52,346 --> 00:08:54,188
- Is this one of your walking places?
- Charlie, I have Mace.
193
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:56,418
Oh, my God, check this out.
194
00:08:57,196 --> 00:09:00,234
I have a free ticket for you
to see a musical that I wrote.
195
00:09:00,347 --> 00:09:03,243
Oh, wow, a free ticket to a
play that I don't want to see.
196
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,310
- You don't want to see it?
- I don't want to.
197
00:09:04,387 --> 00:09:06,716
- It's a front row seat.
- I don't care. I don't want to see your play.
198
00:09:06,829 --> 00:09:08,814
I'm gonna cut you a bargain, okay?
I'm gonna cut you a little deal.
199
00:09:08,927 --> 00:09:10,789
You come and see this play-- I
didn't want to have to do this--
200
00:09:10,902 --> 00:09:12,405
- but if you come and see this play...
- Yeah?
201
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,995
...I'm gonna leave you alone
for the rest of your life.
202
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:16,070
- Really?
- Yeah.
203
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,208
Okay, so you're not gonna
follow me home anymore
204
00:09:18,321 --> 00:09:22,145
and you're not gonna call me at 3:00
in the morning and tell me that
205
00:09:22,258 --> 00:09:25,564
you are in the emergency room in the hospital
because you had a terrible car accident?
206
00:09:25,677 --> 00:09:29,219
- Yeah, well, it's great that you came.
- Well, you listed me as your emergency contact.
207
00:09:29,332 --> 00:09:32,000
- Well, yeah, because I consider you that.
- I have to go!
208
00:09:34,037 --> 00:09:35,701
All right, I swear to God I'm
gonna leave you alone.
209
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:38,461
I'm gonna stop listing you as my emergency
contact. I'm gonna stop calling you.
210
00:09:38,574 --> 00:09:42,386
All that stuff if you see the musical.
That's how much this means to me.
211
00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,114
Nice.
212
00:09:47,227 --> 00:09:48,629
- Leave me alone.
- You're not gonna regret it.
213
00:09:48,742 --> 00:09:51,071
I regret it already.
214
00:09:51,350 --> 00:09:52,753
All right.
215
00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,238
Charlie, what is going on, dude?
216
00:10:04,321 --> 00:10:06,179
- When are we gonna start?
- We're gonna start we're ready to start.
217
00:10:06,262 --> 00:10:06,913
Stop hounding me.
218
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:08,163
We were supposed
to start 20 minutes ago.
219
00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:09,446
We're not gonna start...
220
00:10:09,529 --> 00:10:11,200
She's here! She's here!
She's here! She's here!
221
00:10:11,518 --> 00:10:12,704
Circle in, everybody.
222
00:10:12,787 --> 00:10:14,406
Can we get down in the middle?
Can we get down front?
223
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,839
A couple last-minute things.
224
00:10:15,922 --> 00:10:17,072
I just want to brief
everyone on this.
225
00:10:17,155 --> 00:10:18,514
Artemus, can you bring in Gladys?
226
00:10:18,597 --> 00:10:19,254
This is Gladys.
227
00:10:19,337 --> 00:10:21,008
She's going to be playing
the piano instead of me tonight.
228
00:10:21,091 --> 00:10:22,905
- What? Why?
- It's cool. She knows all the songs.
229
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,561
Gladys, can you head
out there and get us started?
230
00:10:24,644 --> 00:10:28,057
I forgot to tell you, Calvin Coolidge
was a good friend of mine.
231
00:10:28,225 --> 00:10:29,769
You've been telling me that
Calvin Coolidge was a friend of yours,
232
00:10:29,852 --> 00:10:30,720
like, all morning.
233
00:10:30,803 --> 00:10:32,154
- And at a certain point...
- How many times?
234
00:10:32,237 --> 00:10:33,207
Like, a hundred times now.
235
00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:36,130
At a certain point, I need you to stop
telling the Calvin Coolidge story
236
00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,209
and start playing the piano.
237
00:10:37,292 --> 00:10:39,161
Don't shush me, okay?
Now please don't shush me.
238
00:10:39,244 --> 00:10:40,297
We have to start.
239
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:42,446
Just get her out there and
get the play started!
240
00:10:42,529 --> 00:10:43,468
What the hell you doing?
241
00:10:43,551 --> 00:10:44,898
You can't be throwing us
curveballs like this.
242
00:10:44,981 --> 00:10:46,390
Don't argue with me
right now, okay?
243
00:10:46,473 --> 00:10:48,069
We just gotta do this.
Let's stick together.
244
00:10:48,152 --> 00:10:50,194
Real quickly, okay?
Just a couple of things.
245
00:10:50,277 --> 00:10:53,047
I can't really move my arms in this
thing, so I think I need to rip the pits.
246
00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:54,509
Do not rip that costume, okay?
247
00:10:54,592 --> 00:10:55,319
It's very expensive.
248
00:10:55,402 --> 00:10:56,646
All right, fine,
but one other thing.
249
00:10:56,729 --> 00:10:58,013
I wrote a song.
I'm gonna throw it in.
250
00:10:58,096 --> 00:10:59,561
I swear to God,
you cannot add a song.
251
00:10:59,644 --> 00:11:00,606
It's gonna happen.
252
00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:03,612
I will smack your face off
of your face.
253
00:11:03,695 --> 00:11:04,915
Do not add a song.
254
00:11:05,162 --> 00:11:06,365
It started. It started.
255
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,525
You gotta get out there.
256
00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:10,885
Just get out there.
257
00:11:21,278 --> 00:11:23,062
What is this strange feeling?
258
00:11:24,281 --> 00:11:26,073
I feel so strange inside.
259
00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:29,279
It's so strange, but appealing.
260
00:11:30,492 --> 00:11:32,100
I feel good, oh!
261
00:11:32,617 --> 00:11:35,329
Tiny boy, little boy,
baby boy, I need you.
262
00:11:35,709 --> 00:11:38,614
Tiny boy, little boy,
I want to touch you.
263
00:11:38,919 --> 00:11:40,387
If you only knew
264
00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:42,453
- What I'd do to you.
- Boy, I need you, boy.
265
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,825
If I was that boy,
that's inside of you.
266
00:11:45,344 --> 00:11:47,843
Tiny boy, little boy,
Baby boy, I need you
267
00:11:48,062 --> 00:11:51,126
Tiny boy, little boy,
I want to make love to you.
268
00:11:51,209 --> 00:11:54,179
If you only knew,
what I'd do to you.
269
00:11:54,262 --> 00:11:57,147
If I was that boy,
that's inside of you.
270
00:11:57,230 --> 00:12:00,566
Inside, inside, inside of you..
271
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:02,622
My boy...
272
00:12:06,013 --> 00:12:07,668
Oh, boy.
273
00:12:17,233 --> 00:12:20,579
Just to be clear,
I did not write that song,
274
00:12:20,662 --> 00:12:23,503
And have never had sex
with a child...
275
00:12:23,820 --> 00:12:24,969
Just to be clear.
276
00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:27,940
What? What is happening?
277
00:12:28,151 --> 00:12:31,591
Most men find me to be
an eight or nine out of ten.
278
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:36,276
And I am available
to any interested men.
279
00:12:36,499 --> 00:12:39,482
Who'd like to get my number
after the show.
280
00:12:40,232 --> 00:12:41,560
Keep singing, bitch!
281
00:12:41,643 --> 00:12:43,943
You're not gonna have a face
by the time I'm done with you!
282
00:12:44,332 --> 00:12:45,674
What the hell is she doing?
283
00:12:45,757 --> 00:12:47,170
She's bombing like crazy.
284
00:12:47,253 --> 00:12:48,073
What an idiot.
285
00:12:48,156 --> 00:12:49,354
I was awesome, though, right?
286
00:12:49,437 --> 00:12:51,479
You? No, dude, you totally
froze up out there.
287
00:12:51,562 --> 00:12:52,224
You sucked.
288
00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,074
I was hearing a lot of
laughs out there, bro.
289
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:55,495
Laughs are cheap.
290
00:12:55,578 --> 00:12:56,869
I'm going for gasps.
291
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,246
Wait till you see, dude.
292
00:12:58,329 --> 00:12:59,658
Gasps are where it's at.
293
00:12:59,989 --> 00:13:01,816
Gotta go pop my cat eyes in.
294
00:13:15,512 --> 00:13:16,381
That's good.
295
00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:17,919
That is not good.
This is not a comedy, okay?
296
00:13:18,002 --> 00:13:19,469
No one's supposed to be laughing.
297
00:13:21,096 --> 00:13:22,939
You came at the right time.
298
00:13:23,022 --> 00:13:24,583
Is he sleeping?
299
00:13:24,666 --> 00:13:29,137
Yes, he's sleeping right over there,
just the way you like 'em.
300
00:13:30,574 --> 00:13:32,599
Did you bring the toll?
301
00:13:33,076 --> 00:13:35,852
Confound your lousy toll, troll.
302
00:13:39,374 --> 00:13:40,484
God damn it.
303
00:13:40,567 --> 00:13:41,834
Stop laughing at me.
304
00:13:42,632 --> 00:13:46,172
You gotta pay the troll toll, if
you want to get into that boy's hole.
305
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:48,564
You gotta pay the troll toll
to get in...
306
00:13:49,221 --> 00:13:51,628
You want the baby boy's hole,
307
00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:55,897
You gotta pay the troll toll,
You gotta pay the troll toll to get in.
308
00:13:56,965 --> 00:13:58,398
Troll toll
309
00:13:58,852 --> 00:14:00,241
What you say?
310
00:14:00,605 --> 00:14:02,049
Troll toll!
311
00:14:04,273 --> 00:14:05,612
Troll toll!
312
00:14:09,256 --> 00:14:11,146
Here's your toll, troll.
313
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,826
Your boy awaits.
314
00:14:15,674 --> 00:14:19,525
At last, the boy's soul is mine.
315
00:14:34,367 --> 00:14:35,797
Give me that leg, boy.
316
00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:38,796
Dude, do you have
a boner right now?
317
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,601
Shut up, dude,
don't ruin this for me.
318
00:14:40,684 --> 00:14:42,415
What?
Oh, Jesus.
319
00:14:42,498 --> 00:14:43,798
That's enough.
320
00:14:54,433 --> 00:14:58,850
I could smack everyone
into tiny, little pieces.
321
00:15:02,008 --> 00:15:04,092
Hello, boy.
322
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:08,638
Come over here and scratch
my itchy-witchy toesy-woesies.
323
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,068
What?
324
00:15:11,151 --> 00:15:12,068
Get over here.
325
00:15:12,151 --> 00:15:14,335
- No, Antonio.
- I control you.
326
00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:15,902
You control nothing.
327
00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:19,395
I am not your slave anymore,
and I'm not a boy.
328
00:15:19,702 --> 00:15:21,602
I am a man, see?
329
00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:24,536
I was transformed...
330
00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:29,742
by the strong... musky
power of true love.
331
00:15:30,899 --> 00:15:31,932
I am now...
332
00:15:34,265 --> 00:15:35,582
The Dayman.
333
00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:40,522
What the hell is that?
334
00:15:40,605 --> 00:15:41,971
You know what it is, bitch.
335
00:15:56,611 --> 00:15:58,312
Where's the boy?
336
00:15:58,395 --> 00:15:59,897
The boy is gone.
337
00:15:59,980 --> 00:16:02,227
You can't tell me what to do.
338
00:16:03,846 --> 00:16:05,825
I didn't tell you what to do.
You're skipping a line, dude.
339
00:16:07,946 --> 00:16:10,646
- You can't tell me what to do...
- You're still skipping the same line.
340
00:16:10,729 --> 00:16:11,130
Just move past it.
341
00:16:11,213 --> 00:16:13,496
God, it's crazy how much better
I am at acting than you are.
342
00:16:13,579 --> 00:16:14,957
I'm going to kick your ass, bro.
343
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:16,023
I'll tell you what...
344
00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:18,043
I am the ruler of darkness.
345
00:16:18,126 --> 00:16:20,811
I am the master of light.
346
00:16:21,661 --> 00:16:24,567
I am... the Dayman.
347
00:16:26,202 --> 00:16:27,135
Whatever, bro.
348
00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:28,869
- Here's whatever, bitch.
- What? No, don't improv.
349
00:16:28,952 --> 00:16:29,802
Don't tell me what to do.
350
00:16:38,161 --> 00:16:39,145
Body bag.
351
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,262
You have defeated
the evil that was here.
352
00:17:15,742 --> 00:17:16,852
Naturally.
353
00:17:16,935 --> 00:17:18,509
For I am the Dayman.
354
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:21,555
You once were a boy
and now you're man.
355
00:17:21,638 --> 00:17:23,200
And I am in love with you.
356
00:17:23,283 --> 00:17:24,216
That's right.
357
00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:26,984
And now I am in love with you.
358
00:17:28,111 --> 00:17:29,067
Dayman,
359
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,834
Fighter of the Nightman
360
00:17:34,485 --> 00:17:36,319
Champion of the sun,
361
00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:40,087
You're a master of karate and
362
00:17:40,170 --> 00:17:42,442
friendship for everyone.
363
00:17:42,525 --> 00:17:44,036
Dayman
364
00:17:45,602 --> 00:17:47,836
Fighter of the Nightman
365
00:17:48,923 --> 00:17:50,923
Champion of the sun
366
00:17:52,223 --> 00:17:54,621
You're a master of karate and
367
00:17:54,704 --> 00:17:56,489
friendship for everyone
368
00:17:56,572 --> 00:17:58,338
Dayman
369
00:17:59,509 --> 00:18:01,938
Fighter of the nightman
370
00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,905
Champion of the sun
371
00:18:06,076 --> 00:18:08,543
You're a master of karate and
372
00:18:08,626 --> 00:18:10,926
friendship for everyone
373
00:18:11,009 --> 00:18:11,926
Dayman!
374
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,075
Stage freeze.
375
00:18:16,158 --> 00:18:18,012
Don't say "stage freeze."
Just do it.
376
00:18:31,508 --> 00:18:35,955
I was that little boy.
That little baby boy was me.
377
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,847
I once was a boy
378
00:18:38,930 --> 00:18:41,006
But now I am a man
379
00:18:41,956 --> 00:18:44,657
I fought the Nightman,
lived as Dayman.
380
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:47,533
Now I'm here
to ask for your hand,
381
00:18:47,616 --> 00:18:50,249
So if you want to marry, man,
382
00:18:50,332 --> 00:18:52,166
Will you marry me?
383
00:18:52,961 --> 00:18:55,150
Will you come on stage
and join me.
384
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:57,917
In this thing called matrimony?
385
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,739
Please say yes and
do not bone me, please.
386
00:19:01,822 --> 00:19:04,980
Just marry me.
387
00:19:13,949 --> 00:19:15,050
Is that it?
388
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,237
Is the play over?
389
00:19:19,084 --> 00:19:21,651
Okay, great.
Well, then I'm out of here.
390
00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:24,185
Hang on, hang on,
hang on a second, hang on.
391
00:19:25,751 --> 00:19:27,592
- Is it a yes, or...?
- Is it a yes?
392
00:19:28,158 --> 00:19:29,642
Really, Charlie,
will I marry you?
393
00:19:29,725 --> 00:19:31,092
No, no, I will not.
394
00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:32,458
I will never marry you.
395
00:19:32,541 --> 00:19:35,520
And I also held up my end of the bargain,
so I never have to see you again.
396
00:19:35,851 --> 00:19:36,984
Okay, so wait.
397
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:39,401
I'm sorry,
I want to get this clear.
398
00:19:39,484 --> 00:19:40,859
You are saying no?
399
00:19:41,201 --> 00:19:44,121
Oh, I am definitely,
definitely saying no.
400
00:19:44,289 --> 00:19:47,417
Well, I didn't ever
sign anything, so...
401
00:19:48,257 --> 00:19:49,842
I'll see you tomorrow?
402
00:19:55,155 --> 00:19:56,360
That's it. You can go home.
403
00:19:57,343 --> 00:19:58,077
It's over.
404
00:19:58,160 --> 00:19:59,502
- We've got to bow.
- Hold on.
405
00:20:01,856 --> 00:20:02,867
If you want.
406
00:20:03,284 --> 00:20:06,029
This was a great musical.
You did a great job.
407
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:16,347
Told you nobody just writes
a musical for no reason.
408
00:20:16,430 --> 00:20:17,313
I am here.
409
00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:18,979
I am passed here.
410
00:20:20,263 --> 00:20:21,432
And by the way,
411
00:20:22,079 --> 00:20:24,046
I thought the rape scene
went really well.
412
00:20:24,129 --> 00:20:25,046
I am here.
413
00:20:25,129 --> 00:20:26,096
I am here with it.
414
00:20:26,179 --> 00:20:27,496
And that was awful for me.
415
00:20:27,763 --> 00:20:30,179
And if you bring this up back
at the apartment tonight,
416
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,169
I'm going to smack you,
I swear to God.