1
00:00:02,335 --> 00:00:04,326
These things are hilarious.
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:06,872
- These are priceless.
- What are you guys lookin'at?
3
00:00:06,940 --> 00:00:10,000
- Uh, Garbage Pail Kids.
- Heavin' Steven.
4
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,340
- Classic.
- Totally classic. I love Heavin' Steven.
5
00:00:12,412 --> 00:00:15,848
Are those those stupid cards where babies
are doing disgusting things?
6
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:20,147
Uh, no. They're the amazing cards
where babies are doing hysterical things.
7
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,552
You got quite a collection there, buddy.
8
00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:25,887
- Yes, I do.
- Hey, Charlie, how about givin' me a couple of these?
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:27,893
- Uh, no.
- I tell you what.
10
00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:30,191
I'll buy 'em from you.
You got a ton of'em.
11
00:00:30,263 --> 00:00:32,197
No. These are, like, an investment.
12
00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:34,699
This is my future here, so don't mess with them.
13
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,759
Hey, have you guys seen this?
14
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:39,270
We are getting blasted in the ass
by the state liquor tax.
15
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,068
"Blasted in the ass"?
16
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,302
Mac, we have
this same conversation every year.
17
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,310
There's nothing you can do
about taxes.
18
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:48,370
You guys might want to think about
voting every once in a while.
19
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,474
- What has voting ever done?
- Why... Since wh... What has...
20
00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,452
- Why are you comin'down... Voting?
- Who am I supposed to vote for?
21
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:57,149
Am I supposed to vote for the Democrat
who's gonna blast me in the ass...
22
00:00:57,223 --> 00:00:59,157
or the Republican
who's blasting my ass?
23
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,216
Politics is just one big ass blast.
24
00:01:01,294 --> 00:01:03,956
- It is a coast-to-coast, nationwide ass blast.
- You're gonna get your ass...
25
00:01:04,030 --> 00:01:05,964
No more! You guys are such morons.
26
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:09,559
If you knew anything at all about politics,
you would know that that is not true.
27
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:12,332
Deandra, it's just some jerk
gettin' into office...
28
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:14,270
so he can get out for the payday.
29
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,798
Right. The guy's runnin' for office.
He's... What? What payday?
30
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:19,811
I see it every year.
31
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:23,337
Some clown runs for office,
drops out of the race...
32
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,441
and gets a big chunk of dough.
33
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:30,888
I mean, you have to be a real
low-life piece of shit...
34
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,982
to get involved in politics.
35
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,655
Okay. I just got off the phone
with the city clerk.
36
00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:14,666
Turns out
there's an election comin' up.
37
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:16,929
- Local, small-time shit. Anybody can run.
- What's the position?
38
00:02:17,003 --> 00:02:20,666
"South Philly, Zone 2,
District 37 Comptroller.
39
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:23,504
- Nice. What's a comptroller?
- Who gives a shit? We're doin' it for the bribe.
40
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,510
I nominate Dennis.
41
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:28,604
- I accept your nomination.
- Wait a minute. How come he gets to be the candidate?
42
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:31,081
Take a look at that hair...
Kennedy hair.
43
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,847
Note the bone structure.
It's like a young J.F.K.
44
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,879
I got the same bone structure.
45
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:40,357
What are you making that noise...
What is that about?
46
00:02:40,426 --> 00:02:43,452
- You got something funky goin' on in the forehead area.
- Five head.
47
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,794
Did you say five head?
I don't have that.
48
00:02:45,865 --> 00:02:49,460
Deandra, a woman in politics
is like a donkey doing calculus.
49
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:52,198
Come on. There are plenty
of amazing women politicians.
50
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,435
- Name one.
- Uh, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton.
51
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,806
- Awful.
- How is she awful?
52
00:02:57,877 --> 00:03:00,141
- Hates freedom.
- Uh...
53
00:03:00,213 --> 00:03:02,977
Okay, Dennis, you are gonna need
a campaign manager. That's me.
54
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,540
- So...
- Ooh. We should put that one to a vote.
55
00:03:05,618 --> 00:03:07,552
'Cause I'd be
a good campaign manager.
56
00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:09,485
It's too late.
I already have the clipboard.
57
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:13,117
- So you can be my assistant.
- Mmm. Assistant is...
58
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,457
- Should I wear a
blazer? - Yes. - No.
59
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,621
- Yes. - No. - I
like what he said.
60
00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,631
Charlie? Campaign manager.
You don't need a blazer.
61
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,564
- A blazer's gonna look...
- I like where he's goin'.
62
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,296
- What am I gonna do?
- You get to be the intern.
63
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:26,338
- Yeah, the intern.
- What does an intern do?
64
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,273
- Cut limes. - Stock
glasses. - Serve drinks.
65
00:03:29,342 --> 00:03:32,140
No. No. Come on. You guys, damn you!
66
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,146
- I'm not doing that.
- Hold it! Hold it!
67
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:37,741
If my son is gonna solicit a bribe,
he's gonna do it the right way.
68
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:41,150
- I'm gonna be campaign manager.
- Like hell you are.
69
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,553
You are way too old.
Politics is a young man's game.
70
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,921
- Mac, I think you might be in over your head here.
- Yeah.
71
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,153
- Over my head?
- Yeah. Listen.
72
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:52,028
Everybody who's in favor of firing Mac
as campaign manager...
73
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:54,032
raise their hand.
74
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,536
- For God sakes!
- The people have spoken. You're out.
75
00:03:57,604 --> 00:04:00,004
So that's it? I'm fired?
This is bullshit!
76
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,338
- That's politics, man.
- That's politics? That's politics?
77
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,843
This is wonderful.
This is just wonderful. You know what?
78
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,903
I'm walkin' outta here.
I don't need this shit.
79
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,541
I'm washin' my hands of the whole situation.
Show you, bitches.
80
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:13,677
- Can I grab that clipboard?
- No. That's mine.
81
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,723
Dee, check out my blazer.
82
00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:21,919
- Yeah. It's too small.
- Nah. It's perfect.
83
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:26,159
- How's the bar?
- Full of hoboes, Dennis. A lot of hoboes.
84
00:04:26,232 --> 00:04:29,463
- Watch your ears. There you go.
- Frank.
85
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:33,938
Frank, I don't... I just don't think this is
the best idea for our candidate's image.
86
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:37,135
This is a brilliant idea...
"hobo-vertising."
87
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,805
Come on. It looks good. Beer him.
88
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,179
- We gotta fire Frank.
- He's my dad, Charlie. I don't know.
89
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,582
But, Dennis. Dennis.
Hobo-vertising?
90
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:48,814
- That's not you. It's cheap.
- Ooh.
91
00:04:48,888 --> 00:04:52,289
It's cheap politics.
It's not gonna get us that bribe.
92
00:04:52,358 --> 00:04:54,349
I mean, you need to be out there.
93
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:57,828
You gotta be shakin' hands.
You gotta be kissin' babies.
94
00:04:57,897 --> 00:04:59,762
I don't like babies.
95
00:04:59,832 --> 00:05:01,766
No babies.
Don't kiss babies.
96
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:04,564
Just get out there
into the world, and...
97
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:08,903
You gotta let me be
your campaign manager.
98
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:11,967
I mean, I can really drive this thing
in a different direction.
99
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:14,775
I mean, when I look at you, I see success.
100
00:05:14,847 --> 00:05:18,305
I see... You're top-notch.
You're goin' all the way with this thing.
101
00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:20,579
- Oh.
- Frank's just gettin' in the way here.
102
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:24,851
Give me this chance.
Just give it to me.
103
00:05:24,924 --> 00:05:29,020
I just didn't realize I was gonna have
to make so many... tough decisions.
104
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:37,401
Take him down.
105
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:39,267
This is a goddamn coup!
106
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,307
Don't take it personally, Dad.
That's just politics.
107
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:43,638
You look like a dick
in that tiny jacket.
108
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,701
- Let's not attack my candidate.
- Don't go after the jacket.
109
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,575
- Shut up, Charlie.
- The jacket's good.
110
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,706
I can talk to my son any way I want.
111
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,808
- Give him the clipboard. -
Give me the clipboard. - No. No.
112
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,149
- Clipboard belongs to the campaign manager.
- I want that clipboard.
113
00:05:55,221 --> 00:05:57,485
- Go to hell.
- Oh, that was ugly.
114
00:05:57,557 --> 00:06:00,754
- That was uncalled for.
- Mmm.
115
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:03,921
Wow. That was, uh, a lot easier
than I thought it was gonna be.
116
00:06:03,996 --> 00:06:05,987
- I can get a clipboard anywhere.
- Yeah.
117
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:08,829
- All right.
- Don't do that.
118
00:06:13,906 --> 00:06:16,534
- I want you to run for comptroller.
- What?
119
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,804
I'm gonna be your campaign manager.
120
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:23,315
We're gonna stroll right into
that comptroller's office and solicit a bribe.
121
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:27,080
- Forget it. I am not helping you.
- Deandra, we'll get this bribe...
122
00:06:27,153 --> 00:06:29,144
and we'll shove it
right in your brother's face.
123
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,988
- We'll screw those guys.
- I would like to shove it in his face.
124
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,993
Okay.
125
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:37,757
Okay. Now let's get you ready
for the ball, Cinderella.
126
00:06:37,830 --> 00:06:42,858
- What are you doing?
- The bangs, they... The five head.
127
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,774
Let me get this straight.
You want to try and solicit a bribe?
128
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:50,775
Yes!
129
00:06:50,843 --> 00:06:53,073
You want my union
to back your roommate...
130
00:06:53,146 --> 00:06:55,273
for South Philly District 37 Comptroller?
131
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,976
- Yes. Correct.
- But not to win.
132
00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:00,678
- It sounds illegal.
- Aw, for God sakes.
133
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,085
What is with you two?
Come on!
134
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:07,149
You know, like, in the movies, union guys
are, like, tough and shady and shit.
135
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:10,320
- Sorry to disappoint you.
- You're, like, a couple of nerds.
136
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:15,026
All right, look. Let me
take you bitches to school for a second.
137
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,798
In this country, in the real world,
people make money.
138
00:07:18,871 --> 00:07:21,305
Somebody is gonna make a ton of money
off my roommate.
139
00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:24,036
- I want it to be you.
- Let me make one thing perfectly clear.
140
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,635
We are not a criminal organization.
141
00:07:26,712 --> 00:07:30,842
Why are you talking to me
like I'm a jackass? I am not a ja...
142
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,681
Oh. I see what you're doin'.
143
00:07:33,753 --> 00:07:37,883
Okay. Nobody here is a criminal. No, sir.
144
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,391
I think we're speaking the same language.
145
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,429
- Are we?
- Oh, yeah.
146
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:46,659
We're being listened to.
Bugged. The feds. I get it.
147
00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:49,667
I read. I see movies.
I understand. Okay.
148
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:51,726
I want you to contact me at Paddy's.
149
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,671
- I'm gonna get the ball rolling, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
150
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,799
It's safe there.
151
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:59,208
Okay, gentlemen,
sorry we couldn't work anything out.
152
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:02,179
But, uh, I'm gonna go home
and pay my taxes.
153
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,443
Right?
154
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:08,681
- You want me to call the cops?
- Not yet.
155
00:08:08,754 --> 00:08:11,689
I've got a better idea.
Let's screw this son of a bitch.
156
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,748
Come on, Morris.
We don't have time for this.
157
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:15,555
He called us nerds, Gary.
158
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,197
Nerds.
159
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:23,896
Are you gonna take care
of the crime problem here?
160
00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:27,928
Absolutely. I say we put 'em on busses, ship 'em
over to Iraq... make 'em fight the terrorists.
161
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:30,566
You're very handsome.
162
00:08:30,642 --> 00:08:32,633
- Thank you.
- This is going very, very well, man.
163
00:08:32,711 --> 00:08:34,941
- People are really responding to me.
- They love the bone structure.
164
00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:37,038
- They like the Kennedy hair.
- I've been looking for you guys.
165
00:08:37,115 --> 00:08:41,051
Look, I've been thinkin', and I feel like
I could be a real asset to you guys.
166
00:08:41,119 --> 00:08:43,144
- I want to help.
- What? Wait, wait.
167
00:08:43,221 --> 00:08:46,622
First you wash your hands of politics.
Now you want back in.
168
00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:49,125
- That's called flip-flopping. That's
what Democrats do. - Hang on a second.
169
00:08:49,194 --> 00:08:51,128
Let's give the guy
a chance to prove himself.
170
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:53,790
Yeah. Give me a chance.
What should I do?
171
00:08:53,865 --> 00:08:55,799
"What should I do?"
Strike one, buddy.
172
00:08:55,867 --> 00:08:58,165
You gotta bring something
to the table, Mac.
173
00:08:58,236 --> 00:09:00,431
All right.
Ah, check this out.
174
00:09:00,505 --> 00:09:02,837
Excuse me. Hi.
175
00:09:02,908 --> 00:09:05,536
- I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
- Oh, thank you.
176
00:09:05,610 --> 00:09:08,101
Yeah, I was wondering
if you wouldn't mind...
177
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:10,080
if that handsome young gentleman
over there kissed it.
178
00:09:10,148 --> 00:09:12,309
- Excuse me?
- Oh. I'm sorry.
179
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:15,319
He's running for District 37 Comptroller,
so it's cool.
180
00:09:15,387 --> 00:09:19,153
- You know, I'd rather not.
- It's good for him, and it's good for you.
181
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:21,920
- I think you should just give me the baby.
- Please leave me alone.
182
00:09:21,993 --> 00:09:23,927
Okay, lady.
183
00:09:23,995 --> 00:09:25,986
If you give me the baby,
I could get it over with.
184
00:09:26,064 --> 00:09:28,157
- I said no!
- Goddamn it! Just give me the baby!
185
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:30,463
- Somebody help me!
- Lady! Give me the ba...
186
00:09:30,535 --> 00:09:34,130
- This is campaign suicide, dude.
- Let's get outta here.
187
00:09:36,141 --> 00:09:38,974
There, there, there.
188
00:09:39,044 --> 00:09:41,274
There, there, there.
Take a look.
189
00:09:41,346 --> 00:09:43,337
- Got it on? Sure?
- Yeah. Take a look.
190
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:46,907
- What do you think?
- I think I look like a whore.
191
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:49,249
- I'm trying to make you sexy.
- This is not sexy.
192
00:09:49,321 --> 00:09:52,119
- What is this? What's this?
- It's the bed look.
193
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,181
The tossed look.
The ruffled look.
194
00:09:54,259 --> 00:09:56,557
You look like you just got...
195
00:09:56,628 --> 00:09:58,562
Anyway, we have to convince this guy...
196
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,825
That we're a legitimate
threat to his campaign.
197
00:10:00,899 --> 00:10:03,390
There is nothing
more threatening to a man...
198
00:10:03,468 --> 00:10:06,232
than a woman
who is smart and attractive.
199
00:10:06,304 --> 00:10:09,535
We have to pretend you're both.
200
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,542
Wow. You're a horrible father.
201
00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:16,175
- Let's just go. Let's get it done.
- Great. Great.
202
00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:19,240
Now, Daddy hates to say this, but...
203
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:22,081
I think we should talk
about the breasts.
204
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:25,419
"Oh, don't hurt my baby."
Like I'm gonna hurt somebody's baby.
205
00:10:25,490 --> 00:10:27,788
You know what I mean?
Goddamn Dennis. Fire me?
206
00:10:27,859 --> 00:10:30,851
- I'll fire you.
- Mac. Get in.
207
00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:35,595
We got a bribe for your roommate's
withdrawal from the race.
208
00:10:35,667 --> 00:10:38,636
Really? Wow.
You nerds work fast.
209
00:10:38,703 --> 00:10:40,694
All right.
How much did we get?
210
00:10:40,772 --> 00:10:44,299
We don't get any money
until you pull your guy from the race.
211
00:10:44,376 --> 00:10:47,140
Oh.
212
00:10:47,212 --> 00:10:49,112
Okay, uh...
213
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:51,274
That's not gonna be
a problem, is it?
214
00:10:51,349 --> 00:10:53,283
No. That's not gonna be a problem.
215
00:10:53,351 --> 00:10:55,285
Better not be, Mac.
216
00:10:55,353 --> 00:10:57,651
Otherwise, Marvin here is gonna
have to take care of you.
217
00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:00,748
Take care of me how?
218
00:11:00,825 --> 00:11:03,487
I'll probably stab you in your throat.
219
00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:05,928
Jesus Christ!
Stab me in my throat?
220
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:09,057
- Are you serious?
- Pull your guy out, Mac.
221
00:11:09,134 --> 00:11:11,364
I'm gonna pull him out.
I'm gonna pull him out, Marvin.
222
00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:14,462
Marvin, I'm gonna
pull him out. Okay.
223
00:11:14,539 --> 00:11:16,700
Who's the nerd now, bitch?
224
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:19,073
That was fun.
I feel like a gangster.
225
00:11:19,144 --> 00:11:21,942
Shut up, Gary.
226
00:11:23,882 --> 00:11:25,816
I'm not dropping out.
227
00:11:25,884 --> 00:11:28,910
- Bro, you have to drop out.
- Why?
228
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:31,387
I didn't wanna say this before,
but you don't have Kennedy hair.
229
00:11:31,456 --> 00:11:33,481
- All right! Oh, God!
- You don't have thejawline.
230
00:11:33,558 --> 00:11:36,584
- How could you say that?
- If I hear one more flip-flop out of you...
231
00:11:36,661 --> 00:11:38,652
I'm gonna throw up in my mouth.
232
00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:40,994
- You ready to do this?
- I'm just doing some fine-tuning.
233
00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:42,966
- It looks good.
- Just trying to get my tan on.
234
00:11:43,034 --> 00:11:45,195
Let's hurry.
The battery on this drains like a tub.
235
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,704
What is going on in here?
Are those beach towels?
236
00:11:47,772 --> 00:11:51,071
We're gonna shoot a commercial,
get it on public access, get the message out.
237
00:11:51,142 --> 00:11:53,610
- It's a million-dollar bill pal.
- Yeah. A million-dollar bill.
238
00:11:53,678 --> 00:11:55,612
You guys are never gonna
get a bribe.
239
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,205
- It's not about the bribe anymore.
- We don't care about that.
240
00:11:58,283 --> 00:12:00,513
- I could be a legitimate politician.
- He's goin' to the top.
241
00:12:00,585 --> 00:12:03,213
- Really do some good in Philadelphia.
- Are you listening to yourself?
242
00:12:03,288 --> 00:12:06,815
- You've never done any good for anybody ever!
- I do good! I do good!
243
00:12:06,891 --> 00:12:10,054
- You never do anything! You're a loser!
- You're just jealous!
244
00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:12,790
- I'm not jealous!
- All right! All right! That's...
245
00:12:12,864 --> 00:12:15,230
That's no way to run
a campaign, boys.
246
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,632
- Let's have the conversation outside.
- All right. We'll talk outside.
247
00:12:17,702 --> 00:12:19,795
- Yeah, we'll make you happy.
- You're droppin' out of that race.
248
00:12:19,871 --> 00:12:21,668
- We'll work it out.
- I'm droppin' out of shit.
249
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:25,608
- We'll work it out.
- Yeah, we'll work it out. You and me and...
250
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,668
- Did you just lock this door?
- Yes, I did.
251
00:12:27,746 --> 00:12:30,180
- You are going to hell, little man!
- Mmm, I don't think so.
252
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:33,012
- That's politics, bitch.
- I hate you, Charlie!
253
00:12:33,084 --> 00:12:34,813
- You ready? - I'm
ready. - Goddamn it!
254
00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,877
Get in front of the flag
and the million-dollar bill.
255
00:12:36,955 --> 00:12:40,186
Dude, you and my dad
share this futon?
256
00:12:42,627 --> 00:12:44,822
No.
257
00:12:44,896 --> 00:12:49,390
No, we... No, we got a whole different
situation worked out.
258
00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:53,096
- What's the situation?
- It's... I sleep on the... And...
259
00:12:53,171 --> 00:12:55,696
You got the script that I wrote?
Grab the script.
260
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:58,334
I've been meaning
to speak to you about this.
261
00:12:58,410 --> 00:13:00,674
I can't read these words.
They're not in the right order.
262
00:13:00,745 --> 00:13:03,509
- It's good.
- I think you might be dyslexic. I'm not readin' this.
263
00:13:03,581 --> 00:13:05,913
- No, no! Please. Read it.
- I think you might be dyslexic.
264
00:13:05,984 --> 00:13:07,918
- Read the script.
- You want me to read the script?
265
00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:10,011
- Yes. And action.
- All right.
266
00:13:10,088 --> 00:13:12,955
I'll read the words you wrote.
"Hello, fellow American.
267
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:15,015
"This you should vote me.
268
00:13:15,093 --> 00:13:17,584
"I leave power. Good.
269
00:13:17,662 --> 00:13:20,460
"Thank you. Thank you.
270
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:24,127
If you vote me, I am hot." What?
271
00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:26,966
"Taxes. They'll be lower, son.
272
00:13:27,038 --> 00:13:30,997
"The democratic vote for me
is right thing to do, Philadelphia.
273
00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:33,010
So do."
274
00:13:33,078 --> 00:13:35,410
This doesn't make any sense.
275
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:38,210
Well, then just say
whatever you want.
276
00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:40,751
The battery's dead.
It's gone.
277
00:13:40,819 --> 00:13:43,913
I gotta charge it up again.
278
00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:45,979
This one piece is makin'me nervous.
279
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:48,048
- You seriously need to stop touching me.
- This right here.
280
00:13:48,126 --> 00:13:50,720
Please stop touching me.
This is really ridiculous.
281
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:52,786
I'm stuffed in here like a jerk.
282
00:13:52,864 --> 00:13:55,059
- Deandra, you look sensational.
- No, I don't.
283
00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:58,398
Just remember. Let Daddy do all the talkin'.
284
00:13:58,470 --> 00:14:01,803
Sorry I'm late.
285
00:14:01,873 --> 00:14:04,000
- Jack Stanford.
- Frank Reynolds.
286
00:14:04,075 --> 00:14:06,305
- This here is my daughter, Deandra.
- Hi.
287
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,107
Hi.
288
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:10,340
Well, I never like to keep
a beautiful woman waiting.
289
00:14:10,415 --> 00:14:14,351
- Oh. Thanks.
- You see, uh, Mr. Stanford...
290
00:14:14,419 --> 00:14:17,183
I myself am a problem solver...
291
00:14:17,255 --> 00:14:19,587
and you got a big problem
on your hands.
292
00:14:19,657 --> 00:14:21,921
I'm afraid I'm not following.
293
00:14:21,993 --> 00:14:23,984
Check out the goods to my right.
294
00:14:24,062 --> 00:14:27,259
This pretty little lady
is not only my daughter.
295
00:14:27,332 --> 00:14:30,165
She happens to be your biggest opponent
in the election.
296
00:14:30,235 --> 00:14:32,362
Beauty and the beast.
297
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:35,770
You're funny.
298
00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:38,775
Let the men do the work here, Dee.
299
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:41,641
Now we can make
this problem go away...
300
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:45,171
before it becomes a more
expensive problem...
301
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,947
if you catch my... drift.
302
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:53,514
Are you trying to solicit
a bribe from me?
303
00:14:53,591 --> 00:14:55,752
I don't know. Am I?
304
00:14:55,827 --> 00:14:57,818
'Cause if you are...
305
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:01,423
not only is that illegal
and highly unethical...
306
00:15:01,499 --> 00:15:04,491
but you're doing it
with the subtlety of a baboon.
307
00:15:04,569 --> 00:15:06,867
- Let me take another approach here.
- I tell you what.
308
00:15:06,938 --> 00:15:11,034
- What...
- Why don't we discuss this over dinner?
309
00:15:11,109 --> 00:15:13,202
Dinner. That sounds good.
310
00:15:13,278 --> 00:15:16,270
- I was talking to her.
- Look, Jack...
311
00:15:16,347 --> 00:15:18,872
my little girl don't go nowhere
without her old man.
312
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:21,942
- Isn't that right, sweetie?
- You're fired.
313
00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:24,352
Frank. Frankie, I gotta talk to you.
314
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:28,524
- Not interested.
- Look, man, I'm in a lot of shit here.
315
00:15:28,593 --> 00:15:31,756
- So?
- I need to destroy Dennis.
316
00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:36,761
What do you have in mind?
317
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:39,998
When Dennis Reynolds
was a counselor at Camp Cumberland...
318
00:15:40,071 --> 00:15:44,269
he was sent home for the statutory rape
of a teenage camper.
319
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:47,971
A vote for Dennis Reynolds
is a vote for underage rape.
320
00:15:48,046 --> 00:15:50,412
Dennis Reynolds... baby rapist.
321
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:53,383
Don't let him rape you, Philadelphia.
322
00:15:55,453 --> 00:15:58,422
- This is a goddamn smear campaign.
- You raped a girl?
323
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,822
No, no. Okay. Rape?
324
00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:05,594
I was accused of...
Okay, statutory, first of all.
325
00:16:05,663 --> 00:16:08,860
Not... I kissed her.
She was a year younger than me.
326
00:16:08,933 --> 00:16:11,925
That's not... even statutory
or anything.
327
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,369
What's the note say?
328
00:16:14,439 --> 00:16:16,566
All right. Yeah.
All right.
329
00:16:16,641 --> 00:16:18,609
Uh, "Meet"...
330
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:21,474
Starts out "Meet,"
and then there's, like, other stuff.
331
00:16:23,348 --> 00:16:25,077
"Meet me in the parking garage.
Frank."
332
00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:27,447
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
333
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,851
You clearly have
a learning disability, dude.
334
00:16:29,921 --> 00:16:32,253
- This is a trap.
- It's not a trap. Go see what he wants.
335
00:16:32,323 --> 00:16:34,689
- It's a trap.
- It's not a trap! Make this thing go away.
336
00:16:34,759 --> 00:16:36,750
Okay. I'll get the master.
337
00:16:39,797 --> 00:16:42,425
- Did you come alone?
- Yeah.
338
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:44,934
Where'd you get that trench coat?
339
00:16:45,003 --> 00:16:48,234
- It's cool, huh?
- It's very cool. That was a smart buy.
340
00:16:48,306 --> 00:16:51,798
- All right, you got the tape?
- Affirmative.
341
00:16:51,876 --> 00:16:55,642
- Okay, what's this gonna take?
- You and Dennis gotta bow out of the race.
342
00:16:55,713 --> 00:16:57,613
- Not gonna happen.
- Gotta happen.
343
00:16:57,682 --> 00:17:00,150
Not gonna happen.
I want that tape.
344
00:17:00,218 --> 00:17:02,152
I'm gonna need you to beg.
345
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:04,484
- Don't make me beg.
- You gotta beg.
346
00:17:04,556 --> 00:17:06,751
- Seriously?
- Seriously. Down. Down.
347
00:17:06,824 --> 00:17:08,815
All right. I know what
you're talkin' about.
348
00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:13,497
- What do you say?
- Please, can I have the tape now?
349
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:17,501
- No.
- God! Come on, Frank. What's this gonna take?
350
00:17:21,606 --> 00:17:23,540
What the hell is that?
351
00:17:23,608 --> 00:17:26,509
Charlie traded me
his whole collection...
352
00:17:26,578 --> 00:17:28,603
of Garbage Pail Kids for the tape.
353
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,615
Oh, my God. This is bad.
This is so bad, man.
354
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:34,550
These things, Mac...
You don't know how rare they are.
355
00:17:34,619 --> 00:17:36,780
These are rare.
You can't find these.
356
00:17:36,854 --> 00:17:40,017
Bro, I am in some serious shit.
I needed him to drop out.
357
00:17:40,091 --> 00:17:43,788
I don't care what you need.
That is politics, bitch.
358
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:47,964
I wanna tell you somethin'.
359
00:17:48,032 --> 00:17:50,330
- I'm really glad you asked me out.
- Me too.
360
00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:53,495
- How's that drink comin'?
- Strong.
361
00:17:53,571 --> 00:17:56,369
I should really probably think about
gettin' something to eat.
362
00:17:56,441 --> 00:17:58,204
Yeah. Still got a little left there.
363
00:17:58,276 --> 00:18:01,404
Not for long.
364
00:18:01,479 --> 00:18:03,709
Hey, have mine.
365
00:18:03,781 --> 00:18:06,409
Oh. You're such a gentleman.
366
00:18:06,484 --> 00:18:10,352
Are you gonna buy me
some food at some point? Or...
367
00:18:10,421 --> 00:18:13,083
What do you say we get outta here?
368
00:18:13,157 --> 00:18:15,387
- Oh.
- Who's the slut?
369
00:18:15,460 --> 00:18:18,258
- Honey, this isn't what...
- Another one of your whores?
370
00:18:18,329 --> 00:18:20,422
Who do you think you are... Bill Clinton?
You're a comptroller.
371
00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:22,090
Did he tell you he had a wife?
372
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:24,691
- Did he tell you that, you goddamn whore?
- No.
373
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:27,397
- Whoa! Whoa! All right.
- You bitch!
374
00:18:30,575 --> 00:18:33,271
Hey! Pour me a shot there,
buddy boy. I got it.
375
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:35,335
- Oh, what'd you get?
- I got the smear tape.
376
00:18:35,413 --> 00:18:38,905
- Oh, hey, man. That's great.
- Yes!
377
00:18:38,983 --> 00:18:42,612
Whoa. Sweet Dee.
What the hell's goin' on with you?
378
00:18:42,687 --> 00:18:44,917
Screw politicians.
Charlie, pour me a shot.
379
00:18:44,989 --> 00:18:47,617
No time for that. We gotta get
back out on that campaign trail.
380
00:18:47,692 --> 00:18:50,923
- What do you say?
- Oh, yeah. Hey, man, I was doin' some thinking about that.
381
00:18:50,995 --> 00:18:54,897
- I don't wanna do that anymore.
- What?
382
00:18:54,966 --> 00:18:57,366
Oh, yeah. I googled "comptroller."
383
00:18:57,435 --> 00:19:00,199
Turns out that this guy's
really just a glorified accountant.
384
00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,707
You know what I mean? And I hate
doing math. It sounds like a ton of work.
385
00:19:03,775 --> 00:19:05,766
- You know what I'm sayin'? I hate work.
- No.
386
00:19:05,843 --> 00:19:08,505
These guys, they make
less than teachers. It's a...
387
00:19:08,579 --> 00:19:11,412
- So what?
- So I'm not doing it anymore.
388
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:15,441
- No. You have to run.
- No, I don't.
389
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:17,784
Yeah. Yeah, you do.
390
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:20,981
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
391
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:23,550
No, I don't.
You're not the boss of me.
392
00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:25,619
I'm the campaign manager.
393
00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:28,325
You're fired.
394
00:19:28,399 --> 00:19:31,664
I traded all my Garbage Pail Kids for you.
395
00:19:31,736 --> 00:19:34,569
Well, that was stupid.
396
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:52,020
Bit of an overreaction,
don't you think?
397
00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,650
You look like a whore.
398
00:19:57,695 --> 00:20:00,425
- Psst. You come alone?
- Yeah.
399
00:20:00,498 --> 00:20:02,466
Why couldn't we just
meet in your apartment?
400
00:20:02,533 --> 00:20:04,501
- It's not safe.
- Is that Frank's trench coat?
401
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:06,594
- Yeah. Pretty sweet, right?
- Totally sweet.
402
00:20:06,671 --> 00:20:08,605
Listen. I need your help.
I'm in a lot of shit.
403
00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:11,665
- I'm listening.
- I need to make Dennis disappear.
404
00:20:11,743 --> 00:20:14,109
Ah! Ah! That's what
I'm talkin' about.
405
00:20:14,178 --> 00:20:16,271
- Really?
- I was thinkin' that same thing, man.
406
00:20:16,347 --> 00:20:19,214
- That's great. I know you guys have become close.
- Not that close.
407
00:20:19,283 --> 00:20:21,217
How do you wanna do this thing?
408
00:20:21,285 --> 00:20:23,515
- If we use a gun, we're gonna need a silencer.
- A gun?
409
00:20:23,588 --> 00:20:26,352
Fine. No guns. Piano wire.
Maybe we can use some piano wire.
410
00:20:26,424 --> 00:20:28,358
Look, whatever it is...
411
00:20:28,426 --> 00:20:30,860
I gotta be the guy
to pull the trigger on this thing.
412
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:33,897
Retard. I'm talking about
taking Dennis to Atlantic City...
413
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:35,990
for a couple of days
until the election is over.
414
00:20:36,067 --> 00:20:38,968
What are you talkin' about?
415
00:20:39,036 --> 00:20:41,561
Atlantic City. That's good.
416
00:20:41,639 --> 00:20:43,539
Just take him down to the shore
for a couple days.
417
00:20:43,608 --> 00:20:46,304
- I'll take him to the shore. We'll go to Atlantic City.
- What's wrong with you?
418
00:20:46,377 --> 00:20:49,005
I give the guy my blood, sweat
and tears, right?
419
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:51,310
And my Garbage Pail Kids.
And...
420
00:20:51,382 --> 00:20:53,714
And he just drops
right out of the race on me.
421
00:20:53,785 --> 00:20:55,776
- Dennis dropped out?
- He dropped right out of the race.
422
00:20:55,853 --> 00:20:58,344
So I'm out my Garbage Pail Kid...
And, like...
423
00:20:58,422 --> 00:21:02,381
If we used piano wire on him for a sec...
As long as we hurt him a little bit...
424
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:04,257
Sorry, Charlie. Plan's off.
425
00:21:04,328 --> 00:21:06,319
- What are you doin'?
- I'm gonna go collect my money.
426
00:21:06,397 --> 00:21:08,831
Looks like you bitches
shouldn't have fired me in the first place.
427
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,494
Are you kiddin' me?
Are you kiddin' me with that?
428
00:21:11,569 --> 00:21:15,027
I'm gonna buy myself a car. I am gonna drive
as far away from this goddamn city...
429
00:21:15,106 --> 00:21:17,233
Hey, Mac.
Where you runnin' to?
430
00:21:17,308 --> 00:21:18,900
Huh?
431
00:21:18,976 --> 00:21:22,377
Goin' to visit your friend
over at the union?
432
00:21:22,446 --> 00:21:24,971
What's goin' on?
Is there a problem?
433
00:21:25,049 --> 00:21:27,313
I don't know.
Phil, is there a problem?
434
00:21:27,385 --> 00:21:30,684
Conspiracy to solicit a bribe.
Racketeering.
435
00:21:30,755 --> 00:21:32,689
I'd say there's a big problem.
436
00:21:32,757 --> 00:21:35,487
Your buddy over at the union
came to see us recently.
437
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:38,427
Told us about
your interest in politics.
438
00:21:38,496 --> 00:21:42,830
- He ratted you out, Mac.
- Apparently, you called him a nerd, Mac.
439
00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:45,061
Some people don't take kindly
to that type of insult.
440
00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:48,196
Yeah. You're goin' away
for a long time...
441
00:21:48,272 --> 00:21:50,968
and prison can be
a very unpleasant place...
442
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:53,510
for a good-lookin'
young man like yourself.
443
00:21:53,578 --> 00:21:55,910
Oh, yeah. They're gonna
tear through you like Kleenex.
444
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:57,914
That is, of course...
445
00:21:57,982 --> 00:22:01,440
unless you got something
to make it worth our while.
446
00:22:03,254 --> 00:22:05,245
Are you soliciting a bribe from me?
447
00:22:07,525 --> 00:22:10,016
Sorry, pal. That's politics.