1 00:00:01,167 --> 00:00:03,635 Hey-o! What is up, bitches? 2 00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:06,763 I'm trying to revamp my MySpace page, but Dennis keeps criticizing... 3 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,774 - every move that I make. - What is that? 4 00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,606 - What in the hell is a MySpace page? - It's, like, that friends forum. 5 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,545 These things are pretty awesome. You create a profile, put your picture on there... 6 00:00:14,614 --> 00:00:16,878 other people send you pictures and want to be your friend. 7 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,817 Oh. So that's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You guys are losers. 8 00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,854 How are we losers, dude? 9 00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:25,118 Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy. Computers are for losers. 10 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,216 You're drinking a beer at 8:00 in the morning. 11 00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:29,386 - Whatever, dude. Irrelevant. - Holy shit! 12 00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:32,192 This guy's been trying to contact me for, like, two weeks now... 13 00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,233 and I've just been blowing him off. 14 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:36,768 - But he's saying that he's our dad. - Awesome. Crazy person. 15 00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:40,135 - Let me see. - No. Not awesome. Because look at the pictures he's sending. 16 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:42,970 - Oh! Oh, look at that! - See? 17 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:45,170 That's your mom, dude! There's, like... 18 00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,679 There's, like, a ton of pictures of this guy and your mom. 19 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:50,375 Oh, you know what? He does kind of look like you, Dennis. 20 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:52,816 Don't jump to any conclusions here. 21 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:55,753 This is bullshit! You guys have two dads, and I don't even have one. 22 00:00:55,822 --> 00:00:57,756 Yeah! That is bullshit! We don't even have one. 23 00:00:57,824 --> 00:00:59,758 Wh-What are you talking about? You have a father. 24 00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:02,693 Yeah. But he's in prison. He's been there my whole life. It doesn't count. 25 00:01:02,762 --> 00:01:04,696 That does count! I never met my father! 26 00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,891 Take it easy, all right? This guy's not our dad. 27 00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,991 I don't know. This is really freaking me out. 28 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,663 Look, Dee, this guy can't be our dad. That's ridiculous. 29 00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:15,105 Is it? Is it any more ridiculous than our dad having brown eyes... 30 00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:18,008 black hair and being 4'10"? 31 00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,108 This is really a nice place. 32 00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:02,245 It's about time you kids show me some respect. 33 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,256 It doesn't really have anything to do with respect. 34 00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:07,157 We just wanted to take you to a fancy place so that you would behave yourself. 35 00:02:07,227 --> 00:02:10,560 - Yeah, yeah. - We need to talk to you about something, Dad. 36 00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:13,064 - Shoot. - It's kind of disturbing. 37 00:02:14,167 --> 00:02:17,000 You two aren't banging, are you? 38 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:19,504 - What? - No! What are you talking about? 39 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:21,938 - That's disgusting. - Yeah. Yeah, it is. 40 00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:25,409 Stay away from that kind of thing. No good can come of it. Trust me. 41 00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:28,675 - That's not what we're here to talk about. - It better not be... 42 00:02:28,748 --> 00:02:30,875 because I don't want no... grandkids. 43 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:35,444 - I am not banging my sister. - Jesus Christ! What have I walked into here? 44 00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:38,753 - Oh, my God. - You two aren't having sex together? 45 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,623 - No, we're not having sex together. - What the hell is she doing here? 46 00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:45,630 - Sit down, please, Mom. Sit. - I am not getting pulled into any sort of perverted sex talk. 47 00:02:45,698 --> 00:02:48,690 - It's not perverted. - Banging your sister is perverted, Dennis. 48 00:02:48,768 --> 00:02:50,998 I am not banging my sister! 49 00:02:54,274 --> 00:02:56,435 God! 50 00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,910 - Can you just sit, please? - Please sit in the chair. Please sit in the chair. 51 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:08,013 - Frank. - Barbara. 52 00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:12,490 Your turkey neck is looking exceptionally attractive this evening. 53 00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:15,619 - You have turned into a retarded person. - You're a retard. 54 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:18,391 Can we use some adult language, just for a couple minutes? 55 00:03:18,464 --> 00:03:22,491 Let's get to it. There's this guy Bruce who contacted Dee on MySpace... 56 00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:24,560 and he's claiming to be our biological father. 57 00:03:24,637 --> 00:03:27,663 We just wanted to ask the question and just get it out of the way. 58 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,674 Is there a chance that that could be possible? 59 00:03:29,742 --> 00:03:31,676 - No. - Yes. 60 00:03:31,744 --> 00:03:36,807 - What? - Well, Bruce who? Bruce Mathis? 61 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:40,080 - Yeah. - Then, yes. 62 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:44,055 - There's a chance this guy could be our father? - No. Yes, he is your father. 63 00:03:44,123 --> 00:03:46,091 What the hell are you talking about? 64 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:48,184 Do we really have to get into all of this? 65 00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:50,889 - My God! Yes. - Yes, we really have to get into all this! 66 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:55,264 Everybody settle down. It's not the end of the world. 67 00:03:55,335 --> 00:04:00,932 A long time ago, I met Bruce and we had this little affair, or whatever you want to call it. 68 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:04,841 Long story short, he got me pregnant, and I had to make a decision. 69 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:08,347 Seeing as he had no money, I decided that the best thing for everyone... 70 00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:12,612 was if I didn't tell Bruce and let your father think that the twins were his. 71 00:04:12,685 --> 00:04:15,176 End of story. 72 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,621 End of story? 73 00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:20,090 How could you do that? 74 00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:24,186 Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather I had them aborted? 75 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,665 - Children, would you like to have been aborted? - I can't believe this. 76 00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:30,532 I just can't believe this! 77 00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,537 - Okay, Dad. Keep your voice down. - You whore! 78 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,470 - Keep it down, okay? - Please don't make a scene. 79 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:36,474 - Don't make a scene. - Sit back down. 80 00:04:36,542 --> 00:04:38,476 Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene! 81 00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,637 I was just told, excuse me... 82 00:04:40,713 --> 00:04:43,648 that my horrible, whore wife... 83 00:04:43,716 --> 00:04:46,742 has tricked me into raising two bastards... 84 00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:50,619 for 30 years, and I'm being asked to not make a scene! 85 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:55,650 Whoa! Oh, excuse me? Oh, did you bang my wife? Huh? 86 00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,662 Did you bang my whore wife? 87 00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:02,667 Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my whore wife... 88 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,363 - that I should know about? - Jesus, Frank! 89 00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,372 Jesus! Jesus, Frank! 90 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:11,342 Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! Jesus, Frank! 91 00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:16,439 Jes... Oh! Jesus, Frank! My life is a lie! My life is a lie! 92 00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:19,644 Somebody's got to get stabbed! Somebody's got to get sta... 93 00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,654 - No... - Sta... Sta... 94 00:05:27,093 --> 00:05:29,220 Let's get out of here. 95 00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:34,463 So, Dad. 96 00:05:34,534 --> 00:05:36,468 Kind of a funny story. 97 00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:39,903 Turns out my friends got some weird news the other day about their biological father... 98 00:05:39,972 --> 00:05:44,341 and it got me to thinking, uh, about maybe, you know, reconnecting with mine. 99 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,204 Uh-huh. 100 00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:52,308 And, you know, Charlie never had a father. 101 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:55,081 And, uh, I thought that maybe the three of us... 102 00:05:55,154 --> 00:05:57,554 could all become, like... like, friends or something. 103 00:05:57,623 --> 00:06:00,717 Really? Well, okay. 104 00:06:00,793 --> 00:06:03,853 I'll tell you what. Maybe I got something for you. 105 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,763 - It's a father-son type of thing, huh? - Yeah. 106 00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:12,772 You see, I got a little business I been running in here the last couple of years. 107 00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:16,536 I was thinking of expanding, and I'm gonna need some people on the outside. 108 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:21,637 Some really badass, tough guys. 109 00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:23,648 I like where you're going with this. 110 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:27,447 I think you came to the right place. 111 00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:30,387 What do you guys know about... 112 00:06:30,456 --> 00:06:34,051 smuggling heroin through your anus? 113 00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,524 You definitely look good. That's not what I'm saying. 114 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:43,330 - I just think you need to tuck it in in the back. - In the back? 115 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,429 Yeah. You button the top button and then they tuck it in in the back. 116 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:48,440 - It is tucked in the back. - Is it? 117 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,442 - Is it bunchy? - It's not bunchy. 118 00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,910 - Let me see. That's exactly it. - How do I look? 119 00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:55,709 - That's gonna impress your dad, right? - It is gonna impress my dad. 120 00:06:55,782 --> 00:06:58,808 You piece of shit! You no-good piece of shit! 121 00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:01,046 Whoa, whoa, Frank! What's going on in here? What happened? 122 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:04,647 - I had a minor stroke. No big deal. - What's with the gun, dude? 123 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,716 I'm trying to find the son of a bitch who fathered my children. 124 00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:11,059 - What? By doing MySpace? - Yeah. And I did everything they said to do. 125 00:07:11,130 --> 00:07:14,293 I put a picture, a profile. The thing won't tell me where the bastard lives. 126 00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,130 Did you send him a friend request? 127 00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:19,467 I don't want to be his friend. I want to shoot him in the face. Can you help me? 128 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:22,872 - No. You... - Yes, absolutely. But no killing. 129 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,206 - Needs to be killed. - Doesn't need to be killed. 130 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,508 He could take a good ass whupping. And we're down with that. 131 00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,514 - Are you crazy? - No, dude! 132 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,516 - Give us one second here. - Charlie. 133 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,382 This is our opportunity to prove to people that we are to be respected. 134 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,252 - No one is more respected than dudes in prison, right? - Yeah. 135 00:07:37,323 --> 00:07:40,451 And what are dudes in prison? 136 00:07:40,526 --> 00:07:43,359 - Hard? - Right. This is our chance to get hard. 137 00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:46,057 Okay. I just don't know if this is the best way to get hard. 138 00:07:46,132 --> 00:07:48,066 Of course it is. This is totally hard. 139 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,068 - You want to get hard, don't you? - I want to get hard. 140 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,934 - I want to get very, very hard. - Do you want to shove heroin into your ass? 141 00:07:53,005 --> 00:07:54,939 I don't want to shove anything in my ass. 142 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:58,738 This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are and not shove anything into our asses! 143 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,779 What in God's name are you two talking about? 144 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,509 - Frank, we're in. - Great. 145 00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:12,317 Oh, God! This is so weird. I'm really nervous. 146 00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,325 I really hope he's not an asshole. 147 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,327 I don't think I can handle two asshole dads. 148 00:08:16,395 --> 00:08:18,955 Are these my beautiful children? 149 00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:24,325 I just... I can't believe what a miracle this is after all these years. 150 00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:27,133 Oops. 151 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:29,401 You know, I loved your mother more than I can say. 152 00:08:29,475 --> 00:08:33,571 And I'm sure she had her reasons, but she never told me. 153 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:36,706 - Yeah. Well, this whole thing is very strange for all of us. - Yeah. 154 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,410 - We've got a lot to catch up on. - Yeah. Tell us about yourself. 155 00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:41,612 - Yeah. - Where to begin, uh... 156 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,315 I met your mom here in, uh... in Philadelphia. 157 00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:48,690 It was just before I shipped off to Alaska with Greenpeace. 158 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,958 - I do a lot of environmental work and work with kids. - Mm-hmm. 159 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:55,967 And we were in Alaska. And then we went to Africa, to the Sudan. 160 00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,003 We... Here. 161 00:08:58,070 --> 00:09:01,335 This... This is my adopted family. 162 00:09:01,407 --> 00:09:03,341 - Oh. - You adopted them? 163 00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:06,105 - Yup. In fact, um... - Huh. 164 00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:09,545 Hello. Those are your brothers and sisters. 165 00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,241 Your family just got a little bigger today. 166 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,549 - It sure... It sure did. - You want to know their names? 167 00:09:15,621 --> 00:09:18,715 No. We'll do that later. We'll do that later because it's... it's hard to remember. 168 00:09:18,791 --> 00:09:22,352 - Okay, thank you very much. - And anything here, at all times, is yours. 169 00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:24,362 Anything in my life is yours. 170 00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:28,127 - These are cool speakers. - Yep. They're yours. Take 'em. Take 'em. 171 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,896 - No, no. I was kidding. - It was just a joke, I think. 172 00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,531 But if you want them, just... Uh... Africa. 173 00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,632 - Yes. Yes, Africa. - Right? Sudan. 174 00:09:36,709 --> 00:09:38,643 I went from the Sudan... I was in Darfur. 175 00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:42,841 We had a water-purification program there. So much work to be done there. 176 00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:46,851 And then I-I... I spent a little time in Afghanistan. 177 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,582 We were doing a literacy program for women who were resisting the Taliban. 178 00:09:50,656 --> 00:09:54,114 Well, for better or worse, I came back here a couple of years ago. 179 00:09:54,193 --> 00:09:57,185 And I think it was for better, 'cause I'm doing this work... 180 00:09:57,263 --> 00:10:01,632 uh, starting some programs for Sacred Cross Hospital, which I think is very promising. 181 00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:05,728 And... ah! My story is boring. L... 182 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,864 What about you? What are your passions? 183 00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,908 You know, what are you doing with your lives? 184 00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:12,035 There's been a lot of... 185 00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,706 - Oh, so many things we do. - Phases. 186 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,011 - Oh, God. Where do you begin? - Yeah. 187 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:20,143 - Something like... - I know. I know. It's... 188 00:10:20,219 --> 00:10:22,380 - A lot of different... - Chapters. 189 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,821 - Kinds of... kinds of things. - I want to hear anyth... 190 00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:29,589 - Just tell me chapter one. - Well, a lot of this kind of stuff, right here. 191 00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:31,596 - Yeah. - These guys. 192 00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,632 - A lot of... - These guys are important to us. 193 00:10:33,699 --> 00:10:37,294 I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. 194 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:42,305 Son of a piece of shit! 195 00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,366 Hey, you gotta relax there, Frank. 196 00:10:44,443 --> 00:10:46,377 Seriously, bro. You're gonna have another stroke. 197 00:10:46,445 --> 00:10:50,472 He won't make me his friend. How am I gonna find him if he won't make me his friend? 198 00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:52,881 - Be patient. It's a process. - Yeah, bro. Come on. 199 00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:54,920 It's been days. I got no friends. 200 00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:58,980 - Stop saying that. You have friends. - I got you. I got this guy Tom. 201 00:10:59,058 --> 00:11:02,721 And that crazy woman who claims we had a one-night stand 30 years ago. 202 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,787 Right, yeah. Tom doesn't really count though. He kind of, like, comes with it. 203 00:11:05,865 --> 00:11:08,629 Screw this! I'm gonna just follow Dennis and Dee around. 204 00:11:08,701 --> 00:11:11,067 Sooner or later, they're gonna bump into this bastard. 205 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:14,573 And we're gonna just jump him and beat him over the head with a baseball bat! 206 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,108 Frank, come on. They're gonna see that coming a mile away. 207 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,009 - Man, we need to be more devious, more cunning! - Uh, that's not very hard. 208 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:22,013 That's some weak ass-buster shit, bro. 209 00:11:22,081 --> 00:11:26,279 This bastard destroyed my lineage. He must be smashed. 210 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,617 We're gonna smash him, friend. We're gonna smash him good. We know people. 211 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,455 Look, Frank, uh, we know a guy on the inside we can talk to. 212 00:11:33,526 --> 00:11:36,620 He might be willing to help us out with the situation here. 213 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,958 You guys are fast. I'm proud of you. 214 00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:46,403 - Thanks, Dad. - Okay. Now, here's how it's gonna work. 215 00:11:46,472 --> 00:11:49,532 I'll have a guy meet you in the bathroom in about 10 minutes. 216 00:11:49,608 --> 00:11:54,602 Now he doesn't mind sifting through the feces, so don't hold back. 217 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:57,615 Uh, yeah, here's the thing about that, Dad. 218 00:11:57,683 --> 00:12:00,243 We don't have anything in our butts. 219 00:12:00,319 --> 00:12:02,753 No. We don't have anything in our butts. We're working on that. 220 00:12:02,822 --> 00:12:05,985 - But we're still hard. - Yeah. Oh, you should see how hard we're getting. 221 00:12:06,058 --> 00:12:08,720 Oh, we are getting so hard. It's, like... Whew! 222 00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:11,285 - We actually came by 'cause we need your help. - Yeah. 223 00:12:11,363 --> 00:12:14,025 Let me get this straight. 224 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:19,037 You come to me empty-handed and you want my help? 225 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,801 Yeah. And, look, we are really, really sorry about that, Dad. 226 00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:26,402 But if you could give us some advice on how to handle a certain situation... 227 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:29,107 then we promise we will come back with our butts filled. 228 00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:31,308 Oh, so filled. So filled for you. 229 00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:35,479 We need to find our friends' father so that we can give him a serious beating. 230 00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,647 Oh, we're gonna kick the crap out of this guy. 231 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:39,918 And check it out. We can't find him. 232 00:12:39,992 --> 00:12:44,622 All right. All right. Why don't you just follow your friends around for a while? 233 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,257 They're bound to contact him at some point. 234 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:50,825 When they do, just jump him. 235 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,428 Beat him with a baseball bat. 236 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,441 - That's pretty badass. - That could work. 237 00:12:56,509 --> 00:13:00,138 Now, you listen to me. Do not come back here... 238 00:13:00,212 --> 00:13:03,204 without anything up those asses! 239 00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,741 Okay? 240 00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:11,023 Okay. 241 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,499 Thank you! Thank you. Thank you, Philadelphia. 242 00:13:31,576 --> 00:13:35,876 TheJuvenile Lupus Association thanks you, and the children thank you. 243 00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:40,179 - Oh, saving the kids, huh? - Yeah, I guess. 244 00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:43,744 Those little angels, they're the future. 245 00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,916 That's my dad up there. He put this whole shindig together. 246 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,926 - Really? - Oh, yeah. Yeah. 247 00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,053 Well, I mean, I helped, of course. 248 00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:54,587 I mean, this whole lupus nightmare has gone on long enough... 249 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:57,328 - you know? - Yeah. 250 00:13:57,402 --> 00:13:59,802 Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes a father has the privilege... 251 00:13:59,871 --> 00:14:01,839 of playing a little music with his daughter. 252 00:14:01,907 --> 00:14:06,139 Would you please welcome Deandra Reynolds? 253 00:14:17,489 --> 00:14:20,356 Juvenile Lupus Association. What a bunch of bullshit. 254 00:14:20,425 --> 00:14:23,189 - Mac, I got one question for you. - What? 255 00:14:23,261 --> 00:14:26,059 - What's the plan again? - Are you kidding me? 256 00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,122 I swear, Charlie, you're, like, a retard. 257 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,328 What we're gonna do is we're gonna bash him with the bat when he comes out. 258 00:14:31,403 --> 00:14:33,963 - You want to huff some of this glue with me? - No! Put the glue away! 259 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:35,973 - Please. Huff a little with me, dude. - All right, fine. 260 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,975 - Fine! - We just need to keep an edge. 261 00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,977 We got to stay hard, dude, because you can't do it if... 262 00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,104 This is Elmer's glue, for Christ sakes, Charlie! 263 00:15:01,199 --> 00:15:03,224 - Do you have the camera? - Yeah, I got the camera! 264 00:15:03,301 --> 00:15:06,099 - I just don't know what it's for, Mac! - I'm gonna bash you with this! 265 00:15:06,171 --> 00:15:08,105 When he comes out, I'm gonna smash his face. 266 00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,107 You're gonna take a picture. We're gonna show it to my dad... 267 00:15:10,175 --> 00:15:12,006 - Show it to your dad. - To prove how hard we are! 268 00:15:26,057 --> 00:15:27,991 Whoo! 269 00:15:28,059 --> 00:15:30,527 - Oww! - Whoo! 270 00:15:30,595 --> 00:15:32,529 No, dude. We shouldn't do this. I'm backing out. 271 00:15:32,597 --> 00:15:34,531 You can't back out. Frank is waiting in the car. 272 00:15:34,599 --> 00:15:37,090 - He's gonna be pissed if we don't finish the job. - Let Frank wait in the car. 273 00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,160 We owe this to him. This guy banged Frank's wife. 274 00:15:39,237 --> 00:15:40,829 - So did you. - Yeah, but it's different. 275 00:15:40,906 --> 00:15:42,840 - How is that different? - I don't know, Charlie! Focus! 276 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:45,604 There they are. Just relax, dude. 277 00:15:45,677 --> 00:15:47,702 He's hugging them. They're hugging him back! 278 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,907 - This is crazy. We shouldn't do this. - We should bash all three. 279 00:15:50,982 --> 00:15:53,109 This is it. Let's go. You ready? Don't be a pussy. 280 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:55,346 - Let's go. - Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 281 00:16:04,062 --> 00:16:06,053 Oh. Hi. 282 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,565 Hi. 283 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:11,534 - Can I help you? - Can I help you? 284 00:16:11,603 --> 00:16:14,538 Can I help you? 285 00:16:14,606 --> 00:16:17,700 Can I help you? 286 00:16:19,077 --> 00:16:21,068 Uh, okay. 287 00:16:22,881 --> 00:16:26,578 Um... 288 00:16:29,921 --> 00:16:33,084 It's... It's okay. It's okay. 289 00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:35,149 I got it. 290 00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:42,091 Have a good night. 291 00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:45,000 What the hell was that shit? What did you do? 292 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:47,470 - I freaked out. - You totally freaked out! You just left me... 293 00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:50,235 - I was gonna hit him. - You left me standing there. I took a picture of the guy. 294 00:16:50,308 --> 00:16:52,208 - Hey! - What? 295 00:16:52,277 --> 00:16:53,744 - Snap out of it! Okay? - Okay! Yes. 296 00:16:53,812 --> 00:16:56,178 - Now we got to think of something to tell Frank. - Okay. 297 00:16:56,248 --> 00:16:57,806 - Hey! Look at me. - Yeah? 298 00:16:57,882 --> 00:16:59,873 Ow! 299 00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:06,115 - Let's tell him the truth. - Let's tell him the truth. 300 00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:11,421 - Blood! Blood! There's so much blood! - What happened? 301 00:17:11,496 --> 00:17:13,896 - We bashed him good! - We bashed him so good! 302 00:17:13,965 --> 00:17:16,490 - We bashed him good! - I think we killed him. 303 00:17:16,568 --> 00:17:20,197 Drive! Drive! Drive! 304 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,303 Jesus, children! This isn't exactly what Mommy needs right now. 305 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,712 No. No, no, no. Mom, Bruce is so awesome. He... 306 00:17:30,782 --> 00:17:33,216 - We had the best time last night. - Bruce is the coolest. 307 00:17:33,285 --> 00:17:37,221 - We went to this lupus event last night. Lupus is awesome! - Amazing. 308 00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:40,952 - You should give Bruce another chance. - Barbara. 309 00:17:41,026 --> 00:17:45,986 - My God. You still look amazing. - Wow. 310 00:17:46,064 --> 00:17:49,397 The years have treated you well. 311 00:17:49,467 --> 00:17:53,301 I would have thought living in poverty for a quarter of a century... 312 00:17:53,371 --> 00:17:55,362 would have taken its toll. 313 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,738 Well, when Father died, I was left with all that money. 314 00:17:57,809 --> 00:18:00,209 There's only so much you can give away before you finally realize... 315 00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:02,212 it's okay to spend a little on yourself. 316 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,214 - On you. - Yeah, on me. 317 00:18:04,282 --> 00:18:08,810 Father? Wealthy? I never knew. 318 00:18:08,887 --> 00:18:11,981 I guess it never came up. So you guys ready? 319 00:18:12,057 --> 00:18:15,083 I am! I'm up for anything. 320 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,323 Okay. But first things first. 321 00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:24,126 - Oh. - Yeah. Let's just put these on. 322 00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:27,501 One for you. One for me. 323 00:18:28,573 --> 00:18:30,564 Great. 324 00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:34,373 Okay, let's go spread somejoy. 325 00:18:35,947 --> 00:18:39,075 Right. Uh... 326 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:41,345 Ooh. Okay. Um, hey. 327 00:18:41,419 --> 00:18:43,853 Hey, pal. How... How you feeling? 328 00:18:43,922 --> 00:18:46,755 It hurts everywhere. 329 00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:52,056 - Well... - Well, it... Everything's gonna be okay. 330 00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:55,258 - You don't know that, Deandra. - Shut up, Mother. 331 00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:57,961 I don't think we should be lying to the sick children. 332 00:18:58,036 --> 00:19:01,597 - I was trying to be encouraging. - What if he doesn't get better? You're gonna look like a fool. 333 00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:05,131 I gotta say I agree with Dee. The kid's gonna die anyway. What difference does it make? 334 00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:07,110 I can hear you. 335 00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:10,011 Oh, you heard... Well, you know what? Disregard that. 336 00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:13,141 - Yeah. You know, we weren't even talking about you. - No. No. 337 00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:17,211 We were talking about your sick and dying friend in the next bed. 338 00:19:17,288 --> 00:19:20,780 Mother! What are you doing? 339 00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:22,622 - Nothing! - Oh, my God! 340 00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:25,959 - You can't steal the children's medication. - I'm not. 341 00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:27,998 - Let me see in your purse! Open your purse up! - Don't be ridiculous! 342 00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,556 - Really? - Everything okay over here? 343 00:19:29,634 --> 00:19:31,568 - Yes. - A slight glitch here. 344 00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:35,163 - Um, this is really kind of bumming me out here. - Yeah, this is not fun. 345 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,801 Yes. I'm not exactly sure what it is we're trying to prove. 346 00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:42,813 We're not trying to prove anything. We're just helping the kids. 347 00:19:42,881 --> 00:19:45,281 - Who are we really helping? - Yeah? 348 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,841 I'm not sure I understand what you mean. 349 00:19:47,919 --> 00:19:50,114 Well, listen, it's one thing to rock out, raise some cash. 350 00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:52,622 But it's a totally different thing to put our lives at risk. 351 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:55,682 Oh, yeah. I mean, there's all these diseases floating around in here. 352 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,354 Yes. I mean, how can we help anyone if we're all getting sick? 353 00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:01,024 - I mean, use your head. - Plus, it's freezing in here. 354 00:20:01,099 --> 00:20:03,465 You think you could talk to somebody about cranking the heat up a little? 355 00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,197 - This isn't good for us. - You're not serious? 356 00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:09,263 I don't think it's a lot to ask to have them turn the temperature up. 357 00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:11,934 It's easy. You just push a button or, like, crank a thing over. 358 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:14,069 - Are you guys getting hungry? - Oh, yes. 359 00:20:14,145 --> 00:20:16,079 - I am starving. - Yeah, I could eat. 360 00:20:16,147 --> 00:20:18,638 - Is there a cafeteria in the hospital? - No, come on. Gross. 361 00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:20,946 - I'm not eating in a hospital cafeteria. - That's a good point. 362 00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:24,853 Brucie, do you know a nice restaurant in the area? 363 00:20:29,694 --> 00:20:32,629 I'm gonna want those noses back. 364 00:20:32,697 --> 00:20:34,631 Please. Give it a rest with that martyr nonsense. 365 00:20:34,699 --> 00:20:37,827 - Yeah. Who is he? Patch Adams? - You know who never acts like he cares about kids? 366 00:20:37,902 --> 00:20:39,836 - Dad. - Dad. 367 00:20:39,971 --> 00:20:42,804 All right, buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons. 368 00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:46,332 This is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna jam this into your rectum. 369 00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:49,539 And then, woo! Like that, it's gonna expand in your colon, okay? 370 00:20:49,614 --> 00:20:52,845 - It's gonna be that big? - Absolutely. You ready? Drop those pants. 371 00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:54,885 Hey, guys. What do you think? 372 00:20:54,953 --> 00:20:57,581 That's a good look. That's a good look for you. Where're you headed? 373 00:20:57,655 --> 00:20:59,748 I tell you what, I feel like a hundred dollars. 374 00:20:59,824 --> 00:21:05,660 Ever since you guys beat that guy up, I got to thinking. Hey, what am I gonna do? Huh? 375 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:09,359 Dive into some kind of depression over this? No. 376 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,629 I'm gonna jump right back on the horse. 377 00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:15,867 So I contacted that woman on MySpace who claimed that we had a one-night stand. 378 00:21:15,940 --> 00:21:18,500 Turns out she's single and ready to go. 379 00:21:18,576 --> 00:21:20,510 - Give me some skin. - Good work. 380 00:21:20,578 --> 00:21:22,205 There you go, Frankie! 381 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,840 - That might be her. Mac, get the door. - Let me clean this up. 382 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:27,146 - Hide that balloon. - That's gonna kill your date. 383 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,915 - Where's my dad? - So he's your dad now... 384 00:21:30,989 --> 00:21:33,184 - Get out of the way. - Daddy. 385 00:21:33,258 --> 00:21:37,194 Don't Daddy me. You blew your chances with this daddy. You're dead to me. 386 00:21:37,262 --> 00:21:39,662 - No. Just listen for a second here, okay? - No. No. 387 00:21:39,731 --> 00:21:42,359 We've had a change of heart. We've decided to forgive you... 388 00:21:42,433 --> 00:21:44,458 and to allow you to be our father again. 389 00:21:44,536 --> 00:21:47,528 I'm not into being your dad anymore. Don't want to be your dad. 390 00:21:47,605 --> 00:21:51,371 - Uh, kinda giving you a second chance here, Dad. - Daddy, yeah. 391 00:21:51,442 --> 00:21:53,672 - No. I'm over it. - You can't be over it. 392 00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:55,679 - No, no, no. - I'm over it. 393 00:21:55,747 --> 00:21:57,908 - He can be over it. - Will you shut up? What is with you two? 394 00:21:57,982 --> 00:22:00,951 - I am over over over it! - You're not allowed to be over it! 395 00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:04,284 I can yell at him! 396 00:22:04,355 --> 00:22:06,346 Shh. 397 00:22:07,392 --> 00:22:09,326 - Charlie? - Hey, Mom. 398 00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:11,089 What... What are you doing here? 399 00:22:11,162 --> 00:22:15,462 - I'm confused. Do you live here? - Yeah. 400 00:22:15,533 --> 00:22:19,401 - Bonnie? - Frank! 401 00:22:19,470 --> 00:22:22,701 How do you guys know each other? 402 00:22:22,774 --> 00:22:26,232 - This is my date. - Whoa! Wait a second. I thought... 403 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:29,474 you were going on a date with a woman you had a one-night stand with 30 years ago. 404 00:22:29,547 --> 00:22:31,481 - Yeah. - Yeah. 405 00:22:31,549 --> 00:22:36,077 So if you guys had a one-night stand 30 years ago, and I don't... 406 00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:38,952 You know, I don't know who my... father... 407 00:22:39,023 --> 00:22:41,821 You could be my... 408 00:22:47,165 --> 00:22:49,531 Dad?