1
00:00:01,966 --> 00:00:03,725
He really has an ugly face.
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:05,439
He is certainly ugly.
3
00:00:05,552 --> 00:00:07,717
But, you know what, that's not
really what bothers me about this.
4
00:00:07,830 --> 00:00:09,473
What bothers me is that he looks
like an old woman.
5
00:00:09,586 --> 00:00:10,861
- Right!
- Yeah.
6
00:00:10,974 --> 00:00:14,087
Well, he is wearing a
lot of blush on those cheekbones,
7
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,660
but I feel like that was
the look of the times.
8
00:00:15,793 --> 00:00:17,817
No, no, but it's not
just that though, Mac, it's not.
9
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:20,040
I mean, a lot of presidents
somehow end up looking like women.
10
00:00:20,157 --> 00:00:21,480
I mean, look at Ronald Reagan, right?
11
00:00:21,854 --> 00:00:24,323
Now, why would you hang a
painting like this on your wall?
12
00:00:24,435 --> 00:00:27,432
Well, it's the Historical Society, bro.
They have to hang it up.
13
00:00:27,545 --> 00:00:29,452
Oh, well, we got to suffer
just because some old dude
14
00:00:29,579 --> 00:00:31,393
who looks like Meryl Streep
chopped down a cherry tree, like,
15
00:00:31,505 --> 00:00:34,431
ten million years ago?
It's just, he looks terrible!
16
00:00:35,297 --> 00:00:37,482
You know what?
Let's take it down.
17
00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:39,560
It's just gonna distract us
through the meeting.
18
00:00:39,686 --> 00:00:40,950
- Yeah, let's get it down, man.
- Let's take it down.
19
00:00:41,067 --> 00:00:42,992
It's not gonna work.
20
00:00:43,108 --> 00:00:44,813
It's just gonna distract us.
21
00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:46,972
Unbelievable.
It's bolted to the wall.
22
00:00:47,085 --> 00:00:49,870
Well, that proves our point, man. We're not the
first people to try and take that thing down.
23
00:00:49,985 --> 00:00:51,740
Yeah, but we're gonna be the
first ones to actually succeed.
24
00:00:51,857 --> 00:00:53,902
- Come on, let's tear it down, Charlie.
- Let's just rip it off the wall, man.
25
00:00:54,017 --> 00:00:55,970
- Rip it right off the wall.
- Whoa, guys, guys, guys.
26
00:00:56,408 --> 00:00:58,883
I got a pocketknife.
Just cut it out of the frame.
27
00:00:58,948 --> 00:00:59,942
That's a good idea.
28
00:01:00,008 --> 00:01:01,480
'Cause I really, I've had enough
of this dude.
29
00:01:01,608 --> 00:01:04,761
- Just cut it right out of the frame.
- What are you doing?
30
00:01:08,717 --> 00:01:11,792
- Do you want this up?
- Yes. Yes, I do.
31
00:01:12,257 --> 00:01:14,851
Uh, may I help you gentlemen
with something?
32
00:01:14,976 --> 00:01:16,103
Yeah, yeah.
33
00:01:16,225 --> 00:01:19,873
Actually, we're here because we want to get
our bar certified as a historic landmark.
34
00:01:19,995 --> 00:01:21,970
We want tourists to
be able to come by Paddy's Pub
35
00:01:22,087 --> 00:01:24,043
as part of the walking tour of Philly.
36
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:27,353
You know, they can come by, suck up
some history, do some shots, get blasted.
37
00:01:27,475 --> 00:01:30,710
In order to be considered as
a historical site,
38
00:01:30,827 --> 00:01:34,893
your bar would have to have some
historical significance.
39
00:01:35,006 --> 00:01:37,053
Well, trust us when
we tell you that Paddy's Pub
40
00:01:37,166 --> 00:01:40,092
played an extremely important
part in history.
41
00:01:40,575 --> 00:01:42,801
Mm, and what, uh, part of
history might that be?
42
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:44,903
The cracking of the
Liberty Bell, of course.
43
00:01:45,597 --> 00:01:50,132
Synchro : Criztian.
44
00:02:18,082 --> 00:02:22,542
So you're claiming that your
bar had a direct role
45
00:02:22,654 --> 00:02:25,147
in the cracking of the Liberty Bell?
46
00:02:25,264 --> 00:02:26,966
- Absolutely.
- Well, then tell me about it.
47
00:02:27,091 --> 00:02:29,265
Well, the year was 1412...
48
00:02:30,039 --> 00:02:31,853
- No. Really?
- Let Dennis, let Dennis...
49
00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:33,971
- Let me tell the story, Charlie.
- Okay.
50
00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:37,005
The year was 1776.
51
00:02:37,121 --> 00:02:40,651
And Paddy's Pub, then known,
of course, as Patrick's Pub,
52
00:02:40,768 --> 00:02:43,808
was a hotbed
of revolutionary activity.
53
00:02:44,104 --> 00:02:47,803
Revolutionaries from all over
the country had come together to gather
54
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:51,321
at Patrick's Pub to speak
of war and revolution.
55
00:02:51,627 --> 00:02:54,579
Will you look at that?
Sons of Liberty.
56
00:02:54,693 --> 00:02:58,225
Patriots meeting in our bar,
speaking of revolution and freedom.
57
00:02:58,558 --> 00:03:01,091
Can you believe it, dear brother?
We're witnessing history in the making.
58
00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:03,079
I do not give a shit, Deandra.
59
00:03:03,203 --> 00:03:05,686
Now, get me a flagon of ale.
Get your own ale, dick.
60
00:03:06,850 --> 00:03:09,893
You are my slave.
You have to get me flagons of ale.
61
00:03:10,288 --> 00:03:12,710
I saved you from being burned at
the stake for being a witch.
62
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:15,595
You're the one who accused me of being
a witch in the first place, Dennis.
63
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,643
Well, what's done is done.
That's all in the past now.
64
00:03:17,950 --> 00:03:19,960
So you can either be a slave
witch in the bar,
65
00:03:20,078 --> 00:03:21,839
or you can be a burned up
witch outside.
66
00:03:21,953 --> 00:03:24,077
Up to you!
Flagon of ale now?
67
00:03:24,633 --> 00:03:27,925
Guys, guys, guys, I've got some news!
I've got some terrible news!
68
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,811
- Oh, MacDonald, how goes it?
- Not good.
69
00:03:30,934 --> 00:03:32,697
You know that chick I've been
banging down at Independence Hall?
70
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,355
- Mm, the fat one.
- She's not that fat.
71
00:03:34,502 --> 00:03:36,094
Yeah, she's pretty fat, dude.
Good one, witch.
72
00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:37,144
Well, whatever.
73
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:40,370
She told me in complete confidence
that a bunch of old dudes down there
74
00:03:40,484 --> 00:03:44,145
are drafting a declaration...
a declaration of independence.
75
00:03:44,272 --> 00:03:46,033
Wait, why would we want to
be free from the British?
76
00:03:46,149 --> 00:03:48,203
This declaration is
gonna start an all-out war.
77
00:03:48,316 --> 00:03:50,110
We have to make sure we are not
on the losing side.
78
00:03:50,226 --> 00:03:52,240
- Definitely.
- Okay, clearly the British are gonna win this thing.
79
00:03:52,352 --> 00:03:53,745
- Clearly.
- All right, we have to make sure
80
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:56,065
that the Crown knows
that we're on their side.
81
00:03:56,181 --> 00:03:58,351
We have to make our own
declaration.
82
00:03:58,518 --> 00:04:03,506
Yes. Yes, we need to make
a declaration of dependence.
83
00:04:08,955 --> 00:04:13,787
Buy a pelt here!
We have raccoon, we have foxes!
84
00:04:14,809 --> 00:04:16,243
Ho, there, sir.
85
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:20,549
Now, my good gentleman,
what says you of my fine furs here?
86
00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:24,383
Merrily I be able to guide you
toward some interest in some purchase.
87
00:04:24,499 --> 00:04:25,962
I can't understand what
you're saying.
88
00:04:26,078 --> 00:04:27,392
- You want to buy a fur?
- Yeah.
89
00:04:27,507 --> 00:04:29,430
In July? No, thanks.
90
00:04:31,002 --> 00:04:34,796
Not so fast now. That's a nice
looking cart of pumpkins you got here.
91
00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:37,803
Uh, what says you we maketh some
trade, hmm?
92
00:04:37,915 --> 00:04:41,735
- All my furs for all your pumpkins.
- No.
93
00:04:41,850 --> 00:04:44,036
All right, aye-aye-aye-aye-
aye-aye-aye-aye!
94
00:04:44,449 --> 00:04:46,251
One pumpkin.
95
00:04:46,718 --> 00:04:48,099
- Deal.
- All righty!
96
00:04:48,225 --> 00:04:49,858
Wait, wait, wait, whoa,
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.
97
00:04:49,974 --> 00:04:52,657
We're not traders, Charlie.
We're thieves.
98
00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:55,954
You want his pumpkins,
we kill him and take his pumpkins.
99
00:04:56,066 --> 00:04:58,688
This is 1776.
100
00:04:58,805 --> 00:05:00,356
We'll get away with it!
101
00:05:00,911 --> 00:05:02,926
- I can hear you.
- Yeah, all right, very good.
102
00:05:03,039 --> 00:05:04,275
This is how it will go down.
103
00:05:04,389 --> 00:05:06,530
I will beat the man about the
face and the neck
104
00:05:06,647 --> 00:05:08,509
and maybe the chest area
and possibly the groin
105
00:05:08,624 --> 00:05:11,266
until he's no longer
consisting of life pulse.
106
00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:14,194
And then you can collect up the
man's cart.
107
00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:16,183
I shall findeth a stick.
108
00:05:16,296 --> 00:05:18,268
Yes! Well, we'll
need a stick to do the bashing.
109
00:05:18,394 --> 00:05:19,576
Sit tight, sir.
110
00:05:19,693 --> 00:05:21,967
Pick a stick, any stick you like.
111
00:05:22,091 --> 00:05:24,943
All right, well, methinks the rod to
be the most suitable for our purposes.
112
00:05:25,066 --> 00:05:26,641
Ah, very nice rod.
Go with that rod.
113
00:05:26,766 --> 00:05:28,857
Okey dokey dokey do.
Uh-oh! He's gone.
114
00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:31,424
What?
He stole our furs!
115
00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:33,402
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
116
00:05:33,527 --> 00:05:36,250
- You shit head.
- Hey, look on the bright side, Franklin.
117
00:05:36,756 --> 00:05:38,617
We got ourselves a pumpkin.
118
00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,155
This is gonna work.
119
00:05:44,379 --> 00:05:45,741
I can't believe you
dressed like that, bro.
120
00:05:45,857 --> 00:05:47,869
Um, excuse me, this
is a good plan, okay?
121
00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:50,158
If we're gonna get this declaration
into the hands of the queen,
122
00:05:50,271 --> 00:05:51,594
we need to dress the part.
123
00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,222
It's not the way the
British dress, bro.
124
00:05:53,349 --> 00:05:55,221
- They dress like this.
- No, British commoners
125
00:05:55,337 --> 00:05:57,410
dress like you're dressed...
British peons, okay?
126
00:05:57,535 --> 00:06:00,525
I'm dressed like a nobleman, okay?
These people respond to royalty.
127
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:03,483
Hey, guys, come on.
Please help.
128
00:06:03,598 --> 00:06:05,541
Just use your witch
strength, slave.
129
00:06:05,654 --> 00:06:07,717
Yeah, it's not that much further. God!
130
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:10,194
Uh, pardon me,
pardon me, good sirs.
131
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:12,771
But which of you gentlemen
happens to be
132
00:06:12,888 --> 00:06:15,281
the highest ranking
military officer here?
133
00:06:15,407 --> 00:06:16,928
That would be me.
134
00:06:19,362 --> 00:06:21,763
Cricket. Colonel Cricket.
135
00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:25,601
What is your business, sirs?
136
00:06:25,723 --> 00:06:28,298
Ah, well, Colonel, we
are the owners of the fine
137
00:06:28,412 --> 00:06:30,605
local establishment Patrick's Pub.
138
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:35,269
Patrick's Pub!
Yes, of course, of course.
139
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,799
The liberty bar.
140
00:06:37,144 --> 00:06:39,793
- You harbor patriots.
- Oh, whoops, no, no, no.
141
00:06:39,868 --> 00:06:40,865
- No.
- No, myth.
142
00:06:40,928 --> 00:06:42,363
- Myth.
- Bad intel there.
143
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:44,269
Yeah, bad intel.
Bit of a miscommunication.
144
00:06:44,393 --> 00:06:47,828
Actually, that is why we're here.
Uh, we drew up this declaration.
145
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:52,013
We also included an illustration
that we had hoped would illuminate
146
00:06:52,186 --> 00:06:54,171
our intentions
towards the queen, huh?
147
00:06:55,626 --> 00:07:00,183
This appears to be a
rendering of... the two of you
148
00:07:00,309 --> 00:07:04,749
sodomizing the king whilst the
queen is forced to witness.
149
00:07:04,865 --> 00:07:06,206
- Oh, no!
- Goodness gracious, no!
150
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:08,467
No, look.
I'm holding homeboy's arms back.
151
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,563
Dennis is ready to jam
him in the face,
152
00:07:10,688 --> 00:07:13,232
- and the queen is impressed.
- Yeah, that's a bad guy, that's not the king.
153
00:07:13,344 --> 00:07:14,810
- Uh, we're doing bad stuff to the bad...
- Give me this.
154
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,898
- You know, you don't get it.
- Let's get the ale. The ale.
155
00:07:17,011 --> 00:07:18,794
Wench, now, the ale, presenteth it.
156
00:07:19,390 --> 00:07:20,893
Okay, set that down in front of him.
157
00:07:21,009 --> 00:07:24,189
And, uh, yes, good Colonel, we
present this ale to you
158
00:07:24,304 --> 00:07:27,914
and your men in hopes that it will fuel
the British to victory.
159
00:07:28,679 --> 00:07:30,071
Madam.
160
00:07:30,916 --> 00:07:32,472
- Whoa! Hey!
- What the hell you doing?
161
00:07:32,584 --> 00:07:34,480
Get out of here!
You're making a big mess!
162
00:07:34,783 --> 00:07:36,106
Get back to the bar!
163
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:39,463
- I'm really sorry. That was huge!
- Yeah. That's...
164
00:07:39,577 --> 00:07:41,520
That hit you right in the
face, didn't it?
165
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,790
You know what? We don't condone
that sort of thing, okay?
166
00:07:43,913 --> 00:07:46,145
We're going to tar and feather the
shit out of her when she gets back.
167
00:07:46,263 --> 00:07:47,445
Don't worry. Don't worry.
168
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:52,100
I pray you, who is that fiery wench?
169
00:07:52,213 --> 00:07:54,286
Her? Oh, that's just my
sister Deandra.
170
00:07:54,403 --> 00:07:56,115
- She's a slave.
- Yeah. And a witch.
171
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,124
Yeah.
172
00:07:57,201 --> 00:07:58,675
You keep your sister as your slave?
173
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:00,802
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Aye.
174
00:08:01,207 --> 00:08:03,338
So are we good here now?
What's the deal?
175
00:08:03,952 --> 00:08:07,436
Gentlemen, you have both
proven to me in the very short time
176
00:08:07,549 --> 00:08:10,252
that I've known you that
you are both slanderous perverts
177
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:12,869
lacking any semblance of moral
fortitude.
178
00:08:12,984 --> 00:08:17,373
However, I do desire to seek
further counsel with the lady.
179
00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:21,120
Uh... lady?
Oh, the... the witch!
180
00:08:21,246 --> 00:08:23,156
The same girl we've just been
talking about?
181
00:08:23,272 --> 00:08:26,123
You don't really think she's
a... a witch, do you?
182
00:08:26,798 --> 00:08:29,822
- Yeah. Yeah, she's a witch.
- Yeah. I'm pretty sure.
183
00:08:29,934 --> 00:08:31,269
Pretty sure.
184
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:32,969
All right, look.
185
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:37,453
I wish to court her
in some manner, and
186
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:41,228
I could use your help
because I'm not, admittedly,
187
00:08:41,584 --> 00:08:43,808
very good with women.
188
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,902
Good with women?
You mean good at women?
189
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,191
Like, you can't catch them
when they run away from you?
190
00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:51,378
Bro, it's 1776.
They don't have any rights.
191
00:08:51,492 --> 00:08:53,265
You can just take them and force
them to do whatever you want.
192
00:08:53,393 --> 00:08:56,885
I do not wish to take her.
I would like to win her favor,
193
00:08:57,229 --> 00:08:59,180
like a gentleman does a lady.
194
00:08:59,296 --> 00:09:01,837
- That just does not compute with me.
- I don't understand what you're saying.
195
00:09:01,964 --> 00:09:03,786
Digging the accent,
but don't understand you.
196
00:09:03,902 --> 00:09:06,195
- Are you saying you're gay?
- All right, escort them out!
197
00:09:07,149 --> 00:09:08,769
Oh, no. We... we... Okay.
198
00:09:08,886 --> 00:09:09,968
Are you going to drink the beer?
199
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,719
- No, leave it. Out.
- Just drink the beer.
200
00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:14,186
Maybe you'll get some balls
and you can take the woman.
201
00:09:19,843 --> 00:09:20,838
- Fire!
- Ready?
202
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,335
- Yes. Shoot.
- All right.
203
00:09:22,449 --> 00:09:25,392
One, two, three.
204
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:29,416
Do not shoot that pumpkin!
What are you doing?
205
00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:32,573
I stole a bunch of guns!
I'm testing them out, Charles!
206
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,698
This revolution is going to make
us a fortune!
207
00:09:35,813 --> 00:09:37,126
All right. Well, leave the
pumpkin out of it.
208
00:09:37,242 --> 00:09:39,232
- The pumpkin's innocent!
- Shoot the pumpkin.
209
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,449
- Do not shoot the pumpkin please.
- Okay.
210
00:09:42,326 --> 00:09:43,816
- Give me the gun.
- Fine.
211
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:46,403
Why is the witch lady
shooting at you anyway?
212
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,779
- Maybe she used her sorcery.
- Sorcery?
213
00:09:49,903 --> 00:09:51,687
Your dumb-dick partner walked
into the bar
214
00:09:51,801 --> 00:09:53,974
and said he stole a bunch of guns and
asked if I wanted to shoot
215
00:09:54,089 --> 00:09:56,911
a pumpkin off his head,
and of course I did, so here we are.
216
00:09:57,023 --> 00:09:59,207
- Damn your necromancy, woman!
- No, I'm not.
217
00:09:59,321 --> 00:10:01,565
Maybe, if we shoot you, you
won't feel it anyway, witch.
218
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:04,689
You know what, okay, you guys.
I tell you what, you win.
219
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,225
I'm a witch, okay?
I'm a witch!
220
00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:09,902
And I curse both of you and all
of your stupid guns.
221
00:10:11,756 --> 00:10:13,339
Charlie, goddamn it!
222
00:10:13,453 --> 00:10:15,265
- Give me that gun.
- She cursed the gun!
223
00:10:15,577 --> 00:10:17,011
She cursed the gun.
224
00:10:17,418 --> 00:10:18,828
She put a curse on the gun!
225
00:10:18,947 --> 00:10:20,367
Let's try this one.
226
00:10:21,112 --> 00:10:22,136
Nothing!
227
00:10:22,251 --> 00:10:23,532
Try on me.
228
00:10:31,057 --> 00:10:33,141
Damn those Sons of Liberty
sons of bitches, Dennis.
229
00:10:33,256 --> 00:10:34,956
Those guys are going to get us
in so much trouble.
230
00:10:35,082 --> 00:10:36,318
- Let's do this.
- No, no, no, no!
231
00:10:36,432 --> 00:10:38,245
- You hang back.
- What? Me? Why?
232
00:10:38,731 --> 00:10:40,941
Because, dude, we need to get
as much intel from these guys
233
00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,349
as we possibly can for
that Colonel Cricket.
234
00:10:42,465 --> 00:10:44,216
This fop thing is going to
totally blow our cover.
235
00:10:44,342 --> 00:10:45,634
What's going on with your mouth?
236
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,384
- Oh, I got some wooden teeth put in.
- Did you?
237
00:10:47,497 --> 00:10:49,478
Yeah. Well, all the patriots
are doing it, including Washington,
238
00:10:49,593 --> 00:10:51,997
which is why it makes sense,
okay, if we're going undercover!
239
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,033
- Not this fop bullshit!
- No, the fop thing's good, man.
240
00:10:54,147 --> 00:10:56,241
I got a plan with it. Yeah.
I got an angle.
241
00:10:56,956 --> 00:10:58,207
Fine. Okay, listen.
242
00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:01,115
- You let me take the lead, okay?
- Yeah. Okay.
243
00:11:01,238 --> 00:11:02,803
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- You son of a bitch.
244
00:11:04,924 --> 00:11:08,953
Fellas! How you doing?
A couple of flagons of ale for you!
245
00:11:09,587 --> 00:11:12,399
So I just want to say, we love
what you're doing over here.
246
00:11:12,524 --> 00:11:15,166
I mean, taxation with
representation, right?
247
00:11:15,289 --> 00:11:18,690
So, uh... what's the buzz, huh?
What are we all talking about, huh?
248
00:11:18,814 --> 00:11:21,476
Surrender, maybe?
249
00:11:22,289 --> 00:11:25,222
- We speak of revolution.
- Revolution?
250
00:11:25,335 --> 00:11:28,657
Revolution! That's great!
I'm completely on top of that!
251
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,496
Hey, fellas, who's taking the
minutes here?
252
00:11:30,618 --> 00:11:32,663
'Cause I feel like I could be an
asset to you as a secretary, and...
253
00:11:32,789 --> 00:11:35,869
Let's start by taking down
all of their names.
254
00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:38,376
- First and last, please.
- Son of a bitch.
255
00:11:38,491 --> 00:11:41,542
Gentlemen, I think this
meeting is adjourned.
256
00:11:44,642 --> 00:11:46,185
You stupid son of a bitch,
dude!
257
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,512
What are you doing with the accent
and the British...? Goddamn it!
258
00:11:48,627 --> 00:11:50,418
Yeah. No, no, no.
I just decided to go a different way.
259
00:11:50,533 --> 00:11:52,015
- The spy thing wasn't really working.
- Yeah? What way was that?
260
00:11:52,131 --> 00:11:54,422
Well, your wooden teeth
whistly-tooth thing? That was bad.
261
00:11:54,538 --> 00:11:56,022
- That wasn't working.
- My teeth were a smashing success.
262
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:58,217
We are in dire straits here, okay?
We need a change of plan.
263
00:11:58,333 --> 00:11:59,885
I think the only way we're going
to convince these people
264
00:12:00,001 --> 00:12:03,313
that we're on their side
is to become 100% British.
265
00:12:04,104 --> 00:12:06,277
- To become British?
- We gotta commit to the fop thing.
266
00:12:06,404 --> 00:12:08,223
That actually seems pretty
sensible, Dennis.
267
00:12:08,351 --> 00:12:09,974
No more "S's" for you.
268
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:13,306
It's just so cramped in here.
269
00:12:13,435 --> 00:12:17,360
I mean, you'd think people who came
here so many years before the English,
270
00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:18,899
that they'd build bigger houses!
271
00:12:19,026 --> 00:12:20,807
Yeah. You'd think they'd
have huge homes.
272
00:12:20,924 --> 00:12:22,606
What is the sleeping
situation in here?
273
00:12:22,719 --> 00:12:25,133
You think this father and son are
sleeping on the same bearskin together?
274
00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:27,351
Probably.
Where else they going to sleep?
275
00:12:27,432 --> 00:12:28,426
What a bunch of losers!
276
00:12:28,554 --> 00:12:31,362
I'm telling you, a bunch of
inbred savages.
277
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,361
I speak English.
278
00:12:33,476 --> 00:12:35,668
Oh, shit! For real?
279
00:12:35,991 --> 00:12:37,165
Yes.
280
00:12:37,281 --> 00:12:38,813
Oh, that's not good.
We didn't mean to...
281
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:40,661
Our bad.
Uh, just tell me.
282
00:12:40,774 --> 00:12:43,776
How much land are you going to
give away for a pumpkin these days?
283
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,076
Charlie... Charlie, listen.
284
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:48,840
What we need
is your magical powers
285
00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:51,885
to lift the curses from our guns.
286
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,703
- Gag-ga da boom.
- Okay?
287
00:12:53,819 --> 00:12:56,220
- We're going to pay you.
- Oh, yeah. We gotta pay you.
288
00:12:56,346 --> 00:12:58,996
We'll give you this.
We brought this for you.
289
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,314
- Booze! Right?
- Booze.
290
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,981
Makes you feel good.
Helps you sleep.
291
00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:04,291
Brings the tribe together.
292
00:13:07,351 --> 00:13:10,092
You want me to scalp them?
293
00:13:13,354 --> 00:13:16,425
That young Indian was
fast with the tomahawk!
294
00:13:16,538 --> 00:13:18,991
He really lobbed a big hunk
off your head up here.
295
00:13:19,104 --> 00:13:20,846
He's going to make me look
deformed!
296
00:13:20,975 --> 00:13:23,044
Yeah. And you're going to be
deformed for the rest of your life.
297
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:26,302
Give me that skunk pelt.
I'll use it for hair.
298
00:13:26,417 --> 00:13:28,499
- Don't push! Don't push!
- All right.
299
00:13:29,483 --> 00:13:31,514
- It's look cool.
- It looks pretty good.
300
00:13:32,239 --> 00:13:34,880
- Lady Deandra?
- Yes? Can I help you?
301
00:13:35,974 --> 00:13:37,594
Colonel Cricket.
302
00:13:38,362 --> 00:13:40,472
We met the other day...
303
00:13:41,656 --> 00:13:44,537
I was the one you delivered the
keg to...
304
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,890
- You spit in my face.
- Oh! Yep. Yep. There it is.
305
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:54,302
Indeed. Forgive my
rather unadorned approach, but
306
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,570
from the first moment I laid
my eyes on you...
307
00:13:56,685 --> 00:13:58,869
...I was smitten.
308
00:13:59,144 --> 00:14:03,820
Perhaps my impatience has gotten
the best of me, but if you will have me,
309
00:14:03,936 --> 00:14:07,937
I would be most honored
to call you my wife.
310
00:14:12,984 --> 00:14:15,104
A simple "no" would have
sufficed.
311
00:14:17,138 --> 00:14:20,069
Okay, all right, that one got in
my mouth. That's really not cool.
312
00:14:20,182 --> 00:14:23,625
You listen to me,
you pale-faced English dickhole,
313
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:25,134
you got a revolution coming.
314
00:14:25,249 --> 00:14:29,395
And pretty soon, all of the slaves are
gonna be free, and I will be owned by no man.
315
00:14:31,118 --> 00:14:32,850
- I am a fool...
- Yeah.
316
00:14:34,014 --> 00:14:35,700
...having allowed myself to
317
00:14:35,812 --> 00:14:38,497
imagine us back in my
sprawling manor in England.
318
00:14:38,609 --> 00:14:43,328
You on my arm, adorned in magnificent
garments, dressed in the finest jewels.
319
00:14:43,814 --> 00:14:45,108
Cricks, back it up a little bit.
320
00:14:45,222 --> 00:14:47,172
You talking about garments and jewelry?
321
00:14:47,298 --> 00:14:51,038
But alas, my love cannot mend
our differences.
322
00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:53,716
Oh, no-no-no, wait-wait-wait-wait!
Your love, your love can.
323
00:14:53,831 --> 00:14:57,231
Your love is, your love is
currently doing that, so...
324
00:14:57,344 --> 00:15:00,836
You didn't mention anything about the
sprawling manor and all the garments.
325
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,280
- That was stupid.
- But I-I thought that you just said...
326
00:15:03,408 --> 00:15:06,309
Yeah, I did, I did, I did,
but it's... your love, it's, like,
327
00:15:06,425 --> 00:15:08,684
filling me up with all
kinds of stuff.
328
00:15:08,798 --> 00:15:10,262
- Is it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is!
329
00:15:10,378 --> 00:15:12,628
- Let's do this! Let's get married!
- What?
330
00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:15,536
- Oh, Lady Deandra...
- Yes!
331
00:15:15,650 --> 00:15:17,984
...you have made me the
happiest man alive!
332
00:15:18,535 --> 00:15:21,508
We're gonna have to work up to that,
though, 'cause you are crazy ugly.
333
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,822
Keep your pants on, curly.
334
00:15:24,937 --> 00:15:27,969
You want the slave, you gotta
pay for the slave.
335
00:15:28,083 --> 00:15:29,438
- What?
- I'm sorry.
336
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:31,814
We're not gonna give it to
you for free.
337
00:15:31,927 --> 00:15:34,678
You gotta sweeten the pot, eh?
338
00:15:35,645 --> 00:15:37,965
- How'd you like to buy some guns?
- Yes.
339
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:40,502
Guns?
340
00:15:42,535 --> 00:15:44,458
- I shall buy your guns.
- Yes!
341
00:15:44,573 --> 00:15:47,232
- I shall buy your guns!
- No-no-no-no-no, not yet.
342
00:15:47,357 --> 00:15:48,612
Hey, hey-hey, hey.
343
00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:53,525
Why does he keep spitting in
my mouth?
344
00:15:53,738 --> 00:15:55,402
Who is this man?
345
00:16:00,504 --> 00:16:04,379
Ah, hello to you, sirs,
and to you, ladies.
346
00:16:04,496 --> 00:16:05,981
These heels are almost
impossible to walk in.
347
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:07,666
Well, get over it, dude.
You gotta walk in 'em, okay?
348
00:16:07,748 --> 00:16:08,744
Now let me hear the voice.
349
00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:11,830
No, I don't think that the voice is
entirely necessary, so I'm not gonna do it.
350
00:16:11,943 --> 00:16:14,047
If we're gonna wipe away all
traces of our colonial background
351
00:16:14,166 --> 00:16:15,902
and blend in with British culture,
we need to walk the walk
352
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:18,134
- and we need to talk the talk.
- Fine. How do you do it?
353
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:22,457
Your voice needs to come off as elegant
(with English accent): as your clothing, okay?
354
00:16:22,580 --> 00:16:24,648
So try this.
355
00:16:25,645 --> 00:16:30,564
Would you like a spot of tea?
You... "Yeeees...!"
356
00:16:31,551 --> 00:16:34,016
Would you like a spot of tea?
357
00:16:34,152 --> 00:16:35,780
Ye-es.
358
00:16:35,904 --> 00:16:37,708
- Draw it out more.
- Draw it out more than that?
359
00:16:37,835 --> 00:16:38,990
Yees...!
360
00:16:39,106 --> 00:16:41,581
Yees...!
361
00:16:42,647 --> 00:16:43,645
That's good.
362
00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:45,984
Those wooden teeth are killing me.
That lisp is stupid.
363
00:16:46,101 --> 00:16:48,188
I think the wooden teeth are the
whole thing that's saving this thing.
364
00:16:48,285 --> 00:16:49,281
- You sound ridiculous, dude.
- No, I don't.
365
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:51,790
It sounds pretty good. I'm not losing
the teeth. Let's just move past that.
366
00:16:51,917 --> 00:16:53,813
Let's keep walking.
Okay, try it again. Try it again.
367
00:16:54,469 --> 00:16:56,885
Yeeees...!
368
00:16:56,999 --> 00:16:59,090
Yees...!
369
00:16:59,682 --> 00:17:01,698
Yeees...!
370
00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:03,341
- Yees...!
- Good, good, good.
371
00:17:03,455 --> 00:17:06,455
- Now, flourish the pinkie.
- Flourish the pinkie.
372
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,927
Yees...!
373
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,469
Well, what have we got here?
374
00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:14,723
A pair of poofs about town.
375
00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:18,516
Sodomites in frilly lace.
376
00:17:18,641 --> 00:17:19,766
- No!
- No, no!
377
00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:21,067
- Nayeth.
- Oh, nayeth, nayeth.
378
00:17:21,183 --> 00:17:24,911
No, we are simply two noble
Britishmen out on a stroll.
379
00:17:25,233 --> 00:17:26,960
- Good day, sir.
- Good day. Oh!
380
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:33,025
Boys... get the tar.
381
00:17:34,771 --> 00:17:35,909
Shit.
382
00:17:37,716 --> 00:17:40,383
Deandra, come and help me
count my gold.
383
00:17:40,508 --> 00:17:42,306
I'm not your slave anymore,
Franklin.
384
00:17:42,421 --> 00:17:44,526
I'm about to go live like the
goddamn Queen of England
385
00:17:44,641 --> 00:17:46,338
and never see you two bitches again.
386
00:17:46,452 --> 00:17:49,170
Charles, I told you the
revolution pays.
387
00:17:49,285 --> 00:17:51,583
Yeah, yeah, but look at this, huh?
388
00:17:51,709 --> 00:17:55,205
Guys, there is a full-fledged revolution
happening outside right now!
389
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,407
It is a bloodbath!
We have got to do something!
390
00:17:58,525 --> 00:17:59,577
What?
391
00:17:59,706 --> 00:18:01,090
Uh, let's back up and talk
about what this is.
392
00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:03,591
No, no, no, this is not important.
This is not important right now, okay?
393
00:18:03,706 --> 00:18:06,114
- I think it's very important.
- There's a war happening outside
394
00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:08,046
- and we need to...
- We were acting like British noblemen,
395
00:18:08,162 --> 00:18:09,716
and then he couldn't
drop the she-male thing,
396
00:18:09,845 --> 00:18:11,778
so we got tarred and
feathered for being Sodomites!
397
00:18:11,904 --> 00:18:14,000
It is not a she-male thing...
398
00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:16,543
Goddamn it, we don't have
time for this!
399
00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:19,905
Help! Help me!
400
00:18:20,021 --> 00:18:21,318
Are you okay?
Are you dying?
401
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,881
No, no, no, don't die yet! Don't die
yet until you get me to your mansion.
402
00:18:25,007 --> 00:18:27,361
No, I'm unscathed, my darling.
403
00:18:27,478 --> 00:18:29,834
- Oh, thank God.
- This is the blood of my men.
404
00:18:29,949 --> 00:18:31,765
We've suffered too many
casualties.
405
00:18:32,103 --> 00:18:35,639
- All our guns jammed.
- Blame that on your witch wife.
406
00:18:35,755 --> 00:18:36,759
Let me see that.
407
00:18:37,967 --> 00:18:41,293
Permit me to hide out here till
British reinforcements arrive
408
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,086
and massacre the entire lot of rebels.
409
00:18:44,382 --> 00:18:48,029
Then shall we escape safely
together, my darling?
410
00:18:48,155 --> 00:18:50,201
Oh, okay.
I'm gonna go get you some water.
411
00:18:50,318 --> 00:18:52,863
Yeah, hey, Cricks, when the
reinforcements get here,
412
00:18:52,979 --> 00:18:55,157
Dennis and I are cool, right?
We're not on your shit list?
413
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,908
Yeah, like, we got tarred and
feathered for your ass, so...
414
00:18:58,023 --> 00:19:00,970
Protect me, and I shall make
sure that all of you
415
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:03,572
are safe for the mighty soul...
416
00:19:05,511 --> 00:19:06,767
Shit!
417
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:11,340
Goddamn it, Frank.
You just ruined my all life.
418
00:19:11,453 --> 00:19:14,532
- Wait, wait, wait, check his pulse.
- He doesn't have a head.
419
00:19:14,648 --> 00:19:17,737
Oh, my God. If the British come in here
and find this body, we are screwed.
420
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:19,689
Oh, Jesus! He's right.
We've got to get rid of this body.
421
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:20,506
How are we gonna to do that?
422
00:19:20,551 --> 00:19:22,288
- Maybe we could bury.
- No, there's no time.
423
00:19:22,406 --> 00:19:23,141
We've got to burn that body.
424
00:19:23,176 --> 00:19:25,814
- It's gonna go to their intention.
- Let's cut it of in pieces.
425
00:19:25,927 --> 00:19:27,555
I've got an idea.
426
00:19:28,811 --> 00:19:31,596
- Yeah? You have it?
- It's heavy.
427
00:19:38,017 --> 00:19:40,953
Shit! Bro, we just broke
the liberty bell.
428
00:19:41,071 --> 00:19:43,268
I'll get you, my pretty!
429
00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:48,241
It's totally broken.
430
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:52,134
Knock this story!
431
00:19:52,251 --> 00:19:55,709
- Okay?
- We weren't finish yet. Just a...
432
00:19:55,823 --> 00:19:58,471
I've finished listening.
433
00:19:58,587 --> 00:20:00,494
Have you now?
434
00:20:01,098 --> 00:20:04,256
Okay, that's fair.
The end, I guess.
435
00:20:04,949 --> 00:20:07,467
So, are we in an historical
landmark, now?
436
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,660
- No!
- You got to be kidding me!
437
00:20:09,785 --> 00:20:13,482
- Such a good story.
- Maybe she didn't understand the story.
438
00:20:13,598 --> 00:20:16,606
- Maybe skim too much.
- Yeah, let's tell the false story this time.
439
00:20:16,723 --> 00:20:18,988
- We won't leave out any details.
- A lot more details.
440
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:22,161
You know what? Sit back, get concentreted,
it's gonna get a low longer this time.
441
00:20:22,284 --> 00:20:24,442
- You're ready?
- The start is the same.
442
00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:26,852
The year was 1776...