1
00:00:00,811 --> 00:00:03,562
Oh, it's just so doggone thin.
2
00:00:03,675 --> 00:00:06,620
- Oh, it's incredibly thin.
- Yeah, it's thin, sure,
3
00:00:06,705 --> 00:00:09,463
but I got to say,
I don't care for it.
4
00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:11,801
Charlie, the thinner the TV,
the better the TV.
5
00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:14,100
- That's just a straight-up fact.
- Guys, guys, guys!
6
00:00:14,213 --> 00:00:16,224
Check it out.
We got a review in the paper.
7
00:00:16,337 --> 00:00:18,157
No way! Is it a good review?
8
00:00:18,302 --> 00:00:21,530
"The first thing I noticed
about Paddy's Pub is its charm".
9
00:00:21,643 --> 00:00:24,066
- All right, it's a good review.
- That's a good start.
10
00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:26,167
- "It has none".
- Uh-oh, are you serious?
11
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,853
"There was an ominous feeling
that you could get stabbed at
12
00:00:28,966 --> 00:00:31,536
- any moment". That's good, right?
- How is that good?
13
00:00:31,649 --> 00:00:34,293
That's the exact type of atmosphere
I've been trying to cultivate.
14
00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:36,986
But, while danger may linger,
I'm the levelheaded bouncer that
15
00:00:37,099 --> 00:00:39,614
keeps violence in check, like
Swayze in Roadhouse. I'm the cooler.
16
00:00:39,727 --> 00:00:41,699
In check? There have been
many stabbings in here.
17
00:00:41,812 --> 00:00:44,276
- I feel unsafe here every single day.
- Oh, very often.
18
00:00:44,389 --> 00:00:46,219
Well, stabbings have been
down, though.
19
00:00:46,332 --> 00:00:47,390
Read some more.
20
00:00:47,503 --> 00:00:50,063
"When I ordered a glass of
wine, not only did the surly
21
00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,803
white trash waitress refuse to
make it, but she proceed to
22
00:00:52,916 --> 00:00:54,977
call me a word that I cannot
print in this paper".
23
00:00:55,090 --> 00:00:56,816
- Surly?
- "I was forced to listen to
24
00:00:56,929 --> 00:01:00,122
the three classless bores who
call themselves the owners
25
00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:03,110
get drunk and yell over
each other all night".
26
00:01:03,223 --> 00:01:05,863
Classless bores?
I am not a classless bore.
27
00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:08,530
Well, I am not white trash.
I am a kind and a generous
28
00:01:08,643 --> 00:01:09,978
and a good-natured lady.
29
00:01:10,091 --> 00:01:12,245
Well, I... I do seem to remember
you calling a guy a faggot.
30
00:01:12,358 --> 00:01:14,434
Yeah, I absolutely called him
a faggot, but he ordered chardonnay.
31
00:01:14,592 --> 00:01:15,419
What was I supposed to do?
32
00:01:15,454 --> 00:01:18,529
"Having reviewed every bar in
Philadelphia, I hereby
33
00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:23,236
officially declare Paddy's Pub
to be the worst bar in Philly".
34
00:01:27,624 --> 00:01:33,038
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia 4x08
35
00:01:34,058 --> 00:01:39,563
Synchro : Criztian
36
00:02:03,361 --> 00:02:05,726
Hi. Are you Mr. Lyle Corman?
37
00:02:05,839 --> 00:02:08,557
- Yes, can I help you?
- Good, nice to meet you.
38
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,209
We're here from Paddy's Pub,
and we have come down to give
39
00:02:11,322 --> 00:02:12,921
you the opportunity to give us
another chance.
40
00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:14,979
Yeah, here's the thing. We felt
that your first review was just a
41
00:02:15,092 --> 00:02:16,980
- tiny bit off base.
- Yeah, as you can see,
42
00:02:17,091 --> 00:02:17,846
we're not white trash.
43
00:02:18,169 --> 00:02:20,490
Huh, really?
Well, uh, then, in that case,
44
00:02:20,603 --> 00:02:23,245
can you ask your friend to put
down that hammer, please?
45
00:02:23,379 --> 00:02:26,395
Uh, yeah, don't let the
hammer throw you, Corman.
46
00:02:26,508 --> 00:02:28,711
We are classy, interesting people.
47
00:02:28,824 --> 00:02:31,027
Okay, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to ask you to leave.
48
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:32,878
Well, don't be rude.
We just came to have a talk, so...
49
00:02:32,991 --> 00:02:34,946
This is a private... I'm
gonna have to get security.
50
00:02:35,059 --> 00:02:36,979
Okay, we can play it that
way, Corman.
51
00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,931
But you should know that we
would have no problem suing you.
52
00:02:40,044 --> 00:02:41,627
Suing me?
What are you gonna sue me for?
53
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:44,192
Uh, libel, slander. There's
two of the big dogs right there.
54
00:02:44,305 --> 00:02:47,028
It's only libel
if what I write is false.
55
00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:50,704
You know what, buddy, we will jam
your asshole up with so many lawyers,
56
00:02:50,817 --> 00:02:52,295
you won't know what to
do with yourself.
57
00:02:52,408 --> 00:02:55,468
I'll have you know, we have a
team of lawyers on retainer just
58
00:02:55,581 --> 00:02:57,110
to deal with people like you.
59
00:02:57,220 --> 00:02:58,220
- Really?
- Yeah.
60
00:02:58,328 --> 00:02:59,854
Well, check this out.
61
00:03:00,119 --> 00:03:02,460
- You're all out of time, bitch.
- Boom.
62
00:03:02,818 --> 00:03:05,945
- You just got fazed.
- This just in, Poo-Poo Pants.
63
00:03:06,058 --> 00:03:08,113
People don't read newspapers
anymore.
64
00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:11,681
How's that for class?
65
00:03:18,628 --> 00:03:21,418
Nice, brand-new Blu-Ray DVD
player, all hooked up.
66
00:03:21,531 --> 00:03:23,241
- Hey, all right.
- Where are we gonna put it?
67
00:03:23,354 --> 00:03:24,924
We need like a flat surface.
68
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:27,560
Here we go. You know what,
we'll just... we'll dangle it.
69
00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,540
That looks better. We're not dangling
anything. That's very white trash.
70
00:03:30,653 --> 00:03:32,542
What is the point of having
all this expensive new status
71
00:03:32,655 --> 00:03:34,948
symbol stuff if we're just gonna
make it look terrible?
72
00:03:35,061 --> 00:03:37,028
Hey, you guys want to see
something?
73
00:03:37,141 --> 00:03:38,191
What?
74
00:03:40,336 --> 00:03:41,864
I did something.
75
00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:44,955
Holy shit.
76
00:03:45,068 --> 00:03:46,851
What?
You kidnapped Corman?
77
00:03:46,964 --> 00:03:48,180
I don't really know what
happened, okay?
78
00:03:48,293 --> 00:03:50,024
First, I was angry.
Then, I was drinking.
79
00:03:50,137 --> 00:03:52,467
Next thing I know, I'm following
this guy home and forcing him
80
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,561
- into the trunk of his own car.
- Jesus Christ, this is bad.
81
00:03:54,674 --> 00:03:56,053
- Really bad.
- Don't panic. Don't panic.
82
00:03:56,166 --> 00:03:58,859
Relax, I drove him around in a
circle for a while, okay, so
83
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,973
he wouldn't know where he was or
how far away he'd gone.
84
00:04:01,086 --> 00:04:03,096
But then you brought him back
to a place where he's already been,
85
00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,861
and plus, he just heard
everything you just said.
86
00:04:04,974 --> 00:04:07,747
Okay, maybe we can just release him, and
that way, this won't be a kidnapping.
87
00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:09,208
First things first. Let's
just get him out of the trunk;
88
00:04:09,321 --> 00:04:11,763
let's get him into the bar; and then
let's figure out what we need to do.
89
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,452
How are we gonna get him in the
bar without anyone seeing him?
90
00:04:13,565 --> 00:04:15,408
Easy, we roll him up in a rug.
91
00:04:15,751 --> 00:04:17,997
- Where are we gonna get a rug?
- We buy a big Oriental rug,
92
00:04:18,110 --> 00:04:19,454
and we roll him up in it.
93
00:04:19,579 --> 00:04:21,193
Do you have any idea how
expensive rugs are, Charlie?
94
00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:23,232
- Yeah, especially Oriental rugs.
- No, no rugs.
95
00:04:23,345 --> 00:04:25,330
Just get him out of the car and
into the bar, Charlie.
96
00:04:25,443 --> 00:04:26,548
Help me get him out of the trunk.
97
00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:29,280
Okay, so we're... we're really
sorry about this, Mr. Corman.
98
00:04:29,393 --> 00:04:30,721
Watch your head.
99
00:04:30,834 --> 00:04:32,484
You're gonna be okay.
It's not a kidnapping, so...
100
00:04:32,597 --> 00:04:34,453
Oh, goddamn it.
101
00:04:34,604 --> 00:04:36,476
Okay, I think we're on the
same page.
102
00:04:36,589 --> 00:04:38,043
- This is not a kidnapping.
- No!
103
00:04:38,150 --> 00:04:39,150
No, okay, all right.
104
00:04:39,255 --> 00:04:40,797
But we do need to keep him here
for a couple of hours
105
00:04:40,910 --> 00:04:42,203
- so he doesn't do anything irrational.
- Just borrowing him.
106
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:43,419
...go to the police.
107
00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:45,390
That being said, let's take a
few precautions here, okay?
108
00:04:45,503 --> 00:04:47,923
We need to cover our tracks. Why don't
we shoot over to Corman's place
109
00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:49,715
and make sure that Charlie
left without a trace.
110
00:04:49,828 --> 00:04:51,304
I'm pretty sure Charlie
left with a trace.
111
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:52,317
- He probably did.
- That's a good idea.
112
00:04:52,352 --> 00:04:54,438
Okay, and I'll use my cooling
abilities to smooth things over
113
00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:55,822
- with Corman, and then that...
- Jesus Christ.
114
00:04:55,935 --> 00:04:57,912
Are you still going on and on
about being a cooler?
115
00:04:58,025 --> 00:04:59,712
- Shut up.
- The cooler thing isn't helping now.
116
00:04:59,825 --> 00:05:02,671
Just get into the bar, and make sure
Charlie doesn't do anything stupid.
117
00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,106
Okay, but can we establish
that I'm the cooler?
118
00:05:05,219 --> 00:05:06,630
- Oh, my God!
- Get into the bar.
119
00:05:06,755 --> 00:05:07,769
We're surrounded by idiots.
120
00:05:08,043 --> 00:05:11,034
Look, this really isn't necessary.
You don't have to tape me...
121
00:05:11,147 --> 00:05:13,204
I'm sorry, man, but this is
the situation we're in, and I
122
00:05:13,317 --> 00:05:14,770
just feel like this is the best
thing to do here.
123
00:05:14,883 --> 00:05:17,296
Jesus Christ, dude, what are you doing?
You can't tape him up like that.
124
00:05:17,409 --> 00:05:19,631
Come on, man.
I mean, the guy gets my goat, man.
125
00:05:19,744 --> 00:05:22,289
He sits around all day.
He judges people with his words
126
00:05:22,402 --> 00:05:25,326
and his fancy newspaper talk.
It's bullshit!
127
00:05:25,439 --> 00:05:27,266
What is it that you people want?
128
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:30,468
Well, I'll tell you,
Mr. Fancy Pants Writer Man.
129
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:33,326
I was thinking maybe you could
write a new review, you know,
130
00:05:33,439 --> 00:05:36,631
and this time, maybe
add a few less lies.
131
00:05:36,744 --> 00:05:40,311
How can I write a new review
if I am taped to a chair?
132
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:42,780
Come on, man. See, he's twisting
everything I say around.
133
00:05:42,893 --> 00:05:44,129
He's making me look like an asshole.
134
00:05:44,242 --> 00:05:47,213
Okay, look, look. Nobody has to write
anything against their will, okay?
135
00:05:47,326 --> 00:05:48,482
Thank you.
136
00:05:49,132 --> 00:05:50,872
I have to go to the bathroom.
137
00:05:51,297 --> 00:05:53,690
- I have to pee.
- Okay, sidebar.
138
00:05:54,773 --> 00:05:56,245
How is he gonna pee if his hands
are taped down?
139
00:05:56,358 --> 00:05:57,652
I don't care.
Let him piss in his pants.
140
00:05:57,765 --> 00:05:59,924
No, he can't piss in his
pants, Charlie!
141
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,654
I don't know why you're so in
love with this guy.
142
00:06:02,767 --> 00:06:05,169
I just don't want to get
arrested for kidnapping.
143
00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:07,335
- If we just untie him for a second.
- Not gonna work.
144
00:06:07,448 --> 00:06:08,953
I used the last of the tape.
145
00:06:09,157 --> 00:06:10,753
If you untie him, that tape's
not gonna stick back up.
146
00:06:10,866 --> 00:06:12,278
Go down to the basement.
See if there's any more tape.
147
00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:15,475
I'll take him to the bathroom.
I'll defuse the situation.
148
00:06:15,621 --> 00:06:17,233
- Fine.
- Play it cool.
149
00:06:17,346 --> 00:06:18,883
- Play it cool.
- Play it cool.
150
00:06:20,653 --> 00:06:23,836
I'm sorry I yelled at you,
Mr. Corman.
151
00:06:24,876 --> 00:06:26,350
I saw that!
152
00:06:26,463 --> 00:06:29,403
I saw that! I saw that!
You're out of here, bro.
153
00:06:33,721 --> 00:06:35,124
What are you doing?
154
00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:37,580
What, I'm packing to make it look
like Corman went on a vacation.
155
00:06:37,693 --> 00:06:39,620
Yeah, but you're all over the place.
You just put in a tropical shirt,
156
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,279
and now two heavy coats?
I mean,
157
00:06:41,392 --> 00:06:43,897
is he going to Cancun or Canada?
You gotta pay attention to the details.
158
00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:45,857
- This is how people get caught.
- Ah, shit, you're right.
159
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,341
I'm leaving a trace.
Okay... no, no, no, no.
160
00:06:47,454 --> 00:06:50,515
He's probably under a lot of pressure
with the deadlines from the newspaper.
161
00:06:50,628 --> 00:06:51,874
- He should relax.
- Go someplace tropical?
162
00:06:51,987 --> 00:06:53,518
- Cancun then. Perfect.
- Tropical.
163
00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:54,932
You know what I'll do?
164
00:06:55,045 --> 00:06:57,182
I will put an outgoing message
on his answering machine.
165
00:06:57,295 --> 00:06:58,831
- That is good thinking, sis.
- We're pretty good at this.
166
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:00,915
We are pretty damn good at this.
We're learning.
167
00:07:01,973 --> 00:07:03,626
Greeting one.
168
00:07:03,739 --> 00:07:06,002
Hi, this is Mehar.
Sorry I missed your call.
169
00:07:06,115 --> 00:07:08,988
Please leave a message after the beep.
Peace.
170
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,478
That did not sound like Corman.
171
00:07:13,681 --> 00:07:15,417
Who are you people?
172
00:07:18,089 --> 00:07:19,947
- Friends with Corman.
- Yeah.
173
00:07:20,060 --> 00:07:22,406
Mr. Corman lives across the hall.
174
00:07:22,991 --> 00:07:25,238
- Oh, does he?
- Does he?
175
00:07:27,968 --> 00:07:30,792
Where is he?
This is ridiculous.
176
00:07:30,905 --> 00:07:33,392
- I really have to pee.
- I hear ya, bro.
177
00:07:33,505 --> 00:07:36,030
Now, back to the cooler conversation
that we were having earlier.
178
00:07:36,143 --> 00:07:39,055
I feel like in your article, you
missed an opportunity to mention
179
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:40,908
my bouncing abilities.
Okay?
180
00:07:41,021 --> 00:07:42,952
Now, it's really more about
smarts than anything else.
181
00:07:43,065 --> 00:07:45,239
For example, if there was an
altercation in this bathroom,
182
00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:47,522
I would blast in looking to
neutralize, yeah?
183
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,880
Now, I would check out my
environment, and I would look to see
184
00:07:49,993 --> 00:07:52,576
if there's anything that I
could use to my advantage.
185
00:07:52,838 --> 00:07:54,890
Like this pool cue.
Here we go.
186
00:08:02,885 --> 00:08:05,461
Okay, normally, that wouldn't
happen unless I wanted it to.
187
00:08:05,574 --> 00:08:08,250
'Cause I could fire it right in your
chest. 'Cause I got skills to do that.
188
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,042
Dude, there's like no tape
anywhere.
189
00:08:10,155 --> 00:08:11,948
All I could scrounge up was a
bandana.
190
00:08:12,148 --> 00:08:13,286
No, that's too small.
191
00:08:13,399 --> 00:08:15,376
Oh, I could wear it though!
I should wear it.
192
00:08:15,489 --> 00:08:17,768
I know, but I found it,
so I sort of feel like...
193
00:08:17,881 --> 00:08:20,176
No, I appreciate you looking
for me and finding it for me.
194
00:08:20,289 --> 00:08:21,341
No, hang on a second.
195
00:08:21,454 --> 00:08:23,372
...that got me to the point
of me getting the bandana.
196
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:27,065
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
197
00:08:27,178 --> 00:08:30,616
Just please get me out of this
bathroom before I vomit.
198
00:08:30,729 --> 00:08:33,004
It is absolutely disgusting.
199
00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:37,115
Well, excuse me, Mr. Man.
200
00:08:37,572 --> 00:08:39,523
But I happen to think this
bathroom is pristine
201
00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:41,937
because I work very hard cleaning it.
202
00:08:42,050 --> 00:08:45,456
In fact it's so clean I would say
you could eat out of these urinals.
203
00:08:45,569 --> 00:08:47,596
No, you absolutely could not
eat out of these urinals.
204
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:49,709
- Oh, really? What's this?
- Charlie, don't.
205
00:08:49,822 --> 00:08:51,146
Char... Oh, my God, dude!
206
00:08:51,324 --> 00:08:53,267
Bro, I really...
I just pissed in there,
207
00:08:53,380 --> 00:08:55,192
- like five minutes before you came in.
- Don't say that.
208
00:08:55,305 --> 00:08:57,297
- Now you're gonna make me look bad.
- Spit it out, man. You're gonna eat it?
209
00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:59,347
- You're still chewing it.
- I have to prove a point!
210
00:08:59,547 --> 00:09:02,510
All right, all right.
Just let me go to the bathroom.
211
00:09:02,623 --> 00:09:04,928
I will write the review.
I'll do whatever you want.
212
00:09:05,041 --> 00:09:06,182
I promise.
213
00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:08,453
Well, now that wasn't so
hard, was it?
214
00:09:08,566 --> 00:09:09,602
Great. Awesome.
215
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,562
Well, I think that we're...
we're in good shape then.
216
00:09:12,675 --> 00:09:14,346
How are we gonna do this?
217
00:09:14,459 --> 00:09:17,195
Well, I think one of us is
gonna have to help his...
218
00:09:17,308 --> 00:09:18,580
Whoa, dude!
I'm not touching his dick.
219
00:09:18,693 --> 00:09:20,043
Well, Charlie, you're the one
that used all the tape.
220
00:09:20,156 --> 00:09:22,100
Well, I was comfortable with
letting him piss in his pants.
221
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:24,033
Well, all right, fine.
Then compromise.
222
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:27,497
We'll both do it. That way it's
equally weird for both of us.
223
00:09:31,118 --> 00:09:33,799
No, no, no.
Fine. Just-just untape me.
224
00:09:33,912 --> 00:09:35,485
Please. No. Oh, no.
225
00:09:35,598 --> 00:09:37,225
No! No!
226
00:09:42,086 --> 00:09:43,839
Can I bring something up?
227
00:09:44,090 --> 00:09:47,276
- Did he get a little bit hard on us?
- Can we not talk about this?
228
00:09:47,389 --> 00:09:48,612
I just felt like you got a
little bit...
229
00:09:48,725 --> 00:09:50,171
It was very weird.
230
00:09:50,284 --> 00:09:52,284
- Well, why did it move?!
- Hey, guys!
231
00:09:53,244 --> 00:09:56,240
- We got a problem.
- We did something.
232
00:09:58,547 --> 00:10:01,257
- Oh, man!
- Oh, man! What happened, dude?
233
00:10:01,370 --> 00:10:03,480
Well, there was this a slight
mix-up with the apartments.
234
00:10:03,593 --> 00:10:04,912
This is Corman's neighbor Mehar.
235
00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:06,514
What happened to doing this
without a trace?
236
00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:09,111
Well, it-it's a long story,
but the punch line is that
237
00:10:09,224 --> 00:10:11,297
- he starting asking questions...
- I asked one question.
238
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:12,774
- Shut up!
- No, you asked a lot of questions.
239
00:10:12,887 --> 00:10:14,421
All right, well, let's not
have him ask more questions.
240
00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:15,735
Let's just keep him in the
trunk for now.
241
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,529
You can't kidnap more people to
cover up the original kidnapping.
242
00:10:18,642 --> 00:10:20,674
- It's a classic mistake.
- I'm sorry...
243
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,953
I didn't know there was a
handbook on kidnapping.
244
00:10:23,066 --> 00:10:24,626
- Help!
- We gotta get him inside.
245
00:10:24,739 --> 00:10:26,717
- It's probably very hot in there.
- There's another bit of an issue,
246
00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:28,429
which is that I locked
the keys in the trunk just now.
247
00:10:28,510 --> 00:10:29,510
- What?!
- Yeah.
248
00:10:29,599 --> 00:10:31,785
- Are you kidding me?
- Well, I didn't want to bring that up.
249
00:10:31,898 --> 00:10:33,156
Goddamn it, Charlie!
250
00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:34,497
This is what we're gonna do.
You guys
251
00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:36,023
deal with the situation
out here.
252
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,086
Let's go talk to Corman.
He's writing that new review.
253
00:10:38,199 --> 00:10:39,847
Okay, 'cause I don't want to
see that man right now.
254
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,742
- We don't really want...
- Because we had a whole thing.
255
00:10:41,855 --> 00:10:42,855
What happened?
256
00:10:42,941 --> 00:10:44,277
Something happened.
None of your business.
257
00:10:44,390 --> 00:10:46,182
- Thank you very much.
- We had a thing amongst the...
258
00:10:46,295 --> 00:10:49,348
- Let's just go inside.
- Can you just... please.
259
00:10:50,244 --> 00:10:51,971
How long do you think we can
hold that inside?
260
00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,849
It's burning me up inside.
It's burning me up.
261
00:10:58,693 --> 00:11:00,919
There he is. Our little typer.
262
00:11:01,032 --> 00:11:03,699
- Type, type, typing away.
- Don't mean to disturb ya.
263
00:11:03,812 --> 00:11:06,112
Oh, you're not disturbing me at all.
It's great to see you two again.
264
00:11:06,225 --> 00:11:07,968
I get it. I get it.
265
00:11:08,081 --> 00:11:10,237
- You are too much, huh?
- You're being a smart-aleck.
266
00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:12,245
- You are.
- Glad your spirits are still up.
267
00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:15,010
Listen, we wanted to come in and
just let you know we're sorry
268
00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:18,137
about this whole
tie-up-and-hold-you-here thing.
269
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:19,384
We didn't have anything to do with it.
270
00:11:19,497 --> 00:11:21,444
No, that wasn't us.
That was somebody else's idea.
271
00:11:21,557 --> 00:11:22,758
- Not our idea.
- You know what I'm saying?
272
00:11:22,871 --> 00:11:24,418
Now if there's anything though
that we can do,
273
00:11:24,531 --> 00:11:26,960
- since we are in this situation...
- Absolutely, together we are.
274
00:11:27,073 --> 00:11:28,989
- ...you want to let us know.
- Anything at all.
275
00:11:29,102 --> 00:11:31,987
Yeah, how about, uh,
letting me go.
276
00:11:32,202 --> 00:11:33,933
There he goes again.
277
00:11:35,392 --> 00:11:37,489
- I didn't know he was so funny.
- I didn't know he was gonna...
278
00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:39,345
...ask for food or something.
279
00:11:39,458 --> 00:11:40,990
Is there something else we
can get you though?
280
00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:42,468
'Cause clearly, you know, we can't...
281
00:11:42,581 --> 00:11:45,371
All right, a glass of white
wine, maybe a chardonnay.
282
00:11:45,484 --> 00:11:47,895
- Now you're talking.
- You like white wine. I know that.
283
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:51,414
Um, also, do you want me to
bring you some lipstick with that?
284
00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:56,685
Boom!
You got fazed again, Corman.
285
00:11:57,824 --> 00:12:00,716
You can't just tee her up and expect
her not to take a swing at you, right?
286
00:12:00,829 --> 00:12:03,017
- Can't blame her for that one.
- Can't blame her for that one.
287
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,909
Hey, since you are
writing a new review, uh,
288
00:12:06,022 --> 00:12:07,712
is there anything I can
do to help you out with it?
289
00:12:07,825 --> 00:12:09,962
Uh, you want to fire a couple
questions my way?
290
00:12:10,194 --> 00:12:12,999
- No, I think I'm fine.
- Okay. Yeah, hey, no problem, man.
291
00:12:13,112 --> 00:12:14,113
I just want to...
292
00:12:14,226 --> 00:12:16,480
just want to make sure you
got the total picture on me
293
00:12:16,593 --> 00:12:18,837
'cause I do drive a Range Rover.
294
00:12:20,351 --> 00:12:23,473
- Gas guzzler.
- Well, not on the highway. Okay.
295
00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:25,721
Yeah, it's very classy vehicle,
though.
296
00:12:25,834 --> 00:12:27,366
What do you want me to say?
297
00:12:27,766 --> 00:12:29,663
What do I want you to say?
298
00:12:29,776 --> 00:12:32,124
I don't know, "Dennis
Reynolds, your car is awesome.
299
00:12:32,237 --> 00:12:34,173
Your flat screen TV...
I took a look at it.
300
00:12:34,286 --> 00:12:37,133
It's very, very thin. It speaks
volumes about you as a person".
301
00:12:37,246 --> 00:12:39,210
I don't know; give me something
I can work with, Corman.
302
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,992
All right, Dennis.
303
00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:43,527
Here's the deal. I didn't feel
like opening up a bottle of wine
304
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:44,753
so I brought you some scotch
305
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:46,356
'cause I feel like that's
what writers should drink.
306
00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,661
Hey, some top-shelf scotch.
307
00:12:47,774 --> 00:12:49,505
Uh, I don't drink scotch.
308
00:12:51,775 --> 00:12:53,651
Well, you don't have to be a
dick about it.
309
00:12:53,764 --> 00:12:55,504
Got a real chip on her
shoulder, this one.
310
00:12:55,617 --> 00:12:58,958
If I had to write an article about you,
it would say that you're very negative.
311
00:12:59,071 --> 00:13:01,737
The headline might be:
"Most negative man in the world
312
00:13:01,850 --> 00:13:04,977
calls other people white trash to
make himself not feel so faggy".
313
00:13:05,256 --> 00:13:06,470
Faggy?
314
00:13:08,112 --> 00:13:11,608
You mind if I just took a quick
peek at your new review there?
315
00:13:11,721 --> 00:13:13,392
- Uh, but I haven't...
- That's okay.
316
00:13:13,539 --> 00:13:14,954
That's okay.
I know you're not finished.
317
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,483
I just want to see what direction
we're headed in there, buddy.
318
00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:20,727
What's it say?
319
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,853
It's, uh, pretty heavy on the
kidnapping aspect.
320
00:13:23,966 --> 00:13:25,238
It is?
321
00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:28,817
You jam in further though.
322
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,748
This is... Unlock the bottom.
323
00:13:30,861 --> 00:13:32,633
I'm going for whatever's down
there and, um,
324
00:13:32,746 --> 00:13:35,086
it won't catch on to
anything is the problem, man.
325
00:13:35,199 --> 00:13:37,195
Damn it, dude.
I feel like this should be easier!
326
00:13:37,308 --> 00:13:38,764
People break into cars all the time.
327
00:13:38,877 --> 00:13:40,269
You know, a piece of me wants
to chalk this whole
328
00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:42,318
guy-in-the-trunk thing up to a
loss right now, dude.
329
00:13:42,431 --> 00:13:44,729
We can't do that, bro.
We gotta get him out of the car.
330
00:13:44,842 --> 00:13:46,302
Well, then why don't you just
let me take the hammer
331
00:13:46,415 --> 00:13:48,226
and smash the window and
we'll just pop the trunk.
332
00:13:48,339 --> 00:13:49,699
Charlie, if we're
gonna smash the window,
333
00:13:49,812 --> 00:13:51,516
I would simply do it
with a roundhouse kick.
334
00:13:51,629 --> 00:13:53,302
Oh, come on, you're not gonna
be able to break this window
335
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:55,779
with a roundhouse kick.
Let's get serious here.
336
00:13:57,767 --> 00:14:01,297
Charlie, I've never been more serious
about anything in my entire life.
337
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,400
Help!
338
00:14:02,503 --> 00:14:05,427
Please let me out. I have
to get home. I have a cat.
339
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:08,439
Sir, we all have cats that we'd like
to be playing with right now, okay?
340
00:14:08,552 --> 00:14:09,639
We're doing our very best.
341
00:14:09,752 --> 00:14:13,809
My cat is diabetic. She needs
her insulin shot. Please!
342
00:14:13,922 --> 00:14:15,937
So we got to babysit a cat now?
343
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:18,222
I can't have a dead cat's
blood on my hands, man.
344
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,137
- That's not good.
- All right,
345
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:22,642
Mac to the rescue.
Let me just back up.
346
00:14:22,755 --> 00:14:24,075
I'm gonna roundhouse this. I'm gonna
kick it, and then we can get it.
347
00:14:24,188 --> 00:14:25,355
Kick it, man.
348
00:14:25,468 --> 00:14:28,306
All right, but back up, 'cause I don't
want the glass to shatter at your face.
349
00:14:28,419 --> 00:14:30,140
- All right, go.
- Guard your eyes.
350
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,859
- Oh, no!
- Shit, dude! Shit!
351
00:14:36,329 --> 00:14:38,735
There is a slope in the ground,
and I didn't...
352
00:14:38,848 --> 00:14:41,044
I wasn't, I wasn't calibrating
that great.
353
00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:43,003
You just totally broke this
mirror, bro.
354
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,075
Well, it's the bullshit street.
355
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,272
We gotta get that
zoning people out here.
356
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,882
I don't think it's the
street, bro.
357
00:14:47,995 --> 00:14:50,192
Don't touch the window, all right?
I'll do that when I get back.
358
00:14:50,305 --> 00:14:52,751
I gonna grab his cat with
Dennis' car. I'll be back.
359
00:14:52,864 --> 00:14:55,067
Learn how to kick.
Take one karate class
360
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,092
if you're so into karate, you know?
361
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,896
That is a really, really nice setup.
362
00:15:01,009 --> 00:15:04,264
Now, if he doesn't go for that,
he's just a straight-up retard.
363
00:15:04,377 --> 00:15:06,256
- I mean, that's all there is to it.
- Hey, buddy.
364
00:15:06,369 --> 00:15:08,478
Oh, hey, pal. Oh, check
out this new setup, man.
365
00:15:08,591 --> 00:15:09,870
This is going to be our
golden ticket, man.
366
00:15:09,983 --> 00:15:11,365
This is really going to get us
somewhere.
367
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,850
Hey, man, do you see any
hypodermic needles laying around?
368
00:15:13,963 --> 00:15:16,426
- What the hell is that?
- Mehar's cat. Diabetic.
369
00:15:16,539 --> 00:15:19,286
Now a diabetic cat is in play?
Jesus, we can't catch a break.
370
00:15:19,399 --> 00:15:21,409
- I know, tell me about it.
- Nice and easy now.
371
00:15:21,522 --> 00:15:24,060
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
You broke the window?
372
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,320
Dude, the guy had to take a dump.
What was I supposed to do?
373
00:15:26,433 --> 00:15:27,793
Wait, he's all tied up.
How did you...?
374
00:15:27,906 --> 00:15:30,191
Let's not talk about how it
happened, okay? It just happened.
375
00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,121
- Give him his cat.
- Dude, your cat's freaking out!
376
00:15:32,234 --> 00:15:33,643
That's not my cat.
377
00:15:33,756 --> 00:15:36,255
- No, Dee.
- What the hell you doin', Dee?
378
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:37,591
What's Mehar doing here?
379
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,543
- What are you doing with my cat?!
- Your cat?!
380
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:43,864
- Yes! What is going on?
- Mr. Corman, why are they doing this?
381
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,710
No, no, no. Get out of here!
382
00:15:45,981 --> 00:15:47,343
Give him his cat and get him
back in the office.
383
00:15:47,456 --> 00:15:50,270
Jesus Christ, oh, this is bad.
This is bad, man.
384
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,895
This is really bad.
You guys, this is bad.
385
00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:55,043
What are we gonna do?
We gotta come up with a plan fast!
386
00:15:55,156 --> 00:15:56,456
Go it! Ready?
387
00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:57,993
Here's the plan.
I've been thinking about this.
388
00:15:58,106 --> 00:16:00,879
Okay, we give them amnesia.
It's so easy, here how you do it.
389
00:16:00,992 --> 00:16:02,547
You smash them both over the
head with a bottle.
390
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:04,064
They go down like a ton
of bricks, okay?
391
00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,814
Then we drag them back
to their apartments,
392
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,011
we put them in their beds, you know?
393
00:16:07,131 --> 00:16:09,453
We set their clocks back.
We get yesterday's newspaper.
394
00:16:09,566 --> 00:16:11,017
We put it on their front doorstep.
395
00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:13,733
They wake up thinking
it was all a dream.
396
00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:15,099
- That's so goddamn stupid!
- What?!
397
00:16:15,212 --> 00:16:16,757
It's so stupid. Mac, please
tell me you got something.
398
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:18,960
- I say... we bribe them.
- A bribe.
399
00:16:19,073 --> 00:16:20,236
- We bribe them.
- A good, old-fashioned bribe.
400
00:16:20,349 --> 00:16:22,152
No, that's not gonna work,
you know why?
401
00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,536
Corman's not gonna go for that.
He's, like, made of stone or something.
402
00:16:24,649 --> 00:16:26,266
Oh, Mehar!
Let's bribe Mehar.
403
00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:28,465
- He'd go for it.
- Yeah, Mehar could work.
404
00:16:28,578 --> 00:16:31,477
But I did notice that the kidnapping
has rubbed him the wrong way.
405
00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,313
So whatever we bribe him with,
it's got to be worth a lot of money.
406
00:16:34,426 --> 00:16:37,377
Yeah, he's gonna want something
good for sure. For sure.
407
00:16:43,928 --> 00:16:45,493
Jesus Christ, no.
408
00:16:45,907 --> 00:16:48,620
Hey, thanks a lot for taking
home Corman's cat.
409
00:16:48,733 --> 00:16:51,198
And good luck with your sick cat.
410
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:58,206
Goddamn it, this is bullshit.
411
00:16:59,187 --> 00:17:01,130
All right, let's go talk to
Corman.
412
00:17:04,544 --> 00:17:05,861
Hold on there, Corman.
413
00:17:05,974 --> 00:17:07,815
- Where are you going, buddy?
- Where are you going?
414
00:17:07,928 --> 00:17:09,309
You're not going very fast.
415
00:17:09,422 --> 00:17:11,450
You're just wasting a lot
of energy. Stop.
416
00:17:12,904 --> 00:17:15,444
Okay, all right. Listen, man,
we got a proposal for you, okay?
417
00:17:15,557 --> 00:17:18,162
Yeah, now we are willing to
not force you to write that review
418
00:17:18,275 --> 00:17:20,589
if you are willing to
step up, do the right thing and
419
00:17:20,764 --> 00:17:22,665
- not tell anybody that this happened.
- I don't care.
420
00:17:22,778 --> 00:17:25,212
Whatever it takes to
get me out of this bar
421
00:17:25,325 --> 00:17:27,686
- away from you people.
- My man.
422
00:17:27,799 --> 00:17:29,686
That is the attitude we were
waiting for the whole time.
423
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,275
That's right, man.
Where's this guy been?
424
00:17:31,388 --> 00:17:32,730
Now, let's talk about the
elephant in the room.
425
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,551
Let's talk about the pressing charges.
426
00:17:34,664 --> 00:17:36,809
Yeah, we're gonna need you
to sign something.
427
00:17:36,922 --> 00:17:39,173
- Fine. Whatever it takes.
- I can't believe you guys
428
00:17:39,286 --> 00:17:41,256
are gonna try and cut
a deal with this weasel.
429
00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:42,564
The guy's a liar!
430
00:17:42,677 --> 00:17:46,060
He lied to us, man. He said he was going
to write a review, he didn't do that.
431
00:17:46,173 --> 00:17:48,233
I touch his dick.
Mac, we touched his dick.
432
00:17:48,346 --> 00:17:49,584
Now is not the time to talk about that.
433
00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:52,098
- Why were you guys touching his dick?
- There wasn't enough tape and...
434
00:17:52,211 --> 00:17:54,807
- So you touched his dick?!
- Move past it. Let's plow through it.
435
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,628
Okay, Mr. Corman, why don't you
just go ahead and sign this.
436
00:17:57,741 --> 00:18:00,716
And then I'll fill in the blanks later.
Then that way, we'll have a confession,
437
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,992
it'll be great.
And there you go.
438
00:18:03,105 --> 00:18:06,698
Okay, now, let me just get this tape
off you, and you could be on your way.
439
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:09,134
Now, we won't charge
you for the duct tape.
440
00:18:10,270 --> 00:18:11,783
That was a joke.
441
00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:14,427
Shit, bro!
What are you doing, dude?!
442
00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,367
I really don't like this guy.
443
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:18,393
- You're an idiot!
- Well, we'll see who's the idiot
444
00:18:18,506 --> 00:18:20,675
when he wakes up tomorrow
and doesn't remember a thing.
445
00:18:20,788 --> 00:18:22,654
I don't think that's how it
works, Charlie.
446
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:24,611
- It's definitely not how it works, man.
- Oh, my God!
447
00:18:24,724 --> 00:18:26,559
We may as well embrace
the amnesia angle, because we have
448
00:18:26,723 --> 00:18:27,930
- no other options at this point.
- Well, now!
449
00:18:27,991 --> 00:18:30,504
Okay, I'll go get yesterday's
newspaper.
450
00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:33,392
Okay, you guys ready?
451
00:18:33,618 --> 00:18:35,893
One, two, three.
452
00:18:36,357 --> 00:18:39,522
And I'll take...
453
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:43,516
With me the memories
454
00:18:44,361 --> 00:18:46,946
To be my sunshine
455
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:50,271
After the rain
456
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:54,042
It's so hard
457
00:18:54,155 --> 00:18:57,076
To say good-bye
458
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:01,617
To yesterday...
459
00:19:05,805 --> 00:19:07,404
I ran out.
I ran out of breath.
460
00:19:07,517 --> 00:19:08,795
Check it out.
461
00:19:08,908 --> 00:19:10,174
What you got there, Ernie?
462
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,463
Oh, it's a new review by
Corman.
463
00:19:14,118 --> 00:19:16,211
"I woke up in my neighbor's
bed with a head wound,
464
00:19:16,324 --> 00:19:19,336
yesterday's paper, and an empty
bottle of sleeping pills,
465
00:19:19,449 --> 00:19:22,648
and my nightmare in that putrid,
shithole of a bar, Paddy's Pub,
466
00:19:22,761 --> 00:19:24,821
finally, mercifully came
to an end.
467
00:19:24,934 --> 00:19:26,529
The owners all deserve to rot in jail,
468
00:19:26,642 --> 00:19:28,420
though having to spend
every day with each other
469
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:32,163
in that violent establishment
is a decidedly great punishment.
470
00:19:32,276 --> 00:19:34,260
That is why I decided
to not press charges
471
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:37,548
leaving 'em to live in the hell on earth
that they've created for themselves
472
00:19:37,661 --> 00:19:41,395
for the rest of their pathetic
and miserable lives.
473
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,593
- Really cold what he's been writing.
- It's wrotten there.
474
00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:48,561
- Not a good review.
- No, it's not a good review.
475
00:19:48,674 --> 00:19:50,754
Right for the throw.
476
00:19:50,867 --> 00:19:52,444
At least,
he didn't mention our names.
477
00:19:54,028 --> 00:19:56,463
No charges, no names.
478
00:19:57,249 --> 00:19:59,296
I don't know why,
but I'm a little irritated that
479
00:19:59,438 --> 00:20:01,301
- he didn't mention our names.
- I feel like he'd to mentien our names.
480
00:20:01,336 --> 00:20:03,221
I increadibly annoid that
he didn't mention our names.
481
00:20:03,334 --> 00:20:04,751
I whish I can live
with this but I can't.
482
00:20:04,932 --> 00:20:06,068
It's a history about us!
483
00:20:06,155 --> 00:20:08,475
- I feel like we go talk to him, again.
- We should talk to him.
484
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,254
- We're capable of being civils, right ?
- Let's just, you know...
485
00:20:14,367 --> 00:20:16,575
Communication is the key,
it make sens.
486
00:20:16,688 --> 00:20:18,692
Uh, my hammer again.