1 00:00:01,185 --> 00:00:02,982 That's a great looking set of knives, pal. 2 00:00:03,054 --> 00:00:06,046 Where'd you get those? This old magician was trying to unload 'em. 3 00:00:06,124 --> 00:00:07,955 Oh, so they're like magical trick knives or... 4 00:00:08,026 --> 00:00:09,687 Well, the knives are real. Mm-hmm. 5 00:00:09,761 --> 00:00:11,353 They're used for magical tricks. But they're real. 6 00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:13,454 You know what I mean? They're sharp too. Oh, I'll show you. 7 00:00:13,531 --> 00:00:15,499 Hey, Dee. Can you get up against the wall? I'm just gonna... 8 00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:17,466 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. You're not throwing knives at me. 9 00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:19,127 Let's just throw them at her regardless. I'll tell you... 10 00:00:19,203 --> 00:00:20,966 No! Yeah, you know what? Start running. 'Cause we're coming. 11 00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:23,269 Oh, my God. Don't you dare. Ten, nine, eight... 12 00:00:23,341 --> 00:00:25,809 No. No, no, no. No. No. Seven, six, five... 13 00:00:25,877 --> 00:00:27,674 Okay! Listen up, everybody! 14 00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:30,270 In the middle of somethin'! Frank, we're in the middle of something very important! 15 00:00:30,348 --> 00:00:33,511 I got news! Your mother is dead! 16 00:00:33,584 --> 00:00:35,779 Yeah, right. Nice try. Very funny, Frank. 17 00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:38,686 I'm serious this time. She had a botched neck lift. 18 00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:42,214 She's as dead as disco. 19 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,488 Who wants champagne? 20 00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:19,692 I am so sorry. My apologies. 21 00:01:19,764 --> 00:01:21,595 I am so busy today. It's good to see all of you. 22 00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,896 That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it. 23 00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,993 Listen. Would now be a good time to say a few words... 24 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,163 about my wonderfully warm and caring mother? No. 25 00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:30,867 Just, you know, get to the reading part. Let's get on with it, man. 26 00:01:30,942 --> 00:01:33,240 Let's go. All right. 27 00:01:33,311 --> 00:01:35,871 Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds? 28 00:01:35,947 --> 00:01:38,006 Yo. Okay. 29 00:01:38,082 --> 00:01:41,051 Uh, Frank, I have something here that I need to read to you from Barbara. 30 00:01:41,119 --> 00:01:42,381 Hmm. 31 00:01:42,453 --> 00:01:43,943 "Frank, if your... 32 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,852 "fat monkey heart is still beating... 33 00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:48,255 "Then congratulations. 34 00:01:48,326 --> 00:01:51,318 "I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money... 35 00:01:51,396 --> 00:01:54,627 to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children. " 36 00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,098 What? What? 37 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,397 Bruce Mathis? "A handsome man... 38 00:01:58,469 --> 00:02:00,801 "with a beautiful soul... 39 00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:02,806 And a nicer penis. " 40 00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:05,934 You're giving all my money to that jerkoff? 41 00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:08,240 You know, Mr. Reynolds, I'm reading what's on the document, okay? 42 00:02:08,312 --> 00:02:09,745 Why are you giving it to him? I'm not giving... 43 00:02:09,814 --> 00:02:11,907 She barely knew him! Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody. 44 00:02:11,983 --> 00:02:13,883 You see? I'm just reading what's on a will. 45 00:02:13,951 --> 00:02:16,715 Where is that rat bastard? Sir, I don't know. 46 00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,222 Because I want to smash his face until he's dead! 47 00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:21,724 Killed dead! Killed dead! Frank, would you forget about Bruce? 48 00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,227 I wanna kill him! Mom just gave away all of our money! 49 00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:27,696 You know what? We should just move forward, okay? 50 00:02:27,765 --> 00:02:29,960 "For my darling son, Dennis"... Hmm? 51 00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,764 Presumably. Uh, "I give you my house. " 52 00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:34,498 Yeah, okay. Well... 53 00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,506 Yeah. Now it's startin' to make sense. Read on. 54 00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:39,668 "On the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in. " 55 00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,336 I would never let him in. What? 56 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,936 "Deandra... Yes? 57 00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,641 "You get... nothing. 58 00:02:44,715 --> 00:02:47,343 You were a disappointment and a mistake. " 59 00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:49,784 A mistake? We're twins. 60 00:02:49,854 --> 00:02:51,287 Yeah. We were born at the same time. 61 00:02:51,355 --> 00:02:53,118 What are you talking about? You're not making any sense. 62 00:02:53,191 --> 00:02:54,954 Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense! 63 00:02:55,026 --> 00:03:00,760 Okay... I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, okay? 64 00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,528 I don't know your mom. Never met your mom. 65 00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,593 In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now. 66 00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:09,265 Because she's dead. Yeah, we know she's dead! 67 00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:10,967 We're venting because we're frustrated. 68 00:03:11,042 --> 00:03:13,510 You tell her she's a goddamn whore! 69 00:03:13,578 --> 00:03:15,603 Okay, I... Always been a whore! 70 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,478 What about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry? 71 00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:20,949 It does say something about the jewelry in here... Okay. 72 00:03:21,018 --> 00:03:23,111 In that, um, she wants to be buried in it. 73 00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:24,848 Goddamn it! Oh! Oh! 74 00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:28,585 Oh, goddamn it! She's taking it into the grave! 75 00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:31,389 I tell you what, you son of a bitch. I am very disappointed in you today. 76 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:32,861 Very upset with you. You're angry. 77 00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:36,627 You tell her for me that I will be in touch with her somehow. 78 00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:38,669 Yeah! Tell her she's a bitch! 79 00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:40,897 These are awkward situations often. 80 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:43,167 And I know it can be difficult. 81 00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:46,506 Hey. Thanks for the house, dude. 82 00:03:46,577 --> 00:03:49,410 You know... You know, I didn't give you the house. 83 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,278 That's not how this whole situation works. Yeah, you did! 84 00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,011 Mm-hmm. Okay. 85 00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:56,349 Jesus Christ. 86 00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:03,859 Hey. I got a plan to get back at your mother. 87 00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:06,362 Too late. I'm already full throttle over here. 88 00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:09,831 I'm gonna dig up her body in the middle of the night and snatch back that jewelry. 89 00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:13,894 That's insane! Frank, that woman is buried down there like Mr. T. 90 00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:16,531 I gotta get to that body while the earth's still loose. 91 00:04:16,607 --> 00:04:18,905 Deandra, I know how to get the money back from Bruce. 92 00:04:18,976 --> 00:04:21,740 What's your plan? All right... 93 00:04:24,115 --> 00:04:26,049 You call Brucie on the phone... 94 00:04:26,117 --> 00:04:30,281 and tell him that you want to introduce him to your new fiancé. 95 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,255 Who's that? Me. 96 00:04:34,992 --> 00:04:38,894 Oh, man. This house sure brings back a lot of memories. 97 00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:41,056 Guys! Look what I just found in Dee's old room! 98 00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:46,092 It's her middle school diary, dude. Ooh, yeah! 99 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:49,571 Who gives a shit? This is her diary, man. 100 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,835 It's got all her secrets and shit in here! D-Dude! 101 00:04:51,909 --> 00:04:53,934 It says "keep out. There's a little lock that we can... 102 00:04:54,011 --> 00:04:56,309 Well, we'll get it open later. We are not reading... 103 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,780 Dee's middle school diary to you, bro! 104 00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:01,215 Look, we need to start the healing process. 105 00:05:01,285 --> 00:05:02,547 Yeah... Okay? 106 00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:05,020 I'm devastated over here. We need to throw a big-ass party. 107 00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:07,319 Because I need to be amongst my friends. Let's call the crew. 108 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,882 Let's round the boys up! Round the crew up! 109 00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,987 And let's have a kickass party! We got the diary! 110 00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,622 And the crew! The boys are back in town 111 00:05:14,699 --> 00:05:18,226 The boys are back in town The boys are back in town! 112 00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:21,499 I have two numbers in my phone. 113 00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,439 Charlie and Dennis. 114 00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:27,773 Huh. Well, what about all our friends, dude? 115 00:05:27,845 --> 00:05:30,575 Yeah, what about, uh... Dooley! Call Dooley. Dooley! Let's call Dooley! 116 00:05:30,648 --> 00:05:32,445 Dooley loves a good party! Dooley! 117 00:05:32,516 --> 00:05:34,609 Dooley in the house! Dooley's in the house! 118 00:05:34,685 --> 00:05:37,119 Yeah. Dooley killed himself. 119 00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:38,917 Uh... oh... 120 00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:42,926 Yeah. About two years back now. 121 00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:45,224 Yeah. It's a real sad, sad, sad thing for him and his family. 122 00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:47,127 That's... That's terrible. I knew he was, uh... 123 00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:49,393 Depressed. Very sad. Very depressed. 124 00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:51,697 And, uh... How about, uh... Let's call Stash! 125 00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:54,761 Let's get the Stash man! Uh... 126 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,670 Stash? Stash man? What did you do? I set him on fire. 127 00:05:56,741 --> 00:05:59,710 Son of a bitch. All right, forget him. Forget Stash. I don't like him anyway. 128 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,007 Let's get Z-man. I banged his sister. 129 00:06:02,079 --> 00:06:04,309 Oh... Sully! 130 00:06:04,382 --> 00:06:05,815 No, but... Sully! I got Sully. 131 00:06:05,883 --> 00:06:07,851 He's got a restraining order against me. 132 00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:09,681 I can't go within 500 feet of him. Plus, you know what? 133 00:06:09,754 --> 00:06:11,221 I banged his sister too. Did you really? 134 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,277 She was gross. Yeah. 135 00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:13,584 Oh, I remember that. Yeah. 136 00:06:13,658 --> 00:06:15,319 Wait a minute. What are we saying? We got no friends? 137 00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:18,954 Looks like it, right? 138 00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,692 Wow, that hits home. Boom. 139 00:06:21,766 --> 00:06:24,428 That's terrible. Guys, guys. That's sad. 140 00:06:24,502 --> 00:06:26,663 Do you realize what that means? 141 00:06:26,737 --> 00:06:29,297 I mean, if we were to all die suddenly just like my mom did... 142 00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,500 we would have nobody left to mourn us. 143 00:06:31,575 --> 00:06:34,544 Oh, shit. You know, we would have no one left behind us... 144 00:06:34,612 --> 00:06:36,671 to tell of our great adventures and our glorious triumphs. 145 00:06:36,747 --> 00:06:38,544 Oh, dude. We gotta... We gotta make friends. 146 00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:40,641 All our triumphs. All our triumphs and our tales and... 147 00:06:40,718 --> 00:06:42,845 We need to preserve our legacy. 148 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,184 That's what I'm saying, bro! Our legacy! Our whole legacy here! 149 00:06:45,256 --> 00:06:48,248 So let's go out and make some friends, right? Okay, let's do that. But first... 150 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,522 Who wants to burn through a quick chapter of this diary? 151 00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:56,600 How's the ponytail look? It's ridiculous. 152 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,692 Why... I don't understand why you're wearing this whole getup. 153 00:06:58,769 --> 00:07:01,636 Bruce has never even seen you. Deandra, if we're gonna pull this thing off... 154 00:07:01,706 --> 00:07:05,073 I gotta turn into a liberal yahoo just like Bruce. 155 00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:08,168 Now, when he gets here, I want you to hold my hand through the whole thing. 156 00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:11,271 I won't do that. Look. 157 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,282 You've gotta stop thinking of me as your dad... 158 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:17,286 and start thinking of me as your fiancé, Seamus. Gross. 159 00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,379 Could we please try and think of a less creepy angle? 160 00:07:19,457 --> 00:07:21,823 But this is a grift. I mean, that's the way it is. 161 00:07:21,892 --> 00:07:25,089 You gotta stay in character all the time. 162 00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:27,892 As soon as you break character, you blow the grift. 163 00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,489 Hand, hand. 164 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,262 No, I don't wanna touch you. Holding hands. 165 00:07:31,335 --> 00:07:32,893 Ah, damn it. 166 00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:35,529 Deandra. 167 00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,938 Ah, my little girl. How are you doing? Are you okay? 168 00:07:38,008 --> 00:07:41,739 Well, no, no. I'm... I'm very broken up inside. 169 00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:48,083 Bruce, this is Seamus, my fiancé. 170 00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:50,484 I am also broken up. Mm-hmm. 171 00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:54,183 What say we all bring it on in for a hug? 172 00:07:54,258 --> 00:07:57,159 Mm. We're doing hugs. 173 00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:01,830 Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the funeral. Mm-hmm. 174 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:05,391 We were in Uganda doing a lot of work with the Al DS crisis there and... 175 00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:07,767 Al DS? You touch anybody? 176 00:08:07,838 --> 00:08:10,329 Well, sure. Hey, man! 177 00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,637 What kind of shit is that? You just hugged me! 178 00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,735 Why would you do that? Seamus is joking. 179 00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:17,246 He's got a... He's got a very dry sense of humor. 180 00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:19,908 I'm not joking! That shit is serious! 181 00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:22,646 I gotta take a shower now! Hmm. 182 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,052 That's kind of... odd. 183 00:08:25,122 --> 00:08:27,989 Oh, yeah. Well, that's my guy. You know? He's a... 184 00:08:28,058 --> 00:08:30,151 Yeah. He's got a little bit of a germ problem. 185 00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:32,161 It's... I'll get him some books for that. 186 00:08:32,229 --> 00:08:34,197 He's... He's grieving and and... Yeah. Sure. 187 00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:36,096 But you seem to be holding up okay. 188 00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,431 It's funny that I seem like that. Because I'm not holding up okay. 189 00:08:38,502 --> 00:08:40,299 I'm very sad. I'm devastated. 190 00:08:40,371 --> 00:08:43,204 Well, there's nothing tougher than losing a parent. Oh, it's the worst! 191 00:08:43,274 --> 00:08:45,902 It is. And it's the... So she gave you all of our money, huh? 192 00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:47,944 All of... All of... Yeah. Yeah. 193 00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:51,038 All of our fortune. She gave it to you. Weird, right? 194 00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:55,074 Yeah. Good news is it's all gonna go to help the less fortunate. 195 00:08:55,152 --> 00:08:56,915 Every penny. Oh, well, that is good news. 196 00:08:56,987 --> 00:09:00,980 It's a done deal. Oh, well, that's actually why we brought you here. 197 00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,526 Oh, see, Seamus and I have a plan. 198 00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:05,892 We want to adopt a ton of kids. 199 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,454 Oh, Deandra. Isn't that wonderful... 200 00:09:08,532 --> 00:09:11,467 that we'll need to use our fortune that my mother gave you... 201 00:09:11,535 --> 00:09:13,560 to shove at these kids! You know what I think? 202 00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:16,970 Huh? I think I know exactly what you and Seamus need. 203 00:09:17,041 --> 00:09:19,168 Can you sit tight? You just sit tight. Sit tight. 204 00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,336 I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Okay? 205 00:09:21,412 --> 00:09:23,346 Okay. Okay. 206 00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,644 Yeah. 207 00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:30,349 Is he gone? Yeah, he's gone. 208 00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:32,355 Burn these clothes. 209 00:09:32,423 --> 00:09:35,119 Tracy, cancel all my appointments. 210 00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:38,684 L It's time for my daughter and that idiot who raised her to learn a lesson. 211 00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,263 Guys, I don't know if I'm feeling this flyer idea. 212 00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:43,129 Really? It's perfect, dude. 213 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,600 How else are three guys in their late 20s supposed to make friends? 214 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,399 There's no system in place. A flyer does all the work. It does the work for us, man. 215 00:09:48,472 --> 00:09:51,134 All right, read back what we got so far because I don't... Okay. 216 00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:53,836 "What up? We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys... 217 00:09:53,911 --> 00:09:55,845 who wanna hang out in our party mansion. " 218 00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,904 It sounds a little gay. 219 00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,472 Yeah. It does sound gay. Right? 220 00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:02,678 You know what? Write, um, "nothing sexual. " Good. Okay. 221 00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:05,881 "We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys who wanna hang out in our party mansion. " 222 00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,890 "Nothing sexual. " 223 00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,653 Good, good. And add, "Fighters welcome. " 224 00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:11,922 'Cause, you know, we want some tough dudes and some big dudes. 225 00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,123 I don't want a bunch of tough guys in here wanting to fight me. 226 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,132 No, I didn't mean that. But it would be good to have extra protection. 227 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,134 Yeah. Extra protection and... All right. 228 00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:20,363 Well, uh, put "fitness encouraged. " 229 00:10:20,437 --> 00:10:21,768 Beautiful. That sounds confusing. 230 00:10:21,839 --> 00:10:23,363 Do you think so? I'll put, "Dudes in good shape. " 231 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,032 Oh, there you go! That solves it. Nice. 232 00:10:25,109 --> 00:10:26,736 I like dudes in good shape. There we go. 233 00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,040 Okay. But we also need a guy who's funny and fat. We need a funny fat guy. 234 00:10:29,113 --> 00:10:31,479 We need a funny fat guy. Because every crew has a funny fat guy. 235 00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,345 Well, no. I'm the funny fat guy. So don't worry about that. 236 00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,078 You're not fat, dude. Yeah. You're also not funny. 237 00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:37,416 I want somebody who does observational humor. 238 00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:40,218 Oh, you know what? That would be good. Observational humor is cool. 239 00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,919 You know what, guys? I'm just gonna put "nothing sexual" again just to reiterate. 240 00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:44,119 Underline that. Please, please. 241 00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:45,718 Okay, clarity. Smart. Be very clear with that. 242 00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:48,822 And I'm thinking that the flyer should be in the shape of a beer mug. 243 00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,833 Hmm... Too complicated. I don't like that. 244 00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,300 Yeah. Uh... What about a bicep? 245 00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:54,030 Bicep. Yeah! A bicep. Bicep's good. 246 00:10:54,104 --> 00:10:55,901 A bicep would really do it. All right, let's go with a bicep. 247 00:10:55,973 --> 00:10:57,565 Okay. Yeah, what do we got? 248 00:10:57,641 --> 00:11:00,474 Here we go. "What up? We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys... 249 00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:02,637 "who wanna hang out in our party mansion. 250 00:11:02,713 --> 00:11:05,113 "Nothing sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged. 251 00:11:05,182 --> 00:11:08,811 "If you're fat, you should be able to find humor in the little things. 252 00:11:08,886 --> 00:11:12,083 Again, nothing sexual. " Underlined. Underlined. Okay. 253 00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:14,249 Great. I have no problem with that. 254 00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,779 No. Let's go meet some men. 255 00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:25,578 Lookin' good, bro. Lookin' very good. 256 00:11:25,655 --> 00:11:28,351 I'm sorry? Oh, your pants. Nice cut. 257 00:11:28,424 --> 00:11:32,258 You know, that vertical line on the side gives your body good length. 258 00:11:32,328 --> 00:11:35,320 Do you work here? What... Nah. 259 00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:37,491 I'm just looking to meet some... some new guys. 260 00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,660 I saw you from across the way. And I thought, yeah. 261 00:11:39,735 --> 00:11:42,295 This guy's got a good sense of style. He's about the same age. 262 00:11:42,371 --> 00:11:45,568 Got a nice crop of blond hair. We could definitely use a blond in the crew. 263 00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:48,508 Mix things up a little bit. Here. Why don't you just, uh... 264 00:11:48,578 --> 00:11:50,546 take a look at that flyer there. 265 00:11:50,613 --> 00:11:52,740 Is this a penis? 266 00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:54,510 A... penis? No. It's a... 267 00:11:54,584 --> 00:11:58,145 It's a bicep. Oh. 268 00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:01,553 Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. "Party mansion. " 269 00:12:01,624 --> 00:12:04,684 Exactly. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, I'll swing by. 270 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,694 You'll swing by? Yeah, sure. 271 00:12:06,762 --> 00:12:08,730 Okay, yeah. Just come by the address. We'll be there partying. 272 00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,857 Sure. Yeah, at the party mansion. You're gonna be perfect, man. 273 00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:11,957 Yeah. Nice. 274 00:12:12,034 --> 00:12:13,399 See ya there. 275 00:12:13,469 --> 00:12:15,699 I should give him more for his friends. 276 00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:17,705 Yeah. 277 00:12:17,773 --> 00:12:20,298 Oh, son of a bitch! 278 00:12:20,376 --> 00:12:23,277 Penis? No. It's a... a bicep. Bro. 279 00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:26,975 I just had the most perfect blond guy slip right through my fingers. 280 00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:30,018 I mean, I had him in the palm of my hand, and then he was gone. 281 00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,613 You know what I mean? I mean, this guy would've been perfect for you. 282 00:12:33,689 --> 00:12:35,748 What's up with this beefcake? Is he coming to the party or what? 283 00:12:35,825 --> 00:12:37,315 Big time. Great. 284 00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:39,657 Nah, he didn't read the flyer. No, I read the flyer. 285 00:12:39,729 --> 00:12:42,254 He didn't understand it. I understood it... perfectly. 286 00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:44,629 Oh! Okay. 287 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,533 Okay, we need to take a second look at this flyer. Uh, yeah, dude. 288 00:12:47,603 --> 00:12:50,731 Guys! Check out who I just met buying a crossbow. 289 00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:55,539 This dude is the shit. I shall use this crossbow to pierce my broken heart. 290 00:12:55,611 --> 00:12:57,101 Yeah. 291 00:12:57,179 --> 00:12:59,113 All right, dude. 292 00:13:02,051 --> 00:13:04,451 Dude, isn't that guy awesome or what? He's like a poet. 293 00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,010 That guy's not awesome. No. 294 00:13:06,088 --> 00:13:08,522 Dude, do you know how hard it is to find... 295 00:13:08,591 --> 00:13:11,059 a passionate guy like that these days... they don't make 'em anymore. 296 00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:13,960 You should've seen how passionate he got when I showed him the dick flyer. 297 00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,191 You knew? You knew that it was a dick? 298 00:13:16,265 --> 00:13:18,995 Well, yeah. I thought we changed it. I thought you guys were changing it. 299 00:13:19,068 --> 00:13:21,696 It was always... It was always meant to be a bicep. It was a bicep, bro. 300 00:13:21,771 --> 00:13:24,331 Well, then why did you cut it like... 'Cause it looks totally like a dick. 301 00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:27,035 I thought, all right, let's go with the dick thing. It's more masculine anyway. 302 00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:28,542 Good point. I mean, shit... 303 00:13:28,611 --> 00:13:30,545 If you want it to be a bicep, it needs more veins. 304 00:13:31,847 --> 00:13:33,974 I can't wear this. 305 00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,984 I gotta go home and get another costume. 306 00:13:36,052 --> 00:13:37,713 Come on. There's no time. Just sit down and shut up. 307 00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:39,948 And wait for Bruce to get back with the money. 308 00:13:40,022 --> 00:13:41,546 All right. 309 00:13:41,624 --> 00:13:43,683 But I can't promise that I'm not gonna go berserk... 310 00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:46,319 if he tries to give me Al DS again. 311 00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:49,592 He wasn't trying to give you Al DS. Jesus Christ! 312 00:13:49,665 --> 00:13:52,190 You're the one who's goin' on and on about staying in character. 313 00:13:52,268 --> 00:13:54,862 Yeah, you're right. You're right. Look, we can do this, okay? 314 00:13:54,937 --> 00:13:58,634 We just have to go along with whatever he throws at us. We're so close to that money. 315 00:13:58,708 --> 00:13:59,834 Yeah. 316 00:13:59,909 --> 00:14:01,399 Yeah? I'm not gonna blow the cover. 317 00:14:01,477 --> 00:14:04,139 Good. Pull your shit together, Seamus. All right. 318 00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,306 Surprise! 319 00:14:07,383 --> 00:14:09,476 These are some of my adopted children. Go ahead, guys. 320 00:14:09,552 --> 00:14:11,816 This is your new home. 321 00:14:13,923 --> 00:14:15,686 Ooh, Mac. Here come our guests. Come on. 322 00:14:15,758 --> 00:14:18,727 Okay. Okay. How did you get these guys again? 323 00:14:18,794 --> 00:14:20,819 Oh, they're college kids. I just went down to Penn. 324 00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:24,024 I reeled them in with a couple of white lies. Put your game face on, buddy. 325 00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,034 We got a legacy to preserve. Okay. 326 00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:27,592 Here we go. 327 00:14:27,670 --> 00:14:29,661 Welcome to the party mansion, bitches! 328 00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:32,867 Get your asses in here! 329 00:14:32,942 --> 00:14:35,877 Look at that shit, huh? Yeah! 330 00:14:35,945 --> 00:14:38,243 Where is everybody? Where are all the chicks? 331 00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:40,043 Guess what. It's just you and us. That's right! 332 00:14:40,116 --> 00:14:41,549 We got the party mansion to ourselves! 333 00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:43,551 There ain't no rules in the party mansion! That's right. 334 00:14:43,619 --> 00:14:45,849 Check this out, bitches! Whoo! 335 00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:48,754 Oh, yeah, baby! Nice one! 336 00:14:48,824 --> 00:14:52,089 Let's stop being pussies, and let's funnel some beers! Let's funnel some beers! 337 00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:54,561 I don't really drink. Wrong answer, bitch! You're a drinker tonight! 338 00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,689 That's right. You guys are gonna be telling stories... 339 00:14:56,766 --> 00:14:58,893 for the rest of your lives about how crazy we are! Oh, yeah. 340 00:14:58,968 --> 00:15:01,095 You're gonna tell everybody how we're like those guys from Jackass. 341 00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,695 How we like to smash stuff and shove shit up our asses. That's right! 342 00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:07,800 You are gonna get so much shit shoved up your ass tonight, four eyes! 343 00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:11,540 Yeah! You're gonna be talking about this night for the rest of your lives! 344 00:15:13,449 --> 00:15:18,079 "Dear Diary, the dance was a total disaster. 345 00:15:18,154 --> 00:15:20,486 "I cried myself to sleep again last night. 346 00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:24,424 Oh! "Mom forced me to wear the back brace. 347 00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:28,361 And all the school chanted "aluminum monster!"' 348 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:30,762 Oh... Oh, man! 349 00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,767 "Aluminum monster. " That is hilarious. 350 00:15:32,835 --> 00:15:35,633 No! Oh, it's not hilarious! 351 00:15:35,704 --> 00:15:39,401 I share this little girl's pain. 352 00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,409 Have you ever been scorned, Charlie? 353 00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:44,935 Uh, like all day, every day, dude. 354 00:15:45,014 --> 00:15:50,919 Then you should think of this little girl as your soul mate of pain. 355 00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:54,444 Oh, shit, bro. 356 00:15:56,525 --> 00:16:00,484 Babysitting a bunch of orphans was not part of our grift. 357 00:16:00,563 --> 00:16:02,497 Yeah. Well, it's either that or digging up Mom... 358 00:16:02,565 --> 00:16:04,658 which, for the record, I am still very into. 359 00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:07,031 But I'm willing to do whatever we need to do to get this money, Frank. 360 00:16:07,102 --> 00:16:09,195 Okay? If we need to adopt a couple of orphans, fine. 361 00:16:09,271 --> 00:16:11,796 We'll get the money, and we'll take them back. Oh... 362 00:16:11,874 --> 00:16:13,637 Can you do that? Is that possible? 363 00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:17,145 I don't know. I'm sure they have some kind of a return exchange policy. 364 00:16:17,213 --> 00:16:19,807 That sounds good. 365 00:16:19,882 --> 00:16:22,373 Great. Now this one's sad. Give... 366 00:16:22,451 --> 00:16:24,612 Give her some money. What? 367 00:16:24,687 --> 00:16:27,155 Frank, give her some money. I'm not giving her shit! What are you talking about? 368 00:16:27,223 --> 00:16:29,020 May I speak to you two in the kitchen? 369 00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,854 Oh. Yeah. Yeah. 370 00:16:30,926 --> 00:16:34,726 You two have such a great vibe! I'm ready to write a check right now. 371 00:16:34,797 --> 00:16:37,357 But I just want to make sure that I'm helping you... 372 00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,867 to have, like, the best relationship that you can... 373 00:16:39,935 --> 00:16:42,665 so that these kids have a loving, stable home. 374 00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:44,968 And I know that this may sound a little weird. 375 00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,201 But I have a lot of training in family therapy. 376 00:16:47,276 --> 00:16:50,404 And I think for me to help you... 377 00:16:50,479 --> 00:16:53,346 I need to observe you at your most intimate. 378 00:16:53,415 --> 00:16:56,009 I need to observe you two making love. 379 00:16:56,085 --> 00:17:00,351 Uh... Uh... 380 00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:04,989 How long's your boy been passed out, bro? 381 00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:06,687 I don't know. A couple of minutes. 382 00:17:06,762 --> 00:17:09,322 I'm just worried he's gonna wake up before we throw him down those stairs. 383 00:17:09,398 --> 00:17:10,626 You kidding me? Look at him. He's gone. 384 00:17:10,699 --> 00:17:12,064 Man, he's out. You're kidding, right? 385 00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:14,193 You're not really gonna throw him down the stairs. Oh! 386 00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,534 We should throw him off the roof! Right? Great idea, dude. 387 00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:18,368 I'm the thrower. That's fine. 388 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,034 Why are you guys doing this? That's what friends do to each other, bro. 389 00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:23,442 No, it isn't! Guy, his mom just died. 390 00:17:23,512 --> 00:17:25,912 Can you have a little compassion? My mom just died, all right? 391 00:17:25,981 --> 00:17:28,950 The least you could do is let us throw your buddy off the roof! 392 00:17:31,921 --> 00:17:36,119 "I'm totally gonna tell Eric how much I like him tonight. 393 00:17:36,191 --> 00:17:38,352 "Even though Danielle... 394 00:17:38,427 --> 00:17:41,089 "was like all over him today in school. 395 00:17:42,898 --> 00:17:45,696 "Mother said, "Don't bother. 396 00:17:45,768 --> 00:17:48,430 He wants a pretty girl instead. "' 397 00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:50,734 I can't stop crying, Ernesto. 398 00:17:50,806 --> 00:17:52,740 Hey, me neither, Charlie. 399 00:17:52,808 --> 00:17:56,107 Oh, but don't fight it, Charlie! No! 400 00:17:56,178 --> 00:18:00,808 It is all part of the healing process. 401 00:18:11,961 --> 00:18:15,397 So tell me, how do you two usually begin your lovemaking sessions? 402 00:18:15,464 --> 00:18:17,830 That's hard to say, you know? 403 00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:22,462 Because we start it in so many... ways. 404 00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,506 Seamus, perhaps... 405 00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:29,101 perhaps you should start by, uh, kissing her neck lightly. 406 00:18:29,178 --> 00:18:31,339 Uh, no. 407 00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:34,280 No, because, uh, we don't kiss. We don't kiss. 408 00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,908 At all. No kissing. Mmmmm. 409 00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:38,180 That's unusual, but okay. 410 00:18:38,253 --> 00:18:40,278 Okay. Just tell me w... 411 00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:42,290 Just tell me what you are into. 412 00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:45,816 I like to watch. So I'm gonna bounce off the bed... 413 00:18:45,894 --> 00:18:48,556 and observe. 414 00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:50,564 Okay. Okay. 415 00:18:50,632 --> 00:18:52,691 See... You see what just happened, Dee? 416 00:18:52,768 --> 00:18:57,535 Seamus has just communicated what turns him on in a healthy way. 417 00:18:57,606 --> 00:18:59,597 Heh. So... Yeah. 418 00:18:59,675 --> 00:19:02,872 Perhaps now would be a good time for you to pleasure yourself for him. 419 00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:05,971 Hmm. Then eventually Seamus will mount you. 420 00:19:06,048 --> 00:19:07,982 Okay. You know what? 421 00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:09,984 I'm gonna have to stop this. Really? 422 00:19:10,052 --> 00:19:11,542 Uh, yeah. Yeah? 423 00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:13,815 I'm gonna come clean here because we've been lying to you. 424 00:19:13,889 --> 00:19:15,652 Deandra... Deandra, just... No. 425 00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,658 Think about what you're doing. No. You know what? I'm sorry. 426 00:19:17,726 --> 00:19:19,694 We've been lying. And the reason is... 427 00:19:19,762 --> 00:19:21,696 Think... we haven't had sex yet... 428 00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:23,789 because we're waiting until we get married. 429 00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:26,858 We're waiting. We're saving ourselves. 430 00:19:26,935 --> 00:19:28,869 We're saving ourselves! Saving ourselves. 431 00:19:28,937 --> 00:19:32,270 It's so important to me and to him... Yeah, we couldn't do it. 432 00:19:32,341 --> 00:19:34,070 To do that. Yeah. Right. 433 00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:36,475 And I... And I... And I think that maybe that's what the tension... 434 00:19:36,545 --> 00:19:38,206 is that you're feeling. It's all sexual. 435 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,147 Oh, it's so sexual. You know, I'm also a licensed minister. 436 00:19:41,216 --> 00:19:44,982 So why don't we just do a wedding? Like do it tomorrow? 437 00:19:45,054 --> 00:19:47,818 Hmm! Because I've been thinking about it. 438 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,916 And I should never give the money to an unmarried couple anyway. 439 00:19:53,762 --> 00:19:55,730 Okay. Okay. 440 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,530 Family and friends, we're gathered here... 441 00:20:00,602 --> 00:20:04,003 to... to share in the declaration of a lifelong commitment... 442 00:20:04,073 --> 00:20:07,406 between this man and this woman. 443 00:20:07,476 --> 00:20:11,378 Deandra, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? 444 00:20:11,447 --> 00:20:14,245 I do. Seamus... 445 00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:16,910 do you take this woman to be your wedded wife? 446 00:20:16,985 --> 00:20:18,885 You bet ya. 447 00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:21,514 Well, then by the authority of God... 448 00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:24,115 and the laws of the great state of Pennsylvania... 449 00:20:24,193 --> 00:20:27,219 I now pronounce you man and wife. 450 00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:30,595 Congratulations, Deandra! You made me so happy. 451 00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:32,566 Yeah. And you just married your daughter, Frank. 452 00:20:32,634 --> 00:20:35,068 You know who I am? Of course I know who you are. 453 00:20:35,137 --> 00:20:37,196 You're the little asswipe who raised my children... 454 00:20:37,272 --> 00:20:40,105 and turned them into animals, into monsters who... 455 00:20:40,175 --> 00:20:42,666 who lie and steal and take advantage of people... 456 00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:46,646 and contribute absolutely nothing to society. 457 00:20:46,715 --> 00:20:48,376 Make sure you're getting this. Yeah, yeah. 458 00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:50,714 I can't believe Ernesto's missing this! He's gotta see it. Go get him. 459 00:20:50,786 --> 00:20:53,653 If you knew who he was, then why did you do the whole ceremony? 460 00:20:53,722 --> 00:20:55,553 I was just trying to push you two to your limit. 461 00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:57,421 But apparently you... you have none. So... 462 00:20:57,493 --> 00:20:59,586 I... I hate to interrupt. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 463 00:20:59,661 --> 00:21:02,596 Uh, Bruce? Can you... Can you just pronounce them man and wife again? 464 00:21:02,664 --> 00:21:05,428 I wanna get that in a close-up. Again? You wanna... 465 00:21:05,501 --> 00:21:08,095 Do the thing where you're like, "And, yes, of course I know who you are. " 466 00:21:08,170 --> 00:21:10,604 And you were getting so angry, Bruce. Oh, yeah! 467 00:21:10,672 --> 00:21:12,867 Bruce, can you make 'em kiss this time, though? Yes. Uh, sure. 468 00:21:12,941 --> 00:21:16,274 May I... May I see the camera for just a second from this side maybe? 469 00:21:16,345 --> 00:21:18,313 Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh... 470 00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:21,247 I'm gonna take this and give it to the lawyer, and you're gonna lose the house... 471 00:21:21,316 --> 00:21:23,614 because, uh, you violated the conditions of the will. 472 00:21:23,685 --> 00:21:27,451 Frank was not to set foot in the house! 473 00:21:27,523 --> 00:21:30,890 Bruce, come on, man. D Dad, be cool, man. Like, let that slide. 474 00:21:30,959 --> 00:21:33,427 You are acting like a real bastard, Bruce. That's ridiculous. 475 00:21:33,495 --> 00:21:35,360 You're the most horrible people alive. 476 00:21:35,430 --> 00:21:37,455 Oh, come on. Oh, that's a little bit going overboard. 477 00:21:37,533 --> 00:21:40,696 That's a lot. That's a lot to say. Come on. Don't be like that. 478 00:21:40,769 --> 00:21:42,828 Now I'm gonna lose the party mansion. Thanks a lot, Frank! 479 00:21:42,905 --> 00:21:45,533 Whoa, guys! Guys, where you going? Whoa, whoa! Hey! 480 00:21:45,607 --> 00:21:48,041 How did they get free? Oh, come on! We were just having a little fun! 481 00:21:48,110 --> 00:21:51,341 You guys still wanna be in our crew? I don't think so. 482 00:21:51,413 --> 00:21:53,176 I don't think they're gonna go off and tell... 483 00:21:53,248 --> 00:21:55,512 about our great adventures and our glorious triumphs. It doesn't seem like it. 484 00:21:55,584 --> 00:21:57,950 No. Well, at least we still have Ernesto. Yeah, whoops. 485 00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,817 No, no. He robbed your house. 486 00:21:59,888 --> 00:22:01,719 Oh, son of a bitch. Yeah. 487 00:22:01,790 --> 00:22:05,886 Ah, I'm sorry that the grift didn't work out, sweetie. 488 00:22:05,961 --> 00:22:09,488 We could still go get Mom's jewelry. I'll get the shovel.