1 00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:03,681 There's no way a mouse could kill a scorpion. 2 00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,689 Dude, a mouse could kill... It's got sharp claws and teeth. 3 00:00:05,757 --> 00:00:08,658 A rat could kill a scorpion. No shit, Frank, but we're not talking about a rat. 4 00:00:08,726 --> 00:00:11,490 We're talking about a mouse. If we were talking about a rat, it still would lose. 5 00:00:11,562 --> 00:00:15,623 A scorpion's this big. A little mouse fighting a scorpion, and that is final! 6 00:00:15,700 --> 00:00:18,134 Shut up! 7 00:00:18,202 --> 00:00:20,966 Shut up! Oh, my God! I don't care! 8 00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:23,667 All we're doing is arguing about the most stupid shit 9 00:00:23,741 --> 00:00:26,073 A rat. A scorpion. I don't care, man! 10 00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,078 When did this start happening? 11 00:00:28,146 --> 00:00:31,513 When did we start arguing all the time and fighting? This isn't like us! 12 00:00:31,582 --> 00:00:35,712 Look. We're working our asses off in this bar, and we're getting nothing to show for it... 13 00:00:35,787 --> 00:00:38,051 and so we're starting to snip and pick at each other. 14 00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:40,613 And it's bullshit, man. 'Cause guess what. It's a beautiful day outside. 15 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:43,160 Okay? We need to change things up. 16 00:00:43,227 --> 00:00:45,627 Let's go outside. Let's get some fresh air. 17 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:47,688 Let's run around a little bit. You know? 18 00:00:47,765 --> 00:00:50,325 Let's just do something different. 19 00:00:50,401 --> 00:00:52,869 You know what, Charlie? You're right. This is great. 20 00:00:52,937 --> 00:00:55,201 Yeah. It's just nice to do something different for a change. 21 00:00:55,273 --> 00:00:57,298 Yeah. Enjoy a little blue sky, some fresh air. 22 00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:59,434 Yeah. Some, uh, earth beneath our feet. 23 00:00:59,510 --> 00:01:01,671 See? I told you guys you'd like it. Yeah. 24 00:01:04,615 --> 00:01:06,344 It's goddamn bright out here. 25 00:01:06,417 --> 00:01:09,318 It's so bright. I can't use my eyes. 26 00:01:09,387 --> 00:01:12,379 There's people playing football right next to us. Like there's no room to drink. 27 00:01:12,457 --> 00:01:16,188 Tell you what. I would like to go back to the bar. Let's go back to the bar! 28 00:01:16,260 --> 00:01:18,694 Are you kidding me? Oh! 29 00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:21,323 Oh, look out. Let me see that. Can I get that back? 30 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:23,492 Yeah. Go long. I'll toss you a wicked spiral. 31 00:01:23,568 --> 00:01:26,560 Want to just give me the ball, dude? We're trying to practice. 32 00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:29,401 What are you practicing for? I'm trying out for the Eagles. 33 00:01:29,474 --> 00:01:32,773 Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles? 34 00:01:32,844 --> 00:01:35,369 Yeah. They're holding tryouts for the public. 35 00:01:35,446 --> 00:01:37,380 Like in that movie, Invincible. 36 00:01:37,448 --> 00:01:39,780 Oh! Was that the one where the guy from... 37 00:01:39,851 --> 00:01:42,718 the New Kids on the Block makes it onto the Eagles? I saw that. 38 00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:45,915 Yeah. That's the one. That's a good one. Wait. So they're actually doing that? 39 00:01:45,990 --> 00:01:49,118 Yes. Just give me the football. Okay. 40 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:52,390 Well, Dennis, I think you know what we have to do. 41 00:02:27,131 --> 00:02:29,964 Dude, did you read this flyer? 42 00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,832 Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us a motivational speech. I know, dude. 43 00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:35,270 We are actually going to be running on the Linc! 44 00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:38,831 Lincoln Field, baby! You guys think you're actually gonna make the team? 45 00:02:38,910 --> 00:02:40,901 No. Hell, no, we're not gonna make the team. 46 00:02:40,978 --> 00:02:44,243 But we will finally get to prove once and for all who's a better football player. 47 00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:46,943 That's right. Trying out for the Eagles is the best way to settle that score. 48 00:02:47,018 --> 00:02:49,282 You know what? I would like to join your little competition. 49 00:02:54,225 --> 00:02:57,661 No, no, no, no, no. You... You... You're a woman. 50 00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,026 Women can't do things like this. You'll get hurt. 51 00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:02,292 No. Women aren't allowed to try out for football. 52 00:03:02,366 --> 00:03:04,698 That's ridiculous. They should at least be able to try out. 53 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,431 Well, there are plenty of other sports that women can try out for. 54 00:03:07,505 --> 00:03:09,496 Yeah. Like, uh, cooking and... 55 00:03:09,574 --> 00:03:11,667 Complaining to your friends about your boyfriends. 56 00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,676 Yeah. Playing... Playing at ballet. 57 00:03:13,744 --> 00:03:16,110 Cleaning. Displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis. 58 00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:18,808 Yeah. When you get older, you can play bridge together. I don't know. 59 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,511 You know what? I am in such better shape than both of you guys. 60 00:03:21,586 --> 00:03:24,555 Do you not think the first thing they're gonna do to weed people out is make you run? 61 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:28,217 Oh, good luck. I could get so much further than both of you. 62 00:03:30,094 --> 00:03:33,063 You think that's even a possibility? 'Cause that could be very embarrassing for us. 63 00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,930 Well, we're never gonna have to find out because she can't try out. 64 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:40,061 You can't try out! You're not allowed to try out. That is a rule, right? 65 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:41,536 Check the rules. Okay. Let's double-check. 66 00:03:41,606 --> 00:03:43,836 We'll put a layer of beer, then a layer of ice... 67 00:03:43,908 --> 00:03:47,139 What are you guys doing? Dude, we're gonna tailgate the tryouts. 68 00:03:47,211 --> 00:03:49,907 Oh, shit. That's a good idea. Oh, you gonna bust out Green Man, bro? 69 00:03:49,981 --> 00:03:52,415 No. No Green Man. What's Green Man? 70 00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:54,713 Well, in high school, Charlie was like our school mascot. 71 00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:59,188 A mascot nobody wanted. He'd get wasted and dress in this green spandex bodysuit. 72 00:03:59,257 --> 00:04:02,055 Spandex? It was really sad. 73 00:04:02,126 --> 00:04:04,321 That's it. You gotta bring the Green Man suit. 74 00:04:04,395 --> 00:04:06,329 Yeah, no. Done with it. The spandex. 75 00:04:06,397 --> 00:04:08,661 Green Man was good. It got me through some hard times. 76 00:04:08,733 --> 00:04:11,327 But I'm done with it. Tell you what. You can wear it if you want... 77 00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:14,769 but I'm just gonna be relaxing, okay? This is gonna be about chilling out for me. 78 00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:17,535 No. This is gonna be exactly like Woodstock. Oh, is it? 79 00:04:17,608 --> 00:04:19,508 Are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom... 80 00:04:19,577 --> 00:04:21,511 of your cousin's Winnebago for three days? 81 00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:24,343 Shut up about that. I survived on hand soap... 82 00:04:24,415 --> 00:04:27,748 and toilet water for three days. 83 00:04:28,819 --> 00:04:30,980 The memory haunts me. 84 00:04:33,491 --> 00:04:35,755 The Linc, dude The Linc Yeah, baby. 85 00:04:35,826 --> 00:04:39,284 I am actually gonna be able to look down and literally see how many yards I'm running. 86 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,456 This is gonna be awesome, dude. We might actually get... 87 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,466 further in this little tryout than we thought. Yeah? 88 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,468 See how many yahoos are trying out? Oh, yeah. 89 00:04:45,536 --> 00:04:47,470 I've seen a lot of people wearing capes. 90 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,972 There are, like, 15 guys wearing capes. Why would you wear a cape? 91 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:51,975 What advantage does that give you? Absolutely none. 92 00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:54,807 You know what? Have a little respect. We are here with the Philadelphia Eagles... 93 00:04:54,879 --> 00:04:56,813 and they are opening up their doors to us. 94 00:04:56,881 --> 00:04:58,815 This is a boyhood dream. I know. I know. 95 00:04:58,883 --> 00:05:02,649 Why even come out here if you're not gonna take this somewhat seriously? I mean... 96 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,655 You done pissing yet? No. No. I haven't even started pissing... 97 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,748 because you're standing next to me, you're talking to me. 98 00:05:07,825 --> 00:05:10,623 It's making me nervous, and I can't do my thing. All right. Want another beer? 99 00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:14,062 Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ sakes. I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer? 100 00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:16,122 Yeah. 101 00:05:19,537 --> 00:05:24,440 Okay. Cabana is assembled. The grill is as sparkling as we're gonna get it. 102 00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:29,070 The margarita machine here is open for business. Time to relax. 103 00:05:29,146 --> 00:05:31,546 Want to drop some acid with me? 104 00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,550 What? You're dropping acid? 105 00:05:33,618 --> 00:05:35,848 Mmm. Woodstock, baby. 106 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,388 Uh, okay. 107 00:05:38,456 --> 00:05:40,515 Well, no. Thank you. 108 00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:44,652 Uh, I believe that would have the complete opposite effect of relaxation for me. 109 00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:48,028 Well, I'm gonna trip balls. 110 00:05:48,099 --> 00:05:50,659 No. You messed up. It's too high. It doesn't look right on you. 111 00:05:50,735 --> 00:05:52,999 Too high? No, I'm good at it, dude. I did a good job on you. 112 00:05:53,070 --> 00:05:55,004 That's 'cause I have good cheekbones. You have good cheekbones? 113 00:05:55,072 --> 00:05:57,802 Yeah. That's 'cause you put foundation all over, bro. 114 00:05:57,875 --> 00:06:01,367 I put a light base on just to... Hey, guys. What's up? 115 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:04,005 What the hell is this? How's it hangin'? 116 00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:07,050 This is a joke, right? You think anyone's gonna buy that? 117 00:06:07,118 --> 00:06:09,211 Whatever, bro. You're gonna get crushed. 118 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:12,221 Dee, the second any part of your body touches that field, it's gonna shatter like glass. 119 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:14,951 You got bones like glass. I don't have bones like glass. 120 00:06:15,026 --> 00:06:18,484 You spent half your life in a back brace. Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee. 121 00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:20,655 Move it, fellas. Let's get on the bus. 122 00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:22,392 Bus? What the hell are you talking about? 123 00:06:23,534 --> 00:06:25,559 The bus that takes you to the field. 124 00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,002 Wait. I thought we were gonna be playing on the Linc. 125 00:06:28,072 --> 00:06:31,007 You think you dipshits are gonna play on the same field that champions play on? 126 00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:33,805 Where are we going? "Where are we going?" 127 00:06:33,878 --> 00:06:37,336 We're going to a shitty high school in Bucks County. Now get your ass on the bus. 128 00:06:37,415 --> 00:06:39,975 If I say it one more time... If I say it one more time... 129 00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:44,351 If I say it one more time... Sprint to the bus. Sprint to the bus. 130 00:06:48,459 --> 00:06:50,393 That's everyone on the bus, dude. 131 00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:54,795 They're leaving. Maybe they're having the tryouts in a different place. 132 00:06:54,865 --> 00:06:59,063 Son of a bitch. All right. Screw it, man. We're here. We'll just relax. 133 00:06:59,136 --> 00:07:02,765 Stay here and look at the Linc? Like a couple of dicks in a yard? 134 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,434 Get out of here! We gotta get up and go. 135 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:08,307 Oh... Let's go follow that bus. Come on. 136 00:07:08,379 --> 00:07:12,042 All right. You get that. You get that. Come on. Let's go. No, this is so much work. 137 00:07:12,116 --> 00:07:14,141 Charlie, get up. This is work. I didn't want to... 138 00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:16,277 Let's go. Get the stuff. We'll follow the bus. 139 00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,687 I like your mustache. 140 00:07:20,758 --> 00:07:23,124 Oh. Thank you. Hmm. 141 00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:25,788 I can't grow one. 142 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,457 Okay. 143 00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:31,797 That's a pretty sweet cape. Thank you. 144 00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:34,269 My mom made it. Hmm. 145 00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:36,704 She did a very good job. Yeah. She's talented. 146 00:07:36,774 --> 00:07:38,435 Mm-hmm. Hmm. 147 00:07:38,509 --> 00:07:41,444 Can't believe we're not gonna be tearing it up on the Linc. This is bullshit. 148 00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:44,413 Half the reason I wanted to do this in the first place was to be out on that field. 149 00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:47,974 Hey, man. Stop smoking, will ya? Some of us are trying to make the team. 150 00:07:48,052 --> 00:07:49,986 Are you kidding me, bro? 151 00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:52,716 No. Guy, if you think you're actually going to make... 152 00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:55,122 the Philadelphia Eagles, then you're pathetic. 153 00:07:55,192 --> 00:07:58,320 You're pathetic. No, you're pathetic, sport. No, you are 154 00:07:58,395 --> 00:07:59,453 You're pathetic! You're pathetic! 155 00:07:59,530 --> 00:08:01,998 You're the one who is pathetic! Whatever, man 156 00:08:02,066 --> 00:08:04,261 When I'm done with this tryout... 157 00:08:04,335 --> 00:08:06,269 you'll go back to your sad, pitiful life... 158 00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:08,305 and I'll be on the Eagles. 159 00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:12,001 And everybody in Philadelphia will know the name McPoyle. 160 00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:15,477 What'd you say your name is? McPoyle. 161 00:08:15,546 --> 00:08:17,480 Doyle McPoyle. 162 00:08:20,251 --> 00:08:22,185 The unibrow. Yeah. 163 00:08:22,253 --> 00:08:25,279 The eczema. The acne. He's definitely a McPoyle. There are so many of those people. 164 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,193 Now, this is what I'm talking about. 165 00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:34,197 I don't know, dude. Look at all the people. 166 00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:37,325 Yeah, but we're stuck over here by the portable shitters, man. It's kinda lame. 167 00:08:37,401 --> 00:08:39,130 Stop bitching and set up. 168 00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:41,865 No. I'm not setting anything up, all right? I'm sitting in my chair. 169 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:45,102 I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout drunk, and you're leaving me alone. 170 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:47,542 All right. Be a party pooper. 171 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:50,171 What are you doing, dude? Taking more acid. 172 00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:54,047 Classic mistake, Frank. You're making a classic mistake, bro. 173 00:08:54,118 --> 00:08:55,949 Just shut up and sit in your stupid chair. 174 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,147 It's your funeral, buddy. Just shut up. 175 00:08:58,222 --> 00:09:00,520 Whoa! Hey there, guy. That's good. 176 00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:03,219 Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa You kidding me, man? 177 00:09:03,294 --> 00:09:05,455 What the hell is that shit? Man, that won't fly. 178 00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:09,056 Come on, dude. You almost ran me... Oh, my God. 179 00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,124 The McPoyle brothers. Hello, Charles. 180 00:09:11,202 --> 00:09:12,897 What the hell are you guys doing here? 181 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,495 We came to support our brother Doyle. He's gonna make the Eagles. 182 00:09:15,573 --> 00:09:17,939 Okay. Well, that's fantastic. Great. Whatever, man. That's great. 183 00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,841 Yeah. Look... But your bus is spilling over into our space. 184 00:09:20,911 --> 00:09:22,742 You almost ran me over, man. 185 00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:24,872 Move it back. You gotta move it back a few feet. 186 00:09:24,949 --> 00:09:26,712 No. No can do. We need the space. 187 00:09:26,784 --> 00:09:28,183 For what? 188 00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:29,879 The whole family's here. 189 00:09:29,954 --> 00:09:32,184 Oh, that's great. 190 00:09:32,256 --> 00:09:35,384 Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Great. Of course you're here. Good. 191 00:09:35,459 --> 00:09:38,257 How many... What is that a jar of? 192 00:09:38,329 --> 00:09:40,388 What is that a jar of, dude? What is... Pig parts. 193 00:09:40,464 --> 00:09:44,264 How many can there possibly be? Oh, good to see her again. Good. 194 00:09:44,335 --> 00:09:47,065 She doesn't know what I'm saying, right? Okay. Here he comes. 195 00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:50,504 Yeah. You're... You're here in the world. That's the sun. 196 00:09:50,574 --> 00:09:53,065 It's gonna hurt your eyes. Watch your mouth. They've got thin corneas. 197 00:09:53,143 --> 00:09:55,270 What is that? A fife? You brought your little flute. 198 00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:57,940 Is there more? Are there any more? Get 'em all out. 199 00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:00,347 All right. Look. I tell you what. Leave me alone, okay? 200 00:10:00,417 --> 00:10:02,442 I don't care what you do. Just leave me alone. 201 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,749 'Cause, like, I'm here to relax and have a good time. 202 00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:07,620 I don't want any of your shit. All right? So leave me alone, okay? 203 00:10:07,691 --> 00:10:09,886 We be cool. We're even now. 204 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:11,894 Bump it. 205 00:10:11,962 --> 00:10:14,396 I'm not bumping your fist. Bump it. 206 00:10:14,465 --> 00:10:16,626 Do it, Charlie. Bump it. I'm not bumping you, all right? 207 00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,134 I never bumped him once! I'm not gonna bump him! Let's go, Charlie. 208 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:22,866 Whatever. No bumping. I just don't want... These guys are freak shows, man. 209 00:10:22,940 --> 00:10:26,376 Hustle up! Let's go, bitches! 210 00:10:26,443 --> 00:10:28,308 Let's move it! Let's move it! 211 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:30,313 I was here first, Coach. Hustle! 212 00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,714 Coach! Hi. Hi, there. Cole. Cole Armstrong. 213 00:10:33,784 --> 00:10:36,150 Three time all-American. Fastest sprinter in five counties. 214 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:40,156 Coach, would you like us to stand when you address us, or do you prefer we take a knee? 215 00:10:40,224 --> 00:10:42,954 I don't give a shit! Okay. I'll take a knee. 216 00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:45,655 Yeah. I'll take a knee. 217 00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,391 We're doing these tryouts for you... 218 00:10:48,465 --> 00:10:52,561 because of your harassment and your love for the New Kids on the Block movie. 219 00:10:52,636 --> 00:10:57,596 You paid your $30 fee. We promised you a keynote speaker. 220 00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:01,010 All right. Bring him up. 221 00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,444 McNabb, dude. McNabb. 222 00:11:06,517 --> 00:11:08,485 Gentlemen! 223 00:11:08,552 --> 00:11:12,044 Uh, is this good here? Yeah, that's cool. Just put your parking brake on. 224 00:11:12,122 --> 00:11:15,683 Donovan McNabb. 225 00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:18,986 Hey, guys. 226 00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,088 I'm Donovan McNabb. Whoo. 227 00:11:21,165 --> 00:11:23,690 Uh, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. 228 00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,167 And I'm here to tell you that you can, too... 229 00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:30,070 if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's. 230 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:33,371 Uh, like the new Sausage Egg McGriddle Value Meal... 231 00:11:33,444 --> 00:11:36,971 available now for a limited time for under five dollars. 232 00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:40,380 Remember, guys. Real champs eat at McDonald's. 233 00:11:41,552 --> 00:11:44,112 I'm lovin' it. Can I get the check? 234 00:11:44,188 --> 00:11:46,850 That's good. What the hell was that? 235 00:11:46,924 --> 00:11:49,051 Thanks, Donnie. 236 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,356 That was not Donovan McNabb! That was not Donovan McNabb! 237 00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:53,692 Yes, it was. It was like a McDonald's plug. 238 00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:56,733 Was that the guy from The Cosby Show? That's not the guy from... 239 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,064 Yeah. He was married to Sondra. Alvin. Alvin. 240 00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:01,263 That's awesome. They had Raven-Symoné. That's So Raven. 241 00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:05,240 That's not the guy from... You know what? Sprints! 242 00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:08,210 Goddamn it! Sprints! 243 00:12:08,278 --> 00:12:10,371 Sprints! Good job, dude. 244 00:12:13,998 --> 00:12:16,728 I'm starting to feel it. Mmm! I bet you are, bud. 245 00:12:16,801 --> 00:12:19,895 Feeling weird. Yeah. You're probably feeling very weird. 246 00:12:19,971 --> 00:12:22,371 The acid's making me feel like I gotta take a dump. 247 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,273 That's what happens when you take a lot of acid, dude. I gotta go. 248 00:12:25,343 --> 00:12:27,277 Then go. 249 00:12:27,345 --> 00:12:30,371 The line's too long. Maybe I can hold it in. 250 00:12:30,448 --> 00:12:32,439 Then go in the McPoyles' camper, dude. 251 00:12:32,517 --> 00:12:36,351 Oh, no. That might bring back bad memories. 252 00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,479 I think I'm gonna hold it. 253 00:12:38,556 --> 00:12:40,524 How you feeling? Annoyed. 254 00:12:40,591 --> 00:12:42,525 There's nothing kicking in yet? 255 00:12:42,593 --> 00:12:45,323 What are you talking about? The beer? No. The acid. 256 00:12:45,396 --> 00:12:47,421 I did not take any acid. Remember? 257 00:12:47,498 --> 00:12:49,489 Oh, yeah, you did. 258 00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:52,764 What are you talking about? I put a shitload of it in your beer. 259 00:12:52,837 --> 00:12:54,828 What? Yeah. 260 00:12:54,906 --> 00:12:58,603 Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating... I drank all that shit, dude! 261 00:12:58,676 --> 00:13:00,667 That's okay. There was, like, a ton of acid in there! 262 00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:02,679 Yeah. Why would you do that? 263 00:13:02,747 --> 00:13:04,738 I don't want to be the only one tripping. Oh, my God, man! 264 00:13:04,816 --> 00:13:06,750 Charlie. Oh, my God! 265 00:13:06,818 --> 00:13:09,286 I actually really have to go take a dump. Oh, my God. 266 00:13:09,353 --> 00:13:13,585 Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper. I don't care, dude. Get out of here. 267 00:13:13,658 --> 00:13:15,626 Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude! 268 00:13:15,693 --> 00:13:19,493 Why would you do... Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 269 00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,092 You ready to quit yet, Cole? Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole? 270 00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:27,660 Yeah, Cole! We ran for, like, 10 minutes. 271 00:13:27,738 --> 00:13:30,172 My side is gonna explode. You guys are in terrible shape. 272 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:33,506 This is gonna be a lot easier than I thought. 273 00:13:33,578 --> 00:13:35,569 Let's go! Let's go! Move it! 274 00:13:35,646 --> 00:13:37,637 I'm in so much pain. 275 00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:40,047 All right. Now that we got our hearts pumping... 276 00:13:40,117 --> 00:13:43,518 let's pick out some gear, pick a partner... hitting drills! 277 00:13:43,588 --> 00:13:45,783 I pick Cole! 278 00:13:48,860 --> 00:13:50,725 Oh, no, he didn't! Oh, no, he didn't! 279 00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,729 That's my dance. That's my signature dance. Yeah. 280 00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:54,731 I'm gonna do that when I tackle people. Yeah. 281 00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:57,165 I like your form on that, and I liked how you went before the whistle. 282 00:13:57,235 --> 00:13:59,203 Goddamn right. Nice. 283 00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,204 All right, guys. 284 00:14:01,272 --> 00:14:03,206 Let's pick new partners. 285 00:14:05,943 --> 00:14:08,844 Eeny, meeny... 286 00:14:08,913 --> 00:14:10,847 miny, mo. 287 00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,283 Nice. 288 00:14:16,354 --> 00:14:18,345 All right. You're up, man. 289 00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:23,654 Ah. Uh, hitting's not really my thing, Coach. 290 00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:26,925 Spoken like a true champion. You just might make the team. 291 00:14:26,998 --> 00:14:29,398 Awesome. Really? 292 00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:31,401 Jesus Christ. 293 00:14:31,469 --> 00:14:35,496 Okay, Frank. That was easy. Now just exit. 294 00:14:35,573 --> 00:14:39,441 Don't talk to anybody. These people are freak shows. 295 00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:41,774 Wait. Wait. Better wash your hands. 296 00:14:41,846 --> 00:14:44,644 No telling what kind of germs these McPoyles have. 297 00:14:45,883 --> 00:14:48,408 Oh! Crap! 298 00:14:50,655 --> 00:14:53,021 I'm starting to feel weird. 299 00:14:54,959 --> 00:14:56,893 What the hell? Oh, no. Not again. 300 00:14:56,961 --> 00:14:59,953 Oh, no! Hey! 301 00:15:00,031 --> 00:15:03,797 Hey! Hey! Hey! Somebody get me outta here! 302 00:15:03,868 --> 00:15:07,804 Man, my brother just leveled your boy out there. 303 00:15:07,872 --> 00:15:11,171 He's gonna make the Eagles. Yeah, your boy's a pansy. 304 00:15:11,242 --> 00:15:14,268 But Doyle's a big strong guy. It's probably 'cause he eats all that fish. 305 00:15:14,345 --> 00:15:17,837 Is he just gonna talk at me? I am gonna lose my shit. 306 00:15:17,915 --> 00:15:21,442 What is going on with his head? It's too small or tight or something. 307 00:15:21,519 --> 00:15:23,987 Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight. 308 00:15:24,055 --> 00:15:25,989 My skin's not tight. 309 00:15:30,294 --> 00:15:33,593 Good catch, Doyle! Good catch Way to hustle! 310 00:15:33,664 --> 00:15:37,293 Way to hustle! All right. Who's next? This guy. 311 00:15:40,037 --> 00:15:41,971 All right. Run out and hook in. 312 00:15:42,039 --> 00:15:45,440 Run out and hook in. Show these people how to play football. 313 00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:49,172 I'm gonna make Mac look so bad. 314 00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,942 My form is perfect. I'm like Jerry Rice. 315 00:15:52,016 --> 00:15:55,508 Feel that stride. So fluid and fast. 316 00:15:55,586 --> 00:15:57,520 I've got the stride of a gazelle. 317 00:15:57,588 --> 00:15:59,749 A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person. 318 00:15:59,824 --> 00:16:02,816 My body is achieving a perfect symmetry right now. 319 00:16:02,893 --> 00:16:05,828 It's that long, lean muscle I've worked so hard to achieve. 320 00:16:05,896 --> 00:16:08,524 Hmm, I should've popped my shirt off. Goddamn it. 321 00:16:08,599 --> 00:16:10,567 Really should've popped that shirt off. 322 00:16:10,634 --> 00:16:12,693 I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines. 323 00:16:17,608 --> 00:16:19,576 All right, Dee. You can do this. 324 00:16:19,643 --> 00:16:22,373 You can kick a football. You're better at sports than Mac and Dennis. 325 00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:28,284 Holy shit! 326 00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:30,616 The other coaches gotta hear about this. 327 00:16:33,090 --> 00:16:36,457 Well, well, look who's a natural. 328 00:16:36,527 --> 00:16:39,655 Guess I'll be getting further than you after all. 329 00:16:40,998 --> 00:16:42,932 Maybe it was a lucky kick. No. 330 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,195 No. Those storklike legs... they act like pendulums. 331 00:16:45,269 --> 00:16:49,672 And on the bottoms of those pendulums, feet like wrecking balls. 332 00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:51,674 We gotta do something about this, dude. 333 00:16:51,742 --> 00:16:54,006 Let's go talk to Frank. Come on. I got an idea. 334 00:16:54,078 --> 00:16:57,707 Somebody! Somebody help! 335 00:16:57,782 --> 00:17:01,377 Goddamn it! Goddamn it! Not again! 336 00:17:04,588 --> 00:17:07,352 Frank. 337 00:17:08,426 --> 00:17:11,987 Hey, Frank. Who said that? 338 00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:14,930 I'm Artemis. I'm Dee's friend. 339 00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:19,065 I'm trapped. I know. 340 00:17:19,136 --> 00:17:22,697 But I can help. Crawl into my mouth. 341 00:17:23,774 --> 00:17:25,708 I don't think I can fit. 342 00:17:25,776 --> 00:17:29,610 Mmm, sure you will. Just go one leg at a time. 343 00:17:31,549 --> 00:17:34,017 Okay. 344 00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:41,023 Into the toilet I go. 345 00:17:44,462 --> 00:17:47,795 Man, this is crazy. You are dancing with the entire McRoyle family. 346 00:17:47,865 --> 00:17:51,130 These people are freak shows, man. Freaks. 347 00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:53,466 But you're keeping your cool. You are keeping your cool. 348 00:17:53,537 --> 00:17:56,597 You know why? Because you are the Green Man. 349 00:17:56,674 --> 00:17:59,370 Green Man is saving your life right now, bro. 350 00:17:59,443 --> 00:18:01,377 Just go with the flow. 351 00:18:01,445 --> 00:18:04,380 Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude. Ah, Green Man. 352 00:18:04,448 --> 00:18:06,473 I knew you couldn't resist. Huh? 353 00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:08,711 You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now. 354 00:18:08,786 --> 00:18:11,186 You're tripping? Yeah. 355 00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:14,383 Frank gave me some acid, and it's like... whoo! Oh, Jesus. 356 00:18:14,458 --> 00:18:18,952 Hey, guys. Guess who got invited to training camp. Yeah. We're gonna be famous. 357 00:18:19,029 --> 00:18:22,624 Look. We need to talk to Green Man alone for a second, please. Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye. 358 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:25,692 Hey. Can we talk to the Green Man? Just go. Thank you. Can we... Guys mind... 359 00:18:25,769 --> 00:18:28,169 Charlie, where's Frank? It's very important. Really important. 360 00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:29,433 Oh, Frank? Yes. 361 00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:31,737 He's standing right there. 362 00:18:32,877 --> 00:18:35,778 Frank, what the hell are you doing? 363 00:18:35,846 --> 00:18:38,337 He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes. 364 00:18:38,415 --> 00:18:41,145 I'm pretty sure he's on acid. 365 00:18:41,218 --> 00:18:43,982 Thank God you guys are here. How'd you get in here? 366 00:18:44,054 --> 00:18:47,285 What are you talking about? I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours. 367 00:18:47,358 --> 00:18:49,292 I think he took a dump in there. 368 00:18:49,360 --> 00:18:51,760 Can you give us a second, please? Whatever. 369 00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:54,491 I'm getting tired of watching him anyway. 370 00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:57,500 All right. Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today? 371 00:18:57,568 --> 00:18:59,035 Great. Walk me through the plan. Awesome. 372 00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,798 The plan is, I get close to Dee. 373 00:19:00,871 --> 00:19:02,998 When she goes to punt the ball, I'll fire the gun. It'll startle her. 374 00:19:03,073 --> 00:19:05,667 She'll blow the kick. That's a great plan. 375 00:19:05,743 --> 00:19:08,211 Wait a second! How long have we been standing right here? Like two seconds. 376 00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:10,941 Seriously? Yeah. Frank, give me the gun. We're in a hurry. 377 00:19:11,015 --> 00:19:12,642 Where is it? It's in your hand. 378 00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:15,776 Wait, wait, wait, wait! When the hell did I put Green Man on? 379 00:19:15,853 --> 00:19:18,447 I don't know. That lizard talks! 380 00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:20,615 Where? Where? I don't like lizards! 381 00:19:20,691 --> 00:19:24,058 We don't have time for this. Frank, just give us the gun! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 382 00:19:24,128 --> 00:19:27,495 Lizard, am I standing in poop? 383 00:19:27,565 --> 00:19:30,830 I'm about to demonstrate to all of you my natural abilities as a punter. 384 00:19:30,901 --> 00:19:33,529 I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards right in front of your faces... 385 00:19:33,604 --> 00:19:36,198 and I'm gonna do it... 386 00:19:36,273 --> 00:19:38,207 as a woman. 387 00:19:38,275 --> 00:19:41,244 Oh, that's right. I'm a woman. 388 00:19:41,312 --> 00:19:43,644 And I'm about to show all of you that women... 389 00:19:43,714 --> 00:19:45,875 should be allowed to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. 390 00:19:45,950 --> 00:19:48,009 Coach. 391 00:19:52,189 --> 00:19:54,589 Wrap your minds around this. 392 00:19:54,658 --> 00:19:56,819 Oh! 393 00:19:56,894 --> 00:19:59,260 Oh, I broke it. Oh, it may be broken. 394 00:19:59,330 --> 00:20:02,891 Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it. 395 00:20:02,967 --> 00:20:05,731 Kick your legs, man. Come on. All right, Frank. You're out of the trash can. 396 00:20:05,803 --> 00:20:08,328 Now a deal is a deal. Give us the gun. Hold on. Hold on. 397 00:20:08,405 --> 00:20:10,202 I'm really peaking here. 398 00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,538 Stop pointing the gun at us! Stop pointing it at us! 399 00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:15,670 Point it somewhere else. Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now, do they? 400 00:20:15,746 --> 00:20:18,237 Nobody cares if you're dancing, Charlie. Hey, guys. 401 00:20:18,315 --> 00:20:20,840 Could somebody please take me to the hospital, because I'm pretty sure... 402 00:20:20,918 --> 00:20:23,284 I broke every single bone in my foot punting that football. Really? 403 00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:26,414 Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles, but I would like to go to the emergency room now, please. 404 00:20:26,490 --> 00:20:29,516 So your bones are made out of glass. Yes! Nice. 405 00:20:29,593 --> 00:20:33,359 No, my bones aren't... Know what? It doesn't matter, because I made the furthest, so I win. 406 00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:35,489 No, I win because you're the girl, and you got knocked unconscious. 407 00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:37,397 You didn't win. You got crushed. Once again! Yes! 408 00:20:37,468 --> 00:20:39,800 That is so stupid. Guess what. I made it the farthest. 409 00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:42,964 Yes, yes, yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah! 410 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,564 What are you talking about? You shattered every... 411 00:20:46,176 --> 00:20:48,440 Holy shit. This thing is loaded. 412 00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:50,946 My leg! Doyle, are you okay? 413 00:20:51,015 --> 00:20:53,916 My leg! Somebody shot my leg! 414 00:20:53,984 --> 00:20:57,818 No! 415 00:20:57,888 --> 00:20:59,822 Oh, that's not good. That's not good. 416 00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:03,155 No. That could come back and bite us in the ass. That's not a good thing. 417 00:21:05,329 --> 00:21:07,320 Ready? Let's go!