1
00:00:02,235 --> 00:00:04,169
No, dude.
2
00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:07,365
It's not... It's not a question of individual style.
It's about having some taste.
3
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,068
You're attacking my ability
to express myself, dude.
4
00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:12,941
How am I attacking your ability to...
I just don't get it.
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,005
What's not to get?
"Come to Philly for the crack."
6
00:00:16,082 --> 00:00:18,550
- It has a picture of the Liberty Bell on it.
- Yeah, but...
7
00:00:18,618 --> 00:00:21,519
- It's funny and original.
- It's not fun... How is it funny and original?
8
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:25,024
Every asshole on South Street's
wearing a T-shirt with an ironic slogan on it.
9
00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:29,858
Well, excuse me if all my T-shirts don't have
a little guy playing polo on the lapel.
10
00:00:29,929 --> 00:00:31,920
You cut the sleeves off
of all your T-shirts.
11
00:00:31,998 --> 00:00:34,592
What, so you can show off your tats?
Those are really original, dude.
12
00:00:34,667 --> 00:00:37,727
- They're tribal.
- Oh, they're trib... I'm sorry. What tribe are you from?
13
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,068
- What? Is it, like, an Indian tribe or...
- Okay, okay, okay.
14
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:42,973
- You guys gonna let me in this game or what?
- No. You're the ref.
15
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:46,069
- I don't want to ref anymore. I'd like to play, so...
- You're an excellent ref.
16
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:49,980
- You're a very good ref.
- Yeah, I know. I'm a great ref. I'd like to play the game now.
17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,451
- Are you gonna get mad? You gonna turn into the mad munchkin?
- What's the ma...
18
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:55,818
- Do you represent the Lollipop Guild, Charlie?
- Do you?
19
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,380
Hey, Charlie.
20
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:06,424
- That's a mad munchkin dance? Oh, okay. This is what we do?
- I need to talk to you.
21
00:01:09,602 --> 00:01:11,297
It's about our son!
22
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,742
Nobody wants
to hear that.
23
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,773
- So, wait, she's sayin'this is your son?
- I don't know.
24
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,004
- Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me, Charlie.
- I know!
25
00:01:52,078 --> 00:01:54,308
I know it. There's, like,
no way that this is possible.
26
00:01:54,380 --> 00:01:57,872
- Well, did you have sex with her?
- Yeah.
27
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:00,249
Okay. Did you use
birth control?
28
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,720
- Oh, Dee, we went to Catholic school, so...
- Okay. You're allowed...
29
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:05,519
to have premarital sex,
but you're not allowed to use birth control?
30
00:02:05,592 --> 00:02:08,220
No. All right. You're twisting words here
and, like, gettin' cute.
31
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,228
When did she have this kid?
32
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,322
- It's been, like, 10 years since I've even seen her, so...
- Ten years?
33
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,424
- What does she want?
- Well, that's... that's the weird thing.
34
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:18,130
She doesn't want money or anything.
She just wants me to meet him.
35
00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,796
- Are you gonna do it?
- No.
36
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,842
Well, dude, you gotta meet the kid.
I mean, you gotta find out for sure.
37
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:25,878
Yeah, I guess.
It's just...
38
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:29,642
I mean, I wish I could go back in time
and do the right thing, you know?
39
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:33,015
- Like be there for him?
- No. Get her an abortion.
40
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:39,056
So you're not allowed to use birth control,
but abortions are no problem?
41
00:02:39,125 --> 00:02:41,491
All right. Okay.
So now you're, like, a word genius.
42
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:44,587
And everything I say, you twist it around
and make me look dumb.
43
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,633
Charlie's right though.
He should have at least had a say in the matter.
44
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,793
- It's her body, and it's her decision.
- No, I'm sorry.
45
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:52,337
It's not just her decision.
The man should get a vote.
46
00:02:52,405 --> 00:02:55,238
- Okay. Well, ultimately it's her choice.
- It is not just her choice.
47
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:58,471
It's nobody's choice.
It should be left up to God.
48
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,414
Is he... Is that...
Are you joking?
49
00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:06,919
No, it's not a joke!
You remember Genesis, Book Two, Verse Three?
50
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:11,013
"And he breathed into the nostrils of Adam
on the first day. And it was good."
51
00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:13,718
Right in his nostrils, huh?
Sounds really uncomfortable.
52
00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:17,058
You're making an asshole out of yourself.
Dude, you need to get a blood test, okay?
53
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,564
- I remember Stacy Corvelli. She was a slut.
- You're right. You're right.
54
00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:22,066
Uh, Mac, what's God's
stance on blood tests?
55
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:24,831
Hmm. I don't know.
I'd have to check.
56
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,568
All right, you feeling good?
57
00:03:32,645 --> 00:03:35,079
No. I feel nauseous.
I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna run.
58
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,809
- No, no, no. It's...
- I should go.
59
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,578
- Hi. Hey, Charlie.
- Hi.
60
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:40,414
- Hey.
- You brought your, uh...
61
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:43,751
Uh, Dennis Reynolds. We didn't get a chance
to talk before, but I remember you. Yeah.
62
00:03:43,823 --> 00:03:45,757
- You went to St. Giles?
- I did. Yeah.
63
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:47,656
- Ah.
- With... Yeah.
64
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,661
So you two are
together now, or...
65
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,721
- No.
- No. No.
66
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,960
- No. I'm just here for moral support.
- Yeah, we're not...
67
00:03:55,034 --> 00:03:57,025
That's not even a...
68
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,298
- I brought him along.
- Yeah.
69
00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:01,863
- So...
- All right. Come on in.
70
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,675
I'm real glad you decided to do this, Charlie.
71
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,207
Yeah. Well, uh, you know,
it's the least I could do, so...
72
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:16,084
Yeah. Sorry I don't have a lot of time.
I gotta get to work.
73
00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,555
Uh, Tommy,
come on in here, Son!
74
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,786
What do you want, Mom?
75
00:04:20,860 --> 00:04:22,828
He's a bit of a handful.
76
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:25,125
Uh, Charlie and his friend
are here.
77
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:27,166
So goddamn what?
78
00:04:27,233 --> 00:04:29,224
Tommy, come in here,
please!
79
00:04:29,302 --> 00:04:31,270
This is bullshit.
80
00:04:31,337 --> 00:04:34,568
- Whoa!
- Language, please.
81
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:37,872
- Which one of you fags is supposed to be my dad?
- Whoa, hello.
82
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,878
- Right off the bat with the...
- Yeah.
83
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:43,780
Tommy, be nice. Huh?
This is Charlie.
84
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,978
Are you serious? This is the guy?
85
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:49,419
What's that...
What's that supposed to mean, buddy?
86
00:04:49,489 --> 00:04:52,788
Okay. Well, I should be home around 8:00.
Uh, what do you guys have planned?
87
00:04:52,859 --> 00:04:55,919
- Uh, I thought we'd go to the park.
- Huh. That sounds nice.
88
00:04:55,995 --> 00:04:58,395
- Wanna go to the park, Tommy?
- I don't care.
89
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,661
Okay. That's great. Bye, sweetie.
90
00:05:01,734 --> 00:05:04,396
Have fun, boys.
91
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:06,836
I'm not goin' to the park.
92
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:09,067
No shit.
93
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,911
What is this place?
94
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:17,211
Uh, this is a place where we're gonna
go see a special friend of mine.
95
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:20,411
- Why?
- 'Cause he's gonna help us figure something very important out.
96
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,716
- It's gonna be good to know.
- Why?
97
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,485
- Because I said so. No more questions, okay, buddy?
- Why?
98
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,048
- Stop saying "why."
- Why?
99
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:28,753
- Stop it. I don't like this game.
- Why? Why?
100
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,625
- Is this a game? This is your game?
- Why? Why?
101
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:33,097
Hey, pretty boy.
102
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,191
What you here for?
103
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:38,726
My friend's gettin'
a... blood test.
104
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,773
Your boyfriend?
105
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:43,638
No. He's not my...
He's not my boyfriend.
106
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,644
He got Al DS?
107
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:47,805
I don't...
I don't think so.
108
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,007
- Do you?
- No, I don't.
109
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,449
I'll blow you for $10.
110
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,957
You know what? Let me consult
some of this free literature...
111
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,959
they got here
regarding that proposition.
112
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,961
Oh. You know what?
113
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:06,089
According to this, that's not really
a good idea. So I'm gonna have to pass.
114
00:06:06,165 --> 00:06:08,224
But thanks. I appreciate it.
Really nice of you.
115
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,394
- He's playin' mind games, dude.
- I wanna leave.
116
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,904
- Hey, it's tough.
- What are we doin' here?
117
00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:15,770
Don't answer that. It's a trick question.
He tries to get in your head.
118
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:18,504
- It's a little game he plays.
- No, let... let me answer the question.
119
00:06:18,578 --> 00:06:21,308
See, we're at a free clinic,
Tommy. Charlie doesn't have health insurance.
120
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,542
See this lady back here? Take a look.
121
00:06:23,616 --> 00:06:26,915
That's what you get
when you don't have health insurance.
122
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,946
- I wanna go to the mall!
- Keep your voice down.
123
00:06:31,023 --> 00:06:32,820
- I wanna go to the mall!
- Keep your voice...
124
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,553
- I wanna go to the mall!
- Stop yelling...
125
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:37,095
- I wanna go to the...
- Stop your yelling. We need to... Ow!
126
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,324
- He's biting my hand! He's biting my hand!
- Come on.
127
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,458
Let's go. Let's go.
128
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:46,767
Sacred Right. It's a child, not a choice.
Mm-hmm.
129
00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:50,366
All righty. I'll make sure he gets
the message. Thank you.
130
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,933
- Hi.
- Hi.
131
00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,844
- So I was having an argument with
some friends the other day. - Uh-huh.
132
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,542
And I was wondering if you could
help me out with some information.
133
00:06:57,617 --> 00:07:00,450
- Are you interested in joining our cause?
- No.
134
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,717
No. Actually, just looking for some info
on the Bible, Jesus, that kind of thing.
135
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:07,556
- Well, if you join our mailing list, the reverend...
- Okay, listen to me.
136
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:10,687
I don't really wanna join your little freak show.
Just looking for some information.
137
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,357
So if you could point me in the right direction,
that'd be great.
138
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,526
- Well, we have some literature...
- Great. Thank you. Thanks.
139
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:18,069
On the display back
by the water cooler.
140
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:25,842
Oh, mama.
141
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:28,005
- Hey, there.
- Hi.
142
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,514
- Hey.
- Oh, are you here to sign up for the rally?
143
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:32,551
- Yes, I am.
- Great.
144
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:35,883
- Yeah, real excited about the rally.
- We're gonna kick ass this time.
145
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:39,482
Well, I'm ready to kick somebody's ass,
I'll tell you what. I hate those bastards.
146
00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,493
Wow! That's...
147
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,394
- Uh, hate's a very strong word.
- Yeah.
148
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,627
Yeah, well, let me
tell you something, Megan.
149
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:51,295
I hate dead baby fetuses,
you know?
150
00:07:51,370 --> 00:07:54,339
I hate them because they're dead,
and they shouldn't be.
151
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,399
They should be alive,
and they should be loved.
152
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,742
Oh! Wow!
153
00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:04,146
- You just... You seem really passionate.
- Yeah.
154
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,310
More than you know.
155
00:08:11,257 --> 00:08:14,590
- Nice kid, Charlie.
- What the hell do you think is wrong with that kid?
156
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,185
You've gotta get that blood test, dude.
157
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:21,199
- Die! Die! Die!
- No! Hey! Whoa, Tommy! No!
158
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,497
No! No! No! Give me the stick!
Give me the stick!
159
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:25,764
Come on! This place sucks!
I wanna go to the mall!
160
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,830
- We can't go to the mall, all right?
- Shut up! I'm the boss of you!
161
00:08:28,908 --> 00:08:32,139
- You're not the boss of me!
- I am the boss! I wanna go to the mall!
162
00:08:32,211 --> 00:08:34,907
- I'll show you who's the boss of who.
- Let's go to the mall!
163
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:37,677
- You wanna go to the mall?
- I wanna go to the mall!
164
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:40,241
You could ask nice. Dennis, let's go.
We're goin' to the mall.
165
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:43,777
- I'm not spending any more time with that kid.
- Come on, dude! Fine. Great.
166
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,155
Dee... Dee, will you just...
Can we go to the mall? Will you drive me?
167
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:50,559
- I guess, if Dennis watches the bar.
- That's fine.
168
00:08:50,630 --> 00:08:52,621
Great. Fine. Thank you.
169
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:59,070
- You're ugly.
- You're ugly.
170
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,935
- You're ugly!
- You are the one that's ugly!
171
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,942
Charlie! Jesus Christ! Are you almost 30?
Are you almost 30 years old?
172
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,103
- Yes!
- You have to buy me a toy!
173
00:09:06,178 --> 00:09:08,772
- I don't have to buy you shit.
- If you don't buy me anything...
174
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,442
I'm gonna tell my mom you took me
to a black people's house.
175
00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:14,315
- Okay.
- Wow! Oh, my God, that's racist. What do you say to that?
176
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:16,821
- I don't say anything.
- You still have to buy me a toy!
177
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,655
Charlie, what in the hell
are you gonna do if this kid's yours?
178
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,596
Oh, I don't know.
I'll probably, uh, kill myself.
179
00:09:26,666 --> 00:09:29,328
Whoa! Isn't that your waitress
from the coffee shop?
180
00:09:29,402 --> 00:09:31,427
Cool. Stewie.
181
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,529
- Oh, my God.
- Go talk to her.
182
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:35,699
- What? No.
- Come on. Go talk to her.
183
00:09:35,775 --> 00:09:37,970
- No, dude.
- You've been in love with this girl forever.
184
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,275
I know that. You know what? Come with me
and pretend you're my girlfriend.
185
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,281
- It'll make her jealous.
- No. I won't do that.
186
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,283
- Come on. It's gonna work.
- No. No, it's not.
187
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:47,342
- All right. Come stand next to me then.
- Why?
188
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,854
- So she doesn't think I'm creepy.
- Well, you are creepy.
189
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:53,449
- I realize this. That's why I need you.
- All right. Let's go.
190
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,460
- Thank you.
- Stop sweating.
191
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:57,860
Then we can grab him
if you like him, okay?
192
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,864
Hey.
Fancy seeing you here.
193
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,866
Oh. Hello, Charlie.
194
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:05,130
Buying toys, are you?
195
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:07,035
Yeah.
196
00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:10,564
- Cool. This is my, uh...
- Friend. We're good friends.
197
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:11,974
- Hi.
- Hi.
198
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,569
- Is that cute little girl your...
- I'm her big sister.
199
00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:17,115
Oh.
200
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:19,174
Hmm, that's weird.
She looks Mexican.
201
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:24,413
She is Mexican. It's the Big Sister program.
She's not my real little sister.
202
00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:28,426
That is such a coincidence.
That's exactly what we're here doing.
203
00:10:28,494 --> 00:10:30,894
- What?
- Yeah. Do you see that, um...
204
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:33,796
adorable little guy over there?
205
00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:36,391
That's Charlie's
little brother.
206
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,403
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:40,735
- Yeah.
- No way. You're involved in the program?
208
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:42,740
Yeah!
209
00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:45,299
Well, that's... I didn't know
you were involved in the program.
210
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:48,006
- I love the program!
- It's one of his favorite programs.
211
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,015
- Yeah. I've... I've been in the program since...
- A long time now.
212
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,416
I guess you're gonna be going
to the picnic then at Fairmount Park.
213
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,977
- Right.
- Saturday?
214
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,785
- Saturday.
- Yeah. Are you there? Are you goin'? Are you gonna be there?
215
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:00,826
- I will be there on Saturday, yes.
- Great.
216
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,884
- Maybe we'll see you there.
- Maybe. Or you know what?
217
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:06,523
- Or... maybe we could carpool. You know what I mean?
- Carpool?
218
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,863
Yeah. Well, come on. Think about it.
We'll save the environment.
219
00:11:08,934 --> 00:11:11,334
- We'll team up. It'll be good.
- This is smart. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
220
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,804
- You should do it.
- The kids will love it. The kids...
221
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,807
He loves Mexicans.
222
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:18,469
All right.
223
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,671
- Sure. Let's do it.
- Oh!
224
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:24,877
- Okay. Yeah.
- Great.
225
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:27,180
- Great. Okay, well...
- Nice to meet you too. I'll see you.
226
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:30,313
- I gotta go get my little sister. Okay, bye.
- Bye.
227
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:34,189
- Thank you.
- You're still pretty sweaty.
228
00:11:36,394 --> 00:11:40,626
Baby killer! Baby killer! Baby killer!
229
00:11:40,698 --> 00:11:43,189
You bastards
are gonna burn in hell!
230
00:11:43,268 --> 00:11:46,931
Abortion is murder!
It's a child, not a choice!
231
00:11:47,005 --> 00:11:48,939
Pro-choice is pro-death!
232
00:11:49,007 --> 00:11:51,271
Wow! Great rhetoric.
233
00:11:51,342 --> 00:11:53,242
- Thank you.
- Hey, you're really hard-core, aren't you?
234
00:11:53,311 --> 00:11:56,246
Oh, well, you know.
I mean, if you really wanna see hard-core...
235
00:11:56,314 --> 00:12:00,045
- What's this?
- That's the list of doctors I'm gonna kill.
236
00:12:00,118 --> 00:12:03,849
- There's two already crossed out.
- Yeah, I know.
237
00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,928
- So you really had a good time, huh?
- Yeah. We had a blast.
238
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,662
- Hmm. He didn't give you any problems?
- No. Not a single problem.
239
00:12:18,736 --> 00:12:21,671
Uh, listen, I was thinking
maybe I could take him out this Saturday?
240
00:12:23,608 --> 00:12:26,668
- Really?
- Yeah, sure. I'd pick him up at, like, 8:00?
241
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:28,735
You know,
do the father-son thing.
242
00:12:28,813 --> 00:12:32,579
Are you all right? Is that gonna be okay?
Because I could really use... use him.
243
00:12:32,650 --> 00:12:34,641
- Goddamn it!
- I'm sorry. Is everything all right?
244
00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:38,018
I can't do this!
Tommy's not your son.
245
00:12:39,390 --> 00:12:41,858
- What?
- RememberJimmy Doyle from high school?
246
00:12:41,926 --> 00:12:45,623
That son of a bitch is Tommy's real father.
He left me six months ago.
247
00:12:45,697 --> 00:12:48,393
- You know what a nightmare it's been since he left?
- I don't care.
248
00:12:48,466 --> 00:12:52,425
- I can't raise Tommy alone.
- I don't care! You thought you'd just pawn your son off on me?
249
00:12:52,503 --> 00:12:56,564
What else? I thought I could find him a better
role model than that piece of shit!
250
00:12:56,641 --> 00:13:00,372
Stop talking!
Wait. Let me think.
251
00:13:00,445 --> 00:13:04,438
God! All right. So can I still
take him out on Saturday?
252
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,474
- Yeah.
- Great.
253
00:13:09,454 --> 00:13:12,514
- That's pretty thin. That might be too thin.
- Hey-oh!
254
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:15,787
- Hey, Mac. Where you been?
- Oh, I don't know. Saving humanity.
255
00:13:15,860 --> 00:13:18,260
- Are you still on this kick, dude?
- Yeah, you know, Den...
256
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:20,661
I was thinking what you were
saying the other day...
257
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:22,962
about the T-shirts with
the stupid slogans on them.
258
00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:25,502
And I was wondering
what you think about this?
259
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:28,539
Huh, bitch? Yeah!
Is that stupid enough for you?
260
00:13:28,606 --> 00:13:30,767
You're not seriously wearing that, are you?
You look ridiculous.
261
00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:34,369
- Whatever, dude.
- You know, that's the problem with you antiabortionists.
262
00:13:34,445 --> 00:13:37,573
You cry about the sanctity
of life, and then you wear a shirt like that.
263
00:13:37,648 --> 00:13:41,311
- I'm not listening to you. - Aren't you
right-wingers all about the death penalty too?
264
00:13:41,386 --> 00:13:44,014
- Does that not involve killing somebody?
- Right, right, right.
265
00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:46,386
And you liberals are
against killing murderers.
266
00:13:46,457 --> 00:13:48,448
But you're for killing innocent babies.
That's interesting.
267
00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:51,393
- Yeah. We like to kill babies.
- You guys are taking this way too seriously.
268
00:13:51,462 --> 00:13:53,362
Den, you don't understand
the week I've been having.
269
00:13:53,431 --> 00:13:56,195
I met a girl at one of these
organizations who is a freak.
270
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,258
She is the dirtiest chick
I've met in my life.
271
00:13:58,336 --> 00:14:01,567
- Seriously?
- Yeah. You gotta come with me to one of these rallies.
272
00:14:01,639 --> 00:14:05,735
They're having another one on Saturday.
These chicks are everywhere.
273
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,677
- I can jump on board with that.
- Yeah!
274
00:14:08,746 --> 00:14:12,580
Are you actually gonna throw away
all your convictions for a chance to get laid?
275
00:14:12,650 --> 00:14:15,414
I don't really have
any convictions.
276
00:14:15,486 --> 00:14:17,147
Where is this rally
being held?
277
00:14:17,221 --> 00:14:19,712
Uh, Planned Parenthood,
Bryn Mawr Medical Center.
278
00:14:19,791 --> 00:14:22,885
Well, I'm gonna go. At least one
pro-choice voice is gonna be heard.
279
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,520
One? There was, like,
tons of those chicks at the last one.
280
00:14:25,596 --> 00:14:29,362
- Which side had more?
- Oh, which one do you think?
281
00:14:29,434 --> 00:14:31,493
The one that cares about
protecting women's bodies...
282
00:14:31,569 --> 00:14:34,037
or the one that's run
by the religious right?
283
00:14:35,306 --> 00:14:37,297
Probably the side
you're goin' to.
284
00:14:37,375 --> 00:14:39,468
I'm gonna fight
for the right to choose.
285
00:14:39,544 --> 00:14:42,172
You're a scumbag,
Dennis.
286
00:14:47,251 --> 00:14:50,778
- Today's a big day for me, Tommy.
- Why?
287
00:14:50,855 --> 00:14:54,416
Well, today is probably the best chance
I'm ever gonna have of hooking up with this girl.
288
00:14:54,492 --> 00:14:57,290
So, uh, look at me for a second, pal.
Okay, do me a favor.
289
00:14:57,361 --> 00:14:59,295
If you're good today,
I'm gonna buy you...
290
00:14:59,363 --> 00:15:01,354
anything that you want,
anything in the world, all right?
291
00:15:02,967 --> 00:15:05,367
Oh, my God!
292
00:15:05,436 --> 00:15:09,031
I will smash your
face into a... into a jelly!
293
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:14,077
Wrong key.
294
00:15:14,145 --> 00:15:17,979
Keep abortion legal! Keep abortion legal!
295
00:15:18,049 --> 00:15:21,041
Stop abortion now! Stop abortion now!
296
00:15:21,118 --> 00:15:23,177
This is crazy.
297
00:15:23,254 --> 00:15:26,917
Yeah, weird. People actually care about
women's bodies. You believe that?
298
00:15:26,991 --> 00:15:28,925
Yeah. I think Mac
picked the wrong side.
299
00:15:28,993 --> 00:15:31,427
- There's, like, no dudes here.
- Gross.
300
00:15:32,497 --> 00:15:34,795
You know what?
Uh, give me a second here.
301
00:15:38,703 --> 00:15:41,331
- Hi.
- Hi.
302
00:15:41,405 --> 00:15:43,498
- I like your look.
- Excuse me?
303
00:15:43,574 --> 00:15:45,701
I like the whole hippie thing.
304
00:15:45,776 --> 00:15:47,676
It really works for you.
305
00:15:47,745 --> 00:15:52,307
- Get lost, breeder.
- Oh, okay.
306
00:15:54,385 --> 00:15:56,376
Yeah. Mmm.
307
00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:02,292
- I love the smell of protest in the morning.
- What?
308
00:16:02,360 --> 00:16:05,158
I was quoting that movie, you know,
Apocalypse Now. "Napalm in the morning."
309
00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:08,392
- Is that the new Mel Gibson movie?
- No.
310
00:16:08,466 --> 00:16:11,629
Did you see Passion of the Christ?
I saw it 12 times.
311
00:16:13,671 --> 00:16:16,196
Okay.
312
00:16:18,442 --> 00:16:21,775
You know, you really shouldn't
joke about the Apocalypse.
313
00:16:25,082 --> 00:16:27,573
So just fill these out.
We'll get your information in the mail.
314
00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,711
Thanks.
315
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:31,652
"Keep your laws"...
I like your T-shirt.
316
00:16:31,722 --> 00:16:33,952
- Thanks.
- Yeah. Where do I sign?
317
00:16:34,025 --> 00:16:37,153
- Right here.
- Love T-shirts like that.
318
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:39,219
Right.
319
00:16:39,297 --> 00:16:42,323
So, do you come to these
kind of things often, or...
320
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,164
Are you hitting on me
at an abortion rally?
321
00:16:45,236 --> 00:16:47,227
Yeah, I...
322
00:16:52,443 --> 00:16:54,809
You know what? I think
all these chicks are gay.
323
00:16:54,879 --> 00:16:56,870
Yeah, I don't know
that they're gay.
324
00:16:56,948 --> 00:16:59,212
I think they can just
smell how disgusting you are.
325
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:01,410
That sucks for me.
326
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:07,623
Hello.
327
00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:09,887
Hey, Mac. It's Dennis.
328
00:17:09,961 --> 00:17:12,521
Uh, look, man, there's no talent over here.
What's the deal over there?
329
00:17:12,597 --> 00:17:15,532
Oh, yeah. We're lookin'
real good over here, bro.
330
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,933
- What do you think?
- Hop the fence and come over.
331
00:17:19,003 --> 00:17:20,971
All right.
I'll see you in a second.
332
00:17:21,038 --> 00:17:23,006
Later, gator.
333
00:17:23,074 --> 00:17:25,565
All right, Megan.
I'm finished.
334
00:17:27,044 --> 00:17:30,036
You are a genius.
335
00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:35,985
Hey, Sis. I'm gonna jet.
336
00:17:36,053 --> 00:17:38,715
- You're leaving?
- Uh, this side sucks.
337
00:17:38,789 --> 00:17:40,814
I'm gonna try my luck
over there.
338
00:17:40,891 --> 00:17:43,223
- Are you kidding me?
- Later, tater.
339
00:17:43,294 --> 00:17:46,195
Dennis, you are
such a jackass!
340
00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:48,231
Excuse me. Excuse me.
341
00:17:48,299 --> 00:17:50,859
Yeah. Can I get by here?
Thanks.
342
00:17:53,070 --> 00:17:56,665
I just... I really love that sign.
I wondered that so many times.
343
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:58,641
Hey, there's a guy
on the fence.
344
00:18:01,212 --> 00:18:03,146
Hey! Hey!
They're coming after us!
345
00:18:03,214 --> 00:18:07,048
- No. They're not coming after us.
- I'll show you what we do to them. How's your aim?
346
00:18:07,118 --> 00:18:09,678
Pretty good. But I don't think
that's such a good idea.
347
00:18:09,754 --> 00:18:12,655
- I don't think...
- Hey, it's okay. These people deserve this.
348
00:18:14,759 --> 00:18:18,217
Yeah. He looks like he deserves it.
Maybe just one.
349
00:18:18,295 --> 00:18:21,093
Oh! Ow!
350
00:18:21,165 --> 00:18:23,429
Yeah! Come on!
Get your eggs, people!
351
00:18:23,501 --> 00:18:25,731
- Oh, my God!
- Ow!
352
00:18:25,803 --> 00:18:28,966
- Shit! They're throwing eggs!
- They did this last time.
353
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,440
I came prepared.
354
00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:34,410
Oh. Hey, Dennis!
How's the action over there, buddy?
355
00:18:34,478 --> 00:18:37,504
- What? What the hell are you doing?
- Oh! They're coming...
356
00:18:37,581 --> 00:18:39,481
- Now they're coming back.
- Die!
357
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:42,383
- Hey!
- Hot chicks on that side, Dennis?
358
00:18:45,389 --> 00:18:47,323
You're gonna burn in hell!
359
00:18:50,027 --> 00:18:52,928
Stop! Stop! Stop!
360
00:18:52,997 --> 00:18:55,465
Hey, guess what.
I have a surprise for you.
361
00:18:55,533 --> 00:18:58,058
- What?
- It's a real miracle.
362
00:18:58,135 --> 00:18:59,796
- What is it?
- I'm pregnant!
363
00:18:59,870 --> 00:19:01,804
What?
364
00:19:01,872 --> 00:19:03,635
I'm pregnant!
365
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,301
You gotta get an abortion.
366
00:19:10,281 --> 00:19:12,249
- Megan, wait, wait, wait!
- Stop talking to me!
367
00:19:12,316 --> 00:19:14,307
Well, listen, I just think
our situation is different.
368
00:19:14,385 --> 00:19:17,684
- How is our situation different?
- Well, because I didn't mean to get you pregnant.
369
00:19:17,755 --> 00:19:19,689
- It was an accident.
- You are so pathetic.
370
00:19:19,757 --> 00:19:23,625
You can't have this kid. I'm way too young,
and I have a little bit of an alcohol problem...
371
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,594
- Save it! I'm not pregnant!
- What?
372
00:19:25,663 --> 00:19:28,131
I'm not pregnant.
It was a test.
373
00:19:28,199 --> 00:19:30,895
I just thought for, like,
one second that you might be the one.
374
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,833
I just had to know for sure.
375
00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:34,837
Wait a second! So you're not pregnant?
376
00:19:34,905 --> 00:19:37,135
- No.
- And this was a test?
377
00:19:37,208 --> 00:19:40,371
- Yeah.
- And I failed?
378
00:19:40,444 --> 00:19:42,639
Have a nice life, asshole.
379
00:19:42,713 --> 00:19:44,908
No! Wait... Wait...
Wait a second! Wait! Oh.
380
00:19:48,586 --> 00:19:51,077
Son of a bitch!
Son of a bitch!
381
00:19:51,155 --> 00:19:54,716
- Where the hell have you been? You said 11:30, dude!
- I don't wanna talk about it.
382
00:19:54,792 --> 00:19:58,023
That waitress is picking me up
any minute! I was ready to shut down the bar!
383
00:19:58,095 --> 00:20:01,258
- What is that kid doin' here?
- I'm taking him to the Big Brother-Big Sister thing.
384
00:20:01,332 --> 00:20:04,597
- Get him out of here, Charlie.
- I'm getting picked up any minute! Will you relax?
385
00:20:04,668 --> 00:20:08,104
- I told you, I don't want kids in the bar!
- Dude, what is up your ass?
386
00:20:08,172 --> 00:20:12,404
- You... You are out! Whoa, dude!
This kid reeks of booze!
387
00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:15,138
No, no, no, no, no.
Are you drunk? Don't be drunk.
388
00:20:15,212 --> 00:20:17,146
- Yeah.
- How could you let this happen?
389
00:20:17,214 --> 00:20:20,411
I was the only one bartending! He must have
been takin' sips out of people's beers.
390
00:20:20,484 --> 00:20:22,577
- All right. Brew some coffee.
- You can't give him coffee!
391
00:20:22,653 --> 00:20:26,350
- Let go of that! Let go of that!
- Get him out of here, Charlie!
392
00:20:26,423 --> 00:20:28,584
Charlie!
393
00:20:29,693 --> 00:20:31,627
Okay, here we go!
394
00:20:31,695 --> 00:20:33,629
Fresh air! Have a seat!
Sit down! Fresh air!
395
00:20:33,697 --> 00:20:36,188
- You suck!
- You suck, all right? Breathe it in. Fresh air now.
396
00:20:36,267 --> 00:20:38,735
- You suck and you have an ugly face!
- You suck!
397
00:20:38,803 --> 00:20:42,034
You have an ugly face, okay?
You try and push people's buttons all the time!
398
00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,506
And you get in their head,
and you drive them crazy!
399
00:20:44,575 --> 00:20:47,806
- Maybe that's why you don't have a dad anymore!
- Oh, my God!
400
00:20:47,878 --> 00:20:50,244
- What are you doing?
- I'm drunk.
401
00:20:50,314 --> 00:20:52,373
- He's drunk?
- He's not drunk.
402
00:20:52,449 --> 00:20:53,916
- I am drunk!
- You're not drunk.
403
00:20:53,984 --> 00:20:56,077
- He sounds drunk.
- I am drunk!
404
00:20:56,153 --> 00:20:58,883
You're not drunk!
Stop saying that!
405
00:20:58,956 --> 00:21:00,981
He's fine.
406
00:21:10,234 --> 00:21:13,226
- Jimmy Doyle!
- Yeah?
407
00:21:13,304 --> 00:21:15,966
- Charlie Kelly.
- Yeah?
408
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:19,134
- From high school.
- Oh, yeah.
409
00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:21,940
I didn't recognize you
without all your acne.
410
00:21:22,012 --> 00:21:23,912
Yeah.
411
00:21:23,981 --> 00:21:27,348
- All right, listen, I need to talk to you about your kid.
- Why?
412
00:21:27,418 --> 00:21:30,910
- Uh, let's see. Because your kid has serious emotional problems.
- Why?
413
00:21:30,988 --> 00:21:33,479
- I don't know. Maybe because you're not there as a father.
- Why?
414
00:21:33,557 --> 00:21:35,684
- You're kidding me? This your little game?
- Why?
415
00:21:35,759 --> 00:21:39,251
- This is what you're doin'? This is what you're doin' to me?
- Why?
416
00:21:39,330 --> 00:21:41,264
Why?