1
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:09,539
Yo, Charlie! It's Dennis!
2
00:00:10,543 --> 00:00:12,477
- Hey.
- Hey, dude.
3
00:00:12,545 --> 00:00:14,479
What's up, buddy?
4
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:17,675
Hey, your face looks,
uh, like, poofy.
5
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,083
Uh... Uh, yeah, I've been
cryin' a little bit.
6
00:00:20,153 --> 00:00:22,621
Huh? I'm sorry.
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,623
Hey, do you have
that basketball?
8
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,524
Mac and I were about to go play in the park.
I think you...
9
00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:29,528
- Uh, yeah. I might. Come on in.
- Yeah? Okay.
10
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,733
Wow, dude! I thought my
place looked like shit.
11
00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:39,829
Oh.
Yeah.
12
00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:42,534
What's wrong? You look,
uh, hungover or something.
13
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:46,978
No. Yeah, it's...
I found out I might have cancer, so ooh.
14
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:53,753
- What?
- Yeah, I found out I might have cancer.
15
00:00:53,820 --> 00:00:57,586
That's why I haven't been down
to the bar recently. And, uh...
16
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,984
Jesus, dude.
I don't know what to say.
17
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,292
You don't have to say anything.
Here, check these pamphlets out.
18
00:01:04,364 --> 00:01:07,663
They go over cancer,
cancer-related issues.
19
00:01:09,969 --> 00:01:13,132
You know, it feels actually pretty good
to get this off my chest, you know?
20
00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:16,107
- Yeah?
- I've been sittin' in here boohooin' a little bit.
21
00:01:16,176 --> 00:01:18,542
So, uh...
I mean, I'm glad we can talk.
22
00:01:18,611 --> 00:01:20,738
We can talk, right?
23
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,408
- Yeah. Of course. Yeah, talk. We can always talk.
- Awesome, dude.
24
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,941
All right, so it starts out I'm not feeling good.
I'm havin' headaches and...
25
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:31,923
Uh, did you want to talk,
like, right now?
26
00:01:31,991 --> 00:01:34,721
Well, you know, I was thinking
we could talk right now.
27
00:01:34,794 --> 00:01:37,024
Well, it's not really
a good time.
28
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,294
It's just that Mac and Sweet Dee
are down in the car waitin' for me.
29
00:01:40,366 --> 00:01:43,358
I told them I'd just,
you know, zip in and zip out.
30
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:48,705
- Oh, yeah. All right.
- I could ask 'em to wait.
31
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,544
Don't do that.
32
00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,546
- I really shouldn't.
- Then don't.
33
00:02:07,694 --> 00:02:09,594
Hey, uh, look, man.
34
00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:12,426
- Keep... Keep your head up. You're gonna get through this.
- Oh, yeah.
35
00:02:12,499 --> 00:02:14,933
- Yeah.
- Do me a favor though. Uh, don't tell anybody.
36
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,868
- I don't want it gettin' around.
- Oh, no, no. I won't say anything.
37
00:02:17,937 --> 00:02:19,871
Thanks. All right.
38
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,930
Uh... Uh...
39
00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,272
Could I get the...
the basketball though?
40
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,837
It's just we're supposed to meet,
like, a bunch of people...
41
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,715
- and we were supposed to bring that.
- Yeah, no. You're... Okay.
42
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:05,684
Yeah, but Charlie's got such great hair.
Is he gonna lose all of his hair?
43
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,686
Yeah. He probably is.
44
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,587
- Well, so what kind of cancer is it?
- I don't know, man.
45
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,750
- Well, when does he go in for treatment?
- He didn't say.
46
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:16,693
You know, we just stood there for a long time
and didn't say much, you know?
47
00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:19,561
And we cried together,
and I held him for a while...
48
00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:21,827
and that was it.
49
00:03:21,901 --> 00:03:24,233
Mm-hmm.
50
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:28,104
That is so sad. He is gonna look
so bad without that hair.
51
00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,972
- We gotta do somethin' nice for him. We should go back.
- No, no, no.
52
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,569
We can't go back.
He made me promise not to tell anybody.
53
00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:36,410
So when we see him we're supposed to act
like we don't know anything?
54
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:39,383
- Yeah.
- No, no. That's not right at all.
55
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,386
We can't just
abandon him right now.
56
00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,945
He needs people around him.
He shouldn't be alone.
57
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:47,015
I learned a lot in my theater and psych classes
about the human nature...
58
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:50,324
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dee, you know what?
Nobody cares about your psych or theater training.
59
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:52,330
No, no, no. Dee's right.
Let's think about this.
60
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,798
What's the one thing
that Charlie never gets?
61
00:03:54,867 --> 00:03:57,597
- Laid.
- Right! So let's find a girl for Charlie.
62
00:03:57,670 --> 00:04:00,230
- No, not at all what I was saying actually.
- No, no. Let's find...
63
00:04:00,306 --> 00:04:02,672
Let's find a girl for Charlie...
someone to be there for him...
64
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,733
- spend time with him, you know, nurture him.
- Bang him.
65
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,006
- Have sex with him, right.
- Okay, great.
66
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,640
- You have any friends desperate enough?
- Are you out of your mind?
67
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:11,650
- I'm not helping you with this.
- Oh, come on.
68
00:04:11,718 --> 00:04:13,913
- Don't be a pain in the ass.
- I am not be...
69
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:17,423
Speaking of which, anybody want to get up
off their ass and help me with the boxes?
70
00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,424
- The boxes? That's what Charlie does.
- Charlie's job, yeah.
71
00:04:19,492 --> 00:04:22,256
- Yeah. Well, I can't do it all by myself.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
72
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:26,424
So Charlie's wasting away, and we're gonna
talk about Sweet Dee's feelings all morning.
73
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:29,024
- Great.
- Okay, you know what? I love Charlie very much.
74
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,764
But this is a stupid idea
you guys have. So you know what?
75
00:04:31,838 --> 00:04:33,806
- Oh! Whatever!
- I am not helping you with it.
76
00:04:33,873 --> 00:04:37,036
- Whatever. You know what, Dennis? We don't need her.
- You're right. We don't need her.
77
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:39,943
What we'll do is we'll find a girl for Charlie
tonight in the bar.
78
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,947
- Yes.
- No, you won't.
79
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:45,007
- Yes, we will.
- There are never any girls in this bar.
80
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,488
Goddamn it!
81
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:51,682
- I told you.
- I don't get it, Dee.
82
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,852
There are tons of women in this city.
Where do they go?
83
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,761
- Uh, they're at the velvet-rope
clubs on Delaware Avenue. - Why?
84
00:04:58,831 --> 00:05:01,561
Dennis, our bar is in South Philly
in a scary alley.
85
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,966
- Might as well call it Rape Bar.
- No, no, no.
86
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:07,029
The problem is that every time a beautiful girl
comes into a place like this...
87
00:05:07,106 --> 00:05:09,165
it's always the biggest asshole
that winds up accosting her.
88
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:13,042
Carmen, you have the most amazing body.
Are you bulimic, or what?
89
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:15,444
No. I work out,
like, every day.
90
00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:18,746
- Yeah, it shows.
- You look like you work out too.
91
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,786
Yeah.
One would think actually.
92
00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:23,720
But it's pretty much
all natural.
93
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:26,918
Dennis, maybe you need to rethink
this whole plan of yours.
94
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:29,826
I don't think getting Charlie laid
is gonna help his cancer problem.
95
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:32,126
- Whatever.
- Dennis, I found the perfect girl for Charlie.
96
00:05:32,198 --> 00:05:34,132
- Smart, beautiful, the whole thing.
- Where?
97
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,828
- Right there.
- Over by the pool table?
98
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:40,031
- Yeah. Nice.
- That's great, Mac.
99
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,574
- Good work, Mac.
- That's a dude.
100
00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:44,837
No. The one with the
exposed midriff and the cans.
101
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,970
Yeah. That's Eric Wyzotski's cousin.
Carmen, right?
102
00:05:47,046 --> 00:05:48,980
- Yeah.
- Yeah, Carmen.
103
00:05:49,048 --> 00:05:50,845
- Tranny.
- Implants?
104
00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:51,975
- Yeah.
- Nice.
105
00:05:52,051 --> 00:05:53,985
- Not bad. It's good.
- Are you sure?
106
00:05:54,053 --> 00:05:56,851
Yeah.
Look at his jeans, dude.
107
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,323
There's an unmistakable bulge
of a large penis in those jeans.
108
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:01,826
- There's a dick in those pants.
- There's a dick in those pants.
109
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:03,828
- Yeah.
- I'll be right back.
110
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:06,364
Excuse me, bro.
Can you give me a second?
111
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:09,367
- Thanks. Is that a penis in your pants?
- Yeah.
112
00:06:09,435 --> 00:06:11,460
- You lied to me.
- No, I didn't.
113
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,505
You lied to me.
You don't work out?
114
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,598
Please. I've seen you at the gym.
You're ripped.
115
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:17,734
No. Don't turn
this around. Wait.
116
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:20,244
Really? You think so?
117
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,077
- Yeah.
- I was afraid I was getting a little too ripped, you know?
118
00:06:23,149 --> 00:06:25,481
Oh, no. I like it.
119
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:27,883
Wow!
120
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,888
Hmm.
121
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:32,049
Well, I gotta
get back to work.
122
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,457
Um, but I don't know.
123
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,461
Maybe I'll give you
a call sometime.
124
00:06:36,529 --> 00:06:38,497
- Okay.
- Yeah.
125
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,532
Yeah,
I'll give you a call.
126
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:06,825
What do you want,
Charlie?
127
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,827
- I like your bracelet.
- Great.
128
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:12,854
That's one of those, uh, Lance Armstrong
"Race for the Cure"...
129
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,059
"Live Strong"
kind of things.
130
00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:17,864
- Yeah.
- Cool. That's very cool.
131
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,134
- You must be a very compassionate person.
- I'm not.
132
00:07:21,207 --> 00:07:24,267
- Uh...
- Did you want something from me, or...
133
00:07:25,578 --> 00:07:27,705
What time are... are you
getting off of work?
134
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:31,910
It's not a thing to walk away about.
Whatever.
135
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,787
Dennis, I don't have time
to talk to you about this.
136
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,825
But we found the perfect
girl for Charlie.
137
00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:42,827
- That's awesome.
- Okay, you know the waitress over at the coffee shop...
138
00:07:42,895 --> 00:07:45,022
- the one that he's been in love with forever?
- Yes.
139
00:07:45,097 --> 00:07:48,430
Well, okay. He saw her wearing one of those
Lance Armstrong "Race for the Cure"...
140
00:07:48,501 --> 00:07:50,969
"I Love People that are
Dying of Cancer" type bracelets.
141
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:54,473
- That's really cool.
- Well, so that bracelet probably means...
142
00:07:54,540 --> 00:07:56,804
that she's compassionate
towards sick and dying people.
143
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,810
You know what I mean?
That's what that symbolizes.
144
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:02,075
You know what that symbolizes? Those
bracelets symbolize jumping on fashion trends.
145
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,309
And you know what
the thing that's so rad is?
146
00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:08,752
They come in all kinds of colors now, so you
can accessorize your compassion with your outfits.
147
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,721
- Really cool.
- All right. All right.
148
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,623
Well, be that as it may,
we still need you to talk to her...
149
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:16,924
because the whole thing is gonna sound
so much better coming from a girl.
150
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:19,055
First of all, I don't
have time since, apparently...
151
00:08:19,131 --> 00:08:21,326
I'm the only one who does
anything around here anymore.
152
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,734
- And second of all, it's gross!
- I'm sure that there's something Mac and I can do for you...
153
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,773
that will convince you
to help us.
154
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:33,608
Sweet Dee is in.
155
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,647
Sweet Dee's in what?
156
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:46,119
She is in...
way over her head.
157
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,992
- In what?
- Debt.
158
00:08:50,062 --> 00:08:52,997
Huh. I know that game.
159
00:09:01,607 --> 00:09:03,802
I'm gonna get a beer.
You want one? Great.
160
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:07,471
Uh, yeah.
161
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,317
- Nice cover, dick.
- Thanks.
162
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,047
- So Sweet Dee's in?
- Yeah. Uh, under one condition.
163
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,215
- What?
- She gets to punch you in the face.
164
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,725
- What?
- Right in the face.
165
00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:22,818
- Why?
- The Christmas party.
166
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:24,829
How about that game
against Dallas...
167
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:27,024
when Santa came out at halftime
and we threw batteries?
168
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,168
She grabbed me from behind.
It was instinctual.
169
00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,170
I know that, man.
You don't grab.
170
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,297
- You don't grab from behind.
- Not from behind.
171
00:09:34,373 --> 00:09:37,206
That sucks because if Sweet Dee's out,
we need to find another girl quickly.
172
00:09:37,276 --> 00:09:40,712
Uh, well... We, uh, you know...
173
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:44,876
We kind of need her.
We kind of need Sweet Dee.
174
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:49,149
You're sayin'... Are you talking about letting
Sweet Dee punch me in my face?
175
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,212
Charlie has cancer.
176
00:09:58,464 --> 00:10:00,796
"So you're new here, yeah?
Who are you?"
177
00:10:00,866 --> 00:10:04,029
Who am I?
178
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:07,470
I'm just a small-town girl...
179
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:10,668
who moved to the big city
with big dreams...
180
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:12,973
just to find out...
181
00:10:13,045 --> 00:10:16,276
the only way to make it
in the big city...
182
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:18,817
is to shake it.
183
00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,182
And that's what I do...
184
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,620
at the Coyote Ugly.
185
00:10:24,690 --> 00:10:26,624
End scene.
186
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:28,660
Wow.
187
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,322
Artemis, that was amazing.
188
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:33,695
Wow!
That really means a lot.
189
00:10:34,867 --> 00:10:37,392
But you won't be
seeing me in class anymore.
190
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:40,200
I lost my job at the Wawa.
191
00:10:40,272 --> 00:10:42,365
I'm sorry. Are you doing
another scene? L... I...
192
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:45,171
I won't be able
to pay my bills!
193
00:10:45,244 --> 00:10:48,304
I'm thinkin' about
goin' on welfare!
194
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,839
What am I gonna do?
195
00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:55,717
- Oh, my God! Ow.
- Okay.
196
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,362
- Hello?
- Hey, Dennis. It's Dee.
197
00:11:05,431 --> 00:11:08,059
I was...
What are you listening to?
198
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,261
Uh, Rick Astley. What's up?
199
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:13,134
Oh, nothing. Only I just
solved all of our problems.
200
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:16,470
- Really? - Mm-hmm. Except for
Charlie and the whole cancer thing.
201
00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,170
But I did figure out
how to get help at the bar.
202
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:21,770
- Sweet Dee, we talked about this.
- No, no. Just listen.
203
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:24,441
I was thinking we could do
that whole Coyote Ugly theme.
204
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,815
You know, where the girls
dance on top of the bars...
205
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:29,116
- take their bras off and stuff.
- I'm listening.
206
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,555
Okay, well, I have a friend who would
be absolutely perfect for it.
207
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:34,957
She'd work for tips only.
And she would even come in...
208
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:37,495
and interview with you, so you
could see if you liked her.
209
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,760
Would she wear the, uh, hot pants, tank top,
wanna-hump-hump pumps?
210
00:11:40,833 --> 00:11:42,767
- Oh, yeah.
- Do it.
211
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,769
Okay.
Only under one condition.
212
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,772
I don't wanna help you
get that waitress to sleep with Charlie.
213
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,808
Oh, come on, Sis.
We need you.
214
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,868
Okay, you know what? You gotta choose.
Charlie's waitress or a hot new bartender?
215
00:11:56,615 --> 00:11:58,515
- Sweet Dee's out.
- What?
216
00:11:58,584 --> 00:12:01,382
Yeah. She's too busy training this new bartender.
217
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:04,617
Apparently, she's got this hot new
friend who sh-she...
218
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,149
- Hey.
- Hey.
219
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,195
- Hi.
- Carmen.
220
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:13,595
- Dennis.
- That's a three-pointer.
221
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:17,760
What are you guys, uh...
What are you doin'?
222
00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:21,068
Just watchin'
a basketball game.
223
00:12:22,908 --> 00:12:24,773
Oh.
224
00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:26,869
I was just leaving
actually.
225
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,744
Oh, oh, no, no, no. You know what?
I was gonna leave.
226
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,749
I mean, you...
you... you could...
227
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:35,150
No, it's okay. I've got a hair appointment
in, like, 20 minutes.
228
00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:38,679
- It was nice to see you.
- It was good to see you.
229
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,625
- So I'll see you tonight?
- Oh. Mm-hmm.
230
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:43,662
- I'll pick you up at 8:00?
- Cool.
231
00:12:45,831 --> 00:12:49,198
Okay.
232
00:12:54,406 --> 00:12:58,035
- She's gettin' it removed.
- So what?
233
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,112
I'm just puttin' in
my time, you know?
234
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:03,273
- So that afterwards I'll be...
- Gross, dude.
235
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:06,147
First.
236
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:08,186
Gross.
237
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,803
- This is just pathetic.
- Yeah.
238
00:13:25,870 --> 00:13:30,034
- All right. Let's roll.
- W-Wait. Well... Well, what's the plan?
239
00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:32,668
The plan is that you're
gonna distract Charlie, okay?
240
00:13:32,744 --> 00:13:36,510
I'm gonna march up to that waitress,
tell her that he has cancer. All right?
241
00:13:36,581 --> 00:13:39,482
She's gonna feel sorry for him,
and then she's gonna sleep with him.
242
00:13:39,551 --> 00:13:41,985
That's not gonna work.
You can't just do that.
243
00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:44,044
Well, what do you
wanna do?
244
00:13:47,792 --> 00:13:50,955
- Hey, Dennis.
- Charlie has cancer.
245
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,554
Really?
246
00:13:53,631 --> 00:13:56,862
- Yeah.
- That's so sad.
247
00:13:56,935 --> 00:13:58,903
Yeah.
248
00:14:00,005 --> 00:14:02,565
Are you okay?
249
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,837
- Yeah. I'm... I'm all right.
- Yeah?
250
00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:21,348
- You did what?
- I slept with her.
251
00:14:21,426 --> 00:14:23,360
Charlie's been in love
with that girl for months.
252
00:14:23,428 --> 00:14:26,056
I know, man. I don't know what happened.
I mentioned the cancer thing.
253
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,395
- She instantly started comin' on to me.
- Really?
254
00:14:28,466 --> 00:14:30,661
Yeah. You were
right about that.
255
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:33,602
Cancer... gold mine.
256
00:14:33,671 --> 00:14:37,107
- What... What are we gonna do?
- Don't worry. I got a plan.
257
00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:39,234
Bam.
258
00:14:40,311 --> 00:14:42,871
Bam? What's that?
259
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,881
$200.
260
00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:47,747
- Why?
- Well, Dennis was thinking that that might help...
261
00:14:47,819 --> 00:14:50,379
convince you to sleep
with our friend Charlie.
262
00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:54,016
Gross.
263
00:14:54,092 --> 00:14:56,890
- 250.
- Deal.
264
00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:04,267
Hey, Carmen!
265
00:15:04,335 --> 00:15:06,303
Hey, yo, Carmen!
266
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,536
- Hey.
- Charlie has cancer.
267
00:15:10,608 --> 00:15:12,576
Oh, my God!
268
00:15:12,644 --> 00:15:15,704
You poor baby.
I'll be right down.
269
00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:06,796
Hey, Dennis! Could you help me
with this keg, please?
270
00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,561
Uh, I slept a little
funny on my neck.
271
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:13,400
Hey, is your friend gonna be
doin' stuff like this?
272
00:16:13,471 --> 00:16:15,371
- Um...
- Hello.
273
00:16:17,175 --> 00:16:20,633
- Can I help you?
- I'm Artemis.
274
00:16:20,712 --> 00:16:24,239
- Okay.
- I'm here for the audition.
275
00:16:30,722 --> 00:16:33,520
I'm just a small-town girl...
276
00:16:33,591 --> 00:16:36,651
who moved to the big city
with big dreams...
277
00:16:36,728 --> 00:16:39,219
just to find out...
278
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:41,822
the only way to make it
in the big city...
279
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,767
is to shake it.
280
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,961
That's what I do.
281
00:16:48,039 --> 00:16:51,634
Shake it. Shake it.
282
00:16:51,709 --> 00:16:53,939
You wanna see me shake it?
283
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,412
Of course you do.
284
00:16:56,481 --> 00:16:58,949
They all do.
285
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:01,679
I shake it.
286
00:17:01,753 --> 00:17:04,381
Shake it.
I shake it.
287
00:17:04,455 --> 00:17:08,152
I shake it. I shake it.
I sha...
288
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:13,996
You cannot possibly have thought
that this was gonna be a good idea.
289
00:17:14,065 --> 00:17:17,728
Oh, you know what? This is so you.
I tell you I need some help behind the bar.
290
00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:20,430
I finally find someone who's perfect,
and she'll practically work for free.
291
00:17:20,505 --> 00:17:23,372
And just 'cause she doesn't have the right
measurements or whatever, you freak out.
292
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:26,069
Oh, you just want somebody to do
all the grunt work for you.
293
00:17:26,144 --> 00:17:28,135
- Shh! She's gonna hear you.
- I don't care!
294
00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,181
Hey-oh!
295
00:17:30,248 --> 00:17:33,115
What's goin' on?
Gotta pee.
296
00:17:39,891 --> 00:17:41,825
- Hey, buddy?
- Dennis!
297
00:17:41,893 --> 00:17:45,329
- What's goin' on, man? You seem really happy.
- Uh, I feel pretty happy.
298
00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:47,421
- Do you? What happened?
- I think you know what happened.
299
00:17:47,498 --> 00:17:48,988
Uh, I might.
300
00:17:49,067 --> 00:17:52,002
- Yeah. I think you do know. You talked to that waitress, right?
- Yeah.
301
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:55,836
It totally worked. It totally... I don't know
what you said, but we went out on this date.
302
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:58,171
- She really likes me. So thank you, man.
- You're welcome, man!
303
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:00,643
- Yeah, you seem flush. You seem like a...
- I feel like a...
304
00:18:00,712 --> 00:18:03,510
I feel like an ice cream sundae, you know?
305
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:06,846
That's great, man. That is terrific. It must
really take your mind off things then, huh?
306
00:18:06,918 --> 00:18:09,352
Sure, yeah. What things?
307
00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:12,389
Well, you know, the... cancer.
308
00:18:21,933 --> 00:18:25,425
Here's the thing though...
about cancer.
309
00:18:25,503 --> 00:18:27,494
I don't have it.
310
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:33,276
What?
311
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:36,245
Mom, I'm telling you, this girl's amazing.
312
00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:39,374
Yeah, I got butterflies
in my stomach.
313
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,918
There's one little issue.
Yeah. Oh!
314
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:45,444
Oh, my God!
I think you broke my nose!
315
00:18:45,523 --> 00:18:48,321
- That guy's beatin' on that chick!
- Oh, my God!
316
00:18:48,393 --> 00:18:51,760
Oh, no. You know what?
It's a dude. Yeah, she has a penis. So it's okay.
317
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:55,230
- Dude, isn't that a hate crime?
- Shit, yeah, it's a hate crime!
318
00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:01,600
- How could you do this?
- Oh, well, excuse me for bein'...
319
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:03,732
- the most terrible man on the planet!
- L... I'm sorry.
320
00:19:03,808 --> 00:19:06,504
- Oh, I'm a terrible man!
- What are you doing? What is that?
321
00:19:06,577 --> 00:19:09,171
- We thought you were dying, Charlie.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
322
00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:11,147
- Who's we?
- Me and Mac and Sweet Dee.
323
00:19:11,215 --> 00:19:13,342
Oh, great! Great.
I told you not to tell anyone!
324
00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:16,910
Now I'm gonna have to go into remission
or something so they don't think I was lying.
325
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:19,582
- You were lying!
- Yeah. I lied to you, all right?
326
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:22,023
Look. The girl... she wears
a Lance Armstrong bracelet.
327
00:19:22,093 --> 00:19:24,789
Okay? So I tell you
that I have cancer, right?
328
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:27,592
Then you're gonna tell her.
She's gonna feel sorry for me.
329
00:19:27,665 --> 00:19:30,327
We're gonna start dating.
And that's the way that life works, man!
330
00:19:30,401 --> 00:19:33,461
- That was a horrible thing to do!
- Well, I'm a bad guy then.
331
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:36,166
- You are a bad guy! You lied to us.
- All right, look at this.
332
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:38,538
Sometimes you gotta crack
a few eggs to make an omelet.
333
00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:41,601
- You gotta crack a couple eggs to make an omelet?
- You gotta crack an egg.
334
00:19:41,679 --> 00:19:43,874
- So you're throwing down life lessons now?
- I'm throwin' down eggs!
335
00:19:43,948 --> 00:19:45,973
Class is in session.
The teacher's teachin' class now!
336
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:48,746
- I'm crackin' eggs of wisdom.
- Is that what you're doin'?
337
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,381
- Let me crack one more egg for you and throw it in the omelet!
- You got an egg?
338
00:19:52,457 --> 00:19:54,516
- The waitress doesn't even like you.
- Yeah?
339
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:59,154
- We had to pay her $250 to have sex with you!
- Aha! Because...
340
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:03,190
Sex?
341
00:20:05,103 --> 00:20:07,037
We didn't have sex.
342
00:20:21,085 --> 00:20:23,280
Hey! Guess what, Dee.
You're gonna love this. No, no, no.
343
00:20:23,354 --> 00:20:25,379
Give me a second.
Charlie was lying the whole time.
344
00:20:25,456 --> 00:20:27,686
- He doesn't have cancer.
- Well, how could you not tell me...
345
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:29,818
- that you paid her to have sex with me?
- What?
346
00:20:34,832 --> 00:20:36,766
I don't understand how
you could possibly be so...
347
00:20:36,834 --> 00:20:39,359
You can't lie about having cancer!
It's not something you do!
348
00:20:39,437 --> 00:20:41,371
- We thought you were dying!
- Guys, guys, guys, listen!
349
00:20:41,439 --> 00:20:44,272
You're never gonna believe what happened!
I accidentally punched that tranny in the face.
350
00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:46,606
These two guys started chasing me.
Dee, get me a beer.
351
00:20:46,677 --> 00:20:49,510
It was unbelievable.
I ran all the way here. Go.
352
00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:00,457
- Hey.
- Hey.
353
00:21:00,525 --> 00:21:03,585
Hey, what the hell
do you guys want?
354
00:21:03,661 --> 00:21:07,153
- Well, it's funny. It's a, uh... It's a funny, funny thing.
- It's funny.
355
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:09,995
Uh, we paid you $250
to sleep with Charlie and...
356
00:21:10,067 --> 00:21:12,001
And you never actually
had sex with him.
357
00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:14,537
So we were wondering
if we could get the 250 bucks back.
358
00:21:14,605 --> 00:21:17,096
If you could toss that back our way,
that'd be great.
359
00:21:27,552 --> 00:21:29,543
- Is it... Is it locked?
- Yeah.
360
00:21:31,322 --> 00:21:33,688
She's probably gettin'
the money though, right?
361
00:21:39,397 --> 00:21:42,059
Dennis!